A/N: warning xxxx

"You thought I was having fun?!" I whispered incredulously, did he really think I was enjoying the snaking arms and tongue lashing.

"mmmmmm with Mick, it all seemed ..... cosy" His voice no higher than mine as if we didn't want to alert the darkness to our presence.

"Is that why you gave up and walked away!?! Because all I felt was fear and hurt and vilified. I never asked or encouraged him, he just took and you think I liked it?!"

"I just supposed you were a Mick fan and was happy with the attention"

"No I was a Rolling Stones music fan that was groped by Mick and abandoned by my friend" I couldn't stop the tears and he caught my hair, brushing his fingers through it softly murmuring 'it's ok' quietly.

It was so quiet. The night, cloaked us alone in the car, no one leaves the clubs til much later, no car moved, no person flickered past, no one but we two.

"No it's not" I took his hand away from my hair and keep it in my lap.

I had no idea of consequences, no forethought for my actions just had my ball of anguish he would think I didn't like him like that, that I would just fall in to Mick Jagger, I needed him to know I wasn't Mick's.

I moved his hand so no mistakes were made. I pressed on. After silent minutes passed, I moved his hand closer, higher, the mini skirt hitched but no slip of panties seen. I slipped my fingers through his and opened my legs. He was still sat rigid like a lump of wood and I growled, annoyed at my own invitation and his blatant lack of response. "I need you John, not anyone else, you"

As I swirled my fingers over his knuckles I just talked, about how I felt. How my life was a mass of contradictions. His cigarette took forever to end, it felt like he just blanked me. I wasn't even sure if he was listening, or ignoring me. Thinking me a liar for the display with Jagger.

"I feel like a tiger in a cage with the door open" I sighed and all he did was flick the butt out of the window and rolled it back up again.

Not seeing his face was hard, no gauge to the words, no way to read his eyes.

"Oh I want to go out and explore, have a taste of freedom but as soon as I set a foot outside, I hightail it back scared of that freedom Scared of wanting something so bad yet not understanding any of it either"

Nothing, not a word, grumble or even a grouch that I was an idiot teenager or that I should grow up. I kept up the dialogue. I want to close the deal, make him react. I chose to revert back to our conversation a day ago.

"When I read that book. That smutty filthy book" I open my legs a little wider, sending him my message of want "When I read that book- I wanted you. Craved for your touch. I—"

Fingers are moving and he groans as he touches my thin lace panties, the skirt hitches higher, haphazardly to my hips as I wiggle into his touch, a moan escapes and I feel his fingers stroking, my cold becoming an inferno so low in my stomach.

Twirling flames edge up my body, the touch is still barely there but my body has given away my immediate reactions so clearly, an open book of emotions laid bare. He works magic and I beg him not to stop then my body begs more, so many swirling sensations I feel for the first time.

Sweet caresses and sensitive touch, he slowly brings his face closer to mine now as if he wants me to moan just for him, he makes me shiver and tingle and arch to gather me up to my point of no return. I can't breathe as his fingers do what I have never felt before what I want to feel again as soon as he is finished, gasping breath I accept a total undeniable rush of intense pleasure he has brought me to.

I can't think straight and he gathers me up as I descend slowly from his little introduction to heaven.

As I recover my composure, not a word is uttered, he holds me. I'm shaky in his embrace, foreheads touching. Is he as off axis as I, but how?
Wasn't I the only one being pleasured; taking, not giving anything.

My body slowly recovers, the now lessened shudders of the past minutes subsiding. Then as gently as can be he reaches over my body and does up my seat belt before clasping his own and the Mini is brought to life.

What comes next, when we get to St. Johns Woods I don't know but even if he only holds me close I will be happy to know he gave me a glimpse like no other could, I will accept that as a gift.

A squeeze of the hand as we walk through the door is all I am given, still no words spoken.

I'm in front of him as we unlock the door and enter, I sail off, to continue deeper into the house toward the kitchen then suddenly I'm yanked back into his chest and he's kissing me to pieces. The silence of the empty house erupting into noise with the telephone smashing to the floor as he grips my behind and is hauling me onto the phones little table by the door.

He hesitates after moments of blissful frenzy and is breathing heavily. His oxygen flowing into me. Resting his forehead on mine John starts shaking it backwards and forwards in a wobbling fashion like he's confused.

"Abigail" I'm kissed again and he ignites my loins as I spread my legs around him and he pushes his clothed hardness against me. The hall table wasn't designed for such uses and groans from the movement. "I want you so much"

"I want you too..." A strangers voice tumbles from my lips strangely seductive and alluring. "Now" and I am graced with a moan tickling my ear, a tongue swirls and teeth grab gently on my earlobe I tremble with the new sensations then lace my legs around him.

"Upstairs"

Mere moments and we are on the staircase, he has me, kissing me again. I lead him, every step higher to the bedroom I am turned about. I kiss his neck, along his jawline anywhere I can reach to keep him with me longer, til he overtakes me pulling me up to my room hurriedly and me giggly happy hurrying after him.

Somewhere along the way the hall light has been bumped and the brightness of the hall only pours a half light into my room as he twists me about capturing my face in his hands to kiss, hands then begin to roam my body, down my legs to my ankles he tickles a little spot there. I so badly want him to lick it and I can't help but wish he hurry back to me. He works my panties down my legs, fingers drawing them down ever so slowly.

My legs are shifted wide gently where I stand, the place that wants him to touch again clenches. I'm not disappointed, leisurely this time, his lips join his fingers and it's strange yet stunning I can't help but grab at his hair in delight.

I lose track of my mind, my body is running me ragged and I find myself slowly pushed down, the bed greets me and I lose John as he seems to heat every inch of my body top to bottom with his kisses, like lava burns scolding me in the wake. Then he is back there again, low and centred.  I arch and moan from the pleasures and still I have not pleasured him.

I feel the tendrils of torture and bliss working into my muscles making then squeeze and squirm til I feel like I will explode, then I do, fireworks crash over me and it's not even New Year's Eve.

John languishes beside me on the bed, I'm spent and he is casually running fingers then hands all over my body. I feel so warm and yummy. I could shout from the roof tops but opt to stand and wriggle free of my skirt, losing my gaping top he is kneeling on the bed beside me, kissing my body once again I feel like a princess every whim taken care of before I ask. My breasts teased, enticingly tickled with feathery kisses along the bras thin lace, never in my life have I felt more alive.

I love how he makes me feel and I still haven't completed my degree.

My bra is gone and he cups me so softly my nipples reacting, his fingers brush over them as I grip his shoulders.

I fear collapse.

I fear my body melting away.

As he looks up at me I see a small glimpse of guilt then it's gone and I am met with a rush of feathery kisses.

He grips my arse and I giggle as he draws me back to the bed and he now has his body over mine, hovering, his eyes showing hesitation and I kiss him wishing, hoping, praying he doesn't stop.

"Abigail" The hesitation in his voice hits me like a ton of bricks falling in my path, my groan has him lowering his head hiding in the crock of my neck, still kisses pepper but they feel like an apology not promise.

"No John, just please ...yes"

"Abigail, look at me. This is why I'm fully clothed and you are a mess of new emotions" All this time and I haven't even cottoned onto him still almost fully clothed, I say almost, because his socks and shoes are, in fact, off.

I grab his shirt and fight his hands to unbutton the thing, he stops me, those guitar strumming digits cover mine. "You don't want me to do this, keep yourself for someone special" I relax my hands and he follows thinking I am giving up, instead I rip his shirt apart.

"Oops" I giggle, shifting, arching my near nakedness into him, pushing myself into his hardness. He trembles.

Although a blank canvas, my body seems to know exactly what to do.

I shift again and fingers start work on his pants working them down with no help from the traitor that hovers over me now watching me with that damn smirk of his. "This isn't a drill, Lennon fuck the virginity right out of me and fuck it out now"

His eyes widen with surprise at the outburst.

"It will hurt you. I don't want to be the one to hurt you"

"Oh my god you're a great big teasing piece of indecision. Your mouth is saying no but the rest of you..." I raise my body to press tight to his and he closes his eyes and moans "is saying yes"

I laugh but it's a hollow scared one that has me teetering on tears. I go all out with the words that have never left my lips before and his grip on 'NO' falters I push to drag his boxers over his butt, the caged, hardened Lennon is unleashed but still his decision to please me wavers.

"Why are you making me do all the work you know I'm a virgin but you're making me make the first move in this little tussle of ours... excuse me if I do it wrong"

I touch him, take him gently in my hand and still he hovers over me but his eyes are now skyward and his bottom lip will see daylight through it if he bites it any harder.

I brush my lips over his and bite softly, then kiss along his jawline, putting the kisses on repeat till I have his full attention above and below, as I stroke and touch him to distraction. A moan escapes and I giggle as I bite his lip softly again. I whisper against his cheek, stubble slightly grazing "Take me John. Please"

"No darling" John Lennon saying no again.

"Is there something wrong with me? A part of me turns you off doing this, when you look at me? Tell me and I'll switch the damn hall light off, I-" He kisses me til I groan.

"Shush Abigail. No, I won't 'take you'... I'll make love to you, melt your senses then drive you to oblivion. Then next time I'll –"

"Next time!" I do a little happy dance under him, making him chuckle and I'm met with a shadow of a maniac smile.

I am still clapping as he moves his hardness nearer, my body slick and wanting and he's watching me, hungry eyes holding mine as he gently takes me where I have never been. I stop clapping and start hitting his shoulders.

"Owwwwwwwwwwwwww, bloody virginal vaginas" I yelp. He holds still as I wiggle for a new position as I arch slowly asking my body to behave, to give in to the pain, I'm denied "Owww, Johnny" He wipes my hair off my face and kisses my nose, a solitary tear of pain falls from my eye.

"It's better if I just go for it, luv"

"So says the teacher" I grin and bite my lip, nodding for a super Lennon thumping.

"Ready?"

"Want me to count down.... ok 5,4,3" He fucking went on three the maniac, as the burn of pain subsides, he kisses deep kisses as his hands slowly roll over me, grazing my body setting small bonfires along the way.

I had to say it, I had to... "2, 1, GO! you drongo. If you were working at NASA you would have been fired"

"Shut up Abbs, feel... and stop talking shit"

"But-" I was punished with a bruising kiss and his hips moved so pleasureably... I shut up. He took me on a ride like no other and I didn't ever get to finish my sentence, he took the pain and pushed it right along towards wonderful and I rode the feeling as I felt him move within.

With my eyes half closed I felt everything like bright lights highlighting the dark, focusing on the sensation, focused on the fill and tingles in my belly as he created friction that I didn't know would occur, he changed gear and I moaned thinking I was near the brink then he pressed harder and faster than I thought was even possible.

He was closer now, dropped on an elbow above me, breathing into my neck straining, groaning into my skin til he rose over me again.

I felt an undeniable shift in intensity, a droplet of his sweat hit my cheek and as he gathered himself tighter, more urgent than before.

I met his eyes. I watched, almost fascinated at him lose all bearings. The compass had been sent into the night, seeing him so lost and unbound, he let go of a sexy roar beside my ear, as he released himself. Giving me a sweet pleasure that I had helped create the feeling swirling within us. I met my own high moments later and was off, soaring, unhinged and free.

I slept well that night, not waking til the sounds of the blackbird came to my ears and as I grew more alert I could hear the morning – traffic, gatebirds, and pages turning. Pages? I opened my eyes and was met by John smiling down at me, glasses perched on his nose, my copy of 'Lady Chatterley's Lover' open half way through, him intently reading. His chest bare I crawled up and snuggled as he adjusted his reading, he wasn't going to stop.

"Why are you reading that!" I tried to snatch it but he lifted it higher.

"Research"

"You are already a professor"

"Oh I've 'ad an upgrade 'ave I, was a lowly teacher only last night" He smirked, I blushed. The whole of last night falling over me like a wave of wishes and promises.

"John"

"Hmmmm" I grabbed the soft cover book and he pouted as it landed all the way over at the bedroom door. "What'd you do that for, was about to test some stuff out, now I won't remember what goes where, when! Oh well another day"

We tumbled and cuddled and giggled  in the sheets til I got dizzy, with everything that was, him.  The gate birds chanting outside the window was distracting and John ended up with a pillow over his head.

"While you're up shutting the bloody window...must be your turn for tea and toast" Cheeky Lennon mumbled from under the pillow, I conceded but tossed the book at him as I took off for the sustenance.

We ate in bed, stayed there all day if you must know. A warm shower helped my body recover. As the day of snuggling and revisiting places we had found the night before ended, so seemed the fun and games.

As the sun set, daylight seemed to dawn realisation upon us. The realising of circumstances and what would be said, slowly levelling on the both of us. Basically sinking my little ship of love in the harbour of duty, of life, of responsibility.

"If you drop another Chocolate Oliver crumb I will not be held responsible tomorrow when they find your body!" We were eating again, yummy biscuits and a hot toddy cause I felt like one.

"Tomorrow?"

"Yeah well I need ya tonight don't I. Logic me boy, logic" I tapped my brain to illustrate my point.

"You always make me happy, no matter what. If I need sunny weather I come straight to you, Abbs"

"Don't go all gushy. You drank your toddy, you are not having mine!" And he had drunk his down super fast, the warm liquid disappeared and ever since he has been trying to sneak mine.

I was grabbed and we kissed and I was feeling like I was the luckiest girl in the world, I was the centre of Johns attention, as the kiss lengthened and hastily grew more passionate. I felt the want and need again and started to straddle John, as I did so, he killed the moment.

"Pauls, going to kill me"

"Really~ now?!? You had to speak now" I fell off him onto the bed and he decided to sprawl over the top of me instead. "Oh god, you. Have. Got. To. Get. Off. Of. Me." He didn't and I wrapped my arms around his body bundling him into my heart, saving the feelings for another day. "He doesn't have to know. No one does"

John pushed up and I groaned with the movement. He stared down at me quizzically.

"Our secret, John" I reached up and kissed his nose.

"You want to keep this down low?!"

"I always want you down low, Johnny" I giggled and he kissed me three times on the nose "I know the score John. Your current divorce issues, the fans, Paul going mental, Brian going mental... the entire British press going mental" I sighed in indignation.

The exasperation in Johns voice was all I needed to know all I had said was the truth of the situation "Bloody hell. You have had that list in the back of your mind for a while I can't half tell"

"Since the gatebirds started up this morning"

"I'm sorry"

"I am too but I'm a big girl I can handle it, maybe one day I will be the one but now, now I have to let go of you"

"I knew it would be hard to explain but ....." He flopped back on the bed and I felt alone as his mind whirled and challenged our thoughts on the subject. "We can make it work"

"I accept I'm the rebound John" A tear slid down my cheek but he didn't see it, as his eyes were closed "I know we are not on the same course, I will saviour this, us forever"

I felt a thumb wipe the tear away and looked over at his face, touching his cheek softly he nuzzled me for the touch.

"You're not a rebound, Abbs but there are minefields everywhere, I know that" As he whispered my heart lurched forward clutching his words "We will be careful now but soon, soon.... And we will have to tell Paul sooner rather than later"

"Why?"

"Abbs you can't lie straight in bed let alone pull the wool over Pauls eyes. You will give it away the moment he sets eyes on you"

"Am I that crystal clear?"

"Like water. Your lovely eyes give you up every time"

"I have lovely eyes?"

"Beautiful lovely expressive hungry"

"Hungry" I laughed and was brought into his secure embrace, in his arms, I was enveloped in comfort; tomorrow I would have to miss them maybe, but for now, I will hold on like glue.