Time Flies

So, my few days has morphed into a few weeks, yep, that's right. I'm still in London, still fangirling but not over the lads, I quite like Mick Jagger and the Stones at the moment and the boys are amused by the shift in allegiance. The way Mick says 'I wanna make Love to you' wow how can you not go weak at the knees.

Movie dates in the dark, walking in the moonlight, holding hands and sweet kisses watching the telly, playing board games with the boys, cooking together.... John and I had pockets of special time. 

I learnt he was as smart as a whip but stubborn as a mule, hated losing to anyone at Monopoly, wasn't much good at mashing potatoes and treated the girl that stood beside him as a princess....  and that I was slow.

Slow in all things romantic. I didn't pick up why his hand always slid up my thigh, the way when he made me moan as we kissed that caused him to kiss deeper, how he touched my breast and wanted my shirt untucked.

I was stuck in first gear and he was in third rushing into fourth. 

Oh, I felt stirrings and butterflies hovering over my body, swooping and tickling til I had to squeeze my legs shut to hold the feeling, but I was shy, too worried that I would disappoint the all knowledgeable boy that made me feel conscious of every moment he was beside me like an ember waiting to ignite.

Dignity for my body, the sense of do the right thing, 'don't get pregnant' young lady, although I'd been on the new pill forever and a day, coupled with societies view making me feel dirty and whorish if I even considered 'doing it'.

I slammed the brakes on more often than I'd like to admit and made that boy have to stand and grab his coat, give a chaste kiss on the cheek and clear off home at midnight, this little girl would miss out on her Cinderella moment and turn into a pumpkin, if she kept it up much longer.

One particular cold night we melted into the couch in front of a roaring fire, Paul was out on the town, a rare night out with Jane, his actress girlfriend, being in London.

As the telly's program ended and God Save The Queen proceeded to play, I was gathered up and placed on Johns lap facing him, knees apart I couldn't close them even if I tried.

"Abby, baby" Johns fingers drifted like a breeze along my neck, moving my soft shirt aside to follow the course of them with his lips. I shifted closer wanting his lips, wanting the want, to close us together.

As I squirmed at the feeling engulfing me I could feel his power below, thoughts ran wild, finally raising my eyes to his, the silent questions followed like a river- now what? should I? what if? 

His pants pulled tight and pressed firmly with flesh where he sat under me, confirming his body's growing need to attain mine. I wanted my body to drop, heavy and close to his- one, but again I baulked and shimmied away back onto his knees, a gap between us, my wall was invisible but he felt it, and his hands dropped away.

"Time to go 'ome" John sighed and stood me up like I was a mannequin, move arm here, place feet there, disappearing into the night as I cried on the couch horrified at myself for teasing and baulking once again.