I stood for minutes then walked forward into the darkness and found the little stone wall that stood beside Jim's, sitting the suitcases down clumsily. Even being near- empty they were still lead weights in my arms after the long walk.

The door opened and I heard Ruthie giggling and laughing, a smile quickly resting on my lips to hear her golden voice. Slam and it was silent again, a figure strode out to a car that was in the street, unlocking the door and grabbing items they must have forgotten in their rush to see Jim.

 The person turned around and listened and I sucked in my breath, holding, waiting for whoever it was to march back to the house.

"Who's there. I know someone's there" The voice was Liverpudlian, deep and probing, cutting into me with the words. 

I daren't move or indeed breath in that moment.

The figure, now I knew to be a man, started for the front gate striding purposely and too soon I let out an audible, too heavy sigh. He stopped and plonked down all the things he had rushed to gather minutes previously, beside the gate.

The speed to which he approached made me spin on my heel to escape only to fall, stupidly, over my own suitcase.

"Ouch, clod" I cussed myself and the man stopped, hovering over me as I pushed the case from under my fat clumsily arse.

"Abby?"

It was him, the one I called Bill. The one I connected with on the telephone on the other side of the world, the one I confided in about the man that hurt... and touched me.

"Abby, it is you, isn't it?" His scouse accent making it's way back into my thoughts.

I sat on the case I had fallen over, hearing it moan and the sidewall near buckle with my weight.

A hand found mine and pulled me up so I stood mere inches from his body.

I decided comedy was the best way to interupt the situation I found myself in. The dimly lit street hid my face in shadows so I could not smile or frown or poke my tongue out at him to show how I really felt.

"I told you, you had buckley's" I muttered quietly into the night air between us and felt him step from one foot to the other as he registered the words, remembering the conversation, remembering the deceit I had felt.

"And I still think I should take you on a date"

"Preposterous" I took a step back trying to gain some room as his fingers fall away from my hand.

Space for my own body to be normal again.

Him, so close. His cologne, enticing, as it waft around my nostrils.

I wished I could be a more forward type of girl and step up close.

Run gentle fingers over his face, through his hair, find his lips just for a taste, a glimpse of what it might be like in another life.

"Much that I like to talk to you blindly, do you mind if we step into the light, I'm a tad terrified of the dark you know" Bill- John sniggered and I suddenly recalled the snigger of other time, I retreated back again one, two, three steps now.

"I don't know" and I didn't.

I didn't know if I should go to the house; or run and find my hotel miles away, curl up in the blankets and wait for a safer time, morning light and vision plenty.

"It's easy Abby, let's just pick up the cases and walk over to the gate, open it, and walk on through" Bill John, god I'm confused, rattled off the process, so easy if you weren't scared of the heckling and banter that would take place once you stepped over the threshold.

He picked up one case and I slapped it from his hand.

"No, I best be off. I'll come back when Mister James isn't so busy" I stooped down and retrieved the fallen bag and turned to get the other only to see that it was now sat beside the front gate, next to the man that I knew as Bill that is actually John Fucking Lennon. He stood there leaning on the front fence, a smoke in his hand and now as I close the gap, a smirk on his face "Prat".

He stood and faced me full on and I could see the hard lines that hovered in the shadows much like the album cover of the record I had, all blacks and whites, light and shade, mystery and intrigue.

"Paul's the prat, I'm the wanker"

"Well to be fair you're all prats and all wankers"

John Lennon chose to ignore my hating words "You know da- Jimbo misses you terribly. Beside himself when we got back that day. Not knowing where you were entirely. Your ma, she just said you weren't to be disturbed" I joined him, leaning on the fence my suitcase banging against my legs in stressful adage. A few feet away but still, somehow, in his dominating presence. "If ya move along I might have a slight hope of seeing your lard and chins"

"And when you do?"

"I'll have met miss Abigail Grant then won't I; proper like"

"Disappointment will be evident on your face, I'm sure Bill" I hoped my lipstick wasn't smudged and the eyeliner I applied wasn't worn. I don't know why but I wanted him to care, look at me like I was worth the trouble.

The cigarette was smaller now almost gone and he had to pinch the end to hold it to stop the burn.

I gather myself and stepped closer, closing the distance til I was there, right beside him. So close I could, if should dare, touch his cheek as he took a drag on the tiny morsel of cigarette that was left. He, on the other hand, didn't move one bit, just blew the smoke through the other side of his mouth, the wisps curling with the breeze toward me making me wave the acidic fumes from my nostrils.

I touched him and he tensed, then relaxed. Feeling the smooth cheek that was warm and human and real, touching Bill.

Bill was John and John was Bill pretty simple but I still grappled with the weight of the now undeniable truth that stood, all five or so foot of it, right there in front of me. I stopped my thumb mid circle on his cheek and he covered my fingers with his, grasping them softly but enough for me to know I was not going anywhere.

Leaning into my fingers that still held his cheek as if he missed their touch. I wished I was that girl, the one in the magazine, the one with the perfect smile and whitest teeth, clothes that held her body like a glove showing off her form, highlighting her shape. The one that could capture a boys eye and hold it always.

A light flickered on in the piano room close by and I was suddenly lit with light. All me, all visible. I suddenly missed the darkness that shrouded my form, my faults and imperfections. I stepped quickly back, my hand falling and turned away from the room that was now almost full of people that could not see us leaning on the fence, illuminated by their light.

"I see a very pretty girl when she is not hiding in dark" Bill John whispered like he was calming a frightened deer caught in the headlights of his car, ready to duck and dive to the shadows.

My breathe hitched in my throat as he stepped into my space again. Tall, straight and overpowering although I was not that much shorter, I felt slight to his force, his being, him.

Gently fingers were turning my face toward him, ever so slightly and I was uncovered, the light of the house illuminating.

All of me on display for him to rate, grade and toss.

I grimaced under his intent examination.

"Nope" John- Bill spoke quickly. Oh gawd! Will I ever get it straight in my head?

"Oh righteo then, I'll be off to the gutter now. Not of your liking then Mister big shot Lennon" I spat the words rapid fire and he laughed into the night as I got angrier, he glanced another look at me and laughed again.

I stomped my foot at his displeasure of my plainness and my heart sank a little further into my natural demeanour.

His lips were on mine in seconds and I felt my knees go weak with his insistence of keeping them.

My first kiss.

The front door opened and Ramone Paul called out into the night, searching for his friend that had now been missing for a good half hour. Upon seeing him, he groaned and went back inside, the door shutting forcefully. I jumped and John grabbed me tight, binding me to him.

Did I just call him John?

He paused and looked down at me I must have been flushed as he grinned cheekily and rubbed my cheek as if my reddened colour would wipe away. "Nope, no double chins"

I wanted, needed actually, to be mad but all I was, was putty, gooey jelly, soft and pliable, no backbone in sight.

He pulled me in again and I unfolded in his arms wrapping fingers around his neck, tip toes straining me to reach his kiss, his breath warm on my cheek then his tongue touching my lips tasting, I parted them in a sigh and he took me as if on a quest to understand a secret within, I heard myself moan as he held my head in his hands, touching my neck with his lips to make me mad with want.

I have never felt this way, I was alive, I had tasted now I wanted more.

I was unsated and still hungry.

I was now a student seeking education.

"John Lennon, get your arse back in here now. Dads livid with you, out front of his 'ouse, kissing women on his stoop" Paul stepped onto the path and his stride had him beside us in seconds, I heard him sigh, looking from John to me making out, not stopping at his intrusive stance.  

We never faltered til I caught a glimpse of Paul's face covered in a perfect grin and remembered............... John fucking Lennon, Paul fucking McCartney!

I bounced back from John's lips a few feet and Paul's smile widened at the way John grabbed for me, not wanting me to leave him. I touched my own lips and grinned behind my fingers, biting my bottom lip in utter delight.

"John, aren't you going to introduce me to your friend" Paul reached over the fence that separated us and tugged gently at piece of my wayward hair, then placed it gently behind my ear, his fingers drawing along my jaw at which point John batted them away causing Paul to laugh.

"This is me Abby ain't it" John tugged me to him and I stiffened.

 I wasn't anyone's really and I remembered I should actually be angry at the both of them, John sensing as much, turned me to him, kissed me quick smart, as if to dispel my anger, it worked, I won't lie.

Paul's voice caught as he realised Johns words and who I was "Abigail" He rubbed his face and looked at me again, then John, then me "bloody hell John you're fucking quick, I'll give you that!"

"Look at her I haven't even had a real proper gander at her yet myself. As soon as I heard her voice I was in love, now she's here..." John rested his chin on my shoulder staring at Paul happily. I on the other hand blushed profusely and pushed him away.

"Right well then let's be getting me into the really harsh light of the house so you can be bitterly disappointed then, shall we" I ducked under Johns arm and made the porch, turning to see John handing Paul one of my suitcase, John had his hands full carrying his items that he had collected from the car, and my other suitcase too.

I opened the door.