As I lied next to Drew in her bed I realized I had never felt so relaxed. We had cooked dinner together and watched a movie while we ate, and it had been so nice and relaxing after a long Friday. Not to mention the fact that it was pouring down outside so staying indoors sounded a lot better than going out and getting drenched.

I found myself silently wondering if Drew enjoyed my company as much as I enjoyed hers, but needed to remind myself that she had invited me over. She wanted me around, and that had to mean something. Doubting if she enjoyed being with me was unnecessary because she obviously did, I just needed to believe that.

Then I heard her voice cut through my daydream, "So, has Ashley reached out to you since...?"

I looked at Drew, wondering what had made her think of my ex but shook my head regardless. I answered, "No, she hasn't... why?"

She shrugged, "I don't know, I just had a bad feeling she would..."

I just watched her think something in that magnificent brain of hers before she turned her head towards me again. I could tell she was having contradicting thoughts over my ex whom I haven't thought about since the night at Cielo, but it wasn't the same for Drew.

She asked again, "Are you still considering meeting up with her?"

It was cute to see her nervous but she honestly had no reason to be. I wanted nothing to do with Ashley, and Drew had to know that right? I mean if I wanted her back I would go and get her, and that was the last thing on my mind.

I took her hand, turning on my side to face her, "I was for closure, but if it makes you uncomfortable I won't..."

She shook her head, "N-No, if you need it then by all means... I just... I don't know. I don't want her to hurt you again."

I smiled at Drew's worry, wishing she understood how much I really liked her. I knew I could tell her but I didn't want to scare her away. I was letting her open up to me and take the lead, and even if I felt ready to open up about my feelings maybe she wasn't yet. Of course Boston had been a big step, but we could only take giant leaps within long periods of time, and I wasn't rushing her.

"If the opportunity arises, then I will," I reassured, "But I'm not worrying about her, and you really shouldn't either."

I could tell she needed to hear that considering I knew she was insecure over certain things about herself. Even if she wasn't as affectionate as I liked, or opened up more I still enjoyed her, and I wouldn't want to change her for the world. She was her own person, and I loved the way she was.

She sighed heavily, "I'm sorry."

"For?"

"Worrying... being insecure, or whatever."

I shook my head, "Don't be sorry, I'm glad you told me."

She scooted closer to me, her face only about a foot from mine now, "But I don't want to accidentally discourage you from doing something you might need."

Although she was insecure Drew's consideration was astounding, and it was nice knowing that she cared about me on a deeper level than most. She was selfless, that was obvious, and she understood that maybe meeting up with Ashley would give me the closure I needed to finally start a new and improved relationship.

Which would hopefully be with Drew herself, but we hadn't discusses that yet.

"You're not discouraging me by telling me how it makes you feel, Drew," I stated, looking into those amazing eyes of hers. I wished she could understand that talking about your problems and insecurities was a good thing, and it helped you embrace and overcome them.

"I know it's just," she paused, looking away from me for a split second, "She hurt you but I know she could probably give you more than what I can... and I'm just waiting for you to realize it-"

"Stop," I demanded, cutting off her sentences, "Don't ever think that, okay? It's not true." I moved closer, taking her face in my hands and trying my best to make her see what I saw. I stated, "She's selfish, she only looks out for herself and doesn't give it a second thought. You're not Ashley, you're right, which is why I like you so much. What exactly can she give me that you can't, Drew?"

I felt like I already knew the answer to my own question but I wanted to hear what Drew had to say. Maybe acknowledging it would help.

Her eyes switched away from mine, "She's not... you know... she's not messed up like me. She has history with you, and even if some of it's bad most is still good."

Of course she had to have a point, but to me it didn't matter. I didn't care if Ashley had a lot more history with me compared to Drew, and I didn't care if she had fucked up only once. It was enough to send me over the edge and drive me away for good. I couldn't trust Ashley anymore and a relationship without trust isn't a relationship at all.

But the one thing that bothered me was how Drew had used her emotional damage as a literal excuse as to why Ashely was probably better than her. I hated that she thought just because she couldn't open up to me in the most intimate of ways that it made my ex, who cheated on me for months, better than her.

I shook my head in disbelief, "You think sex is an issue for me?"

She probably hadn't expected me to be so blunt, and I had even shocked myself, but I was in fact dumbfounded. I couldn't believe Drew was that inferior over her situation, and it really saddened me to know that. At the moment she seemed at a loss for words, but I quickly took it as an opportunity to reassure her even more because I knew she needed it, and I didn't mind.

"Drew, listen to me," I demanded, her eyes locking with mine, "Yes, I would love to go further with you, don't get me wrong, but that's not my priority. You may not be ready in that area of a relationship, but you exceed in many other areas too. You're considerate, you're beautiful, and you opened up whenever we both needed it to happen. You're strong and brave for giving me a chance after everyone in your past has hurt you, and I admire that because you could've pushed me away. You're trying for me and that's the most amazing thing about you, and I'm willing to wait until you're ready."

She had a look that I didn't recognize, but it didn't seem negative. She looked relieved, which made me feel better, but suddenly she had a glow I hadn't seen before. Maybe she felt happier now that I had said those things, and maybe that's what she needed to hear because she seemed to relax a lot.

"Thank you," she whispered, "And for the record, I'm ready. I'm just not sure if I'm ready to let you... you know..."

Wait, what? Was she saying what I think she's saying? She was ready to take it a step further but she wasn't sure if she was ready to let me... touch her? I was confused...

I shook my head, "Can you explain that?"

Her face reddened, and I could tell she wasn't comfortable talking about this but she needed to explain. I thought I had heard her correctly but I wasn't one hundred percent positive if I understood her fully.

"Um, well," she started, "It's hard to explain... and I don't want to sound weird..."

"You won't sound weird," I pressed.

She just eyed me before continuing, probably thinking of the best way to put it. I was eager to hear her explain herself, mostly because I wanted to understand. I never knew what went on in her head, and maybe this would give me a glimpse I needed into how she was on the inside.

"I need control," she answered quite bluntly, as if she decided not to beat around the bush anymore. "Control is what makes me feel... safe, I guess, but I know how you are. I'm fine whenever it comes to me taking the lead, but it gets scary for me whenever other people... you know, like touch me. It triggers something in me that scares the living shit out of me because all I see if Evan."

I narrowed my eyes, trying my best to understand what she had just told me. I reiterated just to make sure we were on the same page, "So you don't like when other people touch you?"

She shook her head, "It's difficult to explain. I like when you touch me, but I have triggers, certain things that will resurface a specific memory. Dealing with them over the years has gotten easier but... they still happen."

I could tell Drew was having trouble talking about this but since we were on the topic I decided to make the best of it. This was something I wanted to understand, and I could only understand it if Drew allowed me inside her head.

I pressed, "How bad... did it get?"

I watched her eyes fall away from mine, and suddenly I wasn't sure if asking that had been a good idea. I just wanted to know what not to do to trigger those reactions, and maybe if I knew what Evan had done to her...

She didn't seem up to answer, which was fine with me, but I needed to redeem some of my dignity.

"Don't answer that," I demanded, shaking my head, "I'm sorry."

She took one of my hands in both of hers, bringing it up to her chest while playing with my fingers. She wasn't upset with me for asking, and the relief I felt was amazing, but she still seemed to be contemplating in her head.

"How about I start from the beginning, and we'll see how far we get?"

I just looked at her, waiting for her eyes to meet mine again to let me know she was okay with talking about this. She hesitated to bring her eyes up but once she did I nodded, "If you want to..."

She took in a deep breath, "I think we both kind of need it."

Maybe she was right. Maybe I needed to hear it to understand and maybe she needed to talk about it to stop pushing it to the back of her mind. I was trying my best to keep up and help Drew so hopefully this would allow her to help herself too.

I watched her gather herself before starting her story, "My dad walked out on us whenever I was barely a teenager, I think he was having an affair with someone. I didn't know at thirteen but later on after they divorced things kind of started adding up."

Hearing this was new to me even though I had figured her mom and her dad had most likely split considering her stepbrother. I was glad she was piecing the story together for me though, and I was reminded how strong Drew really was.

"Then mom started seeing Ronnie," she continued. "I didn't meet him and Evan until I was fifteen but I'm sure they had started seeing each other a little bit before."

I questioned, "How old was Evan?"

"He turned eighteen a few months after we had met," she answered, continuing to play with my hands out of comfort. I felt the bile in my stomach rise, feeling the desire to rip Evans head right off of his shoulders. Drew carried on her story, "At first everything was fine. We would have dinners with them, they came to my dance recitals, but things started getting weird before they decided to move in together."

Judging by the way Drew was acting I could tell she hadn't talked about this as much as she probably should've. She was hurting, and I hated seeing it, but she wanted to be honest with me and I wasn't going to stop her.

Even if it hurt her I knew it would also help her in a way.

"One time we were together at his house and he made this weird comment... He said 'Wanna go upstairs? I can show you something you've never seen before'. It probably wouldn't sound weird to anyone else but... it was the way he said it. That was the first time I had actually began to feel uncomfortable about him."

 I listened carefully, not wanting to miss a thing.

"There were a few other occasions where weird shit happened, but I mostly tried to stay away from him. Junior year came and my mom dropped the bomb that she was planning on moving in with Ronnie and Evan during winter break. Of course I didn't want to but I had seen my mom struggle with money due to the divorce for far too long, so I didn't protest."

Her eyes hadn't looked up at me once during this entire time she told her story, and it pained me to see all of the hurt going on behind them.

"We started hauling our stuff to their house earlier than winter break but we moved in a week before Christmas. It was better than the crappy apartment but it still sucked, and Evan was home from the University. That's when things started getting bad."

I tightened my own grip on her this time, afraid for her to continue. I wanted to know the truth but I also wasn't sure if I was ready for it. Could I handle hearing something like this come out of Drew's mouth? Was I prepared to picture all of the horrible things he could have done to her when she was only sixteen?

This time her eyes switched up to me, "You okay?"

I nodded, "Yea."

"I can stop, let you process everything..." she didn't want to overwhelm me but I felt like an idiot for reacting. I had asked out of reason to try and prevent hurting her, and now here I was chickening out before she got the chance to be completely honest with me.

I shook my head, "If you want to continue, please don't let me stop you. I know it's hard..."

She smiled sadly, as if she wasn't sure what she wanted to do. I knew she wanted me to know her, but I could also tell she didn't want to freak me out. I had no idea the things she had gone through with this boy, and I was probably minutes from finding out. I could put two and two together, it didn't take a rocket scientist, but hearing it come out of Drew's mouth would make it reality. It would put those horrible images in my head and force her to relive them. Did I want to do that to her?

She decided to tell me regardless, and I was proud of her for being brave enough to do that. "My break only lasted a few weeks, but his was over a month, so we were alone together for a long time before I had to go back to school. He harassed me more than anything, asking me why I was gay and telling me that he could change me. He would touch me and grab me, and I swear I had never been more grateful to go back to school."

I attempted to swallow the lump that was in my throat but found it impossible. Watching her struggle to tell me the truth was the most painful thing I had witnessed. I hated Evan, and I hated what he had done to her, and if I ever saw him he would be lucky to walk away alive.

She continued, "The rest of junior year passed easily considering Evan had gone back to school for Spring, but summer vacation was right around the corner. I tried to keep friends at my house as much as possible to keep him off of my back, but there were days where it was inevitable because I didn't have a car."

Watching her intensely I realized she had zoned out, most likely to the years when all of this started. Resurfacing her demons scared her, but facing them made her stronger. I didn't know how much she was going to tell me, or if she was finished, but I waited for her to speak again patiently.

"That was the worst summer of my life, Bree."

I sighed a breath of relief, knowing she wouldn't be going into details. I wasn't sure if I wanted her too, but I was proud that she had the courage to tell me her story. I squeezed her hands, "And you never have to go back to that, ever."

She nodded, "I know."

Even though the conversation seemed to die out and I was nervous about hearing anymore, I was still curious. I didn't want to push her by pressing her further on the subject, but I knew there was more to the story. She hadn't told me about her mom being diagnosed, or when she quit dancing later on. Was it too hard for her to resurface those memories too? I knew thinking about Evan was painful enough, so questioning her further seemed to be out of the cards.

She whispered, "What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing," I shook my head, "Just how strong you are..."

She smiled but didn't seem convinced at all, "Tell me what you were thinking, please..."

"I was thinking about a lot of things..."

"Like?"

I didn't want to refuse her, but I also didn't want to hurt her even more by asking more questions. I was torn, but I could tell that it was easting her alive not knowing what I was thinking. She probably wanted to know if I was freaked out or something, which I was but not in the way she thought. I admired her bravery, but I didn't admire my curiosity.

I shook my head, "I'm curious as to how bad it got, but I was also thinking about your mom... Did you ever tell her?"

She shook her head, "No, I never told her."

"Why?"

"Because by the time I felt the need to the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes and the last thing she needed to worry about was me and Evan."

I felt the air leave my lungs at her sentence, the pain coursing through ever vein in my body. How could a sixteen year old deal with all of this on her own? Why had this happened to Drew whenever she was nothing but genuine?

I found myself at a loss for words, but it didn't matter because Drew seemed to know.

She answered, "I don't think you're ready to hear the details between me and Evan, and I think that's enough sadness for one night."

I didn't know what to say but I knew Drew didn't require a response. I didn't regret talking about it because I understood a lot more than I had, but it didn't bury the fact that Drew was a type of damaged I would never understand. I could be there for her and I could try and help, but things like this were out of my hands and that scared me.

But instead of talking anymore about it Drew just pulled me into her and whispered, "Thank you, for not running away."

Her response was genuine, and I felt myself smiling. It was a bitter sweet moment but I didn't want to ruin it by saying anything else, so I just tightened my grip on her.

I wanted to be there for Drew, and I knew she needed me to be strong just like her if we wanted this to work. I was almost one hundred percent sure I could do it, but knowing what I knew now intimidated me.

But even after this I still wasn't afraid of the future with her, and I even found myself feeling closer to her than I ever have before.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"So when are we gonna get to the real work?"

I looked at Drew, who was giving me a sly smirk as I answered, "Tuesday, I promise."

"So this is just for fun?"

 I shrugged, "More or less."

"Yea, you're kinda bossy for it to be considered just fun."

I gave her an evil look as she smiled, moving closer to me. I gave her a pout before I decided to restart the music to the beginning so we could perform out two minute segment.

When I returned she embraced me, "You know I'm only kidding, besides, you're sexy when you're bossy."

I felt myself blush against her, hating the way she always seemed to do that to me. I rolled my eyes and smiled, preparing myself to dance the entire length of the song this time, hoping this went well and we didn't miss any steps.

The familiar guitar picking echoed through the room, Drew's hands moving over me just like before. It never failed but my stomach tightened at her touch, but I didn't' have time to think as I began our routine. She spun me out, her hands holding me steady as I balanced on the ball of one foot. I felt my arm stretched out but whenever Drew and I danced it was so hard not to think about her hands being all over me.

Usually when I danced with other people it wasn't like this, but of course it was different with her.

It wasn't until we were face to face whenever I felt my heart stop in my chest. Even if it was for a second I saw the real Drew, the one where she was just so lost in the moment. It reminded me of the first time I had seen her dance. She was so vulnerable and... beautiful. She had little hints of sweat on her brow, but a look of determination on her face as she gave me a timid smile before returning to the music.

Her hand reached for my cheek but I turned away, sticking to the storyline even though I wanted to desperately to let her hand ret on my skin. I felt her grab my hand gently, allowing me to lean forward and struggle to keep my balance with her help.

That's when she pulled me back into her, giving us the momentum we needed to perform another lift. She hoisted me over her shoulder, my body leaving the ground as I prayed for her not to drop me. Although I trusted Drew I knew mistakes happened, but she never did.

She always caught me.

We spun out, doing our own separate dances as I lied on my back while she pirouetted over me and then fell to her knees. She quickly crawled over to me, her body resting on top while I tried to keep my breath from leaving my lungs.

It only took me wanting to dance for her to end up on top of me...

Oh God, Breanna.

The rest of the segment we performed fairly quickly, surprising me how well we had actually performed that dance. Drew and I danced well together, so it shouldn't have been such a surprise anyway.

After we finished she shut off the stereo, "So Tuesday, real work time?"

I smiled, "Better be ready."

"I'm always ready."

I gave her a look that made her laughs, allowing us to walk downstairs and to the front of the gym. After last night's talk we hadn't spoken another word about it, and I wasn't sure if we would again. I wanted to, I wanted to make sure she was okay, but I figured she thought I needed time to process everything. She hadn't laid much out but it was enough to put it into perspective for me.

I just didn't want to press her anymore.

But maybe with time she would open up more, and until she did I would wait patiently for her to do so.

[] – Drew and Bree's practice dance. All you gotta do is highlight, define, and search web!