❝𝘐𝘴 𝘢𝘯𝘺𝘣𝘰𝘥𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘮𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘸? // 𝘐𝘵'𝘴 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘬 𝘐'𝘮 𝘨𝘰𝘰𝘥, 𝘐 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘐'𝘮 𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘭 // 𝘐 𝘨𝘶𝘦𝘴𝘴 𝘐 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘵𝘳𝘺𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘵𝘰 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘵❞

ꨄ

𝗢𝗖𝗧𝗢𝗕𝗘𝗥 𝟯𝗥𝗗 , 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟯
𝗡𝗔𝗦𝗛𝗩𝗜𝗟𝗟𝗘 , 𝗧𝗘𝗡𝗡𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗘𝗘
𝟭𝟬:𝟰𝟵 𝗣𝗠

Kiana had just finished her show in Nashville, she headed immediately to her dressing room and frantically opened the orange bottle of pills and downed a couple of them. She let out a sigh of relief and allowed herself to collapse onto the small black couch in her dressing room.

Kiana was exhausted after her show, so she closed her eyes on the couch for a quick ten minute nap. But she regretted sleeping. When she did sleep, Kiana was forced to be alone with her thoughts. Though Kiana now had Katie and Naomi back in her life, she still desperately wanted Jo back. The two had been best friends for years, and now they hadn't spoken for months. To say that it was driving Kiana insane was an understatement. She gave up on trying to repair their friendship the minute she took those drugs.

After the show Kiana had gone out with her band and Hayden — Ethel Cain, who was her opener. They'd gone to a bar, not to get drunk, but simply just to have a few drinks and grab a bite to eat. But Kiana had no intention to stay sober that night. Her friends would not let her get wasted, she knew that, so Kiana had to find alternative ways to get any type of drug into her body. There were hardly moments where Kiana was sober, even on stage she was somewhat intoxicated, which was something few fans had noticed.

The group talked and laughed amongst themselves while they waited for their food, but Kiana was bouncing her leg and picking at the skin on her forearm. To Kiana it'd been far too long since she's had any sort of drug.

Hayden leaned towards Kiana, giving her a concerned look. "Are you okay?" She whispered.

Kiana nodded slightly. "Yeah, I'm- I'm fine" She stayed at the table for a minute longer before Kiana excused herself and exited the bar before anyone could say anything to her. Instead of finding another way to get high, Kiana had given up on that and left without saying anything.

She went around the bar and walked into an alley. Kiana reached into her front pocket for the baggie of pills and took both without any hesitation. An immediate sense of relief and relaxation washed over Kiana.

𝗠𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗮

𝗠𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗮
Kiana sweetie I know it's late but I
wanted to ask you something

𝗞𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗮
What is it?

𝗠𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗮
I came across a video a fan posted and they
said that you've been seemingly high during
your shows
Are you doing drugs?

𝗞𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗮
What?
God no
You know how I feel about drugs

𝗠𝗼𝗺𝗺𝗮
Okay
I just had to make sure
I love you, I'm so proud of you

𝗞𝗶𝗮𝗻𝗮
Thanks
I love you too mom

Usually Kiana would feel some sort of guilt for lying to her mom, but she didn't feel anything. Kiana didn't have any intentions to tell her family she was actually high on stage, if she did it would only make them worry, and rightfully so, but she couldn't possibly wrap her head around the idea of anybody actually caring about her.

Kiana walked out the alley and right past the bar. She didn't look back nor did she send anyone a text letting them know she would be wandering the streets of Nashville. Ten or so minutes into her walk, the oxy had finally hit her. The feeling of a euphoric high is what initially got Kiana hooked, she enjoyed the way it made her forget about everything wrong in her life. Kiana had her head tilted up at the stars above admiring them as she smiled. But as a result of not watching where she was going, Kiana had bumped into someone.

"Watch where you're going!"

Kiana took her eyes off the night sky and made direct eye contact with the woman she'd ran into. Kiana didn't know if it was the drugs or the fact that the person she bumped into was Julien, but either way Kiana had the strong urge to vomit.

"Oh, Kiana, hey" She said awkwardly.

"Oh shit" Kiana thought she'd said that to herself, but she was too high for her own good. "Hey," Her speech was a bit slurred as she spoke. "What are you doing here?"

Juliens Nashville friends tried pulling her away, but she wouldn't let them drag her away, she couldn't leave Kiana alone on the streets in her current state. One of the friends nudged Julien and nodded his head in the opposite direction, reminding Julien that they had plans.

"Just go without me," She says, "I'm not gonna let her wander the city like this"

The group shrugged and kept walking.

"Are you drunk?" Julien asked.

"No, why would you think that" Kiana slurred, which didn't convince Julien at all. "Julien,"

"Yeah?"

"I don't feel so good"

Before Julien could say something, Kiana vomited all over the side walk, barely missing Julien by an inch.

"Fuck, my t-shirt" Kiana whined, noticing a bit of vomit on the neck of her old zeppelin shirt.

"It's alright, you can wear something else when we get to my place"

—

Julien had helped Kiana into vomit free clothes, tossed her dirty clothes into the wash, and laid her down in bed, placing a trash can beside the brunette in case she need to throw up again in the middle of the night.

"If you need me I'll just be in the bathroom getting ready for bed" Says Julien, "Just try to sleep"

"Mhm" Kiana hummed, allowing the drowsiness to consume her. Although in hindsight she shouldn't have let herself drift off to sleep that night. It's not like that would've prevented anything though.

It couldn't have been any longer than fifteen minutes when Julien walked back into her bedroom. As far as she knew, Kiana was drunk, but her gut told her to check on Kiana. Usually Julien would just ignore the feeling and go to sleep, but for once, she listened.

She walked over to the other side of the bed and gently shook Kiana. "Hey, Kiana" Julien whispered, but there was no response or movement. "Kiana" She said it louder this time. "Kiana!" Julien shook her harder this time. Still nothing.

Julien rushed over to her nightstand to grab her phone and call 911. She had begun to wonder if Kiana had taken drugs and if the slurring, nausea, and drowsiness were signs she should've paid closer attention to.

"This isn't real, this isn't real" Julien kept repeating those words as she rode in the ambulance. "This isn't real." Then again when they arrived at the hospital and Kiana was taken away by several doctors. "This isn't real. This isn't happening." And again in the waiting room as she anxiously paced around the room with her arms crossed over her stomach. The one thing Julien couldn't quite figure out is why Kiana would even bother trying drugs. When they'd first met, Kiana saw Julien at her worst and knew how hard it was to for her to get sober. Kiana knew what drugs did to people. Yet here Julien was, in a hospital waiting room hoping, praying, Kiana wouldn't die.

"Who are you here for?"

Julien turned around to see an old man, about 80, sitting comfortably in one of the waiting room chairs. "My um, my gir-" She stopped herself before she could finish that sentence. Julien hadn't referred to Kiana as her ex since their first break up, and she never said it aloud after their second break up. "Friend. My friend" The word sounded strange on her tongue, her and Kiana were not friends, they were the furthest thing from that. But calling Kiana her ex felt a whole lot stranger.

The old man smiled, patting the empty seat beside him. "Sit, you'll only drive yourself insane pacing around the room like that"

"Respectfully, I actually think sitting would do that" Says Julien, taking a seat next to the man.

"My wife is getting a new heart today, she's waited years for one and today she finally got one. Bless the family who gave it to her, and may God be with them" The man kissed his cross necklace and glanced up at the ceiling.

"You believe in God?" Julien questioned.

He nodded. "Since the day I was born. Do you believe in God?"

"I do"

"Let me tell you something" The man shifted in his seat to face Julien. "Love is a very special thing, once you find it, don't you ever let it go"

Julien felt as thought the man knew who she was here for, she didn't know how he knew, but she had no doubt that he did. "It doesn't always work out"

"Two souls who can't stay apart aren't meant to be apart"

"Look, with all do respect, not every couple is meant to last" Under different circumstances, Julien would've thought differently, but her and Kiana had already given their relationship a second shot. Going back to her for a third time wouldn't do either of them any good.

"Maybe so, but that doesn't mean you two weren't meant to be"

Julien furrowed her eyebrows and tilted her head in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Ms. Baker" A doctor called.

Julien immediately stood at the sound of her name. "How is she? Is she alive? Please say she's alive, I cannot lose her"

The doctor nodded. "She is"

"Oh thank god" Julien breathed. "Can I see her?"

"She's not conscious yet, but you may" The doctor led the singer to the ICU. "We had to resuscitate her many times, Kiana will need to stay here two days just as a precaution"

Seeing Kiana lying so still in the hospital bed with a tube down her throat nearly destroyed her, but she held her composure and slowly stepped towards Kiana.

Julien slid her hand under Kiana's and squeezed it, rubbing the top of the brunettes hand with her thumb. "When will she wake up?" She asked the doctor, still keeping her eyes on Kiana.

"There's no telling when she'll wake up" He answered. "Is there anything else I can do for you ma'am?"

"The man in the waiting room," She began. "His wife is gonna be okay, right?"

"There wasn't a man in the waiting, it was just you"

"Oh" Julien said. "Did I imagine him?" She wondered.

"Your friend overdosed, but from what I can tell, she'll be alright" He spoke. "I have another patient to check up on, but I'll be back in half an hour" He slid the door open and exited the ICU.

Julien wondered who she had been speaking to; was it some sort of sign from God? Or was she just slowly losing her mind? There really was no way of knowing. Julien tried to forget that conversation ever happened, she didn't even know what to think of it. It then dawned on her that no one besides her knew about Kiana's overdose. Julien pulled her hand away from Kiana's, brushed the hair out of the brunettes face, and sat at the foot of the hospital bed to call Kiana's family. She clicked on J.R's contact and put the phone up to her ear.

"Hello?"

"J.R, I know it's late and I'm sorry if I woke you" Julien tried pausing as much as possible to make the sentence longer than it should've been, she was dreading telling him the news about Kiana. "There's something I need to tell you"

"What is it?"

"It's about Kiana. She's in the hospital, she overdosed" There was only silence afterwards. "J.R, are you still there?"

"What?" J.R was almost certain if he'd been standing  he would've crumbled to his knees. "Kiana doesn't- she doesn't do drugs. She doesn't do that. Sandra and I have called her and she seemed fine"

"Addicts are really good at hiding their addiction from the people they love" Julien looked to Kiana and blinked away tears.

"Are... are you two back together?" He was hesitant to ask but did anyways.

"No, we bumped into each other here in Nashville and I thought she was drunk so I took her back to my place"

"When will Kiana be discharged?"

Julien sighed. "In a day or two. They wanna keep her for observation"

"Will you let me know when Kiana wakes up? I need to go tell Marcus and Sandra the news"

"Yes, of course"

"Thank you for telling me. Bye Julien"

"Bye J.R" She hung up the phone and continued to sit there, staring at all the machines Kiana was hooked up to. The sight was too much to handle, but she wasn't going to leave her side.

"Why did you do this to yourself Kie, why?" She said softly.

𝗮𝗹𝗲𝘅 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀 !
after being harassed on twitter im back!!
I will try to update this book more often. im almost done writing chapter 18, it should be up in a couple days