Episode 22: ...Jesus?
(If Blazekritire and a few fan comics can add him, why can't I?
On a serious note: I'm deeply sorry if this does accidentally offend anybody. Not sure how you got this far if so, but remember what I said at the start. My co-writer and I have not read the Bible. While I myself am a Christian, I am not overly religious and I don't think there's any harm in using fictional versions of both God and Jesus.)
"Alright, everyone! The real trip now begins!" GM smiled as he snapped his fingers and suddenly, multiple portals appeared.
Charlie blinked. "Eh? Grandpa? What are these all for?"
"These portals will take each of you to your specific part of Heaven to the places you want to go...to the people you want to see." GM smiled.
Angel's eyes widened and he stared at his portal with this sense of...nervousness.
Husk was staring at his the same way, taking a deep breath.
Nifty giggled maniacally. "Heaven's full of so many pretties!!!"
"Nifty? You shall be going with me and Alastor." GM said.
Alastor sighed. "At least I have someone I can stand."
"I should probably be getting back to my Seraphim duties anyway!" Emily giggled. "Bye, New-Dad! Bye, New-Sister!!!"
"Bye, New-Sister!!!" Charlie squealed as she watched Emily fly off. "So, where will me, Dad, and Vaggie be? You said you wanted us to meet the rest of the family?"
"One of my sons is waiting for you. He'll be your guide." GM smiled before he ruffled Charlie's head. "And have fun in Heaven, my child. All of you have fun! But please don't kill or blow anything up."
Cherri snorted. "Buzzkill."
Pentious hummed as he and Cherri slithered through a portal. "There isss something I think that could sssimulate your love of chaosss, my dear!"
"...go on." Cherri said before the portal closed behind them.
Angel looked at Husk. "...hope you find your kid, Henrik."
"Feels weird to hear you call me that." Husk laughed. "Good luck finding your family."
Angel nodded with a smile as they walked through their portals.
And then, GM, Nifty, and Alastor walked through theirs and the last three were left inside the workshop with their portal.
"Alright!!! Time for a big family reunion!!!" Charlie smiled.
Lucifer gave a meek thumbs up. "...yayyyy..."
Vaggie rubbed the back of her neck. "Let's go then, huh?"
Charlie nodded and walked through with her father and her girlfriend...and they appeared in front of a large house. It was almost a mansion.
"Whoa...wait, I've never seen this place before." Vaggie said. "Your highness?"
Lucifer chuckled. "Ohhh, this brings back some memories."
"Dad?" Charlie asked.
"Charlie? Vaggie? This is Dad's house. Also known as the Archangel Estate. My childhood home."
Vaggie turned. "Wait...I thought you were a Seraphim too?"
"Ehhhh, I was an Archangel and then got demoted to a Seraphim...or promoted. I dunno! I don't remember or care about the Heavenly Hierarchy." Lucifer shrugged as they began walking towards the mansion.
Charlie blinked and then knocked on the door awkwardly, but patted her sides when no one answered.
"Is...anyone home?" Vaggie asked. "Maybe check for cars or-"
"Vaggie, we don't have cars." Lucifer said before showing his wings. "We got these."
Vaggie hummed and showed her own wings. "Right...man, I've been in Hell too long."
Charlie was then about to knock again before the door suddenly opened, revealing a man on the other side.
The man looked...familiar. Human almost. He had peach skin, a beard, and dark brown hair. He was wearing a rather pristine and clean white suit with a large golden sash over it, and six golden wings had sprouted from his back to show he was indeed an Angel like they were. Or at least, he was now. His halo, strangely enough, was worn more like a headband or crown instead of floating above him.
And finally, he wore black gloves which blended in rather well with his suit.
The man smiled kindly. "Ah! It's good to see the company has finally arrived."
Lucifer's eyes widened. "Jesus?"
"Big brother. It's a pleasure to see you remember me." Jesus said with a bow.
Vaggie rubbed her eye. "Wait, what?"
Charlie gasped, covering her mouth.
"Well, damn! Look at you, man!" Lucifer laughed. "I almost didn't recognize you with your cut hair!!! Why'd you cut it?"
"It, err, grew so long that the others forced me to cut it." Jesus said with a light chuckle. "Ah, that was quite the day."
"Oh, you should've seen Lilith!" Lucifer laughed. "She would step on it and then just fall right back! It was hilarious. I'd encourage her to cut it...and she only would by a little. Can't blame her, her hair was gorgeous."
Jesus hummed. "I suppose it was. And you must be our darling niece, Charlotte Morningstar. It's a blessing to finally meet you."
Charlie slowly turned to Vaggie. "I'm the niece of Jesus, Vaggie!"
"Yup, I can see that, hun-"
"You're my uncle!!!" Charlie squealed before hugging him suddenly. "It's so good to meet you, Uncle Jesus!!! Ooh, ooh!! Uncle J?"
Jesus chuckled, hugging back. "Call me whatever you wish, Charlie. And you must be Vaggie, her girlfriend and the third Fallen Angel in all of history."
Vaggie rubbed the back of her neck. "Uhhh, yep. That would be me...wait, third? Who was the second?"
"It's a long story." Jesus said. "But it happened long before I was born and the fall...wasn't nearly as important as Lucifer's. Not that your fall wasn't at all important."
Vaggie grinned a bit. "Maybe I should've started a rebellion too."
"Annnnd you've earned my blessing." Lucifer grinned. "Still, baby bro, when did you become an Archangel?"
"Oh. I'm not. I simply live here ever since the others moved out. Father is often too busy to be here." Jesus chuckled before he opened the door. "Please. Come in."
They all walked inside, with Charlie immediately in awe about how almost everything was in white and gold. It was fantastic especially since she had mostly grown up with everything being some shade of red.
"Father has assigned for me to be your guide, and I'm delighted to be." Jesus smiled. "Please, explore as much as you wish."
Charlie then ran around, even running up and down the stairs. "THIS PLACE IS HUGE!!!"
Vaggie smiled and flew after her girlfriend. "Hun, wait up!"
"...soooo..." Lucifer said. "How are the others? Do they, uhh, know I'm coming?"
"They know...can't say all of them are excited. Namely Raphael. You know how he is." Jesus said.
Lucifer sighed. "Still a massive douche?"
"Brother."
"What? It's true! Still doesn't beat Michael though." Lucifer said. "Friggin' tattletale..."
Jesus' eyes softened and he sighed. "Lucifer, you know he was just looking out for Heaven and Eden's safety..."
"...how about we just talk about this whenever we actually see him?" Lucifer said. "Please tell me he's last."
"If you wish, he will be." Jesus said. "How about we move on though? What's 'been up with you'?"
Lucifer turned. "...man, you and Dad are old geezers."
"Oh, I know slang words. I've been taking up the Earthly pastime and sometimes job known as 'gaming'. It's a delightful hobby." Jesus said.
"Hey, those televisions rot your brain." Lucifer said.
Jesus grinned. "And you said I was the old geezer, big brother?"
"Still." Lucifer said. "By the way, why are you wearing those gloves?"
Jesus' eyes narrowed a bit and he slipped off the gloves...to reveal a massive hole in his palm.
"...riiiight...awkward..." Lucifer said, tugging at his shirt collar.
Jesus chuckled and slipped them back on. "You are not the first to have asked, nor will you be the last. And you are family, I do not mind. But enough about me, how is Hell doing?"
"...it's, uhh, it's Hell." Lucifer said. "Still sucks. But learned not all Sinners are terrible! Thinking about letting some of them travel to other Rings so Pride's not so crowded."
"They are not allowed in the other Rings? Why not?"
"Ehhh, the other Sins were worried about them hurting the Hellborn. And they can die-die. When Sinners die, they regenerate. It's painful as heck, but still. Hellborn don't." Lucifer said. "But honestly, the Hellborn just tend to kill each other anyway. Won't make too much of a difference."
"...how is Satan anyhow?" Jesus asked.
Lucifer turned. "Why?"
"Let's just say he showed up for my death." Jesus said. "It was one of the few times he actually showed up to Earth. I think those few times are why humans often get you two mixed up."
Lucifer sighed. "Yeah, that Bible thing doesn't help either. It got so much wrong..."
"It was surprisingly accurate in some spots, however." Jesus hummed.
Then, Charlie ran back down. "Dad, the beds are like clouds!!! The chairs too!!! This entire place is really nice!!!"
"We also saw a big screen TV and a bunch of gaming consoles." Vaggie hummed.
"Those would be mine." Jesus said before he snapped his fingers. "Now, let's go meet the rest of our family, hmm?"
And sure enough, a portal opened up.
Charlie gasped. "You can do the portals too?!"
"Of course! So can your father...how much has he taught you of your magic?"
Charlie giggled sheepishly. "I, uhh, can make fireworks and fire...I don't know much else. But I'm great with magic shows!"
"Yes, babe. Yes, you are." Vaggie said as they all walked through the portal.
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