Which chapter in the parenting handbook covers how to tell your child you have a boyfriend?

Seriously, where do I start? And how does this feel easier than telling Craig I was pregnant?

Craig wasn't around much when we were together, so when we did split there was no hassle, no awkward discussions about where Dad will be or why things are changing. It helps Noah was just a baby and didn't know any better. I just packed our things and moved back home with my dignity shoved into one of the various suitcases.

Now everything has changed and he knows things are changing and has his own opinion on things, which I love and hate sometimes.

"Noah?"

He pushes one of his small trucks off the side of the coffee table, then turns around to look at me. He blinks his long eyelashes and smiles, so carefree, so unsuspecting of the news I have. My stomach is in knots and I feel sick.

I just want everything to work out.

"Yeah?"

"I love you." I smile.

"To the moon and back?" He frowns.

"To the moon and back," I repeat.

He climbs onto the couch and jumps on me, expelling the air from my lungs. I wrap my arms around his waist and kiss the top of his head. Noah snuggles into me and continues watching his tv show. I run my fingers through his hair and sigh.

Somehow this feels harder than telling Craig I was pregnant. Perhaps it's because I knew that I would never have an abortion and that Noah will always come first. So if he doesn't like Daniel or the idea of us being together, then I'd sacrifice my own heart to make him happy.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, probably a message from Daniel asking if I've done it.

It's been two hours; pull it together.

"Do you like Daniel? Is he your friend?"

Noah turns to me with the biggest smile on his face.

"I like Daniel because he helped build my cubby house and we played at the park," he says.

Sometimes I forget how easy it is to make children happy. Small things like playing at the park or with toys at home go a long way.

"He's fun to play with, isn't he."

"Can Daniel come over and play?"

"I'm sure he'd love to come over and play."

"Can he come over today?"

"I'll ask him and see if he wants to come over." Daniel would be here in a heartbeat if I asked, and I'm surprised he's not here already and how patient he's being with me. He understands how delicate this situation is.

"Yay." He grins.

"How would you feel if Daniel was Mummy's boyfriend?"

"I'm a big boy, Mummy, I can share my friends."

I have to bite my lip to stop myself from laughing.

"We can all be friends, but boyfriends or girlfriends are different from friends."

"Mummy, I don't understand." His brows knit together.

"They're someone who you have more than friend feelings for."

"Hm." He ponders.

"Like how the prince and princess are together before they get married."

"Is Daniel a prince?"

"He's my prince."

"You love Daniel?"

"Um." I frown. "I don't know, maybe."

"I love Daniel." He smiles.

"I'm happy you like Daniel! Nothing between us will change, though. You'll always be my boy and I will always love you endlessly."

I smother him in kisses and he wriggles around, bursting with laughter. He manages to slip off my lap and curl into a ball to protect himself from the tickles. Noah peers up with his doe-brown eyes and smiles.

"Because Daniel is Mummy's boyfriend, he will come over and hang out with us."

"Can we all play at the park then?"

"Sure, buddy."

"Yay."

"We can do lots of fun things like going to the park or the zoo, hanging out, watching movies, cooking dinner together, or playing with your toys. It'll be lots of fun."

I take a breath and for the first time this morning, there's no weight pressing on my chest suffocating me. Noah slides off the couch and lays on the floor to play with his dinosaur and truck collection. I retrieve the phone from my pocket and find several messages from Daniel.

'How's it going? Have you told Noah yet?' - Daniel.

'I told Noah and I'm not sure he really understands what I mean, but he seems happy. He also wants you to come over and play. You must have made a good impression on him because he only asks my Mum to come over and play.' - Ellie.

'I'm on my way then.' - Daniel.

And just like that, he drops everything to be with us.

* * * * *

Noah's so engrossed with the television when Daniel arrives. Usually, I wouldn't let him watch this much television, but it's the weekend and we're kicking back. I sneak past Noah and unlock the front door. It's very different seeing Daniel here and not sneaking through my bedroom window.

"Hi," he says with a bright smile.

"Hey."

Butterflies erupt in my stomach as he steps inside. I close the space between us and wrap my arms around his neck. His lips cover mine and I curl my fingers into his hair. His lips are soft and slowly move against mine. He rests his forehead against mine before leaning back.

"How did it go?" he whispers.

"Noah said he's happy to share you with me and is excited to see you because he likes to play with you. So now I'm kicking myself over how nervous I was and how much of today I wasted trying to tell Noah when we could have spent more time together."

Daniel pecks my forehead.

"Don't beat yourself up, Ellie. I'm just happy we're happy and everything is good."

"Fair warning, Noah is excited to see you and he'll probably show you every single toy he owns."

"I'm nervous but excited to spend more time with Noah. I had a lot of fun building the cubby house with him."

I steal one more kiss before leading Daniel into the lounge room. Noah looks up and a big smile appears on his lips. He runs over and jumps into Daniel's arms.

"Do you like dinosaurs?"

"Yeah." Daniel nods.

Daniel places Noah down and takes Daniel's hand and leads him to the collection of dinosaurs on the floor. I plop on the couch and watch Noah show Daniel his dinosaurs and their names. Once he's done explaining, Noah jumps up to get more toys from his bedroom.

He seriously has no idea what he's getting himself into.

Daniel rests against the couch and I squeeze his shoulder with my hand. He grabs my hand and covers it with his own.

"Having fun?" I whisper.

Daniel looks over his shoulder and smiles.

"It's a very educational experience. I had no idea what half of these dinosaurs are called."

"You should have seen him in his shark phase." I chuckle. "He would demand we go to the aquarium so he could watch the sharks swimming."

"He's clever like his mother."

I lean down to kiss him before Noah returns.

Soon enough, with a clang and a bang, he returns with an arm full of toys. Daniel is patient and sits through Noah's chatter and bursts of excitement.

So much love and adoration swirl in my heart as I watch them play. 

* * * * *