"Are you nervous?"

The answer is yes. It will always be yes.

But if you were to ask me that question right now, I would probably lie to you. This is your first introduction of me, I don't want you to think I'm needy, or pathetic, or weak, or a nuisance, even though I am. I want you to think I'm strong, reliable, funny, charismatic and collected and not for what I truly am. A mess.

So, go ahead and prepare yourself for a lot of lies.

This may be the only time I'm honest with you. I hope it is, I don't want to be even more of a burden than I already am, believe it or not.

All my life, I've always been so unsure about everything. I never know what I should say or how I should act without this internal fear of messing up. It's not because I was adopted, or because of my amnesia, it's more that I always felt out of place as if something was missing and I so desperately wanted it back.

I know, I forgot for a reason because every time I almost remember something, I get bombarded with these headaches that make me feel like my head is being split open. In fact, I'm sure I wanted to forget. To forget all the blood, tears, scars and despair, but it's what made me who I am. So I want to remember it all, even if it destroys me.

Because everything is a choice, isn't it?

At least, that's how I like to see it. ★

~~~

My eyes shot open and all I saw was darkness.

As my eyes began to adjust, I stared up at the ceiling of my room, waiting for my rapid heartbeat to slow down, taking deep breaths. I was clenching my blanket like it was the only thing keeping me from falling. Relaxing my tense muscles, I sighed and rested my palm on my forehead. When I managed to calm down, I shifted and began to lay on my side, closing my eyes trying to go back to sleep.

A breath of relief escaped my lips and I settled back down. This was normal, you know. Waking up and not remembering a single thing about whatever dream I had. I stretched out to my bedside table to check the time on my phone, wondering how long I had left to sleep.

4:81am.

I sighed and swore under my breath, great. Wait a minute...

I blinked a few times and rubbed my eyes, then checked again.

4:31 am.

I knew I probably wouldn't be able to go back to sleep, it was just a gut feeling I had. Instead, I stared at my ceiling, thinking about what day it was. My first day of school and I was terrified. More than that, it was UA, the top school for heroes.

I didn't know how to act around people and 'be yourself' is the worst advice possible. I haven't been to school in years. For as long as I remember, I was homeschooled. It isn't saying a lot because I don't remember the first seven years of my life.

Once, when I was still a little girl, I tried going to school. It's fair to say it didn't end well.

I've always wanted to go to school, no matter how stressful it was, I still wanted to go. But now that the time was here, I don't know if I can do it. It was such a change and I'm not used to change. I hate change.

The house was dark and seemingly silent, but I knew something was happening. It was just a feeling I had, so I reluctantly left my warm bed and started to slowly walk down the stairs, careful to skip the second to last step because I know it creaks.

As I turned the corner to peer into the living room, there I saw him. Bright red hair that could be spotted no matter where you were. I silently watched as he was trying to tie up his boots, cursing quietly under his breath when they weren't tight enough.

I leaned against the wall, crossing my arms over my chest, "Are you having trouble there?"

At the sudden sound of my voice, he gasped and lurched forward, catching himself before he fell. I laughed and he turned around, staring at me, "Why do you like scaring me like that? You could scare me with a hug instead."

"This is what happens when you don't let me you're leaving. Karma comes back to bite you."

Now that he was facing towards me, I could see that he was dressed for travel. His bright hair was bunched back into a small ponytail and he looked... well-rested. It was a strange thing to notice, but it was 4:30 in the morning and he looked like he had a full eight hours sleep. He's been preparing all this time and he didn't tell me...

I felt slightly betrayed.

He was wearing a white tank top and brown, baggy trousers that had these pockets all over them. His shoes still weren't tied and he looked at me like a kicked puppy, "I was going to tell you! Just as I was leaving... but I knew you'd be awake at this time because I know you so well?"

I narrowed my eyes at him, not impressed. But just as he said that I realised something. He's not going to be here for my first week of school, it might be longer, that's when the anxiety started to creep up. I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, "How long are you going to be gone for?"

He looked at me and smiled like he knew exactly what I was thinking about, "I'm not sure."

"I see," I swallowed, trying hard not to cry. "What about-"

A clatter came from the kitchen and I whirled around, my heart beating out of my chest. After a second or two, out came Aizawa, who was eating dry cereal. His eyes drifted over to me and I was staring at him, eyes wide and ready to punch him. He smirked, "You can't beat me."

"Yet," I corrected him. "I can't beat you yet. What are you doing here?"

"That's confidential information you're asking for."

I started whining, "Is this another thing I'm not allowed to know about?"

He just smiled at me.

Sakata Akito, my guardian, uncle, whatever you want to call him, worked as a bounty hunter. He would hunt down wanted criminals and villains for the bounty that's been offered. Aizawa, instead of being in the spotlight all the time, mostly worked as an underground hero and because of this, they sometimes worked together to do better at their own jobs.

Aizawa has been around for as long as I can remember, and he's annoying and I can't wait to get rid of him, "Are you going to leave soon?"

Akito looked at me and instantly wrapped his arms around me with such force that we stumbled to the ground. Usually, I would've complained, but today was different. I didn't want him to leave, not with today being my first day. I wanted to just cry like a child, but I held myself back because once I stepped outside that door to go to school, I'd be stepping out of my comfort zone forever. That's something I have to do alone.

"H-Hey, you're a full twelve years older than me, hold back your tears. I'll be okay."

Akito gave me one last hug and disappeared into the night. Aizawa gave me a long, hard look before ruffling my hair and telling me not to worry.

After that, they left, they both left me all alone in a dark, quiet, lonely house. I couldn't go back to sleep after that. No matter how hard I tried, my mind and body were both wide awake and filled to the brim with anxiety.

I was looking forward to it. School, I mean.

~~~

I had showered, I brushed my teeth, I brushed my hair. Now, I was sat on my bed, staring at my uniform hanging from my closet. There was such a strange feeling bubbling up in my chest that I had no words to describe. Nervous, excited, scared, worried, I'm not sure.

My dark blue hair was tied up in a pony tail, and my dark purple eyes had dark circles underneath them. Great. First day of school and I look like a raccoon.

I skipped breakfast because I felt like I would throw up otherwise. Looking at the uniform, it had always felt miles away, but right now, it was in front of me. Shaking slightly, I started to change my clothes.

The uniform wasn't too bad, but I hated the blazer. It was stuffy and it didn't let me move like I wanted to.

It felt like there was a pit in my stomach. My leg kept on twitching and my finger was tapping restlessly. Groaning, I put in my headphones and started playing something, anything. The loud thump in my chest was slowly beginning to fade. I gradually managed to unclench my fist.

God, I wish I wasn't alone right now.

I grabbed my scarf and wrapped it around my neck, sighing in relief. It was an old, red scarf Akito gave me a long, long time ago. There was nothing special about it, but it always managed to calm me down. Feeling the familiar fabric around my neck immediately calmed me down.

It also helped cover a long scar I had, running across my neck. It was an old scar that I don't remember getting, along with many more scattered all across my body. They don't bother me, but what bothers me is when people ask questions. Questions I don't know how to answer.

Before my mind could wander any further, I left the house.

Next thing I know, I'm standing in front of the huge school. No one told me it was this big, no one told me how many people would be here, no one told me how unprepared I'd feel for this.

I felt like everyone was staring at me.

I hated it, I hated it so much.

Did I look weird?

I was trembling, but I was also excited. No. Excited wasn't the right word, but I was something, I just didn't know what.

This was a new experience. Still, there was this pit in my stomach, like I was expecting something bad to happen. Ignoring it, I soldiered forwards through the gates of the school. My throat felt so dry, but I forced myself to take in a slow, shaky breath. I held it for a few seconds before releasing it. I did this again and again and again and again until my shaking stopped and my breaths were even.

There was a boy, stood nearby, who seemed to have the same problem. I didn't understand how he was still able to stand up with how his legs were wobbling. He was clutching a strangely burnt notebook to his chest like it was his child. Even though he looked like he wanted to leave, he had this sort of sparkle in his eye.

He then disappeared into the crowd.

If he can do it, so can I, right?

I clutched the strap of my bag, took in a deep breath and puffed out my chest before marching into the crowd towards the school. With renewed confidence, I walked inside.

The hallways were wide, the ceilings unnecessarily tall and the doors were huge.

That made me feel even smaller, even more insignificant.

Crap, I wanted to cry.

That's when I stopped in front of a huge door with '1-A' written in huge writing. I was early, very early. Thanks to that, I knew that when I opened this door no one would be inside. I clutched my scarf with both hands and closed my eyes, telling myself over and over that I'll be okay.

Yes, I felt like I was going to throw up and yes, I had this awful pit in my stomach.

But I had a feeling that once I stepped into this classroom, everything will change. It really did. Everything changed. I remember it clear as day.

For the better or the worse, there's only one way to find out.