n/a: request by snowqies on AO3

Idina was not in the mood for another press day or prerelease party. Her divorce had just been finalized and her son was with Taye.  Her mini fridge was almost empty and the last thing she wanted to do was go outside.

Curled up on the bed, she had no motivation to do anything. Her book was on the floor, her clothes balled up in the pathetic hotel hamper. The alcohol was tempting, but she couldn't get drunk and show up at work with a hangover. This movie was all she had now.

She opened up her phone and looked at a picture of Walker. Her parent's divorce had messed up her life, what was she doing to him? Did he even know what was happening, or was did he just know that she wasn't around anymore and had no idea why?

She texted Taye, asking if Walker was up and wanted to facetime. No reply. They were probably either asleep or out having fun. She missed her little boy. She missed bringing him into her bed, cuddling him and kissing his chubby little cheeks. She missed it when she and Taye went through their baby photos, betting on who he was going to look like and oh, look, he certainly has his grandfather's chin. She threw her phone against the mattress. 

Her phone buzzed. Groaning, she picked it up, just in case her son wanted to talk.

She had a text from her costar, Kristen.

U up?

Idina groaned, rolling onto her back. She liked the perky blonde, a lot. She clearly had a thing for short blonde costars called Kristin/en, but she just was not in the mood for someone who could run their mouth a mile a minute.

Her phone buzzed again. 

See? This was her point. Getting up and leaving her phone on the bed, she went back to her desk where she had the final(? hopefully) script for a play she was workshopping. If/Then. It had been written for her, her name would be the one on the marquee, she would be the one people were flocking to see and Iidna did not think she had what it took to carry this whole thing on her shoulders. 

Her phone started ringing. Walker? She ran over to the bed and answered it without checking the caller ID.

"Hey baby," she said instantly.

"Baby?"

Fuck, it was Kristen, she should have known.

"Oh, shit, I mean, crap, I mean the non-swear, fuck. Sorry," she mumbled. "I thought maybe you were Walker."

"Oh, is he supposed to be calling you now? If it's a bad time I'll call you later," Kristen said, her mouth running a mile a minute as she backpedalled faster than Idina's spin coach. 

"No," Idina said with a heavy sigh.

"Dee," came her caring voice from the other end of the line. "You good?"

"I'm fine," she snapped harder than she meant too. She did not want pity. "Sorry, for snapping. I'm not. And sorry for calling you baby, I know it's overstepping, I was just, I don't effing know. I just want my life to make sense again."

"Oh, Dee honey, it will," Kristen said. "Do you need a friend?" she asked, "a shoulder to cry on? I'm only a few floors below you, I could be here before you know it."

"I wouldn't want yo--"

"It's settled, I'm coming over. Just give me a bit."

"I thought you said--" Click.

Well, that was Kristen for you. Now Iidna had to wait here, alone, sad, and with the impending loom of her coming over. She had no idea what bugged her so much about the blonde, but there was something overly irritating in her cute and adorable mannerisms that Iidna could not stand being near her sometimes. To quote Wicked it made her face flush and sent her head reeling, only it wasn't loathing. She didn't not like Kristen. They clicked, somewhat, but she certainly wasn't her best friend right now. Not for a lack of trying. They were so much like their characters in the movie. Kristen was trying so hard to have a connection and Idina just wasn't emotionally available right now.

She figured she should at least put on a presentable shirt. God, was she really going to talk to Walker in this stained shirt? He's getting old enough to point that sort of thing out.

After changing into a clean shirt, she laid down on the couch as it was closer to the door. She put on 116th by her Wicked understudy Shoshana Bean. Life could always be worse. She was soon cycling through her pity party playlist, ranging from 116th to Gasoline.

At least she did not have to fight with Taye anymore. 

The doorbell rang maybe a half-hour later. It could have been half a century for all Idina cared.

She went and answered it, and of course, Kristen was there, grocery bags in her hands.

"We're having a girls' night in," the blonde informed her.

"Alright," Idina said as the blonde pushed passed her, ignoring the mess and setting up her things on the table.

"So, does this pour excuse for couch go out into the bed, or are we going to have to move to the bedroom to watch TV?" Kristen asked.

"Pardon?" Idina asked, drawn aback and blinking at her bluntness.

"I've got ice cream, whipped cream, cream cream, jelly bellies, beanboozelled, vodka, rum, schnapps, and beer, ain't sure if it's good though. Oh, and I brought some actual food too, and some cards and tissues and a USB full of pirated movies and basically everything we need to not move all night long and not fit in our dresses tomorrow."

"Okay." That was all she could think to say.

"So does this couch turn into a bed or am I going to have to risk whatever is going on in the bedroom?" Kristen asked.

"It's just a couch," Idina informed her.

"Damn," Kristen said. "I got a couch bed. Thought they'd give the Tony winner star of the show a better room than me."

"Mine is higher up," Idina pointed out, the tension slowly dissipating.

"Come in," Kristen joked. "I feel like I've kicked you out of your own room."

Idina chuckled, actually chuckled, not some forced thing she did for show, for the first time in a very long time. They moved everything Kristen had bought as well as the contents of Idina's mini-fridge, which was next to nothing, into her room, spilling it all out onto the bed. Kristen had even brought one of those ultra-soft and fluffy Walmart print blankets for them to cozy up underneath. She turned on the gas fire and powered on the TV before making Idina sit down and get cozy.

"Now, I have a tub of icecream of each of us so we don't have to dirty bowls," she blonde continued. "Häagen-Dazs, only the good stuff for my animated sister."

Idina smiled as Kristen handed her one of those wooden padelles people liked to call spoons and a larger than usual tub of cookie dough, dairy-free ice cream. When she'd finally wrestled the lid off, Kristen covered the top in whip cream, sprinkles, and candy without asking. 

"Now," the blonde said, cozying up next to her, "what totally pirated movie does bad girl Idina Menzel want to watch today?" she said, batting her blue eyes.

Idina felt something stir in her gut. Fuck, she truly was a mess right now if someone giving her attention was this flattering.

"I don't mind," the brunette said as she took a bite. She got nothing but whipped cream and a gummy worm that almost fell on the blanket, but it was already making her feel a bit better.

"Aw, come on,"

"Kris," she said more firmly then she had intended, "I'm not in the mood to make choices tonight, okay? I appreciate what you're trying to do, I really do, but I can't right now. My whole life has just turned upside down and I don't know how the hell I'm supposed to deal with it or what the fuck I'm supposed to do. How am I supposed to be a mother all the way over here? How is Walker supposed to grow up with split parents? What's so wrong with me that we couldn't make this work?" She croaked out the last question, doing the last thing she wanted to do: She broke down in front of her co-star.

"Oh, Dina," Kristen said. "Dina, sweety, it's going to be okay. There's nothing wrong with you, you'll come through the other side a stronger and more confident person."

"How?" she asked, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. 

The blonde pulled her into a hug, which was awkward because they were awkward and not to mention there was that pesky hight difference... but somehow Idina settled, her head resting in the crook on her friend's shoulder as Kristen rubbed her back.

"Let it all out, it's a safe space here. No judgement, no questions."

Idina wasn't sure what came over her, but she spilled her gut out. Sobbing, snot dripping down her face, she went over every last painful detail from the separation to finding another woman in his bed, to divorcing, to finding Walker crying himself to sleep because he thought he was the reason mommy was mad at daddy and the reason why daddy wasn't coming back. 

Daddy wasn't ever coming back now.

"You're not the reason Walk, it's not you, you're never the problem you're the most amazing that has ever happened to me," she sobbed s she clung to the other woman in her bed. 

Slowly, afraid of pushing an unspoken boundary, Kirsten wrapped Idina in a hug as much as she could. She pressed her cheek against the top of Idina's head and squeezed, rubbing circles on her arms through her shirt. She couldn't believe Taye had been so stupid as to let someone as amazing, as talented, as inspiring, as kind, as, as... hot, as Idina Menzel go. 

"It's going to be okay," she whispered. "Here, have some ice cream," she said, offering the brunette a spoonful.

Idina opened her moth tentatively and Kristen spooned it in.

"Mm, good," Idina said, trying to regain composure as she nodded and swallowed the bite.

"Here's another." Kristen spooned another bite of ice cream into her mouth, making sure there was ample whipped cream included. 

Tears were still flowing down her friend's face, but she was no longer sobbing. Kristen rubbed her back and took as a good sign as she spoon-fed Idina the entire tub of icecream until the green-eyed woman was shivering. Then she wrapped her friend in more blankets and opened up the second tub of ice cream.

"That's, yours," Idina mumbled.

Kristen made a large spoon, ate half of it, then put the other half to Idina's lips. "You need it more," she said, "now eat up."

Idina did as she was told. They made it through the second tub, this time Kristen taking half the bite before offering it to Idina.

"Okay, I'm stuffed now," Idina said, no longer crying save for a few stray tears here and there.

Kristen did not say a word, not about how she'd been right or anything. 

"Will anyone ever love me again?" Idina lamented, starting to tear up and sniffle again. "I just, I can't..." she got sidetracked by a sob "I don't know what went wrong we were in love, we had Walker, we were supposed to be perfect and now it feels like I've done something wrong and messed it all up. Maybe I should have gone to therapy like he asked and tried to get over it. I had been neglecting him a bit with all this and the If/Then workshops."

"Dee, he cheated. it is not your fault. No, Dee, look me in the eyes, this. Is. Not. Your. Fault. Blame the cheater, not the victim. Blame his homewrecking slut. It's not you."

"But who will love me?" she whined, "My son isn't going to remember me when I get home."

"I'll love you," Kristen said. Then something hit her. She meant it. She would, no, she did love Idina. Her pulse began to quicken. This was wrong, the two of them in bed, Idina so venerable. They were colleagues.

"Really?" Idina asked, the hope in her voice intoxicating.

"Yes," Kristen said, knowing Idina would never understand how much she truly meant it at this moment. It felt like she had just admitted her deepest secret yet it was safe here in this room.

Idina wasn't sure what happened next, but she pressed a kiss against Kristen's lips.

"Shit, sorry," she said quickly, pulling away. She studied the blonde's face. It was shock, for sure. Disgust? Displeasure? Confusing? Idina's vision was still blurry.  She'd just been cheated on and now she was making advances on a married woman. Fuck fuck fuckity-fuck fuck fuck.

Then something unexpected happened. The blonde kissed her back.

Idina pulled away again, the guild building deep in her gut. She had to end this now.

"We can't," she whispered. "You're married. I'm not going to be a homewrecker."

Kristen swore. "It hasn't been going that well either," Kristen said. "Truthfully I wanted this pick me up a bit to remind me that my life could be a lot worse."

"What do we do now?" Idina asked. Kristen had been calling the shots up until now, it seemed only fair she finish this.

"Why did you kiss me?"

"I'm not sure," Idina admitted. "Curiosity, loneliness."

"Love?" Kristen asked, hope in her voice.

"Love," Idina confirmed. She'd always felt it, she just never knew how to place it until this moment.

"Love," Kristen said with a small smile.

"So where do we go now?" Idina asked.

"I'm not sure," Kristen admitted. "But we'll figure it out."

Idina nodded. "We'll figure things out."

They sat there cuddling for a while in silence until Idina broke it.

"Tonight, can we just be two friends cuddling?" she said. "And tomorrow we'll figure all this shit out. I still need a friend right now. If you leave me now I'll have no one. But I don't want you cheating on Dax."

"Friends," Kristen said. "Until I leave, then we figure this shit out,"

"Yes," Idina sighed, leaning into her friend. 

Kristen ran her hands through Idina's hair as her friend fell asleep. She could get used to this. But tonight, they were friends, tomorrow, they would figure this out. Then who knew?