Hell. Fucking. No."

The women that was covered in scrubs and a germ mask rolled her eyes at me as she prepped the needles she planned to dig in my arm.

"Look, I know you can stop this entire encounter with a snap of your finger but it is part of the deal, you know that." I glared at her as she slowly approached me with the needles.

I knew it was part of the deal. The deal included their top scientists and doctors to poke and pry at me to try to figure out what exactly made me tick. I knew it was a waste of their time. I have been to physicals like any other underage child at the time, and the doctor didn't find anything different. I never knew why I was the way I was back then, I just knew that I didn't want people to know about it.

"This is a waste of tim-" she interrupted me by sliding the needle into my arm, drawing blood from my veins. I didn't flinch. I just stopped talking.

"Okay, now we just have a few standard CAT scans and you can go home."

I scoffed, "And where exactly is home?" I decided not to look her in the eyes. I didn't really want to hear her answer. I wanted to believe that what I was doing was right, that I was doing it to save them, but why do I feel so wrong about it all?

"Well, I'm not exactly sure. All I know is that there is a women cop outside ready to take you wherever you are suppose to go."

I looked down to my feet, they were bare and dangling from the examination table I sat on firmly. This was really happening. I have to actually live a new life with a new background. I have to lie about who I really am. I can't see my family, I can't be me anymore. How could I let it get this far?

I felt myself start to sink into the darkness. I start to grip the side of the bed with all my might. All the voices in my head kept chanting.

This is all your fault.

I felt my heart rate start to pick up and blood started to boil.

You ruined your family. You ruined your life.

I felt the bed start to crush under my gripping hands. I felt my bones shaking as all control of my body left me. But then I felt something. It almost burned my skin as the gentle touch was placed on my hand.

"Shh, it's okay darling. Just calm down." I slowly opened my eyes, feeling the sweat on my forehead starting to form. My breathing was heavy and my body shaking. I saw the doctor... or scientists... whatever she was, look at me like a worried mother would a crying child. She didn't even seem fazed by the fact I was able to crush the bed till the cotton was spilling out from the ripped seams.

"I- I can't do this." I let out a gasp of air that seemed filled with all my darkness. She looked at me with sad eyes and such a small smile.

"It's okay darling. I know this is hard. You'll get use to things soon enough."

But was she right? Was it really that easy? Was time really what I need to be okay with this new situation I was in?

I felt my heart crack at the thought of ever being okay with this.

---

I leaned my head against the window looking at the new area around me. I think we were somewhere in Nevada but I couldn't be sure. I could see small shops in a cozy little town that seemed like no one really knew about. I saw an old women sweeping the curb next to a small bakery. My heart warmed for her. She seemed so frail, and the dirk that littered her storefront seemed so important to her. I sat there wondering why no one was helping her.

As the car continued on I then saw a man on a small step stool trying to reach a sign with a paint brush. He was wearing overalls and a baseball cap to cover his eyes from the shining sun.

"I hear this town is pretty nice. We aren't far from the city either. They also have this area about 30 minutes from here that they apparently shoot action scenes for movies. That's pretty cool."

I roll my eyes and just continue to stare out the window. The fair skinned redhead driving the car wouldn't give up with her let's-get-to-know-each-other small talk conversation. She introduced herself to me as Katy, my new roommate, but I already know that's not her real name. She doesn't know that I can see right into her lies, see her whole life in a flash, like it were my own memories playing over. I felt every emotion she ever experienced, and I saw everything she has ever had the pleasure, or misfortune, of seeing.

It was a sweet life, She felt loved by her family, and I felt her heart break when she had to leave those years ago to become an undercover detective. I felt her deepest pains and her happiest moments. She was named after her Grandmother.

She had many assignments before me. She was undercover in a drug ring trying to take down the Mexican drug lord when she got the call to come babysit me. She was on that assignment for 3 years, and they pulled her off with one phone call.

I guess the worlds greatest weapon is more important than the Mexican drug lord.

She was told to keep her identity a secret, therefore she introduced herself to me as Katy. She does not know that I know her whole life by just a small look into her bright green eyes.

So I play along.

"Look, I get you are trying to do some kind of bonding exercise with me or something, but I'd rather you don't. I'm the last person you want to be friends with."

I don't even move my head, I just keep staring out the window. She stopped talking after that. She doesn't feel tense or scared. She seems relaxed.

"How much do you know about me?" I close my eyes, waiting for her to shake in terror or pull the car over and point the gun I already know is in the center counsel right to my head.

I felt her shift in her seat before replying," I've heard enough."

I lift my head slightly, finally looking towards her. Her fiery red hair seemed to be curled to perfection, and I see a few freckles on her cheeks. She looked too innocent to be able to take down a major drug ring. But yet she felt trusting, like she can keep all your secrets.

"So you know what I can do?" I felt her take a deep breathe before replying.

"Yes, I do."

I bow my head a little, remember all that went wrong because of me. I look back out at the moving world, "so what's the plan."

"You go by Adeline Briggs and I'm your roommate. We met in college at UCLA. You have a degree in liberal arts, and I have a degree in education." She sounded like a business women going over the stats and income rates at a meeting.

"Where do we live?" She smiled a little before replying,

"Right here."

I look up to see a small apartment complex. It wasn't anything fancy but still was smaller than most places. I felt a pain in my chest as I eyed the place.

This is home now.

It took us a while to get everything out of the car. We had to make a few trips on the elevator since we lived on the third floor.

The place was furnished, complimentary of the Witness Protection Program, so we didn't have to lug any furniture up the stairs luckily.

The apartment was small, so the tour didn't take very long. The door led right into the kitchen, that had a small dining table against a wall to the left. The wall ended into a big walkway that led to the living room. It had an old couch and TV. There were three doors that I'm assuming are the bedrooms and bathroom.

"The door by the TV is the bathroom. You can pick which of the rooms you want." Katy was rummaging through her bags looking for something.

I grab my carry on and go to the bathroom instantly, wanting to wash away today's events. And every event of the past few months.

I make sure to lock the door, before turning to the mirror above the sink. The bathroom was small. There was barely enough space for one person to comfortably move around. I looked at my refection and almost flinch at what I see.

My blue eyes were dull and lifeless. I use to see specks of grey and green whenever the light hit them just right. Now no amount of sun rays can bring the dull ores back to life.

My dark hair use to curl at the end and bounced on my shoulders with confidence. Now it hangs flat and the color faded just a touch.

I strip down and hop in the shower. I let the warm water spill down my face and trickle down my neck. The warmth comforts me as it covers every inch of my skin.

This is the only comfort I can get now.

I don't have anyone anymore.

As the water falls down my face I remember all the pain and suffering I've caused. I remember the hurt on my mothers face. I remember the pain in my chest when i last saw my family.

I felt my blood rise in temperature, and my body becoming stiff under the warm water. My bones and joints becoming concrete, and my chest tightening.

Control slowly left my body and anger and regret coursed through my veins.

The water stops. The running water now becoming floating droplets that shine like crystals under the Florescent lighting. Each drop a different shape. Each floating past me like memories in time. I can't control it anymore. I can't hold it back any longer.

I can see all the faces that once shined with happiness and love. In each drop was a different smile that were all too familiar to me.

My mother was smiling at my father, they were whispering in each other's ears and laughing. They showed so much love and care for one another.

I saw my siblings running and playing in the yard. They were laughing and screaming with joy and they chased each other around. Their laughter filled my ears like how lavender fills your senses.

There were moments played out in front of me. Holidays I want to always remember. First days of school, birthdays, and many trips that brought an endless supply of happiness.

I almost felt peaceful.

But then I saw her.

Her blue eyes were glowing and sparking under the light. Her smile intoxicated. Her dimples hiding behind her mess of blonde hair.

She was laughing and her hair bounced on her shoulders as her body shook from the small giggles.

I felt the warm water slide down my cheeks. I knew they were tears but I couldn't bring myself to wipe them away. I felt such longing in my chest, and pain in my heart.

Then she stopped smiling. She looked scared. Like someone was trying to hurt her. Then she started to scream. The noice piercing through me like a knife.

My siblings started to run in fear. They were screaming and trying to hide. My mother had such terror in her eyes and she gripped my father.

I squeezed my eyes shut, still hearing their screams.

"Stop.." my lips barely forming the word and the voice so weak you couldn't even hear it over the screams of terror.

Even with my eyes shut I can still see her. She was crying. Her cheeks were stained red with tears. Her hands were reaching for something, but she couldn't reach.

My mother was sobbing into my fathers shoulder. My father looked with such regret and fear. He held her close, like it was the last time he ever could.

My siblings were screaming and hiding behind trees and bushes. They were crying so hard I can hear them loose their breathe.

"Stop.." I say with such a shake in my voice. I felt my heart breaking at the sight in front of me. Everything I ever had was being destroyed in front of me.

Then I heard it. It was so faint, so delicate. A tiny voice saying, "help," rang in my ear and destroyed my soul.

"Stop!" My eyes shot open and the small drops froze into sharp daggers. Their crystals forming a fog in the warm space.

With a nod of my head they turned toward the tile wall and shot at it with such force it created several cracks in the tiles. They continued to stab their way through before I nodded for on to come back to me.

I had it face me, the sharp end sitting right in between my eyes.

The pain I felt was like a ripple in my heart that no one can mend together.

I can see their faces engraved in the back of my eyes. I couldn't look at them any more.

I started to count.

Three...

I've ruined everything. I ruined them.

Two...

They wouldn't have to do this if I was gone. For good.

One...

I'm so sorry Daisy.

"Adeline?"

My eyes shot open and the daggers melted away into infinity.

I felt the water crashing down on me like bullets, the cracks still evident in the tiles.

The darkness was slipping away, and I felt control building back into me.

"Yeah?" My voice was shaky and out of breath

"You've been in there a while. You alright?"

I took some deep breaths, gaining my composure.

I need to fight for them. I need to stay strong and do everything in my power to bring them back to me.

I won't show them that I'm weak.

"Yeah. Peachy."