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Chapter Thirty-Three

'What am I doing here?'

I stood just inside the Ouran Private Academy doors, aware that my face probably reflected the numbness that had refused to leave. Some part of me was grateful for the gray skies that I'd seen stretching out over the academy when I'd arrived. It was as if they were mirroring my emotions-- my nothingness.

Those few minutes in the hall with Kaoru had helped, it was as if he'd chipped into the ice that'd surrounded me following the news about Eri, but it'd soon been filled in again when I'd woke in the hospital to find Eri struggling to breathe once again. The nurses had been scrambling back and forth, someone'd stuck something into her I.V., and then they'd noticed me and urged me out to a room I hadn't noticed before. Apparently, it was something set up for families staying overnight on the VIP floor. They'd probably told me about it at some point, but like most things it'd washed over me like nothing.

Hiroshi was fast asleep on the couch in that room, his hands clenched around his cell phone. It didn't surprise me-- he'd been on the phone almost constantly since we'd arrived, and only Kitaru-- asleep in on a fold-out cot-- had kept his phone from getting cracked as mine had.

Eventually, the nurses had stepped in to let me know I could return. There, I'd found Eri half-asleep. She'd asked what I was going to do for the day, in that mumbled, drugged up voice of hers that was uncomfortably familiar to me. Not knowing what else to say-- as I hadn't wanted her to worry about me-- I'd told her I was going to school.

So here I was.

Not a single part of me wanted to walk into the classroom. Hell, I could barely remember how to walk. When I got there, the twins would probably ask about how Eri was doing. I wasn't sure how I was supposed to answer. Did I tell them? Eri hadn't told me if she wanted everything to stay a secret. But, could I keep it, now? Would they be able to see what was going on just by looking at my face?

Dammit, I should have gone home. Should have told her I was going to school, and then just gone and hid in my room until the afternoon.

I could still do it.

"Eri-chan~!"

Two, identical arms fell over my shoulders. I looked up, blinking owlishly when I saw exactly who I expected to see. In turn, the two boys grinned at me, nearly dragging me along as they started forward.

"If you wait here--"

"You're gonna be late."

No running away, then. Not unless I shook them off. I wasn't sure if I could, at the moment, so I just grumbled a complaint beneath my breath, but allowed the pushiness. Before I knew it, we'd made it to the classroom and the twins were urging me into my seat.

"Did you finish the homework?" Kaoru asked.

Wait, had I?

Finally given something productive to do, I pulled my things out to stow away in my desk, settling my notebook on the top as I did. Then, I flipped through the pages until I found where I'd written our assignment last week. I frowned, seeing the page blank.

"... no."

I couldn't bring myself to be too concerned about the situation. Sensei had no doubt gotten a call already about Eri, so he'd probably leave me alone for the day. I said as much, and the twins shrugged, putting away their own things. As they began chattering-- talking about that game they'd wanted me to come play, and how it wasn't as good as the first one-- more people began piling into the room. I dismissed the majority of it, that was until two girls paused, looking at Eri's seat, before moving to take their own. Instantly, they put their heads together and started whispering to each other.

'What's that about...?'

Sensei came in shortly after and started the class. Like I'd figured, he completely ignored the fact I didn't have my homework done. In fact, much to my annoyance, he seemed to be shooting me concerned looks the entire period. This, in turn, seemed to have caught Haruhi's attention, as Haruhi took the time between periods to question me about Eri. I, in turn, sidestepped the question with the excuse she wasn't feeling well. It happened enough that Haruhi seemed to accept the answer easily, although I found her studying me afterwards, although it was only when she thought I wasn't looking.

It wasn't until gym that I got the answers to what had happened earlier. We were playing basketball, boys to one side of the gym, girls to the other, when I caught sight of the girls whispering once again. Their group had grown by two. It wasn't until then that I realized I recognized a few of them as the ones that had bothered Eri at the beach over Kyoya. Not making it too obvious, I edged closer as I played around with the basketball. I'd just managed to get it spinning on my finger when I got close enough to hear the conversation.

"... was totally a date. Mari-san got a picture and everything," the main girl-- the same one I'd nearly punched on the beach-- was saying.

"No way!"

"With her?"

"Do you think it's for attention, then?"

The main girl, obviously pleased with having all eyes focused on her, tossed a bit of her hair over her shoulder as she gave the group a knowing smirk. "Has to be. I mean, why else would Eri-san suddenly skip after a date. 'Course, we both saw her run off, so my guess is she got dumped or something."

My blood was boiling. I let the ball fall from my finger, catching it with both hands. Then, without a single thought to the action, I threw it.

The basketball slammed into the wall next to the bitch's head and the entire group squealed as they jumped away. The girl in question turned as pale as a ghost as I picked up another loose basketball, and offered her a polite smile. Silence stretched through the gym, making my next words echo around the still room.

"Sorry, my hands slipped. Feel free to keep talking."

Almost instantly, her face flooded with color.

"You did that on purpose!"

I cocked my head to the side. "Did I? I could have sworn the basketball went that way on accident. But, I mean, if you can think of a reason I would want to throw it at you..."

"Y-you..."

"Cat got your tongue? Shame, I really wanted to hear where you were going with that conversation. I mean, it seemed like such a juicy story. Of course, in my opinion, the best gossip includes violence. Want me to help with that?"

Our teacher seemed to materialize from nowhere, his hands held up in a calming gesture. "H-hano-san..."

"I don't know how you two even got accepted here," the girl sneered. Apparently, she wasn't feeling like backing down this time. "You sisters act like a couple of lower class slu--"

I dropped the ball, lunging forward. I'd nearly gotten a punch in when two arms hooked around my own from either side and dragged me back. Kicking and swearing, I tried to pull free, but their arms were like vices.

"Sorry, Sensei!"

"But we'll be borrowing this!"

Not waiting for an answer, they seemed to pick my up by my arms and, despite my struggles, drag me out of the gym and down the hall. Before I knew it, we were in the music room, and Tamaki was sputtering questions as the twins deposited me on the couch. Kyoya stood to the side of the room, Tamaki next to him, a pile of books sat on a table between them. I only focused on this for a second before turning my attention back to the twins, angry tears flooding my eyes.

"You assholes!"

They rose their eyebrows in an identical manner.

"As much as we would have loved to let you hit her--" Hikaru began.

"A lawsuit doesn't sound like fun," Kaoru finished.

I was sorely tempted to kick them. They were within range-- I bet I could do quite a bit of damage. I didn't, however, aware of the truth behind their words. I'd probably have gotten kicked out of school again, and... well... I didn't exactly want that. I actually liked it here.

At that point, Kyoya and Tamaki had joined our little group, books forgotten. My arms crossed over my chest, I simply glared at them, challenging them to say anything about this situation. Which, of course, Kyoya did.

"What happened?"

The twins looked at each other, then shrugged in synch.

"Emi-chan--"

"Tried to slug someone."

Tamaki, opened his mouth, but seemed to be at a loss for words. Kyoya, however, simply sighed and adjusted his glasses.

"I suspected as much. Was there any damage?"

The twins shook their heads.

"Not unless you count the wall," I grumbled reluctantly when Kyoya turned his eyes to me.

"Why?" Tamaki managed to ask.

I glowered at them, as if they were the ones I'd been trying to hit.

"Why shouldn't I hit a bitch?"

Kyoya sighed, the twins laughed, and Tamaki once again looked like he had no clue what to say. He recovered after a few seconds, offering me that "princely" smile of his.

"You had a reason, though, didn't you? I can talk to my father about all of this, but I need your side of it."

I sulked for a moment, sorely tempted to tell him to shove his help, but then gave in. If something came of this... it'd only cause Eri more trouble when she found out. And she would find out.

"They were talking about Eri. So, I threw a basketball at her head."

Tamaki blanched. "E-Emi..."

"Okay, next to her head. I did that on purpose, you know. I'm good with things like that."

Kyoya sighed. "Because that makes it better."

"Shut up. Anyways, I threatened to actually hit her-- I wasn't really gonna do it-- and she got mad, calling us a couple of lowborn sluts. So, I hit her." I paused, then corrected myself. "Tried to, anyways."

"We caught her," the twins added.

Tamaki was frowning, his face uncharacteristically serious. He looked from me, to the twins, as if checking for confirmation on the story.

"Haruhi saw it, too," Kaoru said. "She stayed behind, so she probably knows what happened afterwards."

I vaguely remembered Haruhi sitting on a bench against the gym wall, book in hand. She never participated in gym, given she couldn't exactly change out for it, and always studied during the hour. I didn't remember her moving during the fight... but I'd been a bit distracted.

"I'll go find her," Kyoya decided. "And I'll see what I can do about more witnesses to confirm that the girls started it."

Tamaki nodded. "I'll go talk to my father. You two, stay here with her. Don't go anywhere."

Without giving us a chance to argue, the two of them instantly set off. This left me with the twins, who were just watching me sulk in my seat.

"I still say you should've let me hit her."

They laughed. Then, they plopped down on opposing sides of me on the couch. I swore under my breath, but didn't push them off as they dropped their arms over my shoulders once again.

"Probably," Hikaru agreed.

"We can think of a better way to get back while they're gone," Kaoru decided.

I tensed, turning the idea over in my head. If we got back at them and were found out, then it could become an even bigger deal. Tamaki might not be able to smooth it over so easily. Then again... I really did want to get revenge...

I beamed at the boys.

"Got anything specific in mind?"

_______________________________

An hour and some dye later, we were once again in the music room when Tamaki, Haruhi, and Kyoya reappeared. Kyoya was eyeing us with a frown, but Tamaki didn't seem to suspect anything as he explained that with the exception of my being asked to take a few days vacation, the matter would be dropped without any real consequences. The twins and I played the part of innocent angels, and after a few grumbles-- as anyone who knew me knew I wouldn't be content with leaving things as is-- the situation was shoved to the side.

No one would ever be the wiser-- unless anyone questioned how blue dye managed to make it into the body wash in those bitches gym lockers. They probably would, but with no evidence leading to us, we were rather confident with our revenge.

I'd stood, intent on grabbing my things and heading home, when Honey and Mori came into the room.

"We made it!" Honey announced.

"What?" I asked, looking to the others.

"I asked them to come," Kyoya explained, having returned to the table with the books. He lifted his gaze from the one in his hands, eyes flicking between them, me, and the others before he shut it and settled it back on the stack. "Given the circumstances, we've all been given the rest of the day off."

Haruhi looked confused. "I still don't know how that happened."

"Tama-chan's dad helped, right?" Honey piped up.

Kyoya nodded. "Exactly, the Chairman explained the circumstances, and therefore we've been given the day to ourselves."

A sinking feeling filled my chest.

"What circumstances, though?" Haruhi pressed. "No offense, Emi-chan, but I can't see how that... um... situation, can get us all out of class."

I wanted to hide. As if reading my mind, the twins grabbed my arms, tugging me back down onto the couch. Unable to resist, I feel back into my spot between them. My body trembled, stomach filling with knots. Each breath I took was short, and seemed to barely fill my lungs.

"I'm not sure. Kyoya?" Tamaki questioned.

Kyoya, in turn, looked to me. "Should I explain, or do you want to? She said yesterday that it was time that everyone knew."

Frozen in spot, I couldn't answer right away. My mind had stopped functioning the moment I realized what was happening. They'd been given the day off to deal with... and Kyoya wanted to... right at this moment. Now. I was supposed to tell everyone looking at me what about Eri.

I couldn't breathe.

Doubling over, I wrapped my arms around my stomach, attempting to draw air in, and panicking as it felt like nothing was coming. Everything... it was too much. It was as if the numbness had suddenly fallen away, and every emotion I'd felt since yesterday had crashed into it's place, overwhelming my senses. The anger, the sadness, the fear... so much fear...

"Emi-chan!"

"Emi!"

"Breathe, it's okay... just calm down..."

The last voice was the closest, his calming words piercing the wave of thoughts as a soothing hand rubbed against my back. I focused my mind on the touch, on how it moved in slow circles, and panic seemed to shatter into a million pieces. Mentally, I knew what had happened, even if the rest of me hadn't quite caught up. It'd been years since my therapist had explained it-- but, I still remembered. A panic attack. The idea of explaining the situation had given me a damn panic attack.

"Emi, are you okay?"

Tamaki stood a few feet away, Kyoya's hand on his arm. I faintly recalled Kyoya saying something about giving me space when everyone had called my name. The majority of my attention had been focused on that single voice, however. On...

My gaze flickered from Tamaki to Kaoru, who was watching me with equally concerned eyes. His hand had yet to leave my back.

"I... I'm fine."

I looked to the rest of the club. They'd all drawn closer than before. Not a single one of their faces held pity, or annoyance, the sort of emotions I'd seen growing up. No, they all appeared concerned... for me. I didn't need it, though. I wasn't that sister. I was the strong one-- the one people scowled it, not looked at as if they were afraid of her shattering.

I needed to get out of here.

So, I focused my gaze on Kyoya, whose eyes still held that question.

"You can explain."

I didn't want to be here. I didn't want to see the pity on their faces when they heard what was going on. The apologies... the "I didn't know"s. So, I pulled away from the twins, and stood, refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

"I'm going to the bathroom."

Kyoya simply nodded, as if he understood... and perhaps he did. I started towards the door, and I could hear a few protesting voices behind me, but they all shut up when Kyoya told them to leave me be. I'd just made it outside the door when I realized that one person didn't leave me be-- of course he didn't. At first, I ignored him. I started walking down the hall, uncaring of the direction. It wasn't until I'd we'd walked a good five minutes in silence-- ending up outside the doors into the garden-- that I stopped. Thunder rolled outside as I stared out the doorway, palm against the hard door, eyes focused on the sky.

Clouds stretched far as my eyes could see, turning day into night. Small droplets had begun to fall, nothing huge, but enough that I almost felt relieved. It was as if the earth itself was crying, so that I didn't have to. The moment seemed personal-- far too personal-- so of course I did the one thing I was good at. I lashed out.

"Shouldn't you be back there?" I challenged. "With Hikaru?"

"I don't think so."

This brought a scowl to my lips. Once again, my emotions flip-flopped. That earlier panic had faded, replaced with the familiar burn of anger. Lightning cracked across the sky and on a whim, I stepped out into the growing storm.

"Emi-chan--"

"Can't you tell I don't want you here, idiot? Just go back... and... listen to him tell them. Listen to..."

Listen to him tell you my twin is dying.

"Just go back."

Yesterday flashed through my mind. Had I been less worked up, less... well, me, I might have calmed. I would have told him to come with me, to hold me as he'd done before. I might have asked him to wrap his arms around me to chase away the pain digging itself into my heart with its nasty claws. I might have told him how Kyoya's decision to confess everything to the club had brought up the image of the Eri I'd seen before I'd come to school-- of how they'd given her an oxygen mask to make it easier to breathe. How staring at her in that hospital bed had terrified me; how I was on the edge of shattering once again.

How I wasn't sure if I could piece myself together this time. How my emotions were churning around so much that I couldn't settle on one at a time, how I was leaping from one to another without pause and it was so damn exhausting.

Instead, I swore as he followed me out into the sprinkling. Stolen by my emotions, I broke into a jog, darting into the rose maze as the rain began to fall in earnest. I'd made it nearly a dozen feet inside before he caught his arms around me from behind. It jerked me to a stop and I began swearing even louder.

"Idiot! Stupid, stupid, idiot, asshat, ginger!"

"I told you last time, Emi... you don't have to be alone."

"I don't care! I--"

I dug my heel down on his foot, making him release me. Filled to the rim with bursting emotions, I took off into the maze as the skies unleashed upon us. Rain pelted down, drenching me from head to toe as I lost myself in the bushes. I could barely hear his voice over the crack of lightening as it peeled across the sky. I simply ran, losing myself in the greenery. That was, until my heel got stuck in the muddy ground and audibly snapped. Suddenly I found myself on my knees against the soft earth. My knees and palms stung, my ankle was screaming, and it was all I could do to choke unreasonable tears.

Drenched locks of black hair hung around my face. If I cried here... no one would know. Still, I clamped down on it, attempting to force the emotion away. I couldn't cry. Not again. I needed to be strong.

Strong...

I pushed against the earth, settling my bottom on my heels as I turned my eyes to the sky. How had I ended up here? Why had I run in the first place? It'd been unreasonable, I knew. But... it'd been frightening-- his arms wrapped around me. I'd felt as if breaking in his arms might have been okay. That like yesterday, I would come away feeling calmed... soothed, even.

It was almost as terrifying as the image of Eri in that hospital bed.

I head, letting my hair hide my face once again. I'm not sure long I sat there, soaked, before the sound of someone running met my ears. Still, I didn't move. I didn't budge as he slowed down behind me. Nor did I look back as the sound of something shifting could be heard. It wasn't until I no longer felt rain pouring down on me that I looked up and realized he'd taken off his blazer and was holding it above me to block out the pouring rain. The fabric was soaked, but it somehow worked as he stepped around me, then dropped down to his knees in the rain as well.

"Why?"

Despite having locked down on my emotions, keeping the tears from my eyes, my voice was hoarse. As if he didn't notice this, Kaoru met my eyes, no judgement in his own. Rather, he wore a warm smile, one that seemed to ease away the chill of the rain.

"You've got no reason to follow me out here. You should've stayed with the others. You should've heard the story from Kyoya. You should've left me alone yesterday. You shouldn't be here. He... he's telling them... about... Eri. She's... She's dying and.."

Why do you care?

He'd stiffened at my words. Shock showed in his face, but was then carefully tucked away within seconds. Karou hooked the jacket around his arm, so he could drop one hand and use it to wipe the rain from my cheek. I didn't protest as he left the hand in place for a second, then dropped it so he could grab my wrist.

"If that's the case..."

He tugged me to my feet as he stood. I stumbled up, then winced as pain struck my ankle. Noticing this, Kaoru dropped his blazer to the ground.

"I shouldn't be anywhere but here."

Then, before I could figure out his intentions, he'd swept me off my feet.

"Kaoru!"

Ignoring my protest, as it amounted to barely anything since I was avoiding jostling my injured ankle, he started walking. Before I knew it, he'd rounded a corner of the maze and had located the gazebo that laid in the center. We took shelter beneath, Kaoru settling me into one of the chairs. Complaints, swears, and insults died on my lips as I watched him kneel in front, checking my ankle, before declaring it only sprung.

"I knew that..." I mumbled. "My heel broke, so I twisted it is all."

He glanced up at me, eyes unreadable. Then, he sighed, a faint smile appearing.

"You're being uncharacteristically cute, Emi."

My face flooded with color once again. "I'm... I'm not... asshole. You can't just... what happened to the honorific?!"

He snickered, and stood. Then, without warning, Kaoru tugged on the soaked hair hanging on either side of my chin and I swore my face was on fire.

"You're even cuter like that," he decided. "All embarrassed and everything."

"What the actual hell?" I demanded, bringing my hands up to hide my face as I kicked at him with my good leg. He dodged, of course. The idiot. "You... what are you..."

He dropped my hair, instead grabbing my wrists and tugging my hands away. I almost gasped when I realized he'd dropped his face so it was inches from mine, that warm smile on his lips still. It was unsettling, having him this close when he was speaking like that. It spoke of what had terrified me before-- of how it felt like something was going to happen, something neither of us could take back.

"I'm answering your question, Emi," he said.

"W-what.. What question did... I can't see how that's an answer," I sputtered indignantly, attempting to tug my wrists away.

The asshole was stronger than he looked, but he let go. I, of course, used that as a chance to shove him away, He didn't budge, instead bringing his hand up to touch my cheek as he'd done before. I froze, eyes going wide as I looked at him.

"Why," Kaoru answered.

Then, the stupid ginger kissed me.

For a moment, I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. Then, almost against my will, my fists unfurled against his chest. My eyes closed, breath mixing with his. His lips were wet with the rain, tasting faintly of the mint toothpaste.

Something snapped within me. My fingers curled into his soaked shirt, holding him in place as I kissed him back. Encouraged, Kaoru brought his other hand to my face, pressing closer as the air seemed to heat around us. In that second, I could forget everything.

All my fear, anger, frustration, for a single moment, it was gone. It felt... right.

Then, the world returned and as quickly as I'd grabbed onto him, I was shoving him away. We were both gasping, Kaoru's eyes wide and searching as he stared at me, saying nothing. I brought a hand to my lips, brushing them with a featherlight touch.

Kaoru... had kissed me.

On purpose. He'd kissed me on purpose. It wasn't like when we'd collided during twister, nor like those heated seconds when we'd fallen off the couch.

He'd done this on purpose.

"What... what in actual.... Wh... I..."

Despite everything, he grinned. "Speechless?"

"Asshole! I can't believe you--"

He snickered. "You seemed okay with it a second ago, Emi."

"I... I... I was... it wasn't like..."

"Emi..."

My eyes snapped to his. The mischief was gone, all that'd been left behind was that serious warmth.

"That wasn't a joke."

I could hear my heart in my ears.

"I like you." 

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