Nikki pov

It has been three months since Seth and Carmella got together.......or at least since I found out. I'm not cold towards Carmella or anything, she is actually a really nice girl, just I can't become close to her. I want to but something is holding me back......deep down I know the answer but I'll never admit it......at least not yet. I don't know what to do! I want the two of them to break up so badly but I also don't want to wish bad things upon them. I hate Seth! I really hate him! I never had such mixed feelings before and honestly I absolutely hate it.

It is also great he have someone who he has stayed with so long. At least he trying to stop his heartbreaking ways. And it is a good thing he is no longer is after me, right? I don't know. This was his best option because he needs love and I'm not willing to give it to him. I'm too scared for that. When you can't find water in a place you got to move on right? Right. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so cold, wasn't so afraid, wasn't so broken. If I wasn't then maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to be with him. Would I even be with him if I wasn't all those things? Maybe, and he'd break my heart. So in all actuality, either way, I'll be shit on and broken.

I sat with Eva and Brie in the catering room, my hand bent on the table, holding my head up while the next used a fork to push around food on my plate. These days I lost my appetite. Things are just so different now, Eva is always on her phone, Brie is always stressing about something, Dean is grumpy since Renee is with some else, Summer seems like she doesn't have time for us anymore since she found Renee and I'm well.......I don't know. No one seemed to notice my change in attitude. I don't even smile anymore, if I seemed cold before, I'm fricking Antarctica now. I finally raised the fork filled with salmon to my mouth and began to chew very slowly.

As if things couldn't seem worse, Seth walked in with Carmella, hand in hand. Oh! Carmella got called up to the main roaster now. I rolled my eyes and began to stab the lettuce and other veggies on my plate but Eva nor Brie seemed to notice or care! I fricking hate that couple so much! I knew Seth was a pretensive shit. He grabbed two plates of food for them and made his way over to Roman where the three immediately began to laugh. I remembered when it was us...... Geez laughter is annoying once it isn't coming from you. I shut my eyes and ate a next fork full of my meal. I'm just so tried of thinking. I'm tired of it all. Seth leaned in and kiss Carmella as I decided that was enough.

"Guys, I'm going to the bathroom," I informed the two women I'm siting with. They nodded but neither looked at me. I wanted to yell at them but instead I just span on my heels and walked off, throwing the reminder of my food (which was almost all of it) away on the way. I'm not hungry, I don't even care for food. I want to cry but I'm way too strong to cry in front of people. I played with my fingers as I walked, I don't know where I'm going but once I'm away from people I'm fine. Dean was passing along the way and just waved at me as I send him back one. I missed how my life was three months back when everyone was happy and fine.

I picked up my pace as I headed to the bathroom. I entered a stall and locked it behind me. I closed the toilet lid with my feet and use a whole set of toilet paper to place on the lid before I sat down and began to cry into my knees. I don't know what is happening but my world is crashing down and none of previous heroes seem to know or even care. I want someone by my side but maybe I ran them. I don't know. I wiped my face from the tears as my sniffles became louder.

About five minutes later the door opened to the bathroom and I stayed silent hoping no one would hear me. I don't want people to hear me crying. I hate it all! "Nikki seems to be getting colder by the day." I heard Cameron say and I rolled my eyes at her, so much for friends. "I don't know. Maybe she is just dealing with something," Carmella's voice spoke. Oh, she is here now.

"Please, that girl just hates everything."

"Cameron, you don't know anything about her. Neither do I, so I don't get why you saying such crap."

"Car, you are crazy. Trust me boo, I've been here longer than you. I know Nicole and she is a heartless, cold, bitter bitch."

"Well, you being here longer than me doesn't mean you know her. She seems like she loves her family dearly, maybe something happened to them, Cameron."

"Carmella think for a second. If something happened to her family why doesn't Brianna seem affected?"

"Because people are different and maybe it could be something else that Brianna doesn't know about. All I'm saying is to stop saying shit about someone who you don't know and who I never heard say anything about you."

"Whatever, let's go."

I smiled, I can't believe Carmella picked up for me! And Cameron is a dead bitch once I get my hands on her. I want to be happy about Carmella sticking up for me but I'm angry! I want to hate the darn girl but have no reason to, except her being with Seth. I sighed and wiped my eyes and fixed my gesture before exiting the stall into the recently vacant bathroom. I washed my face, thankful I buy water proof make up. I fixed my hair with my fingers before I sighed again, deciding to leave the women's bathroom.

"Hey, Tom." I greeted Tom the announcer, commentator, interviewer, video host and whatever else Tom does. "Hey, Nicole." He smiled at me as I send him back a small one. He was always so nice to me and I can't not send a smile to a cutie like Tom. "Uh, if you see Seth ALONE, tell him I'm looking for him, please." I really hoped he gets the key word, alone. He looked at me a bit with a questioning look but soon decided to drop it. "Yeah, fine. Where to find you?" He asked me, telling someone in the distance to hold on for a second. I wanted to turn back and see who but I decided they were irrelevant anyway. "In my dressing room," I casually replied as he nodded, making a tick sign in the air, giving me a small smile. "Thank you." He brushed it off and I straightened his tie a bit for him. "No problem Nicole, anytime." I smiled hugely at him and walked off with a wave. Why can't everyone be like Tom? I walked to my dressing room and flopped down onto the couch. I need to get my shit in order. I changed the TV from Raw to watch a bit of LMN.

"So I heard you wanted to see me." Seth's voice scared the living shit out of me as I held my heart and looked up at him. "Uh, yeah....." I trailed off not really knowing what to say, or how to say what I want to say, to be correct. "What is it?" He asked in a monotone voice, he changed a lot. I missed the old him dearly. "Close the door please. It is sort of private," I ordered and he closed the door and walked over to me with knitted brows. "Take a seat," I told him and he sat next to me. "So..?" He urged me. Do I even want to tell him? Maybe not.

"So you and Carmella?" I started off.

"Yeah. What about us?" He asked.

"No, what about us?"

"What about us?"

"That's what I want to know Seth."

"There was never an us in the first place."

"So it was all a game for your entertainment?"

"Nikki.. What are you doing? You were the one who played me and made me into a joke."

"What?! How did I play you?"

"You led me on and you knew I had feelings for you but you treated me so coldly."

"So it was all a lie about climbing over my skyscraper?"

"No, I just realized how difficult it was Nicole."

"Oh....."

"Yeah....."

The place fell silent between us and I was processing every word he said. I wondered if all of this is some sort of plan to get me to want him? I don't know but I hate silence, especially the awkward ones. He face down and looked away from me. I tap his shoulder and he turned back up to look at me and in the moment I quickly leaned in and kissed him, I never knew I missed his kisses so much. I tried to kiss him with my all but he pushed me away and got up. Oh shit.

"Nikki I can't! Not to Carmella." He told me seeming, sincere. I bit my lip and looked down for a few seconds before looking at his shocked and concerned face. "You love her huh?" I asked him even though I know his answer will kill me. He sighed and looked me in the eyes. "I'm getting there. I'm very close." There is the shot I knew was coming. I wanted to cry but not now, not in front of him. I pursed my lips together and placed my hands on my hips. "Nikki look I-" I cut him off, I can't bear to hear him. "Seth, may you please leave." I need to be nice, I don't want to get angry. "Nico-"

"Seth leave! I have to change into my gear, I have a match coming up in the next few minutes." He looked at me with eyes full of sorrow as I looked down not being able to bare the look on his face. He closed the door behind him and I just shook my head, I'm not going to cry. Instead I really did decided to change into my ring gear which took a long time. I drank my water and made my way to the gorilla getting ready to face Paige for my title, again!