NOTE: Might be triggering to some? I'm not sure, it's pretty heavy. Panic, nightmares, self-hate on the verge of suicidal thoughts. Idk, just be careful and take care of yourself <33

Weeks passed without seeing or hearing mentions of Brant, but Sophie still felt anxious when she remembered his curled up form, shivering and blowing out chilled breaths, not from the cold but from the singeing memories Sophie knew plagued him relentlessly. Seeing him had brought back lots of thoughts that Sophie had finally managed to shut away for months, and they continuously creeped back up into her dreams, waiting at the edges.

Almost every night she woke up screaming, and Edaline would quietly come into her room and stroke her hair until she fell back into restless sleep. Not once did she or Grady ask why or what was causing her shrieks, but Sophie had a feeling they knew.

After all, the first few months after the fire, Edaline had had dark circles around her eyes that looked like bruises, and sometimes Sophie would hear quiet whimpers across the hall.

Now, she was the unhinged one with dark circles in the house, and her parents tiptoed around her as if they were afraid she might break if they were too loud. Brant had tipped the delicate balance Sophie had stood on precariously, and she was hanging on by a very thin thread. It was a month after she had seen Brant when the worse nightmare had come to haunt her.

"Did you finish your homework?" Grady asked quietly as Sophie passed him, heading for the stairs.

"Yeah," she murmured.

"Are you going to bed now?"

"Yeah."

"Goodnight, Sophie." He said hesitantly.

She paused. "Goodnight." Then she continued her slow ascent up the stairs. She was exhausted, tired of always feeling. She hoped that this would be the night she finally got real sleep.

She hopped into the shower, letting the water ease the ache in her heart, if only for a moment. She watched the tendrils of steam rise up from the scalding water, breathing deeply. She would sleep, dreamlessly this time. That was what she tried to convince herself, anyway.

She tugged her pajama on, not caring how they stuck to her still-damp limbs, and crawled into bed, grabbing Ella and pulling the blanket to her chin. After a second thought, she stood and grabbed three more blankets from across the room, hoping the pressure would distract her from the weight of her thoughts.

She stared blankly at the ceiling for what could have been hours, but was probably only minutes. Time held little relevance to her these days. Eventually, she managed to sink into sleep.

Fire.

The house was on fire.

Sophie ran to it, hoping to save her.

She couldn't lose her.

Not again.

She reached out for the handle of the door, but it burned her. She snatched her hand back, trying again with the other, and then dropping it from the handle in horror. Flames licked up her arms, and she could see her hands dissolving into ash.

She looked down, the sudden chill in her bones momentarily distracting her from the fire. She was standing on ice, scratched up with lines from skate blades. The person looking back at her wasn't Sophie, but Jolie. Her sister's face was contorted into a silent scream, panic washing over her face like a tidal wave. Sophie watched helplessly as her sister's chest, neck, hair, face, and finally her beautiful turquoise eyes turned to ash, blowing away from her in the wind.

Sophie stumbled back from the reflection, falling back and hitting the ice hard. When she looked at her hands again, they were perfectly whole. She trembled.

A figure suddenly emerged from the house, blazing with fire. His eyes were crazed with fear, and he ran at her, falling over on the ice, and crawling the rest of the way desperately. His mouth silently pleaded for help, but all Sophie could do was back away from him. He grabbed her arm, and she stared at him in horror as she dissolved into ash, Brant's wild eyes the last thing echoing in her mind.

When Sophie woke, she immediately stuffed her fist into her mouth as the sobs racked her body, making her shiver violently, twistedly similar to how Brant had a month ago on the ice. She wanted to scream her throat raw, but she couldn't, wouldn't make Edaline sacrifice her sleep again.

The harsh ringing in her ears faded, leaving her light-headed. It took her a moment to register the murmur of voices floating up from downstairs, a quiet urgency laced through the whispers.

Once Sophie was sure she could trust her legs to carry her, she scooted off the bed and silently opened the door. She crept down the stairs, hiding behind the banister as she watched her mother shiver into her father's chest. Edaline was crying.

"... so much. I miss her so much." She mumbled over and over again. Grady quietly stroked her hair, eyes filled with sorrow that was painful to look at. Sophie took in the sight of the pain of losing a child. "Why did she have to leave us? Why couldn't..." Edaline's voice broke off with a sob, but Sophie filled in the blanks for herself.

Why couldn't it have been her? What if it had been Sophie who had perished in that fire? If it had been her in that house...

She deserved it, she thought. She meant so much less, and she wasn't even her parents' child by blood. Jolie was so perfect, so inexplicably whole, that sometimes Sophie thought the universe had dreamt up the cruelest joke imaginable and any day now Jolie would finally be returned to them.

How ironic that the girl with tranquil ice running through her veins had died at the greedy hands of an all-consuming fire.

Sophie padded back up the stairs, having seen enough, and immediately went for the back of her closet. She pulled out the white skates, hugging them close to her chest and soundlessly begging for some sort of comfort.

She had taken her sister's skates as a reminder of why she had to keep going, but not it felt like a disrespect to Jolie, to her parent's pain, to Brant's loss. Sophie placed them back in the closet, making sudden peace with her decision for the morning and sliding back into bed, praying for just an hour of restful sleep.

When Sophie woke up the next morning, it was early, and this time the house was quiet, her parents asleep. She changed out of her pajama, feeling that this at least deserved her fully dressed.

She tugged at an eyelash, a nervous habit she had recently lapsed back into that Jolie had always reprimanded her for, and grabbed the skates by their strings. The strings rubbed against her hand as she walked out of the room, scolding her for not returning them sooner, for stealing them at all. They were not hers, they did not belong to her, and she had no right to use them.

She walked across the hall, slowing as she passed her parents' room, slumbering and unaware of what she had done, what she had taken, and what she had lied about countless times. She hoped that if they found out someday, they'd forgive her and understand. For now, she would undo one of her lies and return the skates she had stolen.

She steeled herself before grabbing the handle and turning, remembering the burning in her dream. She shook off the memories and pushed the door open, entering the room she had only been in once since the fire.

Jolie's room.

Even the dust that coated the furniture seemed to hold its breath as she stepped into the sacred place. She shut the door behind her quietly, taking in everything her sister had left behind. When she had taken the skates, she had barely stopped to take in the state of the room, terrified of being caught. Now, she had to stop she soak it all in.

The bed, still covered with a deep purple blanket to match the purple theme of the room, made Sophie feel a sharp pang in her chest. She remembered lying on the bed, cuddled up with Jolie, and sometimes Edaline if they were lucky, talking about dresses, school, animals, and everything in between.

A few times they had even had embarrassingly mushy conversations about Brant, essentially consisting of Jolie gushing endlessly. Sophie wanted to cuddle onto the bed and wrap herself in the blanket, inhaling Jolie's scent and pretending her arm was still pressing her to her side.

She shook her head and looked to the other side, where Jolie's closet was. The door was cracked open from when Sophie had taken the skates, knowing no one would notice. Edaline wanted to keep the room untouched and Grady respected his wife's decision. Yet another time she had taken advantage of their pain.

She pulled the door open wider, taking in the various dresses of all colors and styles. Sophie tugged on a turquoise one that matched Jolie's eyes, one she knew had been Jolie's favorite. She had worn it when she had announced her engagement to Brant.

Sophie pulled out a yellow one Grady had gotten for Jolie when Edaline was away on a trip that had horrified her. She had never worn it, but it had always made them laugh when they remembered the incident. Sophie quickly closed the closer before the the tears pricking her eyes could spill over.

She was about to open it again so she could return the skates and get it over with when an object in the back of the room caught her eye. She laughed brokenly as she made her way over to the large mirror.

Jolie had loved the mirror so much when it had been gifted to her for her sixteenth birthday that she had named it, excitedly dubbing it Vertina. Whenever she found a dress she was particularly fond of, she would put it on and dance in front of Vertina, watching the skirt twirl around her and letting laughs of pure delight slip out. Sometimes Sophie would join her to watch, and occasionally give in and put on a dress, letting Jolie grab her hands and spin them around. Once in a while, Sophie would even let a giggle slip.

Sophie rubbed at the wet warmth on her cheek furiously. She had promised herself she wouldn't cry here, that she wouldn't ruin the perfect stillness of a room captured in time, still filled to the brim with happy memories. She would not taint it with her tears.

She went back to the closet and pulled it open, kneeling down to shove the skates in, when she heard the door creak, making every muscle freeze.

Nobody ever came into this room. Nobody ever entered this place. Nobody ever stepped foot here. Nobody-

"Sophie?"

A/N: Sooooo I'm terrible at being consistent!! Go me!!!1!

Ahah this chapter and the next one specifically mean a lot to me so please don't hurt them🥺