𝕴𝖁 : Count Your Blessings.

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WITH EACH SECOND PASSING BY, ALASKA FELT LIKE SHE WAS STUCK IN A NONSENSICAL TIME WARP INSIDE THE MONOTONOUSLY STURDY WALLS OF HER HIGH SCHOOL.

Time flowed like cement and minutes felt like hours. Peering at her hand-watch for the fifth time, Alaska let out an exhausted sigh. A minute had passed since she last checked an hour ago, or so it seemed.

Alaska felt completely worn out, and it was not even the last period. Her brain truly felt as if it had been on a treadmill and it wanted so much to just press stop. It was as if it had been years upon decades upon centuries since she first woke that morning, and in that time she had aged an immeasurable amount.

In the hall, teachers and students swarmed around her, rushing off to their next class. Alaska walked in bleary-eyed and world-weary, watching as the crowd parted slowly. The brunette let out a bitter chuckle, testing her own weight on her shoulders; and they hunched for a moment, and her spine curved (along its vertebrae, one-by-one), fingers wringing together like puzzle pieces in front of her chest.

She wanted to flow right along with the other, dissolving into the stream and letting herself be carried along with the rhythm that they set, making herself incomprehensible through their movement and their murmurs.

But Alaska always stood out. They always noticed her, turning away like one would turn away in the face of brightness. It left her biting her tongue until blood pooled in her mouth, and the tang of iron became a constant hint in her breath.

She hated the attention, then craved it all the same. It was a sickening feeling.

Alaska didn't like to dwell on it. The girl figured that that sort of thinking never did anyone good and so she sent that odd sensation that had been creeping up on her throat rolling off her back.

She learned to smile again, a small, docile thing. It lured people in, and they slowly started to forget the way she still would make crowds part with a smile, and bullies sob with a sneer. Alaska kept herself steady and she checked the time again.

The brunette decided to get to her locker by cutting through the commons-she needed some fresh air. That way she could avoid talking to people too.

Outside, she trudged not on the commons' winding stone path, like you were supposed to, but through the grass. The air was thick with the scent of freshly mowed grass and tree pollen - something familiar to her from her last visit to Aunt Georgia in Peterborough. Suddenly a stringed instrument threaded through her memory. Alaska glanced around, expecting someone to be playing a tune. But there was no one there.

And then...then an exotic aroma, maybe a unique breed of flower, wafted right under her nose. Alaska clenched her fist, not really feeling lucid. She was tackled by instant sensory overload.

The moment Alaska decided to inquire the source of this mysterious activity, peculiar music, and blooming scent all vanished. Alaska stood still for a second, then shook off the sensations, shoved them back into the treasure chest of her mind until she could go where she needed to. She was tired. All of those absurd things were a product of her exhaustion.

The morning was somewhat dense. Alaska could barely see her legs below her. Her footprints vanished in the squishy grass as quickly as she made them.

Good, Alaska thought. Suddenly, she didn't mind disappearing completely.

"Happy thoughts, happy thoughts," Alaska chanted to herself, stopping in front of her green metal locker with a soft sigh. It still had her old stickers from last year-USA cheer, Liv Tyler as Arwen the elf, and a magnet that said, COED NAKED BUTTERFLY.

The brunette contemplated skipping Calculus. She was not sure whether she was in the mental headspace to deal with the rest of the classes. As far as Alaska knew, Mr. Kirshner, had just gotten divorced and it was most likely that he would be too preoccupied secretly weeping behind his giant book of numbers while scribbling calculus solutions to notice her absence. Right? Alaska crossed her arms, still pondering her next move. But the thought immediately dissipated from her mind at the sight of a familiar face peeking out from beside her locker.

Tall with delicate features, Caroline Forbes had the biggest grin on her face. "Hello, gorgeous," she greeted.

Alaska's eyes immediately lit up. "Hey, Care."

The blonde squealed, leaping around to almost-literally throw herself around Alaska.

The hug was tight enough to bend rebar, but full of so much genuine affection it was impossible not to return it. Alaska couldn't help but let out a laugh, feeling a twinge of much needed familiarity and warmth coursing through as she closed her eyes. Caroline was shorter than she was by perhaps an inch, and she smelled of flowers and summer, the way she always did, and it made Alaska want to cry all at once, her eyes slightly welling up.

Pulling away, Caroline maintained a gentle grip on her arms. "It's so so good to see you," she reiterated what many said to her throughout the day, though coming from her, it sounded far more genuine, filled with real emotion. "You have no idea of how much I missed you."

Guilt immediately consumed Alaska at her words, heavy in the pit of her stomach, and Alaska felt the urge to give her an explanation for not calling enough, for not letting her in. Alaska was rather distant during the summer, too invested in her household responsibilities to pay any mind to the continuous stream of e-mails, texts and voicemails from her blonde friend. Caroline did come over several times, but the visits slowly trickled down once Caroline realized Alaska was not yet ready to open up, and after Caroline decided to spend time with her father during the last weeks of the vacation, there was only silence. Silence that she didn't deserve.

"I'm really sorry," Alaska began. "I should've-"

Caroline immediately stopped her, holding up a hand, face melting into a kind smile. "You don't have to apologise, Allie. I know you had a lot going on," Alaska returned her smile gratefully, as much as she could manage, and Caroline reached down squeezing her hands. "Now come on we've got have so much to talk about.''

Alaska chuckled as Caroline looped their arms together and started to tug her towards the direction of her locker.

"How was Georgia?" the brunette asked, watching as Caroline dug out her necessities. "Must've been incredibly boring without me."

Caroline rolled her eyes good-naturedly. "Oh, it was awful. I was totally lost without our lord and savior, Alaska Gilbert," she emphasized, elbowing the brunette on the arm, prompting Alaska to let out a laugh. Caroline grinned, scrunching up her nose. "It wasn't that bad. I mean, the weather was murder. I got a really bad sunburn that took ages to get rid of. But I got to spend some time with dad. His boyfriend turned out to be pretty cool. So, it worked out. Didn't meet any hot guys though."

"Poor you," Alaska pouted, reaching out to ruffle her friends blonde locks. "Must've been very difficult for you."

Caroline swatted her on the arm with an affectionate scowl. "Oh shut up." she mumbled, patting down her hair back to place. "I'll find something else to entertain myself with."

"In this town full of subterranean sleazepits?" Alaska raised her eyebrows, lips quirking up in a wry smile. "Good luck with that, blondie."

Caroline tilted her head to the side, wide cobalt blue eyes narrowing almost comically. "Oh my God," she breathed out. "Are you not caught up with the gossip yet?" Alaska stared at her blankly and Caroline huffed, pressing on. "The new guy?"

"Oh," Alaska rolled her eyes. "I've only seen the rearview."

"He's hot, okay?" Caroline gushed, voice clogging up with admiration. "Like really hot, Allie. Like hotter than the freaking sun!"

"Is that right?" Alaska's gaze glistened with amusement.

"He might be the hottest boy in our school right now."

"That's heavy."

"And he's got style. He was wearing an armani jacket," Caroline whispered, swaying her pink handbag. "Do you think he's from out of states?"

"Well, Bonnie did predict something about Seattle," the brunette remarked.

Like shark with blood in the water, Caroline was snapping her head in Alaska's direction. "Really?"

"Really," Alaska repeated, feigning a considering sound. "If you trust Bonnie's newfound psychic abilities,"

"Seriously guys?" Bonnie made her presence known from beside the blonde, suddenly appearing out of nowhere. "Mocking me in my absence?" scowling, she blew out a stray hair from her forehead. "I expected better from you,"

Caroline snorted, wrapping an arm around the Bennett girl's shoulder. "Look who decided to grace us with their presence. Madam sorceress,"

Noting the look of annoyance on Bonnie's face, the corners of Alaska's lips quirked up into a humorous smile. "Oh Bonnie. Don't be a wet blanket. I'm sure the druids were laughed at too," pause. "It adds an element to the crucial part of your character evolution,"

Bonnie crossed her arms over her stomach. "I hate you both,"

"No, you don't," Alaska drawled with a grin, casually looking for her sister's face in the crowded hallway as she slipped some books inside her leather bag. But there was seemingly no sign of Elena. She furrowed her eyebrows. "Have you seen my sister, by the way? I haven't seen her since math."

"Oh, yeah. I was about to tell you . . . ."

Bonnie was halfway through telling her about Elena's desire to sign up to the school's Literary Club when the bell rang and immediately Alaska was off down the hallway, heading towards the next class while her friends followed suit. Bonnie and Caroline chattered away with Alaska contentedly silent beside them. The brunette whistled lowly, hiking the strap of her bag onto her shoulder, trying to subconsciously avoid any route her ex might take.

"Since you two are not very willing to help," Caroline began, placing her hands on her hips in an irritated manner. "I'm gonna have to use my spies to gather information,"

Bonnie arched an eyebrow, glancing at Alaska. "Are we still talking about the hot back?"

Alaska briefly peered at Bonnie, simply shrugging in response.

Displeased with their lack of enthusiasm, Caroline threw her head back with a loud groan. "You two are simply not getting the intensity of this situation. I'm drawing up a plan. I want to know his family background, zodiac sign, favourite color first,"

"First?" Alaska's crinkled her nose. "Before what happens?"

Caroline rolled her eyes like it was the most absurd question ever. "Before I make him fall in love with me, duh."

Alaska was about to say something witty but stopped short upon spotting a former friend observing her from a distance. Portia Ricci posed casually against a wall with chin up, shoulders back, hips forward. The two girl she was talking to fell silent and nudged each other as Alaska passed by. No words were exchanged. But Portia's green cat-eyes were slitted and smoky and they were surveying Alaska like something under the microscope, looking for cracks and flaws. No words were exchanged. But Alaska could feeling a spark of anger flaring up inside her. She was obviously not going to let it show. So, with a coy smile, the brunette locked eyes with Portia once more and raised two of her fingers into a small ; condescending wave, just to get on her nerves. Jaw slacked, Portia immediately looked away.

Satisfied, Alaska turned to her oblivious friends. "You better hurry cause Portia Ricci might want to join in on the hunt as well."

Caroline made a face. "God, no."

Bonnie pursed her lips. "How about they both throw themselves at him and whoever he picks gets him."

Caroline smiled smugly. "That's the same as saying he's mine.

Laughing and shaking her head, Alaska gifted the girl with the first wholly genuine smile she'd worn that day. For some reason, she was immediately - and possibly paradoxically - relaxed by Caroline's bubbly, in-your-face personality.

Alaska leaned over, looping her arms around the blonde's neck, and giving her a squeeze, tugging her closer with the brightest grin on her face. "Just so you know, I did miss you a lot too."

Last period was history with Tanner. Alaska couldn't wait to get it over with. Partly because she hated history and partly because she wasn't very fond of the teacher. Not only did the man make his subject as boring as humanly possible - she was positive only Professor Binns would be duller, and he didn't qualify as human on account of being a ghost - but he liked to make up for his own inadequacies by treating his students poorly. William Tanner wasn't well-liked by the students and neither by the school staff. He was a teacher who was elitist, smug, arrogant and was often seen demeaning his students. Though he was rude and snarky, he avoided being tolerable with the same intensity he coached Mystic high's Timberwolves football team.

''Hey! Alaska,'' A voice greeted the brunette as she slid in her desk. Looking at her right, she spotted Francis Park giving her a warm smile.

''Hey,"' Alaska smiled back, pausing momentarily when she noticed a bunch of people intently scrutinizing their interaction. This emitted a long sigh from the girl.

Here's the thing, Alaska has had been on top of the high school social hierarchy for as long as she could remember. There had always been a translucent precedent laid down before her. The gauntlet of high school had been run, been conquered, by her before any else could even attempt to. Things like these came easily to her. She was admired. She was a Gilbert. A prodigy accesorized with a fixation on the picturesque.

But it has its setbacks as well. Because people talked and rumours ran rampant.

One rumour was that Alaska Gilbert loved ending her affairs at the expanse of crushed hearts and shattered souls. That she tallied her lovers' names in a little black book kept in her coat pocket, crossing out their names when they're through with nonchalant strokes. Boys were nothing but objects to her.

As if.

Alaska thought it was a hilarious notion. This particular rumour was impelled only after her temporary fling with Francis Park right before the summer of sophomore year. Not that Alaska was the type of girl who flung people often. Francis was her exception. He was cute though. Dark haired with a frazzling smile and eyes to die for. Alaska had history with him. Derek always thought they'd end up delving into something serious but when the excitement of being around each seemed to died down, they decided to part ways. On good terms, of course. They were still friends. Apparently, people couldn't still digest that. Specially, after her breakup without beloved football star, Tyler Lockwood.

''Did you heard about the new student?'' Francis asked conversationally flipping through his notebook, seemingly indifferent to the stares. ''Uh. . . something Salvatore.''

''Salvatore?'' A new voice butted in.

Alaska let a loud sigh, turning to look at Royce Lockwood ; the spoiled nephew of a very spoiled mayor who was narrowing his deep brown eyes at Francis. He wore a varsity jacket over his black tee shirt. It managed accentuate his strong features. But despite his good looks, Alaska saw nothing but the shallowness of his deep rooted hating personality. She'd always been careful to not get caught up in his territory. Unlike many others.

''Yeah. From one of the founding families.'' Francis replied, nodding before turning to Alaska with an easy smile.''You might want to know, I know how much you're these things.''

''Do you know anything else about him?'' Royce asked crudely, leaning his had against Francis' desk almost in a demanding manner, intentionally blocking his view from Alaska

''Uh . . .'' Francis started, cocking his eyebrow. ''Just that he's staying at the boarding house.''

''Do you mind, Royce,'' Alaska injected icily. Leaning her leg against the aisle to press against the skin of his knee jerking him gently, to get his attention. ''Francis and I were talking.''

''Yeah.'' Royce nodded eagerly, finally meeting her eye. ''I saw. I just can't comprehend why'd you want to waste your time with him. Thought you'd prefer better company,'' He bobbed his head towards Francis' deflated direction. ''I'm only one row away from you if you want to talk,'' he drew in his bottom lip chewing on it seductively while batting his dark eyelashes at her.

Alaska blinked at the presumptuous way way he was flirting with her. He'd always been interested. But he'd never been this gutsy before. Upon seeing Francis getting uncomfortable from her peripheral vision, Alaska turned to Royce with a sharpness in her eyes.

''It's easy to resign where I am,'' Alaska started slowly. Royce cocked his head and Alaska carried on. ''I just remind myself, how much of an dipstick you are and then I feel automatically repulsed by you.'' his face hardened. And Alaska added coldly ''I call to mind your cousin, Tyler, whom I dumped less than two months ago. So that I'm not tempted to leap across the desk and straddle you," pause. "Now, unless you want to do a brazen display of your humiliation kink in the middle of this classroom, please leave us alone, Royce."

From the corner of her eye, she could see Francis barely containing his laughter. Royce was silent, seemingly seething in anger. Alaska could sense it. She could read him like an open book and she could tell that he wanted to say something. Something witty. Something cruel to seize the last word. Something about the faint scar that ran just above Alaska cheekbone, serving a relentless reminder of her loss. Maybe a crude joke about her parents' car driving off the wickery bridge. But he didn't dare. He knew. Alaska might've been grieving, she might've been quite absent from the social scene, her crown might've cracked a little but she was still Alaska Gilbert. She'd make him pay with one way or another, for a tiger never changed its stripe. So, with a clenched fist and bruised ego, Royce proceeded to sit like he said ; one row away from Alaska, prompting a secret satisfactory smile from her.

Francis grinned the moment Royce was out of earshot. "He's gonna remember this for the rest of his life."

The brunette let out a breathless chuckle, shoulders sagging in ease. She didn't find it necessary to touch that pronouncement. Francis didn't seem to care.

Alaska propped her chin on her palms, eyes wandering over the classroom. It smelled like books and Mop & Glo. There was a great Shakespearean sayings poster next to the blackboard, and a MEAN PEOPLE SUCK sticker someone had stuck to the wall. It looked like the janitor had tried to scrape off the sticker but gave up halfway through. The oversize, four-paned windows faced the south lawn and beyond that, a stretch of lust, green forest. A few trees had started to turn yellow and orange. The sunlight streamed through the glass in glorious reams, exploding fireworks across the back of her eyelids each time Alaska blinked against the glare.

Alaska could see branches that arched over the lawn, riddled with ivy and towering high, scatter the light across the tarmac like petals. With a view like that, Alaska could almost ignore the loud chatter that filled the air of the classroom. Only, like any time you'd ever had a mosquito stuck in your bedroom, Alaska couldn't ignore it. At least you could squish a mosquito. She tore her gaze away from the scenery, suppressing the desire to get lost somewhere inside the forest.

Alaska smiled upon seeing her sister finally walking in before glancing at Francis who was now fiddling with his sharpie. "Excited for Tanner?" her voice exuded sarcasm.

Francis made a face. "Yeah, I would've been. If Tanner didn't insist on acting as if yeast infection were a person."

Alaska burst into laughter and Frances couldn't help but join in. It escalated into a crescendo when the door of the classroom swung open once more and a new face walked in, this time sunglasses off. The room immediately fell silent. From the distance, Alaska could discern his angular jaw and the oddly familiar features of a roman coin, making him stand out like a butterfly among an anthill of bland small-towners. He walked in with a confidence you rarely ever saw in teenagers in Mystic Falls. Not to mention she'd rarely seen a guy who could hush the entire room just by walking in.

Alaska watched as he scanned the room briefly for an empty seat until they landed on her. They eyes met. His were a serene shade of green and immediately, she was washed over with a feeling of visceral recognition. It had been more than a month since she first met him and her recollection of the boy was almost blanched by the sun, the way a dream faded when you didn't write it down. But it wasn't a dream. He was here.

"Stefan," she whispered.

Alaska's heart swelled when she saw a tiny smile of acknowledgement curving at the corner of his lips. She held her breath when he walked past her, his musky scent of cinnamon and pine flooding her senses.

Alaska peered over her shoulder curiously and watched as he dropped his bag with a thump, his gaze finding hers once more. The boy watched her with the inquisitive expression of someone who didn't need answers. A gatherer of questions, of imaginings. That expression belonged inside her paper-lamp, with all the other ethereal beings she could not have conjured up on her own, not even in dreams. Alaska turned back around.

"Yeah, that's the new guy," Francis murmured, as if picking up on Alaska's burning curiosity. He lowered his voice. "Attractive. Isn't he?" he added teasingly. "Romanesque, almost. Wouldn't be surprised if he has a few skeletons in his closet."

Alaska nodded absentmindedly, leaning against her seat and staring out of the window, her heart hammering against
her chest. "Interesting,"

Alaska shifted, moving her bag from where it was lying across her body until it hung right on the edge of one of her shoulders instead- she still felt the ghost of its weight on her chest, pressing against her ribs. She was feeling very brittle today, worn through and out. School was rough. It had been a long, long day.

Old friends she'd fallen out of contact with over the summer kept trying to stop her in the corridors, wishing her well and offering their condolences on the sudden passing of her parents, acting as if they hadn't spent the past four months using her absence to their advantage, trying their best to one up socially. Some expressed concern that they hadn't seen her at the church service, worried she was taking everything very hard, even though Alaska was sure aunt Jenna would've explained to them she was in a coma at the time. It was hard to attend a funeral when you were unconscious - it didn't mean there was something wrong with you or you required busybody suicide watch.

Besides, where had all these 'friends' been the past few months? From what she had heard, these people weren't even present at the funeral. Just a mass of black statuesque silhouettes against the growing dark sky. It was like they were all coming out the woodwork now for the pure pleasure of getting under her feet. They were like cats - attention seeking and only present when they wanted something.

She wanted to do nothing with them.

With both hands firmly gripping her bike's handlebars, Alaska strolled across town, passing by occasional a bakeries and trinket stores, while greeting and waving at a handful of townspeople who smiled at her. Since Mystic Falls was a quaint little town, most of the houses were placed equidistant from the next, separated by white picket fence that enclosed well-tended-to gardens. There were oak trees with rope swings and decorated ponds, watched over by garden gnomes.

They were pretty to look at. But they made her feel nothing but trapped.

She paused in her steps, briefly surveying the narrow street to her right, edged by the forest, knowing her sister's feet were probably sweeping towards the cemetery at the moment. She could picture Elena- sad and lost, stumbling like a stringless marionette toward the gates, beyond which their parents were buried. For a brief second the brunette considered the thought of joining her. But then a hummingbird flew past her and she lost her nerve. Elena preferred to be alone these days anyway.

Alaska didn't have a specific book in mind when she started making her way towards the library. She just wanted to clear her head, put her small world in order again. Library seemed like a good place to start. That place had the magnetic core that Alaska always gravitated towards. Like Issac's apple to the ground, the waves to the rocky shore, the boat to the lighthouse.

Alaska smiled upon finally reaching the establishment. It was stuffed in a corner, and the door was plastered with 'open' stickers for Fat Tony's Pizza. Alaska opened the door, and the smell of old books and plume perfume overwhelmed her senses.

Grandpa Reggie greeted her with a gentle, fatherly smile. "Good day, Alaska. Isn't it?"

"It is," Alaska nodded.

"It's been a while since I saw you last," he remarked. "How's Miss Jenna and the rest doing?"

"They're doing fine, grandpa Reggie. Thank you for asking." she smiled. "How have you been?"

Grandpa Reggie was the seventy year old kind and jovial man who owned the library. He wasn't Alaska's actual grandpa but with his scraggly gray moustache hairs that looked like mouse's whiskers and poor memory that never aided him when it came to remembering to tell off book hoarders, he definitely looked like a grandpa. Just not hers. But if you want a less thick answer, he was kind of the whole town's grandpa. If at any moment you stepped foot inside the borders of Mystic Falls, if you ever happen to fly over this quaint little place, Grandpa Reggie would be your metaphorical grandpa.

"Oh. Good, good."

Alaska nodded with a nonchalant smile, eyes wandering over the peaceful surrounding. Some people were busy going over their preferred books and some other were buried in deep hushed conversions. She bustled through the narrow shelves with thick books, skimming some while touching the bindings with her fingertips. She was not particularly headed for the philosophy section- which was shoved way in the back. But Alaska couldn't help but stop at one specific author. Plato.

"Symposium," Alaska murmured to herself, furrowing her eyebrows in concentration. She pulled the book out from between the others, setting it against the palm of her hand. Just a few months ago, the brunette had gotten into an argument with her aunt Jenna regarding the difference between Aristotle and Plato and how she thought Aristotle was better. The argument went on for hours, with no one bothering to intervene and ended with Jenna calling her a pretentious little child and storming out of the house. . . which was the truth to some extents. Alaska didn't mind. She used to love riling her up. Now she figured the best way to make a plausible statement is to refer to more background knowledge. She grabbed a few more books from the shelf and chuckled at her own pettiness.

Breaking her train of thoughts, Alaska's phone lit up with a text. She couldn't help but roll her eyes upon seeing who it was from.

hellooo was the first day of school !!!! lolz

With the text, Derek had attached a photo of himself, and a goat with their faces looming downwards into the camera, way too zoomed in. Faint footsteps could be heard from to her side, and from the corner of her eye she could see a person roaming the shelves with a quiet steadiness. Alaska thought he'd bump into her but he stopped a feet away and proceeded to pull out a book. Alaska didn't pay much attention after that.

While attempting to balance a stack of books and paper with one of her arms-- Alaska rolled her eyes once more, beginning to type a response:

ur ugl

Just as the brunette was about to type the 'y,' she was turning the corner and ended up bumping into the same person she'd noticed less than a minute ago.

Her phone clattered to the floor with a very loud, cringe-worthy smack! and the person she'd bumped into's books, along with the ones in her bag rained down in a glorious, catastrophic mess. From the looks of it, the ground was littered with most of her own books, askew texts, flimsily-splayed paper booklets, worksheets-- all sorts of random crap that was blocking her view from wherever her phone was.

"C'mon!" Alaska hissed, dropping to her knees and brushing papers and books aside frantically. The guy she'd bumped with probably thought she was helping him pick his own stuff up too, when in reality, she was trying to find her phone first. That made her feel like a terrible human being. But judging by the way the boy was chuckling, he only found it hilarious.

"Watch yourself. Will you?" Alaska snapped harshly, still searching for her phone in the middle of the disarray. "One day you're gonna pick a hole in the sky and the universe is gonna fall right through."

Her sarcasm was met with a mocking snort.

"With all due respect, it was you and your Eiffel Tower of books that crashed into me like a stumblebum."

With a start, Alaska recognized the voice. She swallowed a breath, lifting her head towards his direction in a painstakingly slow motion. Up close, she could see his green eyes were flecked with a little gold, like dried leaves on the surface of a pool.

"You," Alaska voiced slowly.

The corner of Stefan's lip lifted just slightly, probably amused by her reaction. "You," he echoed.

Then there it was, a flurry in her stomach and a stutter between her lungs; she felt like she did when she'd be nervous, like she was sparking some fuse that set light to her whole being.

"Your phone's over there, by the way," he murmured, pointing over to the nearest shelf, behind which her phone had apparently skittered.

"Oh, thank God," Alaska whispered, relieved. She crawled over and grabbed her phone. Still sitting on the floor like a child, she typed up the ending of her message (--ugly) and hit send. After it sent, she grinned.

At that point, she realized that Stefan was the one gathering her books and papers.

"Jeez, it looks like the whole library threw up here. Doesn't it?" Alaska marveled quietly.

"Mhm,"

Alaska leaned in, squinting at him. "You must think I'm such a shitty person,"

"No," he rolled his eyes. "But I do think you should carry a lot less books," he paused, surveying an old copy of the Protagoras. "Well, unless you're looking forward to be a candidate for the The Berggruen Prize."

"Now that-" Alaska fought back a snort, reaching out to snatch the book from his grasp. "-is awfully stereotypical of you, Stefan."

Stefan chuckled at that before getting up the ground, offering her a hand in the process. He didn't look the least bit bothered that she'd been there the entire time just sitting on the floor, curiously watching him gather everything she'd dropped. The faint gleam coming from the window gilded his hair, making his eyes shine with something she couldn't tell. Alaska didn't say anything as she took his hand, feeling the warmth and roughness as it enclosed around hers.

Once she was back up on her feet, a sarcastic smile curved at her lips. "This is the part when you express how absolutely delighted you are to be near my presence again."

Stefan's lips quirked up. His hand hadn't left hers yet. "I would've gotten to that part a lot earlier if you weren't such a difficult person to find."

Alaska quirked one of her eyebrows, lips threatening to break into a smile. "Which implies you were looking for me."

Stefan hummed, his hand slipping from hers. "I was," he confirmed with a impish smile before continuing. "To ask whether you were able to complete your high school party bingo that night,"

Light was spilling in through the stain-glass windows behind her; the gushing warmth of a marigold and burning crimson blanketed over the both of them. Stefan looked different in daylight. Dreamy almost.

Alaska couldn't help but let out a chuckle at the fact that he remembered her silly little strategy. "To some extent," she replied shortly, her voice lowering and eyes softening. "I'm sorry for snapping at you earlier. I'm not usually like this."

Stefan tilted his head to the sigh, watching Alaska sorting through her things."Rough day?" he asked.

Alaska leaned against one of the shelves and let out a sigh. "Rough four months."

He was studying her then, silent and dark-eyed, without saying anything. Alaska expected to feel uncomfortable under thar level of scrutiny, but instead her heart felt strangely soothed, his gaze felt heavy and warm rather than suffocating, settling over like a weighted blanket. Almost like he understood her.

It was somewhat reminiscent to their first meeting. But this time the roles had been reversed. Alaska wondered how he viewed her from his perspective.

Finally he dropped his eyes, and in her brief moment free from dissection, Alaska decided to check her phone, only to find a large amount of texts from her aunt who was wondering about her whereabouts. Alaska let out a groan, eyes darting over to the window. Pink blush had shot out into the sky, sun starting to dip behind the horizon, its fire fizzling out.

"Wow," Alaska breathed out, suddenly feeling that dreadful wave of exhaustion coming back to her.

"Everything okay?" his voice was gentle, careful not to pry.

Alaska shook her head. "No, everything's fine-" she checked her hand-watch and offered him a sheepish smile, a faint blush creeping up on her cheeks. "I just completely lost track of time. Gotta get out of here before my aunt sends a search party. . . not that there's many places to search, town this size, but all the same . . ." Alasks added the last bit in a mumble.

Smoothing down the top, Alaska took a few steps ahead before abruptly turning around to face Stefan. The bronze haired boy was now leaning against one of the shelves, green eyes on her. "Salvatore," she drawled, gaze twinkling with mischief. "I'll see you at school," pause. "Try not to run anyone over."

Stefan's mouth tilted up. Just slightly. Somewhere between a smirk and a smile. Something warm and foil-bright sparked up in his eyes as he looked at her, "I'll try my best, Gilbert."

Alaska was sprawled across the couch with a cup of steaming coffee in hand, listlessly watching an episode of Criminal Minds when Jenna entered the living room. The brunette raised her eyebrows when her aunt held up the battered coffee grinder, the one that kept falling apart every Monday. Alaska was more than eager to chuck it to the bin. But Jenna had other plans. The lid was bound tight with yellow caution tape she'd probably rummaged out of the garage.

Alaska frowned, "I'd bet you money that doesn't work anymore."

Jenna placed it on the machine and in an instant the noise of the TV was drowned out by the noise. "See, not broken, plus it's twenty seven percent cooler; no extra charge." She jutted out her hip for her right hand to fall on

Alaska developed one of her lop-sided grimace-smiles and raised her drawn-on eyebrows. "Hmmm, twenty seven percent cooler and fifty eight percent crapper."

Jenna burst out into one of her roaring belly laughs, "Yeah, and what was the bet worth?"

Alaska let out a snort, "Nothin', it'll be broken by Tuesday."

Jenna pouted, taking a seat beside her. "Be more positive, Allie. You're breaking my heart,"

Alaska chuckled, reaching out to grab the box that she pulled out from the medicine cabinet. "I could try. But I feel like I was hit like a semi,"

Jenna's eyes softened. "School was brutal, huh?"

It was no secret that Alaska had mastered the art of masking her emotions. Nobody could really tell or even assume what went on inside the whirlwind of her mind. They made peace with it.

But her family drew comfort in the fact that she was not yet skilled enough to mask her external wounds. Like Elena, the accident obviously had left it's mark on her. But her condition had been a bit more alarming. There was no mystery cure for the injury's she'd endured. There were major contusions, a little whip-lash, a few broken bones. But her healing process was surprisingly fast. Comparing her brain scan from when she was first brought in to the third day, all Meredith Fell could can say was that Alaska Gilbert was a remarkably resilient young woman - the swelling had already gone down significantly, the afflicted regions of her brain were healing with little-to-no visible scar tissue. It was astounding - off the record. But that didn't mean Alaska was free of the side-effects yet.

Among the others, headache topped the list and while headaches were not unusual several months after a car accident, they could still be the first signal of a more serious issue. That's why she had to take some medication every now and then. According to the doctor, it wasn't anything to worry about. But headaches were said to signify blood clots in the brain, head or neck wound, or the beginning of a more serious concussive injury. So, she had to be careful.

"Honestly? Alaska started with a faint smile. "It wasn't that bad. But school is school."

A beat passed.

"What took you so long to come home, by the way?" Jenna questioned, trying to change the subject incase she ended up saying something that could potentially upset her niece. "Elena left for the grill like an hour ago,"

"Oh, I stopped by the library."

Her aunt nodded slowly. "Aren't you meeting Caroline and Bonnie tonight?"

Alaska hesitated. "I think i'm gonna stay in. I'll call them,"

Jenna reached out and gave her a comforting squeeze on the shoulder. "You should go. Don't sit home. Keep it up. You're doing good,"

Alaska smiled, appreciating the gesture. "I'll get there, Jen." She grabbed her medicine from the box. Halfway through closing the lid, Alaska stopped, and pulled out a prescription bottle. She shook it then opened it, suspicious.

Jenna eyed her with a frown. "What's the matter?"

Alaska rubbed her hand over her forehead in a frustrated manner. "Dr. Henderson prescribed these after the accident,"

Jenna nodded.

"I took two," Alaska continued.

She tilted the bottle so Jenna could see. It was almost empty.

Jenna looked deeply irritated. "Jeremy,"

"Now this is getting ridiculous," Alaska gritted out.

"I got this one," Jenna said, looking rather resolute. "He'll be home soon. Let me handle it,"

Alaska surveyed her for a second before letting out a sigh, accompanied by a short nod. There was a reigning silence after that. The aunt-niece duo stayed like that for a good couple of minutes before Jenna hesitantly spoke up again.

"You know, sometimes . . . I feel like- like Jeremy would've been a lot easier to deal with if he were in better hands."

Knitting her eyebrows together, Alaska immediately pushed herself up in a sitting position, crossing her legs and leaning back against the cushions, so, she could face her aunt directly. "What do you mean?"

Jenna refused to meet her eye. "Don't you wish you were under the care of someone who wasn't a complete mess?"

"Is that a subtle way of saying that you're tired of our bullshit and we should start to fend for ourselves?"

It was a dry joke but Jenna's mind couldn't register it. Her wide green eyes darted towards the teenager almost in an instant, full of horror and bewilderment. "No!" she exclaimed. "God, no. That's not what I meant, Allie. I just-" she let out a long sigh. "I am so unorganised. I have nothing figured out and I have no idea of what i'm doing. That's not how a guardian's supposed to be, right?"

It was no secret that Jenna hadn't been ready to act like a parent when she received the call from the social workers informing her that she was the only one whom could take the three teenagers in. But she had never the less done so, and it was something that Alaska had been grateful for since her aunt had agreed to do so in the first place.

Alaska set her mug of coffee aside. "You do realize that Jeremy started doing pot way before the accident, right? It wasn't you who enabled it, Jenna."

Jenna slumped her shoulders. "But it has gotten worse in the past two months. Right under my nose," she said pointedly. "And it's because I'm horrible at this. Miranda made everything look so easy. But I'll never measure up. I'm just a screw up."

Alaska didn't miss the eye Jenna's eyes watered when she mentioned her mom's name. The brunette ignored the pang in her heart and nodded slowly, processing her aunt's words. "So, what do you think someone else would've done in your place? Wave their magical wand and vacuum all the crack residing in his brain? It doesn't work like that Jenna. He took my meds because they were an easy find. Nobody can keep track of every goddamn stupid move Jeremy makes."

Jenna let out a exasperated groan. "You know what I mean. It's not even just Jeremy, Allie. It's everything."

Alaska placed her hands on Jenna's shoulder, tone sharpening. "Listen to me. None of us expected you to be some parenting virtuoso at 25, alright? Let's not forget that you're not a machine built just to keep us from making shitty decisions. You're family. You've lost just as much as we have. You miss mom and you feel miserable almost all the time. You're still dealing with college and your brain is not wired for this. And believe me, I get it. John threw in the towel and ran like someone lit him on fire. Aunt Georgia has always been out of the equation. This entire arrangement was basically imposed on you. You weren't even given the time to think this over and honestly, I would've ran for the hills if I were at your place,"

"Well, I did consider running," Jenna admitted with a sheepish smile.

"But you didn't," Alaska added earnestly, her eyes softening. "And we're so thankful, aunt Jenna. We could've been just dumped into some culturally bankrupt gang-riddled smog-infested hellhole where everybody's a phony and there's no parking and you can't get a good pizza. But we're here. We're alright. Because of you,"

Jenna stared at Alaska for a second, feeling jarred by the way such sagacious words came out of the mouth of a seventeen-year-old. The same seventeen-year-old girl that was in absolute hysterics when she had awoken from the weeks long coma when she had come to know what she had lost. Jenna would never forget. Alaska had cried as if her brain was being shredded from the inside; as if the ferocity of it might bring her parents back; as if by the sheer force of her grief the news would be undone. Alaska had sobbed into Jenna's arms that entire night while Jeremy and Elena sat outside the hospital cabin, caught between an impulse to help and another to just sit and let it all sink in. Jenna was sure that she'd never recover.

So, imagine her surprise when trying to figure out how to budget for the four of them and grieving her sister, it had been the same seventeen-year-old, Alaska, who had lent her a helping hand. She had been precise with instructions, astute with her advice. She was the one who routinely accompanied a devastated Elena to her cemetery visits, who learned to make all of Jeremy's favourite food to coax him out of bed. It was her who soundlessly sold her best camera just so Jenna wouldn't have problems juggling the aftermath of the funeral costs. Alaska had wiped her tears, dug her nails into her palms, focused on the sting of skin breaking and blood welling, and smiled prettily to appease the vultures circling her fractured family.

That's who Alaska was, that's how she was raised. Jenna knew her sister had high wired Alaska to be the protector, the care taker.

"Jenna."

Jenna could feel hear eyes welling up with tears when Alaska gently grabbed her hand. Her gaze flickered to the brunette's direction only to find her doe full of gentleness, and it cause the lump in her throat to grow significantly. There was so much of Miranda in her. "What I mean to say is that progress is not straight line. It makes sudden changes and it. . . sometimes it develops in different directions at the same time." pause. "You are not a screw up. You may not be the best for the world. But you're the best for me. And we'll get through this together."

Jenna didn't say anything. She couldn't bring herself to. She wordlessly pulled her niece into a hug, grip tightening at the realization deep in her heart that she'd never truly fail. Not when she had Alaska by her side. The bright eyed girl would always have her back. Alaska had given up on giving up.

Because family was all that Alaska Gilbert lived for.

author's note :

me: makes alaska the punching bag of the family

also me :

jenna and allie are the best duo. i love writing their bond so much. 🥺

don't forget to vote and comment! the chapter may look shitty but I worked hard on it! <3