I didn't utter a word to Hawks until we got home.

After the incident of me wrecking Endeavor's office, I had texted Dabi, requesting that I be able to return in the morning instead, bullshitting some reason about wanting to visit some made up relatives. He didn't seem to mind, but requested that I come back early and find him right away.

It was strange, being in our apartment again, and truly alone with Hawks. Our silence was heavy, and so very painful, given the circumstances. After a shower and a change of clothing, I stationed myself in the kitchen, right over a bowl of dry (F/Cereal).

"Will you let me explain..?" Glancing up, I met Hawks' eyes, seeing the sadness welling. Part of me didn't want to hear it, but at the same time, I had to know.
"You can try." I sighed in response, using my spoon to swirl the cereal around in the bowl. Keeping the countertop between us, he released his own heavy sigh, removing the gloves from his hands.

"Dabi gave me one final task to prove myself to the League, and that task was to...assassinate a pro hero..." He started, voice strained as his feathers began to part from his body so he could shrug off his coat. "Jeanist was never going to be able to make a full recovery, so I went to see him..."

Excuses...

My grip tightened around the slim metal handle, tongue being crushed between my molars as I tried not to raise my voice too much.
"You decided to murder the one person who looked out for us..." I corrected, fiery (E/C) gaze piercing through his face. Recoiling, Hawks held up his hands, motioning for me to wait.

"Please, just hear me out! When I got there, and confronted him, I chickened out! I wasn't gonna do it, I swear!" His voice adopted a much higher octave, urgent and distressed. "He..he messed with my head...he knew what was supposed to happen...and he pushed me to do it..."

He wouldn't...

That's what I initially thought. There was no way Best Jeanist would welcome death, after fighting so hard to stay alive after Kamino, but then I started to really dig into it all. He had treated us like his own children, making sure we were always as safe and happy as possible, pushing us to better ourselves, keeping us sane. He had been our lifeline, and if he had known what Hawks was going through, then maybe...

"H..he wanted you to succeed..." My arm lowered, and the spoon clinked against the porcelain, my eyes lowering but they focused on the granite counter.
"I regret it. I regret everything that's happened since the assignment of this fucking mission..." Hawks whispered, beginning to slowly pace the room, back and forth. "They were right, weren't they? Ever since I was a kid, they'd always say that I lived for them, not others. Killing has always been hard, but when it's close to home? I'm not that strong..."

No matter how much it hurt, I couldn't hate him for it. If I had found out prior to knowing about the mission, or fractions of his past, then I would never have forgiven him, but this was different. Best Jeanist wasn't a victim. He had offered himself for us to survive.

Cautiously, I moved around the counter and approached my distressed husband, blocking his pacing path and wrapping my arms around his middle.
"I don't care what the commission says. When this is over, you're done. We'll leave the province, Japan, if we have to. This is the last time." Curling around me, Hawks shook his head, the wisps of his hair tickling my skin.

"It's not that easy, Sunshine..." Squeezing him tighter, I wasn't having it. He needed to know that things could get better, even if I myself wasn't positive they ever could.
"When is anything ever easy with you?" I chuckled softly, pulling back to gaze into his honeyed eyes. "We'll make it work. Do first, think later. We're good at that."

When he kissed me, his embrace made up for the lack of warmth in his lips, our noses rubbing together when we parted for breath.
"I'm sorry...I should have told you...but...I just..." I shushed him with another peck, stepping back to take his hands in mine, where our matching wedding bands clinked together.
"I understand...just...don't be surprised if I end up getting emotional about it later on...It still hasn't really hit home, yet..."

I'm not sure if I'm even able to anymore...

"How about we take advantage of our free night and curl up to watch that shitty movie you love? That one with the dumb mall cop?" I suggested, relieved to see my husband smile again, albeit weak.
"Rude. Ball Plart is worthy of number one hero, I'll have you know." He laughed, stretching his wings out full span. "I'll go wash up and throw something on. Here, hold these. They're a bitch to dry."

Before I knew it, I was buried beneath a pile of crimson feathers, each one wiggling around as Hawks trotted off to the bathroom. It took me a while to free myself, but once I had, I followed his footsteps, stopping outside the closed bathroom door. From there, beneath the echo of rushing water, I could hear my husband sobbing.

He can't do this anymore...It's killing him from the inside out...

I had planned on knocking, wanting to comfort him in whatever way I could, but I didn't get a chance to. His flurry of feathers swarmed me, lifting me from the ground and carrying me back into the living room, where they quite literally pinned me to the couch. He didn't want me to hear him. Understanding, I waited patiently until, one by one, they began to fly back to him, save for the two who used to set the movie up.

"Can I lay on you?" He asked casually as he finally emerged, patting his hair, which was now limp, with his towel. Nodding, I laid myself down, welcoming him as he moved over me. I decided to not mention what I had heard, even though I was sure that he was aware of it. He was entitled to his privacy, and that was fair. I'd comfort him however I could.

Fingers gently brushing against his plumage, I kissed the crown of his damp head, feeling him squish further into my chest.
"Want me to get you anything to eat?" I asked, even though I knew full well all we really had in the house was (F/Cereal and off-brand Spam.
"If you move I'll probably die, so I'm good, Sunshine." He replied, eyes focused on the TV screen. A short time passed, and I was getting comfortable. That was, until my Roomba passed right by the couch, whirring and buzzing.

Hawks didn't even flinch.

"Hey, are you o-" I trailed off into a surprised squeak as Hawks scooted up, capturing my lips in a kiss that seemed far too passionate for the moment. One of his arms curled beneath my back, the other slipping under my neck, holding me as close as possible. Taking the chance when he broke for a quick breath, I pulled my head away before he could dive back in, a brow raised worriedly.

"What was that for..?" I questioned, knowing full well that there had been nothing to instigate such an act.
"What? Can't I make out with my beautiful wife while we watch a movie we've seen a thousand and one times?" He tried to play if off as simple cheek, but I knew better than that. He was a fool if he thought otherwise.

"Of course you can, but...right now you're an open book...which is weird. Usually I can't tell what you're thinking..." I explained, reaching up to brush a strand of blond from his eyes, tucking it behind his ear. "If you're upset...or hurting...then feel it. I'm not the commission, Keigo. I want you to be human."

In such a close proximity, I could pinpoint the exact moment my words broke through him. His brow creased, his lips wobbled, then, finally, the tears began to form. I wasted no time in pulling him into my arms, holding him as tightly as possible as he sobbed, wings quivering as they pulled closer into his back.

He didn't need to speak. I wasn't sure he really could, even if he wanted to, with how hard he was crying. That set me off, and we ended up just laying there for the longest time, releasing everything that had built up. I never let go of him, not even when he finally settled down, having sobbed himself into a deep sleep.

To the public eye, we were a vibrant young hero couple, fast and victorious, but behind that mask, we were nothing more than broken souls, barely holding ourselves together. If he let go of me, I would shatter, and he would do the same if I let go of him.

That moment was when I made up my mind, as my fingers carefully combed through his flyaway hair, his warm breath fanning against the side of my neck exposed neck.

You're finished, Keigo. When this is over, I'm returning the favour. It's my turn to save you...

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***It's so cold here, my fingers are frozen solid and it hurts to type.

Soft, sad hours up in this bitch.

Next Time: Dysfunctional***