***(Y/N) POV***

It had been a little over a week since I had spoken, or rather listened, to Hawks. The divorce papers had now been sent for him to sign, and I had been spending a lot more time with my little brother. Now, there was only one more person I had to keep a promise to.

"You look dapper." I chuckled, motioning to Natsuo's pale blue coat as he approached me at the station.
"R..really? I thought I underdressed..." He replied with a nervous laugh, pinching his own sleeve. "You look great..! Uh, r..really pretty!" I wasn't wearing anything spectacular. A pair of black trousers and a (F/C) cold shoulder sweater. Still, his complement flattered me.
"Thanks, Natsuo. So, where are we off to this fine evening?"

Dinner seemed a little more date-like than I had intended, but it was fine. I enjoyed Natsuo's company more than most, and he honestly was a real cutie. He was sweet, funny, mature, and he definitely wasn't unattractive. My only issue was my mind. Was this all too soon?

"Just around the corner there's this really cool Italian place! Their Ossobuco is amazing!" He offered me his arm, and I hooked mine around it, allowing him to lead the way.
"Ossowhato? Sorry, I have no idea what that is..." I confessed, casting my eyes to the side. "Actually, I've never even had Italian before..."

Natsuo's expression didn't falter. As a matter of fact, it seemed to brighten as he realised he was introducing me to a whole new culinary experience.
"It's veal shank with the bone in it! It's slow cooked for hours in a broth of white wine, meat stock and vegetables! Sounds great, huh?" His excitement reminded me of a goofy great dane puppy, and I giggled behind my hand.
"Yeah, and expensive."

"Kind of, but I've got the old bastard's bank account a tap away, so it's nothing." Natsuo replied, tapping at his pocket with his fingers. Lifting a brow, I decided to tease him a little.
"So, you hate your dad's guts, but you're happy to spend his money?" I felt his arm tense a little, and he began to fluster.
"W..well, when you put it like that it makes me sound shallow! I totally wouldn't use it if I had an actual job! Being a student is great, but doesn't bring in the bucks!"

Snorting, I bumped him with my hip, amused by his desperate defence.
"I was joking. I'd do the same if I had access to my dad's account. He's an asshole too. Not that I think your dad is that much of an asshole..."

Sorry, Enj...I'll try to talk you up next time I get a chance!

The restaurant looked like one of those cliché movie sets, covered in glowing lights and filled with fancy, suited wait staff. I just stood there like a stunned mullet as Natsuo spoke to the hostess, who then lead us to our table. Menus now in hand, he met my eyes.
"Sorry to linger on the subject, but I'm curious about your dad. You said he's an asshole?"

I decided to tell him. Of course, it wasn't really dinner conversation, but I had spoken over a table before. Why not? Once I had finished, he just stared at me, wide eyed.
"Yeah, I know. A bit of a downer, huh?" I tried to laugh it off, but I was nervous. Quickly shaking his head, he held up his hands.
"No no no! I'm just...wow...I'm so sorry, (L/N)..."

Great, now I made him feel bad.

"Hey, such is life, right? Anyway, how's the study going? You've got, what, a year left?" We paused our conversation to thank the waitress for our food, and he turned back to smile at me again.
"Well, three if I choose to apply for the welfare degree along with health. It's going pretty well, though. I'm second in my class, but only because one of my classmates has a metabolising quirk! I've seen that guy eat three entire convenience store cakes in one sitting! Three!"

I enjoyed listening to him talk. He was incredibly passionate about his education and goals, which was inspiring. Of course, there was obviously a darker reason behind his interest in welfare; particularly child welfare, but it was still impressive. At least somebody at the table knew what they wanted.
"You know, it's refreshing, hearing about someone who isn't pining after the whole hero career thing. You're interesting, Natsuo." I wiped my lips with one of the many napkins provided, not at all oblivious to the way his cheeks began to bloom.

"M..me? Nah, I'm just an average Joe...I'd like to hear more about you, though. As (L/N), not Songbird." He nearly missed his mouth with the fork entirely, and I chuckled.
"Sorry, no can do...but I can tell you about (Y/N)." It took him a moment to realise I was offering an equalised first name basis, but once he did, his smile was blinding.
"Th..then...I would love to hear more about you, (Y/N)."

Am I starting to like him too much? Or is this just...me trying to rebound..?

After taking another bite of my Ossobuco, which was just as delicious as Natsuo had claimed, I sat back, brushing my hair from my shoulder.
"Let me see. Skipping over most of the angst, I'm honestly not all that interesting. At the moment I work between three agencies, including your father's, I run the largest homeless shelter in the district, and I'm not sure how I'm not run off my feet yet." I half joked, catching a bead of condensation that tried to drip from my wine glass.

And I'm in the middle of a silent divorce...

"I like the colour (F/C), my body is probably mostly made up of (F/Food), I have a little brother I see, even though I'm not supposed to. Uh, sorry, I'm really pretty bland when it gets down to it." Natsuo shook his head wildly, scooting closer and bumping the table, nearly knocking it flying.
"Not in the slightest! You're seriously the most interesting person! I could tell that right away when you were sitting at the bar in your pyjamas!"

My cheeks started to heat up, but I decided to blame that on the candle in the middle of the table.
"Are you sure? I'd call that more train wreck than interesting." My nerves only got worse when my phone buzzed in my handbag, and I glanced down at the closed zipper with tight lips.
"Go ahead. It could be important." Natsuo's smile didn't falter as he rested his chin in his hand, and I nodded, quickly pulling out my phone.

Unknowingly, I began to grind my teeth, and I flinched when I felt a hand come to rest on mine on the table.
"You okay?" I gulped my saliva down slowly as his thumb gently stroked the top of my hand, and I nodded, lifting my phone a little.
"Yeah...just divorce stuff..." I didn't want to bring that up with him. He had made it crystal clear that he liked me more than friends, and I didn't want to upset him.

"No, I understand. It's a rough road. Did you want to pick this up another time, if it's important? I don't mind." He did. Even so, he was genuine with what he offered. He was just too good of a guy.
"No! N..no...I'll just quickly let them know I'm busy. I already blew you off once, Natsuo, I don't want to do that again." I confessed, truthfully, and his thumb swept against my hand a little harder.
"Not gonna lie, I'm relieved."

I have no idea what to feel...but I think I'm making the right choice right now. At least tonight.

I tossed my phone back into my bag, not caring if my keys or whatever else I had in there scratched the screen. After that, Natsuo and I continued talking for another hour, even going so far as to share a desert, since neither of us were sure we could take on an entire dish of our own after the main course. Refusing to let me contribute, he footed the bill, and we were soon walking down the street towards my apartment, arms linked together.

"Hey, what does it feel like to fly?" Natsuo glanced over and down to me, and I thought for a few moments.
"Well, the only way I can describe it is kind of a weightless feeling. Nothing can really bother you up there, unless you accidentally fly into a helicopter rotor blade or something." I laughed, peering up into the sky, which appeared starless thanks to the neon glow of the city. "Everything else can be thrown away, and it's just you and whatever you choose to think about. Refreshing, and kind of...I guess unmatched. No feeling quite like it."

We came to a stop at the entrance of my building, and the man paused, slipping his hand down until it wrapped around mine.
"I'm not so sure about that. I mean, you pretty much described how I'm feeling right now...minus the helicopter blades." My entire body seemed to freeze up, but it felt so warm. Natsuo turned to face me, both his nose and cheeks dusted a faint pink as the chill wind swept around us. "I had an amazing time with you tonight, (Y/N). You're honestly just amazing in general."

I gotta make a choice...

Swallowing, I smiled, but I knew it came out a little wonky and nervous.
"So did I, Natsuo. You're really something else." His hand felt so right holding mine, but at the same time, it wasn't the hand I was used to. It was much too soon, and it was probably wrong, but having him in front of me had my brain scrambled. He was everything my soon to be ex husband wasn't, and that was why I was terrified.

Todoroki Natsuo wasn't Takami Keigo.

"If you're up for it, I'd really like to see you again." He looked down at me expectantly, but not as though he was pushing for a yes. He just wanted to know my genuine thoughts.
"I would, too." That wasn't a lie. I wanted to see him again, no questions about it, but as for how? That was what I was unsure of. Slight dimples formed as he grinned, his soft grey eyes nearly sparkling, giving him that much more of a wintery glow.

Oh, I knew it was coming before he began to lean in. I'd set it up perfectly for him with the way I acted and responded. Part of me wanted it, but at the same time, did I really?
"I'm really glad..." Our breaths merged together as our faces became dangerously close. The scent of expensive wine and Italian cuisine hit me like a bus, and my heart began to pound some kind of violent more code in my chest.

YOU AREN'T READY YET! NOT YET! JUST WAIT!

I ignored it, but Natsuo didn't. He paused not even a millimetre away from my lips, his hooded eyes reflexting my (E/C) for a moment before he moved to the side, pressing a lingering kiss to my cheek and guiding me into a hug, giving me every chance to refuse if I wanted to.
"Give me a call when you're ready, okay? I'll understand, either way." Pulling back, he smiled, slowly releasing my hand and stepping away.

Relief and disappointment tried to form a cocktail in my guts as I smiled at him, a silent thank you for picking up on what I couldn't bring myself to say out loud.
"Alright. I'll call you soon, Natsuo. Thanks for tonight. It was perfect." He grinned again, though it was slightly less energetic than it had been before, and he turned around, stopping a few steps away to give me a wave goodbye before disappearing around the corner.

Once. Just once I want to make a decision that won't hurt anybody...

Heaving a sigh, I entered my apartment complex, head down and chest tight. My mind swirled with red and white. Over and over, mixing into a murky pink inside my head. Pink hurt me. The coloured blankets I had seen in the hospital that day. Pink and blue, yet the latter had no meaning to me.

Now my mind was just a haze of pink, and I didn't know what to make of it at all.

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***

Next Time: Until You're Sick***