"ONE MORE TIME! I KNOW I CAN BEAT YOUR ASS BETTER THAN THAT!"

Groaning, I raked my hand down my sweaty face, already starting to walk back towards the elevator.
"Bakugou, you beat me nine times. Nine. You win, I lose, and you're faster than me. Cut me some slack, I'm fucking exhausted." As promised, I had invited Bakugou to race me in laps around our indoor training area, and I sorely regretted it once I got a good look at the scorch marks.

"Thanks so much for letting us come along, Songbird! Your quirk is really great!" Midoriya smiled brightly as he pocketed the booklet he had been scribbling in, and I ruffled his fluffy green hair on the way past.
"Anytime, my dude. Enji's really lucky to have interns like you with him. Though, I'm proud of my Tokoyami, too. Your whole class is looking like you'll all become amazing heroes."

But my son is better. Just saying.

Todoroki handed me a towel, and I thanked him as I began to rub at my face, uncaring that I probably looked like I'd just crawled out of a sauna after a few decades.
"We better be heading off. It's getting late, and we have a curfew." The bi-coloured boy announced, and I slung the towel over my shoulder.
"If you give me a few minutes to clean myself up a bit, I'll walk with you. I gotta pass Yuuei anyway to get home."

Bakugou stormed past me, his shoulders hunched and face pinched.
"We don't need no slow-ass hero chaperoning us!" He barked, but I didn't give him any sort of negative reaction. Instead, I met his pace, signaling for the other two boys to follow.
"I didn't mean it like that. I've just been getting lost in my head lately, and I thought it would be nice to have some company on the trip home."

He didn't have anything to say about that, so I quickly jetted off upstairs to get changed into my civilian clothes, and to dowse myself in (F/Deoderant), because I had to face the fact that I smelled putrid. Once I met back up with the boys, we started walking, and after a while, Todoroki spoke up.

"So, what exactly did happen with you and Hawks?" The entire reason I wanted to join them had been ripped out from under me, and I began to chew on my lip.
"Uh, well..."
"It's fucking obvious she doesn't wanna tell you, you half and half asswipe! Quit being a fuckwit!" Bakugou snapped from over his shoulder, and I quickly shook my head.

"N..no, no! Thanks, Bakugou, but, uh, it's okay..." I lied, turning my attention back to my friend's youngest. "There were a lot of factors resulting in the divorce, really. We got way too serious way too quickly, for starters. We barely knew each other, even after we were married. Hell, I didn't even know his name until a day or two before we split." Midoriya immediately dropped back, reaching for his notebook.
"His name..?"

These two really have no sense of personal space, do they?

"Deku, I swear to fuck I'll cave your head in!" Bakugou threatened him, and the greenet's arms straightened like planks of wood against his sides.
"That's a bit of information I'll keep to myself for now." I chuckled, stepping around a slick of ice that shimmered on the pavement surface. "Shit just got complicated, really. I stopped trusting him, and it all fell apart. That kind of thing just happens."

Todoroki nodded, seeming to buy my vague explanation, but I could see more questions lingering behind his heterochromic eyes.
"Do you miss him?" Oh, how I wished that I hadn't asked to join them now. That was the main thing on my mind, and it was debilitating. It had been almost a month since Natsuo and I had first slept together, but I just couldn't shake the bird brained liar.

"Shoto, you know I'm with your brother now." I scoffed lightly, rolling my eyes and hoping he'd just accept it and move on.
"Yes, but I don't think you two match very well." He pointed out, and my fists balled in the pockets of my coat. Bakugou stopped ahead of us, whirling around and baring his teeth.

"Quit being all nosey, you red and white fuck! I don't wanna hear about who she sucks face with, and I sure as hell doubt she wants to talk about it, so shut your shit-spewing trap before I blast it off!" His protective outburst, although masked by his obvious aggression towards both of his classmates, was appreciated.
"I apologise, if that's the case, (L/N)." Todoroki bowed his head as we walked on, and I gave him a gentle pat on the back.

"It's all good, Shoto. It's just...a touchy subject, I guess. A lot happened when he and I were together, and I'd rather just move past it." Again, another lie. I did want to forget about him, for the most part, but I still had so many unanswered questions. They would just have to fester until my dying day.

When dropping the boys at Yuuei, I gave the two more docile of them a sidehug, and opted for a more casual, less affectionate fist bump with Bakugou to avoid being cussed out. The remainder of my trip home flew by quickly, in the literal sense since I used my quirk instead of traveling by foot. Once home, I jumped into the shower, cleaning the stench of sweat away down the drain.

Natsuo asked if we could see a movie tonight...but I just want to be on my own...I don't think I have enough smiles left in me to be around him right now...

Throwing on an old, stained sweater and some pyjama pants, I made myself a (F/Hot drink) and sat myself down on the couch, choosing to watch my roomba whirr around the living room instead of turning on the television. I had packed all but one of the Patricias away, because they just reminded me of him.

Suddenly, there was a loud thudding sound to my right, and my drink spilled out a little over the sides as I jumped, spinning my head around. There, dusting himself off on the balcony, was none other than the winged man himself, and it made my heart leap into my throat.

What the fuck is he doing here..?!

Our eyes met when he looked up, and he opened his mouth to speak, but I quickly looked away, my entire body growing rigid. It was then that he began to tap against the window, continuously, fast and slow, fast and slow, unable to find a rhythm. I refused to look his way. I was trying to recover from our relationship, but there he was, trying to weasel his way back in again.

I was relieved when the tapping ceased, but I knew he was still out there. My only move was to place my drink down on the coffee table, and I began my inevitably long wait for him to give up and leave.

Tap tap taptap tap

This motherfucker...

My initial plan was to spit swear after swear at him until he flew along home, but when I saw him, my words melted to nothing against my tongue.

He stood there, finger poised close to the glass, where he had written something in the foggy condensation of his breath. 'U R My', followed by a small sun. A wonky, hopeful smile was twitching against his lips, and he stared back at me with such a pathetic look as the sun set behind him, coating the outside world in a cherry tint.

"I fucking hate my life..." I groaned under my breath, standing up and storming to the glass door, opening it and turning away without so much as a pause. Hawks hurried in and shut the door behind him, and I waited for him to speak.

"Sunshine, I fucking miss you..." The words hurt, but what hurt even more was the fact that he was drunk. I could tell by the drawl of his voice, not to mention the faint scent of alcohol that he brought inside with him from the cold. "Yeah, I know you want me to stay away...Believe me, I tried! I really totally did! But I just...I..I can't! Just like I can't sign those papers! I won't!"

No matter how hard I tried to force myself, I couldn't tell him to get out. I was beyond furious, but at the same time, I was relieved to see his face.
"Takami, I warned you..." I gulped, keeping my back to him as I padded across the floor. "I won't hesitate to take you to court over this..."

Who am I kidding? I've already hesitated...

"Nonononono, hol..hold up, Sunshine! Let's just talk! You and me, all...normal like..? We..we can sort this out!" His footsteps were staggered, and I knew he was getting too close due to the stench of whisky.
"You had your chance! You had countless chances! I'm done with your bullshit, Takami! I'm...with Natsuo now, so just...stop..."

Hawks stopped advancing, but somehow I knew saying that wouldn't be enough to get him to leave. He was silent for a while, but I could see his shadow on the floor, swaying slightly.
"There's no way I'm giving up on you." He stated firmly, my teeth clenching at the sound of his voice. "You married me for a reason, Sunshine! You loved me then, and you love me now! I know you do!"

Spinning around, I raised my fist in warning, but it shook atop my wrist, making it near pointless.
"I did love you! God fucking dammit, Keigo, I loved you so much that it hurt! But you know what hurts more?! The fact that you lied to me! That you knowingly put her in danger and didn't do a fucking thing about it!"

I couldn't even tell if I was crying. I more than likely was, but I didn't care. This would be it. The last time I let that son of a bitch walk all over me. Hawks ran his hands over his face, one gloved and one not, and shook his head frantically, his wings tucked almost too tight against his back.
"I didn't know that it was going to happen like that, okay?! Do you really think I would put you in danger like that on purpose?! D..do you seriously believe that I would've risked our d..daughter's life like that?!"

Yes...No...I don't even know anymore...

He was right there in front of me, but I didn't know what to do. I wanted to simultaneously strangle him and fall into his arms, but my feet were welded to the floor.
"G..get..." My mouth felt like it was filled with cotton buds as I diverted my glare to the ground. "Get out..." He took another swaying step closer, having to adjust his footing to keep steady.
"Sunshine...I'm not-"

"I SAID GET OUT!" My quirk very nearly activated on its own accord, but even though it didn't, I swore the windows had rattled. Releasing a shaky sigh, Hawks stayed where he was, and I could hear him fiddling in the pockets of his coat.
"Sorry, but...not this time...I'm not wasting this liquid courage. I don't get a lot of free time at the moment, so...I'm gonna need you to let me talk...Please..?"

That's all you ever do...Talk...Talking isn't going to fix any of this...

Slowly, I sank to my knees, the carpet darkening in colour as it soaked up my tears.
"I..I can't listen to you talk anymore, Keigo...I can't...How can I when all you've done is lie..?" I hiccuped, trying to withhold the rattles that tried to creep up my spine.

"Everything that I've done...and everything that I will do..." I didn't even have the power to knock his stray feather away as it hovered up to my face, wiping away my tears. "...is to protect you..." Even though he was well past intoxication, his voice sounded oddly sober, but in a way that cast a chill upon the room. "What happened to our little...our little girl...was never meant to happen...You were never meant to be caught up in any of that...and I take full responsibility..."

All I could do to move was shake my head, but even that was slow and rigid. How the hell could I trust that? After everything that had happened, and everything he had refused to tell me, how was I supposed to buy that?
"But...I was...we were...and you expect me to forgive you for that..? Whatever this bullshit is...why didn't you just tell me from the start..? If you had...she..."

It isn't entirely his fault...I couldn't protect her, either...

"Don't you think I know that?!" Hawks began to pace, his body somehow both stiff and loose at the same time, wobbling around the room. "Every time I manage to get even a second of sleep, all I ever see is Suzume! For a moment it's just the three of us, a happy family, but then bam! She's telling me! Our own daughter is telling me that it's my fucking fault! I know you're grieving, (Y/N), but I am too!"

I was speechless as he punched down upon the kitchen counter, the knuckles of his left hand splitting against the granite. In the past, I had seen Hawks get angry at people, but this was different. It was a whole other realm of anger when it was directed towards himself.
"S..Suzume..?" The name made the gaping hole in my heart ache, but I just sat there on the floor, watching the man pace back and forth in a drunken, unhinged state.

"I don't know! That's what we called her, but I just don't know! Argh, I shouldn't even be here! I'm not supposed to be, but I just can't stay away from you!" Hawks pulled at his fly away hair, whipping his head around to meet my eyes, his visor almost ready to fall off the tip of his nose. "When I heard that you were attacked...it took everything I had not to race to you...but I knew I couldn't. You had Enji's kid to comfort you...but fuck, Sunshine, I can't just lay down and let him take you away from me!"

After an exasperated groan, Hawks dug into the inner pocket of his coat, pulling out a flask. I remembered it. It used to live in the top drawer of our nightstand.
"S..stop..." Forcing myself, I stood up, giving him a disappointed look through my tears. "You're already too drunk...Don't do this to yourself..."

Why should I even care?

Wincing from the burn of the alcohol as it slid down his throat, Hawks sighed, shoving it back into his pocket and shrugging his shoulders.
"May sound like a cliché, but it numbs the pain. Now I know why my mother used to worship the stuff." Smacking his lips, he proceeded to walk closer again, carefully stepping to make himself seem more sober than he was. "I want you to tell me something, Sunshine. I know it may seem hypoca...hippo...uh, u unfair for me to ask for the truth, but it'd be great if you could be honest..."

Gusty was now leaning against my shoulder, vibrating softly, and I could tell that Hawks could feel how fast my pulse was.
"If I do...will you let me leave?" I asked in a shaky murmur, stepping back for each step he took forward.
"Do you still love me?" That was the one question I had been dreading. There was no safe way to answer it. If I said yes, then he'd never let go of me, but if I said no, he'd likely go and do something incredibly stupid. Besides, it would also be a blatant lie.

"Keigo..." I breathed out his name in pained frustration, and he took a heavy step forward, teetering.
"Look me dead in the eye and tell me you don't love me, (Y/N)!" When I looked up, the room was basked in the fading red glow of the setting sun as it leaked through the gaps in Hawks' plumage. He reeked more of desperation than alcohol at this point, but I couldn't lie. I just couldn't bring myself to this time.

"How...the fuck...could I not still love you, you f..fucking idiot..?" I choked out, climbing to my feet and snatching Gusty straight out of the air and squeezing it in my fist. "There's no way I could just stop loving you! I've tried...oh, believe me, I've tried...but you're like a fucking STD that won't go away!" The man winced, but his hazy eyes lit right up once he had realised what I had said.

"Th..then...please, take me back! I promise, I'll protect you! I'll actually protect you this time..!" He came closer, but this time I couldn't find the strength to retreat. His arms were right there, and I was struggling not to run straight into them like an idiot.
"I can't trust you..."

I can't...but I want to...Please, give me a reason to...

Another step closer, and I could clearly see myself in his desperate eyes, the same expression on my own face.
"Whatever it takes! Anything! Please, Sunshine..! I can't do this...do anything...without you..!" I could hear my walls crumbling, and for the first time in a long while, I moved just an inch closer to him.
"Do what, Keigo?! This is the root of the problem! You won't tell me what it is that you're doing!"

Curling his wings in on themselves, Hawks raked a hand through his hair, messing up even more as he directed his gaze to the floor.
"I'm helping...to make the world a better place..." He murmured, his eyes suddenly piercing into mine as he shook his head slowly, barely moving, but enough for me to get the gist. "All in the name of liberation."

That isn't it...but...whatever it is...he can't say out loud..? Why..?

"Why...didn't you just say that in the first place..?" My question came out softer than I had intended, my hands gripping at the crumpled hem of my shirt. It was obvious something sinister was afoot, and Hawks was trying to warn me. Whatever it was couldn't be good news, so I couldn't understand why I was moving closer to him. Why would I want to get involved with any of it?

"I...wanted to make sure things were on track..." His face was stern now, and I could tell he was warning me to drop it. At least for the time being. Confused, I didn't say anything else on the matter, but I was still trying to figure out the main issue. Could I trust my husband?
"Keigo, you really should go..." I sighed, hugging myself tightly as I watched him reach for his flask again. "You can...tell me all about this liberation movement from your book when you're sober..."

Sputtering past another swig of booze, Hawks tossed the now-empty flask to the ground, keeping his eyes on me as it bounced and skidded onto the linoleum.
"I'm not leaving until you'll agree to take me back..." He announced, hiccuping partway through. "At least let me hold you again...I need it...Not having you is driving me fucking insane..!"

What happened to you..? Keigo...

I couldn't stop myself from granting him that one wish. Against my better judgement, I closed the gap between us, but I just stood before him with my arms to my sides, staring into the geometric pattern on his shirt.
"F..fine...Hold me, then, you idiot..."

Hawks' arms brought a surge of warmth I hadn't realised I had been missing. It had been a cold, lonely winter, even when I had had Natsuo there to hold me. Takami Keigo was irreplaceable.
"I miss you...Oh, god, Sunshine, I fucking miss you..!" He was crying, that much was certain, and he held me close to his chest, trembling and staggering, bringing me along with him. "Please...please, I'm begging you, don't m..make me let go...I can't let go of you..!"

Fresh tears tracked their way down my cheeks, and my hands hesitantly raised, unsure whether they should push away or wrap around him. Beneath the biting scent of whisky and smoke, his familiar smell was wearing down my defences, and eventually, I didn't have any left.
"I missed you too..." I whimpered, my hands slipping between his coat and shirt, grabbing desperately at his back as I pressed into him.

I can't stay away from him...but...I still don't know if I can trust him...

"P..please...Don't go away...Sunshine...please don't go away...Don't go away, don't go away, don't go away..." Hawks repeated himself over and over, like his brain was stuck on repeat, so I did the only thing I could, which, in retrospect, was probably not the best idea. On my toes, chest flush to his, I silenced him with a kiss.

His entire body seized for a split second before he melted into me, his gloved hand clinging to my back, his other reaching to tangle in my (H/C) hair, keeping me where I was in case I attempted to pull back too soon. We were no longer two people, a drunk and a husk. We were extensions of the same, damaged person once more.
"Sunshine..." The blond panted my pet name once he vacated my lips, honeyed amber glazed over as he stared into my eyes.

"...Please let me stay with you..."

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***[Presents full sized Hawks stuffed into a cat carrier] Here's ya boi, only mildly traumatised.

I'll leave it to a vote, so comment what y'all want.

Hawks reunion lemon

Or

Skip the lemon and go to the next morning

Also a HUGE shout-out to the wonderful, amazing, perfect, talented UnicornBeau (aka miss_dandelion_ on Instagram) for the spectacular artwork of Hawks! I swear, if I wasn't a broke piece of shit I'd commission you ALL THE TIME!

I will be personally offended if y'all don't smother her with likes and follows.

Next time: Above and Below

Or

Retrospect ***