As we all know, Ian the Ferret is a ferret, and a very nice ferret at that: he always eats his vegetables, lets people mess with his hair, and he always does his stinkies in the litter tub in the corner of his cage. In part, his owner, Caleb, always keeps his cage clean, gives him lots of yummy ferret pellets to eat, and does his laundry. We also all know that Ian the Ferret is a male ferret, and he was all fine and dandy not being a woman.

     Then one day Caleb wanted to make a small herd of ferrets, so he went to the local pet store, Pets-And-Stuff, and bought a female ferret. This ferret he named Kaiya. Kaiya was a quiet, little ferret whos hair always had a little blue headband in it. Caleb had been watching some pet videos on Utube (plz no sue), and he knew that if Ian the Ferret wasn't neutered soon, accidental litters would be popping up all over the place. Kaiya, shy as she was, soon took the lead as the dominant ferret because Ian the Ferret respected women just like Osh. Then Tumbleweed #17 popped by for some talk and tea. While Caleb was distracted by Tumbleweed #17, Ian the Ferret, knowing he would soon be neutered, escaped through a super secret gap in my fanfiction. Ian ran under the door so fast, Caleb didn't even see him leave.

     Kaiya didn't know what happened to Ian the Ferret because she was doing her homework the night it was assigned unlike Ian the Ferret, who uses the strategy of doing the strategy of doing the homework for a class the period before (AKA procrastination). While Kaiya was doing her homework, Caleb told Tumbleweed #17 goodbye and barely had time to wish him/her/it/Raiyne a good flight on his/her/its/Raiyne's way to Canada for summer vacation (which is in six months) before it blew away in the wind like the overused Wild West cliché. Once Caleb came to his senses, he realized Ian the Ferret was gone. He was super depressed, and after crying for a total of three seconds, he got on his raincoat (because it was raining like in all the sad Disney moment clichés) and fazed through the door to look for Ian the Ferret.

     Ian the Ferret had never felt so free, he also never felt so hungry. As we (no one but me) know, ferrets need to eat 10% of their body weight in veggies, 80% of their body weight in kibble (specifically Nibble Kibble (trademarked) brand Kibble), and 10% of their body weight in treats, all of which are done on a daily basis. If you're wondering where Oam the Ferret is, I am too. Actually, I'm not because I'm the narrator and can do whatever the f*ck I want. For example, Kaiya forgot homework at home, but since she is Ferret Krantz's favorite student, she got an "A" for no reason. Ian the Ferret was now not a nice ferret: he had no vegetables to eat, no one to mess with his hair, and now his stinkies were everywhere, EVERYWHERE.

     Ian the Ferret realized that being a stinky, wild ferret's cons were not worth its pros. So Ian the Ferret wanted to go home. Unfortunately, he didn't come to this assumption 20 minutes ago when he ran away. He was absolutely lost because all the trees look the same and all the unicorns (whom can only be seen by ferrets) ignored him, only looking down at him to throw fictional Poké ball because they thought he was a Pokémans (ferret-type Pokémans are super rare.)

     Caleb, on the other hand, was getting tired of searching for his buddy, so he went to sleep on the ground. When he woke up, there was a pack of wild ferrets eating all the snacks he had brought for Ian the Ferret.

     "Ah," Caleb yelled with no enthusiasm.

     But just as Caleb was about to walk away with no enthusiasm, Ian the Ferret ran up to him and licked his face with his weird, gross, ferret tongue. Ian the Ferret (now known as Ianta Da Feroot (it's French)) had changed both emotionally and physically. He had a red, wild streak of ferret-brand paint on his face and he now didn't need to be neutered because he learned to respect women even more than before. He now knew that there were living wild ferrets and that he could join him. Unfortunately for the wild ferrets, Ian the Ferret choose the person who made him fat, Caleb. Caleb was so happy to be reunited with Ian the Ferret, and Ian the Ferret was so happy to eat again. Kaiya was still doing homework because she set an alarm clock for later in the morning and went to sleep at a reasonable hour.

THE END OF STORY ONE!!!