I work in a crappy McDonald's rip-off on the side of a set of freeways. The restaurant is like a gas station without the gas. The food is cheap, more than half of the food is self serve and its open 24/7. I live in the back room of the place since its so far out of town and I work full time. I just fry the overly processed "chicken" and "fish" patties and flip the burgers. I work completely alone which is really annoying when some, suburban white Susan with her can-I-speak-to-your-manager haircut and ten kids decides that my pre-made french fries aren't fried enough. I really didn't think that people actually believed crinkle cut fries could be served outside of a plastic bag from a factory. But apparently they do believe that because I've gotten many questions from customers if the fries were gluten free, or organic or some other health food bullshit.

No offense to you if you're all about that healthy life, just don't ask if my crinkle cut fries are healthy.

They're not.

If you came into the restaurant, you'd likely see an out of order slushy machine next to a thankfully functional soft drink fountain, shelves of assorted chips pressed against yellow walls the color of vomit, circular tables with black and white checkers matching the floor and surrounded by cheap plastic stools. You'd see the tired cashier in a bright red and blue uniform and visor sitting by a rusting cash register on top a countertop matching her uniform. You'd see florescent lights in the ceiling flickering occasionally and adding this touch of nausea to the entire atmosphere.

Somehow, no one ever complains about the spoiled milk smell I can't find the source of. By some miracle, the health inspector seems to never notice the dirt embankments harder than a guy overdosed on viagra, mysterious sticky runoff coming from the currently empty slushy machine, fungi growing in the corners of the main area, unexplained moldy vegetable sort of smell in the walk-in cooler, mutated beetle crossings and unidentifiable droppings that come up in the restaurant when I'm on break.

Those are just the health related things.

Theres a lot more that goes down here. I guess that's why I'm writing this.

And why you're reading this.

Outside, there's a tall neon yellow sign with a smiley face a few yards away from the place. Theres a parking lot that is just a few concrete blockades in a tiny asphalt lot. About a foot from the door, nestled right up to the wall is a crack in the pavement.

Its full of this grease puddle mixed with chewed up bubblegum and some other unidentifiable fluids home to severely corpses of small rodents. One time I found a raccoon face down drowned in it, its limbs fanned out in weird positions.

I can't confirm anything, but I'm pretty sure someone held its head down in the muck.

Which means theres someone around here who saw a raccoon and shoved its head in a grease puddle until it drowned.

Anyway, my name is Tina, I'm 22 and I'm a Scorpio.

Haha, comedy.

Regardless, I hate my job.

I deal with all sorts of shit. Annoying parents, annoying teenagers, gang members, a pack of anthropomorphic trees, rude delivery men and a crack head that kept shaking a box of Cheezits at me.

Its really really weird around here as you can tell. I don't really know where to start but I'll try to record as many stories as I can. I'm going to make a log of what I see on my next shift in a few minutes.

I just got off my shift and I wasn't allowed to be on my phone when I was on the shift, so I wrote these all down on some really old lined paper we had under the counter.

Enjoy

—

5:40 pm

Its getting dark a lot earlier now

5:46 pm

I just saw these giant green glowing eyes peek through the window at me

6:03 pm

Theres a scratching in the ceiling tiles

6:59 pm

I found a garden gnome in my back room

7:07 pm

The trees are knocking on the door again

I think they want more lemonade

7:25 pm

The eyes were at the window again

They went away as soon as I looked at them

7:38 pm

I found another gnome

This time it was in one of the wall vents

7:40 pm

I'm selling the gnomes now

Two dollars each

8:00 pm

A house cat walking on two legs ordered a fish sandwich

He had a Polish accent and also bought a pack of barbecue chips and a water

8:16 pm

I found three more gnomes behind the soft drink machine

8:17 pm

An old woman bought all the gnomes

She seemed really overjoyed to see them again

8:46 pm

I went into the back to check on something and came back to a cup of coffee on the counter

No one was trying to purchase it it was just there

I dumped it down the drain

8:50 pm

Farmer Richards came asking about the tails

I told him they were gone

9:02 pm

Theres a snail with four eyestalks on the wall

I'll let him pass through

9:30 pm

I took my meds

9:32 pm

The trees are back

I gave them some potato chips

9:37 pm

Theres a screeching coming from outside

I put in some earplugs

9:57 pm

A trucker came by and got a burger

He asked about the caterpillars outside

I told him not to question them

10:59 pm

I planted the acorn outside my window like they told me to

11:26 pm

The part timer should be coming in soon

11:47 pm

Lucas is late for work

11:48 pm

Joseph called to check on me

He said someone got killed on my freeway

I said I'm fine

11:53 pm

The smell is getting stronger

12:57 am

The trees checked on the acorn

I don't know why they're so fixated on it

1:20 am

I haven't seen the eyes in a while

1:45 am

I have a toothache

2:04 am

I think something is watching me but I can't tell what

2:27 am

Something was screaming outside

2:32 am

There's another drowned raccoon in the crack outside

I put it in the dumpster

2:55 am

A giant stag just strut in

3:00 am

The stag bought a bag of chips and a chicken sandwich

When I rung him up he coughed up a ten dollar bill

I gave him his change, which he ate

He bowed his head and tried to stab the food with his antlers

I eventually just impaled the food on them and he snorted in, presumably gratitude

He then left without doing anything else

3:49 am

We've been surprisingly busy

3:57 am

Something just hit the window

There was a squeal, and it disappeared

I don't know if it was a bird

I've seen weirder

—

Those are my notes from this shift

I'm off for an hour and then I have to go back to work at five am. I'll tell some more of my stories later. Right now, I desperately need some sleep.