"This is not a poem is a way for me to speak out and for better look at myself and others that go through things like me it not all yways the same so here what happens to me when I'm not really ready to control myself in an anxiety"
It has been a good day for me
But out of no where
My anxiety hit
I loose my appetite
To eat
Guess that triggered
My parents...
When I hear their voice
I just panic more and more
Unable to
Do anything
Except for crying and hiding my self...
Breathing is hard at that time...
Leave me alone is all i say..
Repeatedly to them
I felt...
empty
Pathetic
Broken
My thoughts keep on flowing in
With idea of suicided..
Thinking that it would be a
Weight lift for everyone around me
Thought that I'm slowly killing my self
Mentally...
It hurt so much...
Crying for so long...
My tear end but
My face and arm
And feet
All go numb
To point i just
Not able to move
My body keep shaking
Coughing as I try to breathe
Sometimes I blank out
Staring at the ceiling
Or at the wall
Or anything
I'm try to put a smile on
But how long...
Would my masked lasted until shatter into pieces?
Thought of thing to says
If they blame me for not being who I used to be...
The only thing that I would say was
He is dead
The person you guys used to know is gone...
Sorry that I couldn't be able to copy and act like other
Sorry that I cry to the smallest thing
But can a person
Hide themselves...
Forever?...
Sometimes I want to speak up
But get afraid of
Being called name
Getting blamed or
Even seeing them as
A person who always pushing me away
I don't know how to be like I used to
I could say dark thing but only to people who understand me
I can't connect or really feel safe...
When all I feel is
Emptiness
Loneliness
Numb
I Hate who I become...
It alway triggered me
Family arguing
Forcing me to eat when I
Loose my sense of feeling
Hungry
It hurt to hear your family who doesn't understand...
Calling you mental
Insane
Stupid
It just break me
When the thing I need most was caring
And
Empathy...
My thoughts at that moment speaks
Yes I'm insane
Yes I'm stupid to be here crying
Yes I'm mental take me to where I belong
Those words flashed in my head
I feel my heart beating faster and faster
Saying...
I want to let go of who I am...