Haven...

I am not ready...

not ready to say goodbye...

not ready to forget

am not ready to let go of 

the memory of how we met...

I was happy 

because 

I have found my place

the place

where I felt belong

I never thought that one day...

one of us have to disappear 

that is my biggest fear...

the fear of say goodbye to the one who always there

who always care 

the one who helps me with my 

problem 

for 3 years now...

I never did anything to try and help you...

I always feel scared

and sorrow 

you always there helping me 

but when you feel 

broken...

I felt hopeless

I can't do anything to help

I don't want to say goodbye...

I don't want to forget those memories...

I don't want those feeling to repeat...

I don't want to forget...

the time we all play, talk, sing and we even sharing the tough time 

we have...

I know I can be evil and dark sometimes

but I will continue 

to say those dark but funny joke to keep those 

smile and laughter

when you guys smile and laugh

it the happiness that always keeps me going

I don't want you guys

to feel sad, guilty, or hopeless

I will try to carry those for 

you guys

because that is the least I can do

to help

to say thank you

for the last 3 year

helping me with my 

emotion disorder 

fear that hides my smile 

you guys have made me smile laugh and feel some emotion that is gone from me 

last 6 years

I was broken

lost

and sometimes I don't want to come back to realities 

because I know 

if I come back to reality 

the thing I would ever see is

hatest 

chaos...

argument...

and judgments 

the word that people use 

to destroy other life

if I could choose

to live in the world in my mind

where no one would argue

no judgment

no hatest

I would glad to be in that world 

where all my memories of our friendship 

fly around in the silence winds as the

leaves flying around in the wind

the place with the sound of water rush up splashing on ice and rocks

and the place where we all can sing together...

but I know that even if all of us go separate way... 

we 

would close our eyes and enter the place where our mind connects...

I am not ready...

not ready to say goodbye...

not ready to forget~

...

Guys...

It hurt so much~

...

I wasn't able to make friend's

because...

I was Weak

Broken, Empty, Cold

Lost...

I locked my emotion away...

hide those happy thoughts

hid those happy memories...

I was so depressed...

I created a 2nd personality

without realization...

I had thought

I was fine...

thought that if 

HE

just switch place with me...

I would be fine...

so...

I did without a second thought

at 2 am it was so nice 

when I enter the place where people sit by the fire and sing

I felt so welcoming 

they respect my view of things

but

when I was having fun in some kind of place 

that I don't want to leave...

"He

act so wield 

and

evil"

that some people who know me soon left 

abandon me...

everywhere I go...

people called me a demon boy...

or even psycho 

I just hate when people don't care nor realized how 

people felt when they needed help...

need someone...

who could listen...

who could make them happy...

to make me

feel 

safe...

haven was the first person

friend

at first she kinda 

strange

and 

overreacted

when I gently throw her at the tree

and put a gigantic rock on her

Gently