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Hello, Xiao Zhan here. Sorry I missed your call um leave a message after the beep and I'll get you back as soon as possible.

*BEEP*

Hey!

It's me.

Um...I'm kinda glad that you didn't pick up.
Not that I don't want to hear your voice...

I do, zealously.

I actually did call to just hear your voice...but your voice recording was enough.

I know it's been over two weeks since we last talked.

And....you must be wondering why I left so suddenly, no notes, no explanations, no goodbyes..

I guess this call was a,
no, this call is a goodbye Zhan.

If you are thinking that I broke up with you then let me tell you that I did not.

And I miss you.

I've been thinking about you everyday.

Thinking about our love, the kisses we shared, your soft touches, warm beds, morning breaths, breakfast together, midnight talks, long drives, and everything that's been missing in my life from the past two weeks.

I miss being around you, hearing your laugh, holding your hand, kissing your mole -oh it still tempts me just to think about it-
I think of you everyday.

I hope and I wish that you're doing okay and please for my sake, don't drown yourself in alcohol, you know how much I hate smell of liquor in the house.
.
.
.
Hahaha!!!
What the fuck am I even saying, it's not like I'll be living in that house anymore.

*pause*

Well, coming to the main reason for this call, I won't be seeing you again Zhan ge.

Now before you react, listen to me, will you?

You must remember two weeks back I went to Beijing to meet my brother...

I..
Umm I did not go to meet him.

I actually went to visit a doctor.

You told me that I was being forgetful those days and not only you, a lot of people told me that I was constantly forgetting things.

Where I kept my phone? If I locked the door? Whether I signed the files? I kept thinking that I remembered and that I'd done it but people told me otherwise.

Um. So..yeah.. I visited the doctor and he..
.

.

.

.

.

He told me that I have the Alzheimer's disease.

*heavy breaths*

You might think that I'm kidding and trust me I want to tell you that I'm joking....but....
it's true.

I got the MRI scan reports and they detected a blood clot in my left lobe of the brain.

Doctor said that the two sides of my hippocampus are uneven, that the left side has signs of atrophy.

It's funny how I managed to remember all of this... I actually had it written down, in case I forgot.

*pause*
*gulp*

He gave me two options of treatment.

First: Surgery.
Removing the blood clot. But the blood clot is pressing on some major nerves and hence he doesn't suggest me going for surgery.
He says it's a high risk and that the survival rate is 20%

Second: Medication.
Hahaha medication to...to delay the progression of the disease.

*laughs*

So in short, I'm dying or I'm going to forget everything and then I'm dying.

*pause*

Zhan ge, I don't *sob* I don't want to die so soon.

I was going to call you last week but hahaha *sob* *sniff* I forgot.

Yesterday I decided to come visit you but Zhan ge....
I don't....
I don't remember where you live anymore.

Do you live in Chongqing or... was it Shanghai? TianJin?

*sniff*

Anyway...please don't blame me for not finding my way back to you. You can't blame a dying person okay?

Look at me trying to act cute and gain sympathy.

*chuckles*

It doesn't suit me, now does it? Hahaha.

*pause*

Brother knows.
And he was going to tell you sooner.

To be honest, I didn't want to tell you at all.
I don't want to forget you Zhan ge. I dread the mere thought of not being able to recognize my love. And....

I will never return to you Zhan ge, for you might not be able to bear it. Your Yibo may turn into a stranger to you. He won't recognize you.

Doctor said that I'm currently at Stage 4 and that he wants to start medications as soon as I sign the bond.

But.

I did something crazy Zhan ge!

Your Yibo did something unbelievable again.

I opted for surgery.

I would rather die than forget everything that I stand for.
That I call my own. That....That I love.

The surgery is today and it's either life or death and I'm actually satisfied with my decision.

Removing the blood clot will give me a few more years to cherish with you by my side. It will be worth it. Atleast we will be happy.

Haha! Zhan ge?
If I survive, will you marry me? Can we live somewhere in a cozy home, just the two of us?
Spending our days in each other's embrace?

But then again. It's an if!

Oh well the message is getting too long.

I should go..

I wish I could go back to our old days.
I really wish I could....

I miss you.

And.

I love you, most ardently.

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Zhan kneels by the sofa as the silence of the night tears his soul and shatters his heart.

This can't be happening.

He calls back as soon as the voicemail ends.

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Sorry. The number you are trying to call has been deactivated.