Katsuki's entire head swivels to see Deku now, his brows smashing together. "What the everloving fuck are you talking about?"

Mirroring him, Deku's frown is even more confused now. "Kirishima said he was going to— oh..." Deku trails off and his eyes practically bug right out of his damn skull. "Oh, shit," he mumbles, almost fearful. "He never did, did he?"

"He never did what, fuckface?!" Instinct has Katsuki leaning forward, ready to fucking blow this asshole to fucking pieces, but the searing pain of the bandages digging into his side again has him gritting his teeth and settling for bunching up more of the sheets into his hands. Even if he blows those to ash, he can replace them. Deku, unfortunately, with his shitty Quirk, is an irreplaceable asset. (Still, he'd sure as fuck like to blow that damn broccoli hair off his goddamn head.)

"Oh crap," Deku mumbles, scratching nervously at his head with both hands. "I've really freaking screwed up..."

"What the fuck are you talking about?!" Katsuki growls. "What the hell is this shit about getting married?!"

"Damn..." Deku mumbles, shaking his head. "I guess I have no choice but to tell you now, huh?"

"No shit?!" Katsuki's heart is thudding a mile a minute, and somewhere in the back of his mind he's glad that they no longer saw any need to keep the stupid vital monitor hooked to him or Deku would know just how freaked out he's getting.

"Well... um, where do I begin?" The loser seems to ask himself more than he's asking the blonde, but Katsuki answers anyway.

"At the beginning?" he hisses. "Just fucking tell me, dammit!"

"Okay, okay!" Deku holds his hands up in surrender. "Kirishima... he was gonna ask you to marry him, Kacchan. He planned to do it on the 17th, and he'd been planning it for weeks. And he kept coming to several of us to figure out what to say to you and all that. He had it all planned out and everything, but then you got hurt. While you were still unconscious I asked him if he was gonna postpone doing it since you'd probably still be here, and he said that even though he couldn't do it the way he originally wanted to, he still planned on going through with it since he was sure you'd be awake by then. And you were, obviously, but... I guess he never actually did go through with it. He never told me or any of us I think, though, which is... why we're having this conversation, I guess."

Deku's eyes shift to the ground as he finishes, and there's some semblance of shame in his demeanor. But Katsuki can't focus on that, all he can think of is stupid Eijirou.

"So what, he just wasn't gonna fucking tell me, ever?" he mutters. It's more of a rhetorical question, more to himself or in general than directly to Deku. But leave the nerd to answer anyway.

"I don't know, Kacchan. I haven't heard anything about it since I asked if he was still planning on asking you. I-I guess I just assumed he did it and you guys would wait to tell everyone and celebrate until you got to go home..."

So many questions are flying through Katsuki's mind that he can't really keep track of them all. For the first time, somehow, since waking up, his head is beginning to pound. His stomach is in a knot. And he has no idea what the fuck to say.

"I'm sorry I ruined it, Kacchan, really," Deku says, his voice coated with guilt. "I shouldn't have assumed anything at all and just waited until I knew for sure. Actually... I shouldn't have said anything to begin with. I just thought... maybe you would change your answer. After knowing what you know, I mean, about your injuries."

Katsuki wishes he would just shut the fuck up so he can think, but he can't even pry his own clenched teeth apart to tell him to. The only think he knows for fucking sure is that he really wishes he hadn't sent Eijirou to eat. His throat is starting to burn, and the anger, the frustration, the absolute fucking shock of this whole thing is making him dizzy.

"Do you maybe want me to go get him?" Deku offers after it's been quiet for a few moments, the tension between them thick. "So... you guys can talk it out?"

Katsuki manages a dry, scratchy swallow. "No," he says flatly. "He needs to fucking eat. He'll probably be back soon, anyway."

"...right."

Deku doesn't leave, and for some reason Katsuki doesn't even expect him to. Fucker probably wants to stay so he can whine more apologies to Eijirou, as he fucking should. Katsuki isn't the one the damn dweeb should be apologizing to, it's Ei, for ruining his fucking 'secret' or whatever.

And the whole time they're waiting for Eijirou to get back, Katsuki feels like he's on the verge of fucking hurling.

~

Katsuki is pissed when Eijirou returns to the room, and Midoriya looks nothing short of remorseful.

"Everything okay, guys?" he asks cautiously as he slips into the room. Both of their heads snap up; Midoriya is just opening his mouth to speak when Katsuki beats him to it.

"No," he growls. "It's fucking not."

Frowning, Eijirou moves slowly into the room. "What happ—"

"I'm sorry, Kirishima," Midoriya says, cutting him off. "Really, truly, seriously sorry."

"Huh? For what?"

Midoriya is uneasy as he speaks; almost nervous. "I... I accidentally let it spill that you... were gonna ask Kacchan to marry you," he says quietly.

In the exact same moment Eijirou's eyes move to the blonde, he feels as though he's taken a blow straight to the stomach. Katsuki's arms are crossed, his jaw set, and his eyes boring directly into Ei's own. He says nothing, though.

Midoriya's standing up brings Eijirou's attention back to him; he moves around the bed and faces the redhead head on before bowing deeply, causing Ei to back up a step in surprise. "I'm really, really sorry, Kirishima," he says again. "I truly didn't mean to let it slip. I wrongly assumed you had already asked him and I shouldn't have. I understand if this is unforgivable."

"Hey, whoa, okay," Ei says quickly, trying his best to sort through the sudden flurry of thoughts and emotions swarming through him. "Stand up, man. I'm not... I'm not mad, okay? I'm just really, really super confused. How—how did it happen?"

"We were just talking, and I-I asked Kacchan if... if he wasn't going to go through with marrying you anymore because of his, um, condition... and that's when I realized..." Midoriya's big eyes are swimming, and Ei can practically feel waves of guilt radiating off of him.

But Eijirou can't be mad. The only sure thing he feels is his heart dropping into his stomach, and not because of Midoriya's slip up—because of the way Katsuki is still staring holes him without having said a single word since telling him things weren't okay.

"Dude, calm down, alright?" he says, forcing a smile and placing a hand on Midoriya's stiff shoulder. "I'm not mad. Seriously. You don't have to be so upset about it. If anything it's my fault for not telling you I never asked him, especially after I said I was going to. Alright?"

After a second's hesitation, Midoriya provides a slight nod. "I still feel terrible, though. I-I feel like I've ruined this for you..."

"Nah, man," Ei tells him, smile widening. "The question's important, and the surprise is definitely an added bonus, but what's more important is the answer and what comes after. And it's not like I can't still ask him."

Eijirou knows the second Midoriya buys his smile because he relaxes a bit. "I suppose you're right. Just... let me know if I can make it up to you, okay?"

"You won't have to," Eijirou assures him. "I think that right now we need some time to talk, though."

"Absolutely. Thank you... for your forgiveness."

Eijirou shrugs him off. After another couple of apologies to Katsuki (who all but ignores him), Midoriya heads out, leaving Eijirou alone with his boyfriend once more, a knot in his stomach and an elephant in the room. With a deep, quiet breath, he faces that hard red stare he loves so much.

"So... now you know," he says lightly, shrugging his left shoulder a bit.

"Through fucking Deku."

"I know. I'm sorry about that, Katsuki."

Katsuki's eyes follow him around the room until he sits in his chair before he speaks. When he does, his voice is low but full of venom. "So you just weren't gonna tell me you wanna get married? What the fuck, Ei?"

"I was!" Eijirou tells him quickly. "I swear. I was going to ask you. Yesterday. It was always the plan to ask you yesterday, even before you got hurt. But then All Might showed up and told us about... you know... and my mind was elsewhere and I just couldn't find it in myself to do it after that..." His eyes pull away from Katsuki's.

"...right. 'Cause now I'm fucking dying."

And just like that his gaze snaps right back onto the other; he can taste bile in the back of his throat at those words alone. "No, Katsuki, that's not why. It just didn't feel like the right time anymore."

The blonde huffs, his head resting back against his pillow while his arms visibly tighten over his chest. "Yeah. That's a good thing, I guess."

"What? Why?"

"Because I am dying, so you shouldn't even waste your damn time getting married to me. 'S better you didn't even ask."

Surprisingly, instead of some sort of despair as expected, anger is what surfaces and Eijirou sits forward, clamping his hands onto the arms of the chair. "Seriously, Katsuki? That's your reason? If anything, that's more of a reason to do it!" he half-shouts.

"How?!"

"The hell do you mean?!" he spits. "Because I love you more than anything and I wanna celebrate that with you, especially because of what happened, man! Especially since I only have so much time left with you!" Nothing can stop his voice from shaking, and nothing can stop Katsuki from hearing it. And Eijirou hates it. Hates feeling so fucking weak and helpless! Hates, detests, despises that he can't help Katsuki—that he can't fucking save him!

That shaking—as thickness has grown in his throat and tears are threatening at the corners of his eyes—has the blonde relenting. But it's not in a good way. It's not in the way Eijirou wants, which is for him to come to his damn senses and realize that all Eijirou wants to do in marrying him is love him.

And Katsuki won't even let him do that.

"'S only gonna fucking hurt you, Eijirou," he says bitterly. "And I've been trying my goddamn hardest not to do that to you, even though I've already failed."

The redhead blinks at the blonde for a moment, wrapping his head around that. Hurt him? Katsuki thinks he has hurt him?

"No, you dumbass, you haven't hurt me. Ever. What fucking kills me is what that damn villain did to you!"

Katsuki's next sentence should be angry. It should be fucking pissed, and the fact that it isn't, the fact that he sounds so little like himself is what scares Eijirou more than anything. "Me too, 'cause I was too fucking weak to kill her first, so now I'm gonna end up leaving you alone."

Eijirou's ears are ringing, he's so upset. So mad and scared and desperate. He almost wants to throw up.

"...so that's it?" he asks, borrowing one of Katsuki's habits of talking through his teeth. "You're not even gonna let me ask properly before you say no?"

The blonde's throat bobs. "Yeah," he says, "guess that is it."

Eijirou sits there for a minute longer, staring, heart pounding, eyes stinging and fists clenched with anger. When Katsuki still doesn't look at him, doesn't say anything more, all he can do not to keep yelling and making things worse is stand up, go back around the bed, and stride right to the door.

"'S good to know how you feel," he says before yanking it open and walking out.

~

Eijirou doesn't go far. It's as if as soon as the door practically slams shut behind him, his anger dissipates by half. He gets as far as the bathroom just down the hall before he begins pacing. His stomach is churning and his thoughts feel as if a hurricane has blown through them, leaving them in barely decipherable shambles. And fuck, he doesn't want to cry. Seriously doesn't wanna feel that weak.

But it's hard. So hard. In what seems like a matter of moments, it feels like life is trying to rip everything he knows away from him. And he hates being so selfish about it; Katsuki is the one who's suffering.

Because I couldn't protect him, he thinks. Because I chose the wrong thing to do. Deku and the others would have been fine getting those people to safety without me... I should've stayed with Katsuki... I should have protected him...

Even if it meant he was the one to get hurt. Even if it meant he was the one in that bed dealing with a death sentence. If it meant Katsuki would survive, he didn't care. Katsuki's a better hero than him by far as it is; stronger, even if he's not all that great with people. His villain subjugation count is higher than Eijirou's. The world needs him more. Not Red Riot.

And now not only is Eijirou going to lose the thing, the person he loves more than absolutely everything, the one person who actually managed to get through to him every single time he doubted himself, the person who even still managed to put a smile on his face unlike any other and make him over the flipping moon happy to just be alive and next to him... but the world is going to lose one of its greatest heroes.

"Whatever. Nothin' really matters anymore, anyway."

Eijirou sinks into a nearby chair, his head falling into his hands and his fingers tangling into the hair hanging over his forehead, tugging just enough for it to be painful. He stays there a while, just trying to breathe. To calm his heartbeat. Because he can't go back to Katsuki looking like the wreck he is. The last thing the blonde needs is to be worrying about him feeling like absolute shit, too.

...

In the end only about ten minutes have passed when Eijirou returns. On the chance Katsuki is still mad (which, knowing him, he is), he taps his knuckles against the wood. No response. Slowly he pushes the door open and peeks in to see Katsuki standing up, his hand wrapped around the pole that holds the IV bags so tight his knuckles are white, and a sheen of sweat on his forehead.

"Whoa, hey, what are you doing?" he says, quickly moving into the room, everything that has nothing to do with the way the blonde is slightly hunched over in pain temporarily forgotten. "Where are you going?" Automatically he reaches for the other, wrapping a gentle hand around his forearm to try and steady him.

"To fuckin' find you," Katsuki grumbles.

"'Kay well I'm right here. You need to sit back down, man."

"Fucking wait," Katsuki mumbles, using his free hand to grab Eijirou's shoulder before he can start coaxing him back to the bed.

"What? Why'd you try to get up by yourself?" Ei asks.

"'Cause I'm not a fucking baby."

"I know, but—"

"And because you fucking left and I wasn't about to let you storm out of here all upset 'cause of me." He lets out a long breath before his eyes—that Eijirou can't help but notice are bloodshot and absolutely exhausted—meet the redhead's.

"Look, Ei..." he begins slowly. "'M sorry, alright? Don't start thinking I said all that shit 'cause I don't love you, got it? Because I fucking do."

The stupid emotion bubbles up in Ei's throat again, and it takes a great effort just to swallow around it and try to make his voice sound normal. "I know, Katsuki." And he does. And for some reason, suddenly, that's all that really matters, at least in that moment.

"C'mere, you idiot," Katsuki mutters, freeing his left hand to slide his arms around the redhead's shoulders. Easily, but wary of his injuries, Ei returns the embrace, tucking his face into the crook of Katsuki's neck the same way Katsuki does to him. Neither of them have any desire to let go for a long, long while.

~

The doctors let Katsuki go home the next day, and by the time they've finished all the paperwork and gone over care instructions for his injuries, Eijirou is practically on the verge of collapsing where he stands he's so exhausted. It doesn't help, of course, that his own damn brain wouldn't shut up the whole damn night no matter how hard he tried to sleep.

He couldn't get the sight of Katsuki's face out of his head—the sight of it twisted up in a way that Eijirou had never seen before. He wasn't angry. Wasn't frustrated or annoyed. He'd been sad, and desperate and sorry. Guilty. The only way he could fend off the image was to keep his tired eyes open and looking right at Katsuki as he slept soundly just a few feet away.

He sat up most of the night doing just so, his chin resting on his knee with his arms folded over his stomach. He was exhausted, but he knew no matter how hard he tried, his brain wouldn't let him sleep. He was too worked up, and as pathetic as it felt, it was too hard sleeping without Katsuki right next to him.

There had come a point where he couldn't sit there in silence any longer, so he'd gotten up with the intention of merely wandering the halls for a bit, hoping to tire himself out enough to finally crash, but he had to have been louder than he thought as he moved toward the door because a voice had carried behind him.

"Where you going?" a sleepy Katsuki had mumbled. Upon turning around Eijirou had found him to be sitting halfway up, staring at him through half open, sleep-riddled eyes.

"Um... just to walk," he said quietly. "Go back to sleep. You gotta rest."

But of course, Katsuki hadn't obeyed. Instead he'd sat up all the way, grimacing at the pain in his side from the movement, and waved his hand lazily in beckoning. "Get back here, Weird Hair," he mumbled.

And how the hell could Ei say no? He shuffled back to Katsuki's bedside and let the blonde take his hand.

"You can't sleep again, can you?" he'd sighed.

"I'm okay," was all Eijirou had said.

"Fuck," Katsuki said. "'N I can't even help you sleep 'cause this shitty bed is too small..."

"You don't gotta do that anyway, Katsuki," Ei said, somehow managing a smile.

"Fuck that..." Katsuki said around a yawn. "I'll at least stay up with you..."

"No."

"What?"

"I said you gotta rest, babe. You do. I'll fall asleep eventually, so you just go back to sleep so your injuries can heal faster, 'kay?"

"Ei..."

"Seriously."

"...come here, you idiot," grumbled the blonde, reaching up for the redhead's face with his free hand. Eijirou leaned down just enough to let him place a hand—gentle, something Bakugou wasn't very often—on his cheek. "Fucking hell... you're startin' to get gross dark circles..." His thumb brushed lightly—so lightly that Eijirou barely felt it—beneath the redhead's left eye.

"They'll go away," Eijirou assured him.

Letting out a long breath, Katsuki's hand slipped from his cheek as his forehead fell against Ei's chest. "Fuck, I can't wait to get home," he sighed.

"Me either," Ei said. This time his smile had been genuine as he took the liberty to comb his fingers through that thick blonde hair that was never tame.

It was in the next moment that Eijirou knew Katsuki was completely exhausted and still half asleep, because his arms moved slowly around the redhead's waist, pulling him closer and, as he yawned again, turned his head to press his ear right up against Eijirou's chest. Instantly, Ei felt his heart stutter and pick up speed, his cheeks warming at the sight of the one he loved so much suddenly being so... vulnerable. So open and affectionate in such a tender way that was so unlike his usual expression.

"...your heart sounds like a freakin' jackhammer," Katsuki muttered.

Eijirou could only let out a light laugh. "How come you're not this affectionate all the time?" he teased.

"'M not being affectionate. 'M just using you as a pillow."

"So you're gonna sleep sitting up?"

"Sure, if it means you stay."

It was as if all of Eijirou's bones turned to jelly in that moment; his insides felt like they were liquefying. He knelt just enough to lower himself closer to Katsuki and nuzzled his face into that untamed blonde hair. He inhaled slowly, deeply, trying to find a trace of Katsuki's scent amid the weird hospital smells that clung to him and the crappy shampoo they had him use.

"I'll always stay with you, Katsuki," he said softly. "Always."

Truth be told, Eijirou wasn't even sure Katsuki had heard him—he truly had fallen asleep right there against him, his arms having gone limp around the redhead's waist and a good portion of his weight relying on the solid body in front of him to keep him held up.

"...aw jeez, man," Eijirou mumbled quietly, affectionately. "And you say I'm the dumb one..."

He didn't really want to let Katsuki go; he was finally warm and it felt nice to just have him resting right up against him, breathing slowly, still vulnerable but trusting enough to fall asleep like that right there. Still, he knew that it would only give the blonde a stiff neck and make for a grumpy Katsuki in the morning, so slowly and as gently as he could, Eijirou leaned forward, one arm around the blonde's shoulders and the opposite hand holding his head. He carefully laid Katsuki back against his pillows; the blonde's eyes peeked open again just as Ei was starting to stand back up and a hand reached up and snatched the front of his shirt, preventing him from moving too far.

"What's up, babe?" he murmured.

"Don't fuckin' leave," he mumbled, barely awake.

"Alright, alright," Ei chuckled. "Just go to sleep already."

Sleep Katsuki had; while Eijirou ended up remaining awake through to sunrise, Katsuki hadn't opened his eyes again until nearly ten the next morning. With nothing else to do, the redhead sat at his side and watched over him, hoping that he might get at least some sleep, but to no avail. He'd been completely lost in thought, staring blankly up at the ceiling when Katsuki awoke, and he hadn't even been aware of it until his name was being called.

"Ei. Hey, Eijirou!"

"Huh?" he'd blurted, eyes tiredly finding Katsuki's.

The blonde just shook his head. "You didn't sleep at all, did you?"

Eijirou had tiredly shook his head but still made himself smile at the blonde. Katsuki had just sighed in disapproval, though they hadn't had much time to say anything else because one of the nurses had come in and let them know Katsuki would be released soon, after all the discharge paperwork and such was settled.

Ever since, Eijirou's head has been in a fog. The day seems to go by in a slow blur until finally, finally the doctor walks into the room where they're all ready to go save for the folder of paperwork they're supposed to take home and whatever else the doctor might say. He hands Eijirou the folder as he speaks, though the words don't really register in the redhead's mind until it seems like he's reached the end.

Eijirou's in the middle of yawning when the doctor asks, "Any last questions before you go?"

"Yeah," Katsuki says. "I got a couple." He's not looking at the doctor, but somewhere off to the left. His voice is gruff, his knuckles white as his hand is wrapped so tightly around the handle of the bag he insisted upon carrying, and it catches Ei's attention immediately, waking him up just a little more. "This... radioactive shit. Is it contagious?"

"As far as we can tell from the tests we've been conducting for the past week, no, it's not. It's as though the radioactive particles are tailored to your DNA. It's the same for the other victims we've been studying. It seems once the chemical has left the tentacles of that villain, it changes to specifically target its victims cells and will die quickly if separated from the victim."

Katsuki's nodding slowly, and though there's at least a slight speck of relief in Eijirou's stomach, the blonde doesn't relax any at that answer.

"Good."

"What else can I answer?"

That is when Katsuki finally meets the doctor's eyes. "When my injuries are healed, can I still do hero work?"

That wakes Eijirou up. Fear spikes through him; somehow whether or not Katsuki would even be able to continue his career as a hero in the time he's got left didn't even cross the redhead's mind, and suddenly it feels like so much more is on the line. And that's terrifying; he's already so overwhelmed, so scared of losing the one he loves, and now he might not even be able to continue doing what he does best and living the life he'd worked so hard for so long to live...

The answer is in the way the doctor's face falls a bit, how his eyes fall needlessly to his clipboard as he adjusts his glasses. "Even after your injuries heal, we would have to advise against any high impact physical activity." His eyes lift again. "And with a Quirk like yours, it may only put that much more strain on your body than it usually would. We know very little about what will actually happen with the poison inside of you, and putting such strain on yourself puts you at a fairly high risk of accelerating its spread."

"So, no. Got it," Katsuki quips through his teeth.

"In the end, how you choose to live out the rest of your life is entirely up to you. Again, I have to advise against continuing your work as a hero, but I can't stop you from doing that if it's what you wish to do. Just remember the risks."

"...yeah."

The doctor straightens up. "Any more questions?"

The two shake their heads, and the doctor dismisses them. Eijirou makes sure to call a thank you after him, and it's only seconds later that they're finally on their way. The elevator doors have only just slid shut when Katsuki holds out his hand to the redhead.

"Keys," he says.

"Huh?"

"No fucking way you're driving. You're too tired."

"But Katsuki, you're still hurt and they said you shouldn't—"

"Shouldn't isn't the same as don't. Last thing we need is for you to fall asleep behind the wheel and make this shit worse."

Eijirou hesitates, swallowing. Katsuki looks okay; he isn't really hunched over the way he'd been last night, but even he looks tired, stiff. They've given him pain meds to take home and use as needed, but he's been off his IV for a few hours now, and if he's in pain...

"C'mon, Dumb Hair. Keys."

Gingerly, the redhead gives up the keys to his boyfriend as he elevator comes to a stop. As they're headed for the car, Katsuki pulls ahead of him, and he can't tell if he's starting to become delusional from lack of sleep or if it's really there, but Katsuki's... cold. Shut off. And that isn't normal for him—not around Ei.

"Katsuki?" he finds himself asking as they toss the few belongings they're carrying in the back seat.

"Hm?" grunts the blonde.

"...are you mad at me?"

Katsuki stops short, his eyes finding the other's. "The fuck makes you think that?"

Eijirou rolls a shoulder in a lazy shrug. "'M just gettin' that feeling," he says.

"No, idiot. I'm not mad at you." He tugs open the driver's side door and slides in. Quickly, Eijirou follows his lead.

"Then... why are you upset?"

With almost too much force, Katsuki twists the key and the car fires to life. "I'm pissed at myself, Eijirou."

"Is it 'cause you can't do hero work anymore?"

"Yeah. That's part of it."

While Katsuki's paying attention to the road, Eijirou can't stop looking at him, watching him, seeing the way his shoulders are stiff and his jaw is squared, and the way his hands grip the steering wheel so tightly. He doesn't know what to say to make Katsuki feel better, and his tired mind simply goes back to thinking of the devastation he feels—the devastation they both feel, and the rest of the ride is without conversation.

Once they're back in the parking lot of their apartment complex and Katsuki's cut the engine, his door already open, Eijirou doesn't really move. His eyes, droopy from so much emotion and lack of sleep, are unfocused as he looks down at his knees.

"You comin'?" Katsuki asks. When he doesn't respond, he says, "Ei?"

"...can I ask you something, Katsuki?"

"Can it wait 'til we get upstairs?"

Finally the redhead looks up. "No. I don't think so."

"'Kay, then what?"

"There's um..." Ei rubs his forehead tiredly as he speaks, but the strain in his voice is more than enough to get the blonde to shut his door and give him his full attention. "There's something you said yesterday that's been bothering me," he says.

Fuck, Katsuki's thinks instinctively.

"What?" he asks cautiously.

"It was when Midoriya was visiting, right before we told him what All Might told us. Well, before I told him." Those big round eyes lift to meet Katsuki's again, and they're so liquid, so open and honest and vulnerable that it tears at Katsuki's goddamn heart more painfully than the damn gaping hole in his side.

"'Kay..." he says slowly, prompting Ei to continue.

"And between that and you saying you don't... you don't wanna get married..." His voice cracks, and try as he might Ei can't cover it up by clearing his throat. Katsuki's chest aches. So bad.

"What are you getting at, Ei?" he mumbles.

"I was just wondering..." His hand drops into his lap. "Do you really think that, Katsuki? That nothing matters anymore?"

And Katsuki swears he can physically feel his damn heart actually fucking breaking. He looks away, down at the logo in the center of the steering wheel. "How the hell can I not? I'm dying, aren't I?" he grits out, suddenly feeling stupidly hot again, as though drawing attention to the radioactive poison shit inside him makes it flare up. He can feel it down to his fingertips now, as though radiating right from his center.

But that's fucking nothing compared to the agony he feels for hurting Eijirou.

It's silent a moment before the redhead speaks again.

Finally, he asks, "...even me?"

Katsuki freezes. He can't help looking back up at the other, at Eijirou, at the one thing he loves more than absolutely anything else, and feeling like a complete piece of shit. The redhead looks... dejected, at best. His shoulders are slumped, his eyes glossy over the exhaustion they hold. He looks a freaking wreck, and it's all Katsuki's goddamn fault.

"No." The word is small. Weak. Even his own voice sounds off to him.

"No, I don't matter anymore?" Eijirou asks quietly.

A pang stabs Katsuki right in the ribs. "No. Not you. You do matter, Eijirou. You matter so fucking much to me, Stupid Hair. So much that I can't even fucking stand it because I love you so much it hurts," he blurts out.

"Katsuki..."

"It's a good kind of hurt, though," he goes on without relent. "The fucking best kind. And all I wanted was to make you as goddamn happy as I could because, shit, you deserve it more than literally anyone." Even Katsuki can hear the desperation seeping into his tone, but he doesn't stop it. Doesn't care enough to. He wants Eijirou to know how he feels, even if it means sounding like a pathetic mess. "But all I ended up doing is fucking hurting you like some kind of monster. Even though I never deserved you in the first place, I'm gonna fucking end up leaving you.

"So... no, Ei. You matter. You're... the only damn thing that does anymore."

Eijirou draws in a deep breath—one that visibly expands his shoulders and lifts his chest. His eyes are glossy, on the verge of tears; Katsuki doesn't know if he can handle more damn tears. He's never been equipped to deal with someone crying; in the past when it was Deku, he'd just smack the idiot on the head and tell him to stop being a damn baby. But this is different. It's Eijirou. He fucking loves Eijirou—and 'love' only scratches the surface of the depths of his affection for this Dumb Haired idiot. How the fuck is he supposed to handle even more tears coming from him, and not fuck it all up more than he already has?

"Can you tell me one thing, then? And honestly. I don't want any bullshit," Ei says once he's let the breath out.

Admittedly, Katsuki hesitates. But he can't say no to those eyes. "...yeah."

"If you weren't injured... or if you weren't poisoned and stuff... and I had asked, would you still have said no to me when I asked you to marry me?"

"That's a stupid fucking question, Eijirou." It's what Katsuki wants to say, but he can't. His own stupid breath has caught in his throat, some sort of lump lodged there along with it to prevent him from speaking. He doesn't even want to answer the damn question anyway because of fucking course he would have said yes. He would've said yes in a freaking heartbeat, lifted this beautiful idiot off the ground and spun him in a damn circle like some kind of cheesy romance movie or whatever and kissed him like his goddamn life depended on it.

But he's too damn weak to say that. Too selfish... or something. Because he fucking can't pick Eijirou up like that—not right now, not with these injuries—and he can't yank his stupid head forward to kiss him the way he wants to—he so wants to—without it feeling wrong. Tainted. Because he can't say yes, knowing that in a short two years he won't be around to do it anymore. And telling Eijirou that he probably would've shouted his yes to the heavens is only going to hurt him that much more, given the circumstances.

All he can do is hold gazes with the other and let the silence speak for itself.

It doesn't take long for Eijirou to get it, and somehow the fucker smiles. It's a broken smile, though, one that Katsuki had hoped never to see struggle to form across that stunning face of his. He knows. Boy, does he fucking know. And the tears are only seconds away.

"I'm glad that you would have," Eijirou says as the first tear escapes down his left cheek. "Now I just wish I had protected you better so we could."

"...c'mere, Ei," he murmurs, leaning across the center console of the car to gather the redhead into his arms and hold him as close as he possibly can in such a cramped space that forces them into an awkward position. He's not surprised to feel Eijirou freaking shaking when he hugs him, but the expectancy doesn't let it hurt any less.

Eijirou's mindful of Katsuki's injuries when he hugs back, wrapping his left arm around the other while his right hand only clings almost desperately to his shoulder. As he usually is, the redhead is warm, and Katsuki can feel his tears dripping onto his own skin when the other has tucked his head down onto his shoulder.

As they sit there for a few minutes, Katsuki's thumb rubbing small circles into the back of Eijirou's neck the way he knows it calms him, he can't help but feel so damn selfish. He knows that if he wasn't, if it wasn't that all he wants is to spend the rest of his life—however long that may be now—with Eijirou (because it really, truly does feel as though he's the only thing that matters anymore), he would do more than just say no to marrying him. He'd back off from Eijirou's life completely... move out of the apartment and go back to live with his parents or something while he just waits for the poison to kill him so Eijirou can find someone who would actually be able to keep the fucking promise to stay with him. He'd leave so Eijirou can work on healing before he's suffers more pain than he already has.

But Katsuki can't do that. He's not strong enough—not nearly. It hurts too damn much just thinking about it. Feels hard to breathe, just trying to picture being without this idiot, especially while his body is deteriorating bit by tiny bit. And he can't be sure that leaving would spare Ei any more pain, anyway.

In the end, though, selfishness on his part is the only reason he can't find it within himself to let go of Eijirou's big, warm hand.

"I'm sorry, Eijirou," he murmurs.

"Don't tell me that," Eijirou says. "If you're gonna tell me somethin', tell me you love me, 'kay? You don't have anything you gotta apologize for."

Despite the painful strain on his side from stretching and holding Eijirou so tight, Katsuki can only hold him tighter—closer. "I fucking do, Hair for Brains. I love you so fucking much you can't even understand it."

Finally, finally, Eijirou laughs. It's small because he's tired, but it's genuine. "Except I think I can, 'cause I love you more."

"You're a fucking idiot 'cause that can't even be possible."

As he lifts his head, Eijirou's chuckling lightly again, and though his eyes don't hide that he's absolutely wiped out, red-rimmed and still shiny with tears, he looks worlds happier than he did a few minutes ago.

"I think it is, Katsuki," he says.

"What, you need me to fuckin' prove it to you or something?"

"Hm... maybe after I take a nap," the redhead says.

Katsuki relents, giving up his fight quickly. "Yeah. You look like you're gonna pass out right here," he mutters. "C'mon."

He starts to turn around and makes it all the way to pulling on the door handle to get out, but a warm hand meets his cheek and gently coaxes his head back the other way. He has little time to react before Eijirou's leaning forward and pressing his lips gently to his own, but as he usually does, he finds it to be so easy to just melt into those buttery lips, to press himself closer and wrap Eijirou in his arms again. One goes around the redhead's waist while the other lifts and gently brushes a few stray strands of his hair back behind his ear. He tangles his hand in that silky red mane of Eijirou's, allowing him to deepen the kiss even further.

For a moment, their troubles are forgotten as, like they have so many times before, they allow themselves to get lost in each other. It's a few minutes of much-needed bliss before they inevitably pull apart, hearts elevated and breathing a bit labored.

"I really, seriously love you, Katsuki," breathes the redhead.

"You said that already," the blonde reminds him.

"I know, man, but I can't say it enough."

"You're way overtired."

"I'm serious!"

"I know, Dumb Hair. Now let's go the fuck upstairs so you can get some damn sleep."

Katsuki doesn't let Eijirou carry any of the luggage upstairs despite his protests. Hell, Katsuki wouldn't even let Ei carry himself up the damn stairs if he could help it, but his shitty injuries make it difficult to lug two measly bags up two flights of stairs, let alone a five-foot-eleven muscular redhead.

"We should check your bandages before we go..." Eijirou is mumbling as he's dragging his feet inside.

"Fuck that," Katsuki mutters. He tosses the bags on the couch once inside and takes the redhead's hand to practically drag him back toward the bedroom.

"But Katsuki, they said—"

"They're fuckin' fine, Ei," the blonde insists.

It's clear Eijirou is too damn tired to argue further because he says nothing more as he's led into the bedroom. As if magnetized to it, Eijirou practically flings himself onto the bed, not even bothering to tuck himself into the blankets. He pulls his pillow toward him, stuffs it under his head, and lazily waves at the blonde.

"C'mon, babe, you're s'posed t' help me sleep..." he mumbles.

"You're such a fucking loser," Katsuki mutters as he lowers himself onto the bed beside the redhead—gingerly, entirely aware of his throbbing injuries.

"Man, you're mean. How come I love such a meanie?" Ei says with eyes barely cracked open.

"'Cause I'm fucking awesome," Katsuki drawls.

Ei smiles a bit. "Truth."

"Now get your cute ass over here, Weird Hair."

"Man, I can't even say anything about you insulting my hair since you called me cute," Ei says through a wider grin as he maneuvers toward the blonde.

"Hmph. I called your ass cute," Katsuki corrects.

"Hmmm... I'll still take it."

Gently, Eijirou practically curls himself around Katsuki's right side, yawning in the process as his head finds a comfortable spot on the other's shoulder. As he usually does on the nights he helps Ei fall asleep, Katsuki curls an arm around him and tangles a hand through his hair. And fuck, he's missed this—the warmth of this beautiful idiot pressed against him, the silky texture of his hair between his fingers, the quiet, barely audible sound of his soft breathing.

"Sure you're okay, Katsuki?" Eijirou mumbles.

"How many damn times are you gonna ask me that, Dumb Hair? Just go to sleep."

"...can't sleep 'less I know you're good, man."

"Jesus fuck. Yes, I'm fine. Now shut up before I knock your damn brains out and make you sleep."

Ei's shoulders shake gently with his laughter. Despite his annoyed huff, Katsuki's smiling a bit—a genuine one for the first time in days, and one that only Eijirou has ever seen. He continues tugging his hand lightly through the few tangles in Eijirou's hair, noticing the black roots starting to show through again. He makes a mental note to check if they've still got bleach and dye lying around, knowing the look of irritation the redhead will have when he sees the roots. It's a fucking adorable pout, but he always says the same thing— "How can I be Red Riot without my red hair?"

And Katsuki always responds the same way. "Your damn hair color doesn't make you Red Riot, dumbass."

And then Eijirou says something about upkeeping his image, to which Katsuki just rolls his eyes at before helping him with the stupid dye.

Katsuki can't help but think he's never been so damn happy to be home. He'd only been gone a week, but this bed is so much more comfortable, the quiet around him so much more relaxing than the shitty fucking hospital room he'd been held hostage in. And best of all he's finally, finally next to Eijirou again, who's already out cold. Before Katsuki knows it, he himself is drifting off to the most restful sleep he's had in days...