A warm breeze drifts through a quiet field, lifting a few long, loose strands of hair. The day is warm, cloudless. A cicada buzzes nearby. Spring is nearing its end, making way for summer to swing in at full speed. It's hard to believe it's been six months.

Eijirou's chest is somewhat tight, the way it always feels when he visits this 30 acre field littered with headstones. It's not enough to get him to stop coming, though, once a month at the minimum since Katsuki's last breath. In fact, the peaceful nature of the area is part of what brings him back. It clears his mind. Revitalizes him somehow, though he can't help but find that ironic.

Each time he visits he's always got something different in his hand, though they all have one thing in common-they all remind him of Katsuki. A notebook, from when the school forced him through an anger management course. A glove from his hero costume. A frayed toothbrush from a long time ago, before Eijirou guilted him into brushing his teeth more gently. It seemed silly, but they made him feel closer to Katsuki, and he needed it. It kept him going while, months after the other's departure, he's still learning to deal with his grief. Learning to navigate the world without him. And it's proving harder than he ever anticipated.

Eijirou never brings flowers. He knows Katsuki would hate that. Sometimes he'll bring letters and things addressed to Katsuki and delivered in the mail since the world was made aware of his condition and even after his passing-ones that he never got to read-and reads them aloud. Hoping Katsuki can hear him, somehow. Wanting him to know just how much of an impact he had as a hero. As Ground Zero.

This time, though, in his hand Eijirou carries something a little different. It's something he hasn't touched in years and even forgot about for a while, but found stashed in the back of the front closet in their apartment. He's honestly surprised it hadn't been crushed by accident, never having been in a case and having had things stuffed in around it over the years. But there it was, almost good as new, albeit bearing a few new scratches. It even still has his name scribbled in sharpie on the back.

He holds the thing gently as he treks quietly through the neatly mowed grass, careful to remain a safe distance away from the headstones he passes out of pure respect of other fallen and past heroes. At this point he's got the path memorized and doesn't really have to think about where he's going as he makes his way there, allowing him to take in the warmth of the sun. The humidity of the air. The sound of the cicada and birds...

The headstone isn't far from a cherry blossom tree, its flowers already having shed and been replaced with maroon-colored leaves. Of course the groundskeepers had already removed the petals from the ground and the stones around it.

Katsuki's headstone was in the shade at this time of day, just as the sun is making its descent back toward the horizon. His is unmistakable among the ones surrounding it, with the spikes jutting out of the top corners of it, much the way the back of his mask looks. On the front, just beneath his name, hero name, and his birth year and death year is the engraving of a grenade, mid-explosion, rather than a quote like most of the others surrounding it. Eijirou was at a loss for what to put there for a while, and since Katsuki hadn't any special requests (they rarely talked about it beforehand), he went with the best he could think of. All he can do now is hope Katsuki would like it.

Quietly, Eijirou sinks to the ground a few feet in front of the headstone, pulling in a deep, gentle breath of grass-scented air.

"Hey, Katsuki," he murmurs. He almost hates to break through the peace of the field with his voice, but he always talks when he's here. It's become normal. Routine. He feels closer to his late partner this way. "Man... I can't believe 's been six months. Kinda feels like I was still waking up to you just yesterday."

Waking up to him healthy, is what Eijirou remembers most even though the last months of Katsuki's life were hard. Unimaginably hard. But Eijirou, being the optimistic and positive guy he is, has a mind that always strays to the happier days, even if there's a shadow of pain looming over them all now.

"Days have been pretty good lately," he says. "I've been taking a bit of a break from my hero duties. I think I threw myself back in a little too hard when I went back to it a couple months ago. Ended up with some injuries that'll probably scar, but s'okay. It's all part of the deal, right? We've always said that.

"Everybody seems to be doing pretty well again. It was hard, ya know... right after. For everybody. There's like... this hole where you were that can't be filled by anything or anyone. We've all had a pretty hard time adjusting, but we're starting to get there. I think that's why I got hurt... 'cause I'm not used to you being right there. Guess my instincts figured you'd be there to have my back."

Eijirou lets a shrug roll off his shoulders. "Anyway. Um. There's... something else I wanted to tell you about. You probably already know, 'cause sometimes 's like I feel you there with me... but I'm... gonna grow out my hair a little more and then cut off the red... or, well, faded strawberry blond-ish color, and then donate the natural stuff. 'Cause why not, ya know? It'll help someone. And then, uh... it'll be pretty short after that. Shorter than it's been since before middle school. But I'll dye it again and go back to my usual style, I think.

"So even though I kinda hate how long it is..." he says in a mumble, playing with the braid laying over his left shoulder-a messy one because he still doesn't completely have the whole hair weaving thing down even after spending hours with Mina and Yaomomo learning how to do it-"I'm glad you talked me into growing it out 'cause now something really cool will come of it. So thanks, man."

And he does kind of hate it, despite Katsuki having loved it. That's the whole reason he's left it for so long. There'd been times he complained about wanting to cut it again, but every time Katsuki convinced him to keep it. It was easy to comply, too, because he enjoyed more than he liked to admit the sensation of Katsuki's warm fingers tugging through it, pulling it away from his face, twisting it gently and weaving it in his own creative ways. It always made him sleepy and proved to be a good way to fight off his insomnia.

"Sucks ass we didn't think of this shit before," Eijirou vaguely remembers Katsuki saying one night as he was already half asleep, a hand tangled in his hair on the back of his head. He'd only hummed, and he was pretty sure it was mere seconds later that he'd succumbed to slumber.

After that, Katsuki had used this newfound method to help Eijirou sleep, and even now he finds it kind of ironic that those are the nights in which he remembers sleeping the best.

"I still haven't used those plane ticket coupons your parents got me for my birthday," he goes on thoughtfully. "I can't really think of anywhere to go, y'know? Well, okay, I can, but I guess there's nowhere I feel okay going without you. At least not yet. I tried to give 'em to Uraraka and Midoriya instead, but they wouldn't take them..."

"Use them when you're ready, Kiri. It'll be good for you to take a trip somewhere eventually. I think it'll help you heal." Something Midoriya had told him, and while he hadn't said it, the 'when you get over it' felt implied, even if Eijirou knew Midoriya would never mean anything that way.

"...I don't think I'll ever get over it," he murmurs, unaware that his thoughts have once again blended into what he's saying aloud. "I really, really don't."

Katsuki's parents had given them the coupons because they, just like everyone else, were aware of all the traveling the two of them had been doing over the course of the last two years of their son's life. It had been mostly Eijirou's idea, of course, but Katsuki had found he couldn't really help but go along with it until the idiot was already planning another trip the day after they got home from one, and then he had to speak up.

"Calm your shit, Ei. We just got back."

"I know, but-"

"I know what you're doing, you know. 'M not a damn idiot. And I appreciate it more than you can even fucking imagine but... you gotta stop treating me like I'm dying so much, Eijirou. Just be normal, 'cause if you're trying to do something special twenty-four seven, you're gonna exhaust both of us. Just be with me. You should've figured out by now that that's all I care about."

To that, Eijirou had smiled a bit sheepishly, his shoulders slumped, and admitted that Katsuki was right.

"I'll tone it down," he promised. "But can you compromise with me here, just a little? Let me treat you a bit, okay? Remember all the stuff you used to talk about wanting to do? Like, aside from becoming the number one hero and opening your own agency and stuff? Well, I... I never told you this but I sorta made it my goal to help you do all that stuff and now we've only got so much time, man."

"There's more to life than traveling and shit, Ei."

"I know, babe. Really, I do. But I don't want you to get to a point where you can't do this stuff anymore and end up regretting it."

After that, Katsuki had agreed to the compromise-Eijirou wouldn't make him go on a new trip each week, but he'd humor him on some of them so long as Eijirou also did his best to act normally, to treat him as he normally would as long as the situation allowed for it.

Eijirou has to admit it was hard; the fact that Katsuki was dying a little quicker every day never left his mind, and in just knowing that it made him restless whenever they were doing normal, day-to-day things. Even he was starting to feel annoyed by himself after a while, and part of him still wonders just how in the hell Katsuki put up with him for two whole years like that.

If you were to ask him, Eijirou would tell you that one of the hardest things he ever had to go through was watching Katsuki's decline, but somehow it still feels too selfish to say that. Watching him suffer and deteriorate from the inside out almost literally was one thing, but going through it, and knowing that your days are numbered all the while? He couldn't-and still can't-even imagine.

He often has dreams, when he's able to sleep, about seeing the fire in Katsuki's eyes fade out day by day until it died completely. He had been himself up until the very end, but the weakness of his body had shown in his demeanor. In the things he said and the way he moved and spoke. Because of it, there was a wound-a scar-on Eijirou's heart he knew would never, ever heal or disappear.

He'd done everything he could to help when gradually, Katsuki was no longer able. Day by day he grew paler and paler. His skin. His eyes. Even his hair. They all slowly lost their luster. He slept... a lot, and there came a point where he no longer woke feeling rested. His appetite dwindled little by little.

Eijirou will never forget the day he was forced to go on oxygen. He will remember it as the day their 'normal' life together ceased to exist completely.

Katsuki had been holding out as long as he possibly could, refusing to have to lug an oxygen tank around until it was absolutely necessary. That was why he ended up waking both of them during the infant hours of the morning, gasping for breath. Horrid choking sounds emitted from his throat, and, knowing he wouldn't be able to get Katsuki somewhere that could help him fast enough, he'd called for emergency services.

It had turned out to be some semblance of an asthma attack that had died down not long after it'd woken them up, thankfully. But from then on he had no option but to go on oxygen unless he wanted it to happen again, and frequently.

Eijirou remembered the doctor listing the risks of that-of staying off of it. He remembered every single one. And he remembered the mildly irritated and almost... hopeless look Katsuki bore while they were being listed out. He still didn't want to do it. The sole thing that convinced him was the pleading, glass-like look in Eijirou's tearful, tired eyes.

From then on, most of what Katsuki had done to stay as healthy as possible, all things considered, was for Eijirou. And shit, he never knew he could be so selfless. He was pretty sure he wasn't, unless it came to the red-haired idiot he loved so damn much.

On some level, Eijirou knew this, too. But every time he had just enough courage to open his mouth and tell Katsuki it was okay for him to go, he chickened out. His stomach tightened painfully and it was like there was a fist closing around his throat whenever he tried to say it, so he never did.

The time he got the closest, though, he ended up saying something completely different; something even he didn't see coming.

"Katsuki?" he murmured while they were sitting outside on the small balcony together, listening to music emitting from Katsuki's phone and otherwise simply enjoying each others' company.

"Hm?"

The question was out before Eijirou knew what hit him. "Do you regret marrying me?"

"What?" Katsuki asked, head snapping up. "The fuck kind of question is that?!"

"Just tell me, man. I won't be upset if you say yes."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Do you?" Eijirou pressed, knowing damn well that he was right.

"Of course not, you damn moron."

"And... that's the truth?"

Eijirou distinctly remembers Katsuki's eyes narrowing in suspicion at him. "Obviously."

That answer hadn't made Eijirou feel any better, though, and because it seems that sometimes he doesn't know when to stop, he kept poking.

"You're only staying alive for me though, aren't you?" he asked.

Katsuki had looked away, his shoulders drooping slightly. While he didn't really see that one coming, it still somehow didn't surprise him to hear the question.

"...even if I wasn't dying, you're more than enough reason to keep breathing. Even if there was nothing else for me to live for."

"But you're suffering because of me. You're-you're sticking around to keep me as happy as you can even though you're in all this pain, and you have to drag an oxygen tank around..."

Katsuki's answer wasn't immediate. In the fading evening light, Eijirou saw his adam's apple bounce, his jaw muscles rippling subtly.

"That's not it," he'd said eventually, quietly. "Not completely."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean... I feel the same as you, Ei. About only having so much time left to be with you. It fucking haunts me every day that I ended up in this position. I don't know how in the hell I'm gonna have the strength to leave you alone, or what the fuck I'm s'posed to do to make it any less crushing for you when I'm gone.

"...remember that time you said you have a fuckton of love to give me and not a lotta time to do it? 'S how I feel, too. And I guess I fucking suck at expressing that... or whatever... more than I thought since we're sitting here having this shitty conversation.

"Truth is 'm fucking terrified to leave you, Eijirou." At that point he'd looked back, and the sheer agony and resentment in his eyes in that second left a scar on Eijirou's soul. "I love you so fucking much that I... I don't know what the hell to do with myself. I don't know what the fuck's gonna happen to me once I stop ticking, but I do know 'm not gonna be with you anymore. Not like this." He'd taken Eijirou's hand and Eijirou remembers, so clearly, that in spite of all his body was going through, they still retained their warmth. A breeze brushed past, carrying his sweet scent in Eijirou's direction, too. The scent of what could only be described as a warm, burnt sugar. His favorite scent, and one only Katsuki carried.

Eijirou hadn't known what to say. All he could do was lean in, gather Katsuki into his arms and hold him tight for as long as he could.

The moments between then and when Katsuki spoke up again were mostly a blur. He merely remembers the warmth of the other, and being happy that at least, for then, he had Katsuki to hold onto.

"I guess this is as good a time as any to tell you..." was what Katsuki said to break the silence.

"Tell me what?"

"I've been thinking about it and... you know there's gonna be a point where 's gonna be too much. I'm gonna be too much of a burden on both of us. And yeah it hurts and shit now, but it's gonna get worse. To the point where... we won't be able to handle it anymore. So I was thinking about how to prevent that."

Eijirou stiffened. "What... what do you mean?"

"'M not talking about magically getting better. I'm just sayin' I wanna prevent that shit from happening. I wanna... get the hell out of here before it does."

"Do you mean... um, are you implying s-suicide?"

Katsuki hadn't said anything, but he didn't need to; his silence said everything Eijirou needed to know. But, despite how absolutely much it pained him, he couldn't blame Katsuki. Even now, sitting in front of his headstone and thinking back to all of this, he can't.

Which is why his response, after swallowing around the lump in his throat a few times in an attempt to keep the thickness out of his voice, was, "I'll support you if that's what you decide. But... please don't make it something too... you know..."

"Idiot. 'M not gonna do it myself. I already talked to my doctor about it."

"Oh. So... assisted. Right?"

"...yeah. 'S gonna be more comfortable that way. Easier on everyone. And he said I can do it whenever I decide I'm ready."

"Right. Fair enough."

"...is that okay with you?"

"Huh? You're asking my opinion?"

"Yes, Dumb Hair. You're my partner."

"...I, um... yeah, I think that's a-a good idea."

And he did, solely because he didn't want to force Katsuki through any more pain than he could bear, even if he knew he'd be there for Katsuki no matter what. Had he gotten hurt in a way that caused paralysis, Eijirou would've stuck by him. Amnesia. Cancer. Anything. There wasn't a damn thing that would've made him leave, no matter how hard it got.

After that, they did their best to live their lives as normally as possible, even with Katsuki's issues that continued to arise one by one, what with his oxygen tank and eventually losing his appetite more often than not. Eventually he wasn't able to keep down anything solid at all anymore because his stomach was slowly deteriorating, just like the rest of him, which forced him on an all-liquid diet for the rest of his time.

Eijirou watched him lose weight because of it-and a lot of it. He'd already been losing muscle mass because of his inability to work out normally, and with never eating actually food, nor getting enough nutrition from his perpetual lack of appetite, there came a point where his ribs were visible. His cheeks were slightly hollow (though only Eijirou, being the one to know him so well, was able to see it).

Sometimes Katsuki didn't even have the energy to stand up, let alone walk, which pissed him off. It forced him to rely on Eijirou just to get around the stupid apartment, and he despised being such a fucking burden.

"You're not a burden, babe," Eijirou told him over and over, sometimes even when Katsuki hadn't even said anything. "I'm glad I can help you. And it's not your fault you're like this."

It was easy to tell when the pain started to become unbearable again, being too great for the painkillers-already 800 milligrams to begin with-were too weak to combat it. Most of the time he would just grit his teeth and bear it, but Eijirou wouldn't let him stay that way for long and did whatever he could to make Katsuki comfortable again.

And that included massages-something he'd done since they were still in high school. Such big explosions, happening so frequently, took a toll on Katsuki's shoulders and arms with the recoil. Eijirou was always more than happy to help his muscles relax a bit, and even when it had been nearly a year since Katsuki'd used his Quirk to such a big degree, they kept up with it. It laced some old normalcy into the new normal that were their lives.

But as much as they both wanted to pretend everything was normal, even in the larger scope of it all, things kept being thrown in their faces. Katsuki survived alright for a few months on and all-liquid diet; he even seemed to be doing better than before because he hadn't been throwing up anymore.

...it didn't last. And Eijirou hated that he wasn't surprised that it didn't, either. Hated that all he could do was sit with Katsuki and rub his back, help him down some water when it started happening again.

It wasn't that he was just unable to keep down a lot of the things he consumed, either. There was coughing. And blood... from his lungs. His throat. He started bruising easily, too, and his hair even started to fall out in clumps. His voice grew more and more hoarse until it was very nearly unrecognizable.

Doctor's appointments told them what they already knew; his organs were beginning to shut down. His left kidney had already failed and his liver functions were already very limited. There were... holes beginning to form in his heart, his intestines, even his lungs. His bones and skin were brittle. He claimed to the doctor that his vision had started to blur weeks before, and that there was a ringing in his ears. His body had a rough time staying hydrated. There had just been so, so much.

Eijirou only cried away from Katsuki. Nearing the end he was so exhausted that he slept most of the time so he wasn't able to help Eijirou to sleep (not that he thought he could at that point, anyway), which left him awake most nights. He'd leave the room quietly when he knew Katsuki was sound asleep and hide himself away in the bathroom when he just couldn't hold it in anymore, and let it out as silently as he could.

Even in his weakened state, this didn't make it past Katsuki.

"My vision's blurry as shit, but I can still tell when you look and feel like shit," he mumbled in the slurred way he spoke.

"Can you blame me?" Eijirou said in a quiet tenor, not even bothering to hide his pain.

"'Course I can't, Ei. Just... lemme do what little I can for you at this point. If ya gotta cry, just do it, but don't run away."

That was more than enough to tip Eijirou over the edge, and for one last, good time before Katsuki was gone, he wept. And wept. Loudly, he might add, into the other's shoulder. And while it wasn't nearly as obnoxious, Katsuki shed a few tears himself; his heart was already falling to pieces, literally, but if anything was going to shatter it for good it was the sound of Eijirou's emotional agony. No matter where he was going, he could never forgive himself for this.

The day the date was set-the one where Katsuki would check into the hospital and never really check back out-the whole world felt completely surreal. They had a week. Just one, and that was assuming Katsuki made it that long.

"Feels weird," he mumbled in that scratchy, barely-there voice, "knowin' the day you're gonna die."

Eijirou had no response for that. He was having a hard enough time holding himself together without Katsuki saying things like that. He felt like he was burning from the inside out, too, having watched the one he loved more than words could ever hope to describe, literally wither away and knowing there wasn't a damned thing he could do about it.

"Is there anything else you want to do?" Eijirou asked him on the way home.

"Nah. I jus' wanna be with you."

They found themselves on the living room floor just a couple nights before the date, as Eijirou had started thinking of it. He'd carried Katsuki in and laid him down on the few thick blankets he'd laid down, kept the heat cranked up for Katsuki's cold body and lit some candles to provide at least a little bit of light before lying down gently beside him, cocooning them in another thick, fuzzy blanket, and folding him into his arms.

Eijirou remembers his mind straying away in the silence, back to when he had a last few visits from friends and family. There'd been an ocean of tears from everyone but him, of course. He wanted to see them all one last time-his parents, Midoriya, Todoroki, Uraraka, Kaminari, Sero, Jirou, Mina, Aizawa, All Might, and a few others-while he still had enough energy to be with them for a while. It was before the date was set, but they knew it had been coming, and soon.

He made it clear he just wanted to spend his last days with nobody but Eijirou, and they all respected that.

"This is probably far-fetched as hell, but I got a question," Katsuki had said, breaking Eijirou out of the memory. "Have you ever had a feeling that for some reason... you just weren't supposed to make it?"

"What do you mean?"

"...just that you could never see yourself getting old. You just knew you'd die before then. Like you were only meant to live a short while."

No, Eijirou wanted to tell him. He'd never felt that, especially not after he met Katsuki, and especially not after they got together. He always pictured them growing up, being pro heroes always side-by-side, and then growing old together. He pictured a conventional life, and one that was long.

"Didn't think so," Katsuki mumbled.

Eijirou had just buried his face into Katsuki's thin, off-smelling hair and told him he loved him over and over until his voice soothed Katsuki to sleep.

~

This is always where Eijirou forces himself to cut off his reminiscing of Katsuki's last few years, though the memory of his last day is and always will be imprinted in his memory. Always. He thinks more of a healthy Katsuki, the one he knew before he was fatally injured. He remembers that wicked, determined smile and that rough, always-shouting voice. Remembers the fiery glint in his eyes and the warmth of his hands. The feeling of his lips. The calm, steady look on his face when he slept, so much unlike when he was awake and fighting; unlike those snarls and scowls of anger during a fight or when something pissed him off. That is the Katsuki he remembers most, the one he loves most. He refuses to let the dark memory of that final day in December taint the beautiful images.

"I... gotta admit," Eijirou murmurs to the quiet of the field, to the headstone before him, "that even though you told me not to, I still sometimes find myself thinking about what I could've done to prevent you from getting hurt so you could still be here with me. I know that's futile 'cause unfortunately thinking about it so much and blaming myself isn't gonna bring you back or even make me feel any better. But it's... hard. And I've lost so much sleep.

"Sometimes I wake up in a pool of my own tears on my pillow. Sometimes yours, too. How stupid is that, huh?" His chuckle is dry. Lifeless. "I'm tryin', Katsuki. I really am. I-I knew it would be hard but like, back then, I guess my imagination wasn't big enough to dream of just how hard it actually is. To be without you.

"Mom says there are somethings you gotta learn to let go of so you can move on. She doesn't mean you, but the house. The apartment. She thinks it's not good for me to be there and offered to let me move back in for a bit so I can heal. But I guess 'm just not quite ready for that yet. She understands, but she's worried...

"It's not like I'm alone, though, y'know? Pretty much every day at least one person calls or comes over to check in on my days off duty, which is nice. I kinda wish they wouldn't worry about me so much, though. I feel like a nuisance." The sentence is punctuated with a slight laugh. "'S good to have such good friends and parents.

"Um... anyway, I brought my ukulele," he goes on, lifting the small instrument by the neck. "Remember? The one I bought when I sang to you on your eighteenth birthday? I found it a few weeks ago and I learned a new song. 'S kinda depressing, but it fits. I wanna sing for you again even though I'm not very good at it, and since this is the only song I know..." He trails off with a shrug. "Anyway, I hope you like it." If you even can really hear me like I hope you can, he adds silently to himself.

The instrument situates easily in his lap. It's small, and the relatively old and cheap wood feels almost fragile in his rather large hands, but it's still comfortable enough. His fingers find their places easily; he's been practicing this for a few weeks, and at this point it's almost simply muscle memory.

His right hand is poised to strum the first note when it occurs to him to look around, to make sure nobody's close enough to hear him. He's confident, but not that confident, especially in doing something like this. Fortunately, there isn't another soul in sight, which helps him to relax and finally begin.

"Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are..."

It's hard to push the words out through a thick throat, but he's used to this. There's never been an instance where he hasn't gotten choked up doing this, and although this time the heaviness is so much more potent on his shoulders, he pushes through.

"I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
And ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start..."

A breeze picks up as his voice carries softly, and even though it cracks here and there-he's really not used to this singing thing-he keeps going.

"Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start..."

The breeze is warm, and somewhere inside his mind Eijirou wonders if he's just trying to pretend it's the same kind of warmth he remembers from Katsuki's palms, pressing against his skin...

"I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science, science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart..."

How cheesy would Katsuki think this was? Would it make him blush? Would he just sit and listen with patience, with a hint of awe in his eyes, as he did the one other time Eijirou sang to him, all those years ago?

"Tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Running in circles, chasing our tails
Coming back as we are..."

His fingers stutter on the strings, and his voice falters. The raw emotion swirling within him is becoming too much, too much, and he doesn't know if he's going to make it through this...

"Nobody said it was easy..."

He sighs out the line quietly, eyes trailing upward toward the sky.

"Oh it's such a shame for us to part..."

His eyes sting, but he doesn't want to cry. Not again. He's so sick of tears.

"Nobody said it was easy..."

So over the ache in his chest and the dry eyes he wakes up with when his tears are what put him to sleep...

"No one ever said it would be so hard..."

And that's when the first tear escapes to roll down his cheek. He keeps strumming, despite this. Even through the soft music emitting from the small instrument and a pause in his singing where there isn't really supposed to be one in the song, he speaks.

"I keep tellin' myself 's not a goodbye. 'S just... a 'see you later' thing." He pauses. Sniffles. "But I guess that doesn't really make it much easier." He swallows. "I'm glad I got the time with you I did, 'n I know you'd be digging your knuckles into my head and tellin' me to stop being such a fucking baby." Through his tears he manages a small laugh. "'M not gonna apologize for missing you, though. I just haven't learned how to be happy without you yet. 'M tryin', though. Promise."

He sniffles again, pauses strumming to wipe at his face, his nose. "I love you so much, Katsuki. So damn much."

The breeze brushes his cheeks again, and for the first time since he'd been sitting there the sun has sunk to just one specific spot to filter through the nearby tree, bathing him in warm, soft yellow light. It pulls a smile out of him-a real, genuine smile. It's all the encouragement he needs to carry out the last line of the song.

"I'm going back to the start..."

---

art credit of Kiri at the beginning goes to @gnashgab_genet