Is the title potentiallyyy a reference to Lorde's song Secrets from a Girl (Who's Seen it All)? Whaaaat definitley noooot haha.

Well, who is this girl who's seen it all?

Annie Kelly of course :)

Enjoy! :)

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Annie has always been more perceptive than most of the people around her. She got frustrated at a young age when she was told that she was just imagining things, that she was reading into it too deeply, that she didn't know what she was talking about.

She hated hearing all of that. Especially when she was told that she didn't know what she was talking about. Because every single time, she knew what she was talking about.

What she hated the most was being told "it doesn't matter."

Because, as she found out as she got older, it does matter. Every detail. Maybe not every single minute detail, but many of the details she latched on to that others ignored turn out to matter in the end. Maybe they only mattered to her but since they had mattered to her then it means that they must have mattered at least a little bit, right?

Still, no one understood her, and no one tried to understand her, so her early years were quite lonely. Just her, her thoughts, and this great big world full of so many details.

Nicholas Jameson developed a fondness for her right away when she confronted him at the age of ten, telling him in no uncertain terms what her thoughts were on the story of the Gambler. Of course he regretted her being exposed to everything at such a young age, but he still admired her. As much as Annie wants to remain unattached to people, she always has to admit she has a soft spot for Jameson, because he was the first adult to always believe her when she talked about things that shouldn't be.

She knew that the confused kid she met around the same time she met Jameson would be someone like them--not Them, but the people who fight Them (they really need to come up with a name for themselves). Sure, he was young and definitely didn't know who she was or why she was talking to him, which is valid, but she saw it in his eyes. She knew all she had to do was wait. And she did. And eight years later, he helped her when she needed it most. And so, even if she doesn't know how to express feelings, she hopes that someday in some shape or form, she can convey just how grateful she is.

She didn't want to believe it when she was seeing the signs. Signs that she has not seen in three years. Signs of activity of something that got her in trouble for trying to stop it. Something that she couldn't ignore, even though she knew that there would be consequences for her. Every time she ruminates for only a second on what had happened to her in her short time in Their grasp, a shiver goes through her spine, making her tremble, making her re-live the horrible memories, even if only for a moment.

So she wanted to ignore it at first.

But she has never been one to ignore signs that are obviously there.

And so, as much as her brain wants to convince her that all the signs she saw tapered off after her liberation and haven't been seen in three years, she follows these new signs of new activity.

And she does not like what she finds: confirmation that her suspicions are right.

The thing is, Annie remembers her time being in Their grasp. She understands that she was lucky only spending a couple months in there instead of a couple years--or ten in Stargazer's case--but that doesn't mean it wasn't awful. Doesn't mean it's easier for her to sleep at night. Doesn't mean that it didn't shake her to the core, didn't throw off her confidence at all, doesn't continue to haunt her to this day.

And, as much as it pains her to say it, she probably can't handle this by herself like she used to. So as much as she doesn't want to admit it, she does come to terms with the fact that she might need help this time. And a certain young gambler comes to mind.

Not that Annie believes a man can solve all her problems. But she has seen Racetrack, and what he can do. And what he did.

And since she's not quite sure of his whereabouts, she goes to her next person who would know, who would want to help: Stargazer. Although they never worked together they had a mutual understanding, and a good acquaintance.

She saw the look in his eyes as he came to the door and she regretted in an instant bringing him back into this. She remembered what it was like when he was taken, how it cut them all to the core. She understands that for ten years he saw horrors that they ended up lucky not to. She bit her lip, unwilling to bring him right back into the thick of it.

But the words were welling up in her throat. She knew she had to let them out.

And so she released them, for the greater good of them all...except for Stargazer. With every truthful word she spoke, she felt relief that for once she was not the only one to carry this burden...but also regret, as she watched Stargazer relieve some of his worst days. She wanted to help him, but it wasn't in her nature, besides she knew that Ray had always been better with feelings. So she left as quick as she came. She knows what they say about her, about how she keeps to herself. Hopefully they just commented she was making a quick exit as usual, thinking nothing more of it. Hopefully they didn't see through her and how desperate she was to leave so she couldn't see just how much damage she just caused. It's for the greater good, she tries to tell herself, but as she does, there's still the little nagging in her mind asking her, what happened to the girl who said everything matters?

Well that little girl had grown up. You can't always hold on to everything you held dear as a child.

She hurries off from their house, huggins her elbows, trying not to think about the wound she just reopened for Stargazer. When she deems herself far enough, she stops, looks up at the moon, and huffs. 

She's always been better off alone. At least, that's what she tells herself.

But as she finds herself hoping that Stargazer and Ray contact Racetrack soon...

She finds herself wanting more than just an ally or an accomplice.

She wants a friend.

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Man, didn't know this was going to go in the loneliness direction :(

Hopefully this barely 1000 word chapter is a nice change of pace from the Odysseys of chapters I've been writing haha.

Didn't expect to project my own sentiments as a child onto Annie Kelly, but here we are. Maybe I've let go of some of the hate when I hear "it doesn't matter", but that doesn't mean I've let it go entirely. Everything can matter. It does matter. Especially when feelings are involved. You never say "it doesn't matter" when there's someone with a deep connection to whatever you claim doesn't matter. Many people look down on things that are subjective. But maybe I'm just very subjective, but I think subjectivity is more important than objectivity. These are my musings.

I hope that the vagueness about what she's seeing is suspenseful instead of losing its intrigue...

Don't worry though! In the next chapter bunch, all will be revealed :)

...or most of it, haha. I gotta keep some secrets ;)

Please, no homphobia/transphobia/aphobia, profanities directed at other users, hate etc in the comment section at all times.

Best,

~Your Beloved Author (who is currently grieving a character in the book that they are reading, Not For the Faint of Heart, by Lex Croucher, an incredible Robin Hood story about Robin Hood's gay granddaughter and her adventures with her found family and her captive who becomes her girlfriend, 11/10 book asides from this one character's death)