Let us talk about, Anhel, my first oc.

She is pretty much a proxy for me. Her hair is red and her eyes are grey. That's how I've always wanted to look. She dresses gothic like I wish I do. She is a lesbian like I am. She is what I wish to be except her personality is the side of mine I hate. She's quiet and reserved, timid and not likely to take action. She's the mousey side of me I hate because that's what made me boring in other people's eyes. I could fade into the background because I was so quiet. Even her body language gives away she is afraid to grab anybody's attention. She seems like she curls in on herself and her arms are generally in front of her body as some sort of protection. Isn't it ironic that the character I gave my ideal physical characteristics to ended up having the personality I hate? And it's not as simple as give her a different personality.

From the moment I thought of her that's the personality she seemed to have to me. Changing that now is like making a whole new character because Anhel is Anhel because she lacks confidence in herself. She is meek and doesn't know how to stand up for herself. She lets people walk all over her and denies that she should ever have happiness. Despite all of that I can't hate her. I just see a girl struggling to get along with herself and learn what it really means to live life. Ironic isn't I can look at her and accept her but look at myself and condemn it?