Why do we love? Like it's stupid. Why do we breath? It's again stupid. Why do we have to be alive? Why can't we just die. Why can't i just die? I mean i guess i can. It's really easy. A few weeks ago i had a real reason to not kill myself but now i don't. But I'm always telling people it'll get better. No one tells me that. The only people who have said that are my step mom, dad, and therapist. But people that are around my age don't seem to flipping care. So why don't i just off myself. Oh i know that stupid idea of the future. Oh wait i fucked up the only future i wanted. I mean what I'm saying doesn't matter seeing as every white chick is depressed. Guess I'll just add to that. At least my life has reason now. To be a stereotype. Fun. Cause what other reason do we have to live if to not be stereotypes.
I mean my life has no reason. But it could if i stayed alive. But why should i? I don't even talk to the three people that i called my "best friends". Or maybe they don't talk to me. I mean i stopped putting an effort to talk to them cause maybe if i stop talking to them completely when i up and disappear they won't care. I mean the only people who would care are my dad, and step mom. Maybe my therapist. My bio mom would say she carried. But she doesn't really. Why would she? She has my brother and her boyfriend. That's all she needs. Why does she need her other child. The useless one. The one who can't do shit. All i ever was to her was a burden.
So if i go threw with it which i won't cause i have shit to do before i kill myself. If you think this is just me trying to get attention then don't answer. I mean why should you talk to a lost cause. I think the last time i was happy was in 5th grade. I'm going into 10th.
But! I did start depression meds! Next is ADHD meds or anxiety meds. So yay. Maybe once I'm drugged up i can stop wanting to kill myself. Or my heart will explode! Yay adderal! But that's rare and shit.
Anyway if you read this sorry for wasting your time with my teenage angest bullshit.