November 28, 2009

It all started when I first met Tyler in eighth grade. It was June and the last week of school. The crowded halls of the small middle school were very noisy and cramped.

My current ex best friend, Michelle, was excited about all of us meeting her new boyfriend at the end of the day. He was tall and she pointed him out easily amongst the crowd of sixth, seventh, and eighth graders getting ready to head to the buses. He was wearing a red, white, and blue Rangers hat.

We could barely see his face; his hat hid his eyes and hair well. From what I could tell, he was buff, yet lean and tall. He was a jock.

He took his hat off and smiled. It was a cute smile—a smile that put butterflies in my stomach, which wasn't good at all. He was Michelle's boyfriend.

He had brown messy hair that ended at his ears and large dark bangs covering his blue swirly eyes.

We all exchanged names and smiles then said our goodbyes to head home. I watched Michelle and Tyler hold hands and walk the other way to their buses.

Was I jealous? No, I couldn't be. I had just met the damn boy. Maybe I was just jealous of the thought that Michelle had a boyfriend and I didn't? I don't remember. It was a long time ago.

A week after the last day of school, we were all at the town lake. Michelle was throwing her graduation party there. Sure, we were only graduating eighth grade, but we were celebrating moving to different buildings: from middle school to high school.

Tyler was there. He was also the only boy there because Michelle's mom didn't want any boys there. We were all still thirteen and too young for boys to be at a party. But I guess Tyler was an exception because he was Michelle's boyfriend.

We all had fun, swimming in the lake and eating BBQ. Everyone was so excited for Michelle and Tyler. A couple of girls, Tiffany and Emily, tried to get them to kiss, but Michelle was afraid that her mom would see. So they made Tyler and her go to the other side of the lake, where her mom couldn't see, and kiss.

It was Michelle's first time. It wasn't Tyler's. So he put his hands on her ass while they kissed open-mouthed, with no tongue.

Soon the summer passed by and it was the week before school started. The week before we became freshmen in high school.

That was when Michelle broke up with Tyler. He did nothing wrong, except maybe try to move too fast in the relationship. Michelle didn't like how he held her ass when they kissed or... Actually, I think that's the only reason why she broke up with him.

She made everyone hate him for some reason. Made everyone think he was a player, a man whore. And that he was gay, because he seemed to shave his eyebrows. Not that they were arched and skinny like a woman's, but they weren't bushy and he didn't have a unibrow. However, we never did find out if it was true or not...

So, I guess good hygiene on a guy was a turn off to Michelle? In my book, it's a turn on, but whatever. I guess Michelle liked them bushy and singular. Gross.

Once school started, it was awesome, except for the amount of homework we got piled with every day. I shared classes with many of my friends, but my favorite class was Internet Applications. It was the last period of the day, I was the only girl of two in that class, and I also shared it with Tyler.

I don't remember a single thing I learned there. I passed with a 90 but got a 65 on the final. Not that it mattered to me. It was an elective.

I spent the whole period only talking to Tyler. All we did was flirt and flirt and flirt—which I loved. I never received attention like that from a really cute guy before. But I knew he'd never like me. I mean he was a big, and I mean BIG, flirt.

All my friends thought I was crazy to be talking, let alone flirting with him. But I didn't care. I didn't see what was so bad about him.

"But Jenny, he's Michelle's ex!"

So? She dumped him.

"But Jenny, he shaves his eyebrows. He's gay!"

That doesn't make him gay.

"But Jenny, he's a man whore!"

I don't think so. And I still don't think so to this day.

All of my friends were blind with their own prejudices of him; no one actually took interest in his personality, in who he was as a person. They only believed in the rumors about him; most of them started by Michelle.

By December freshman year, we both were dating. No, not each other. I was dating a boy named Cody, who I thought I was madly in love with. Tyler was dating some girl I don't remember the name of, who he probably thought he was madly in love with as well. And yet, we still flirted. Of course not in public, but through texting.

I never knew what to call our relationship. We were friends, but we also flirted and always talked to each other like we were dating. I wouldn't have called it friends with benefits; I mean, we never did anything. Plus we never saw each other outside of school... but we were always there for each other.

I loved him. I knew that much. But it was like brotherly love. I like to think that I always had a crush on him, even when I was dating Cody. But I always pushed those feelings back into the unreachable corners of my mind, because I knew he'd never like me.

I wasn't his type. I was sweet and always acted like my true self. He liked those popular, snobby, fake cheerleader girls, and no way in hell was I going to change for him. At least, that's what I thought in the beginning.

Soon another summer passed and it was the first week of sophomore year. Tenth grade was a hard year for me. Not with schoolwork, but emotionally.

The week before school started again, I broke up with Cody. I was still (supposedly) madly in love with him, but he hurt me too many times to count, let alone remember. I deserved someone better. Cody never raised his hand at me. God, no! But he lied to me many times and cheated many times, too.

So, I was heartbroken and depressed. Everyone knew I was sad about it, but I hid it well, and, by the end of September, everyone thought that I was over him. Everyone, but Tyler.

He was there for me and I loved every minute of it. We used to stay up really late every night texting each other about the most random things. And we still flirted, even though I was depressed and heartbroken.

By Halloween, I met a boy named Frankie. He was sweet, shy, and cute. I had finally felt the feelings of a crush after what felt like forever, which was really only a year.

In December, Tyler's girlfriend had dumped him and he was heartbroken. However, I could never really comfort him; he didn't like talking about his feelings. But from what he told me, him comforting me and just talking to me was enough to make him happy. And if I was happy, he was happy.

Finally, by January Frankie asked me out, and of course, I said yes. It was exciting the first week, but by the second week, it became boring. Finally, after the third week, I broke it off, and the exact day after, I went on a date with Tyler—my first date with Tyler.

It was February, and it was the first time meeting him outside of school. We went to the movies.

I don't quite remember what movie it was because I was distracted the whole time. In the beginning of us hanging out, it was a little awkward until we started debating what movie to see. I won.

Then once we took our seats and the lights went off, he put his arm around me and I automatically snuggled into his chest.

My heart was racing faster than sin. I felt like it was going to fly out of my chest. My stomach was just the same. Butterflies were swarming everywhere; I could barely stomach my root beer soda. I was trying so hard to control my breathing.

I think he knew it, too; but it was okay because I could feel his heart pounding against his chest, too—the quick rise and fall of it. I mean, I was leaning on it.

By the middle of the movie, I felt a pair of eyes on me. I looked over to see Tyler staring at me intensely as if his eyes were longing for something. We inched closer to each other until I felt his breath on my lips. Then it happened.

He kissed me.

Just like that. My lips were parted slightly and he opened them with his own. There was no tongue involved. But there was so much emotion being shared between us. There was passion, longing, trust, and a little bit of lust.

I felt so much; it was like electricity was sparkling between our mouths, and I knew he felt it, too. After what seemed like forever, we pulled away. Our breaths were ragged; our pulses were soaring through the roof.

I still remember the feeling of the light stubble on his face brushing against mine.

Once we got out of the movies, we walked around town, but only for a little bit, because it was February in New York and flurrying. We couldn't hang for a while longer at the café we hid in to stay warm, because we were out of money.

During that short walk, I asked him why.

"Why what?" he asked.

"Why did you kiss me?" I had asked him.

He laughed his adorable laugh at this, "Because I like you."

Those were the words that I'd only dreamt come out of his mouth from the moment I met him, and now that it was real, I was ecstatic.

I asked him when he started liking me, and he said since the beginning of freshman year, but we both had our own relationships, and now that they were finally over, we were able to be with each other.

From this past February to August, we dated. We went on about one or two dates a month. And it was the best.

By the last week of August, we were both home from family vacations, and we were dying to see each other, so we planned a date. I didn't know then that it then would be the last time we would plan to hang out.

He had asked me if I would finally be his girlfriend in a text message, and I said yes. He wanted to ask me in person on our date again to make it "official."

He even asked me if I liked celebrating small presents for many little anniversaries or one large present for a really big anniversary. I had answered small presents. He was even talking about anniversaries, so he saw us lasting long together. That made me really happy.

Then his flight from Florida back to New York was canceled due to the hurricane, so our date was also canceled. I tried calling and texting him to reschedule our date, but he never texted back.

He never called me back.

The following week, I was so nervous and worried about him. Then the day before junior year started, I texted him saying I was sorry for whatever I did wrong, to please not be mad at me, and that I had missed him a lot.

We hadn't seen each other since June because of all our vacations. He was away when I was home and I was away when he was home. It was just bad timing.

Then he wrote back asking what was wrong with me. He said that he could never be mad at me. That he missed me very much and he's just been hiding because when he finally got back from Florida, he found out terrible news. His grandfather, who he had been very close to, passed away, and he just needed time to think.

I felt so bad for him, I cried. I told him so. He didn't want me to cry for him and told me to stop. I told him I did, even though I didn't. He didn't believe me. He knew me too well.

Then the school year started back up and I saw him in the halls. While he did make eye contact, he never said hi to me. I thought he needed his space, so I let him be.

Unfortunately, I moved on.

I have no feelings for him anymore.

Now, it's the end of November in our junior year. I've known Tyler for almost four years now and I haven't talked to him since the day before the first day of school in September.

And to be honest, I miss him. Not in a romantic way, but in a friendly, brotherly way. Tyler and I shared something special, and now, it's gone.

And as I sit here writing this, I think how Tyler never made it official that I was his girlfriend... but he never did break off the written agreement we had through a text that seems like ages ago when really it was only four months ago.

Does that mean I'm still his girlfriend? I don't know, but Tyler seems fine now. He seems happy. I should call him up and see if we can hang. Maybe catch each other up in the last four months of our lives we've missed out on.

Yeah, I think I'll call Tyler up right now...