our story was complicated
at least for me
and I know you don't think about me
you've moved on
were never really involved
never really hurt by any of it
you went to see different places
always had different priorities
you live your life
and maybe we were always strangers
but I memorized so many things about you
at least I cared
and I will think of you
on your birthday
and if I forget it
I'll think of you a few weeks later
and say "damn I forgot his birthday"
but it'll make no difference
because we haven't spoken in nearly three years
exchanged a few messages
did not want to be too open
did want to end up at the same place
where I was six months prior
that makes it sound like I was heartbroken
I wasn't
I was just overthinking everything
I enjoyed whatever we were
friends, not really friends, definitely not more than friends
somehow connected
mostly over 26 letters and two other signs
makes it less than three
and because I thought we were actually friends
I wanted to help you
but you turned away
and left me confused and angry
the overthinking started
was he just different than I thought?
but I know him
do I really?
is there any chance I can help?
should I even try?
he obviously does not want any contact
why though?
did I do anything wrong?
and the list of questions went on
forever
until one evening
i decided that it was enough
i had a life to live
and exactly on the next morning
i got a text
and i know you were sorry
(were you really?)
but i saw no chance
to keep whatever it was alive
in any way
so we just exchanged a few messages
still
there is something i wanted to let you know
everytime i scrolled through your tweets during quarantine
(who's the better stalker now? ; )
i guess you don't know
but i'm just that kind of person
let you in once
knowing you'll be allowed to stay forever
and if you won't
i will still let you stay
even after you leave
but you did not need to know then
it would have made me vulnerable
i just wanted you to know
whenever you think
no one ever cared about you
no one thinks of you
not even on your birthday
no one remembers
not even after it's passed
just know you're wrong
because I will think of you.

[08.04.2022]