Warning! : Cussing, break down, Homophobia, automatic reference. Help my Turtle baby

I escaped into the restroom without them seeing me. I locked myself in the restroom as I heard them planning. They're planning some kind of party. I'm so scared. Why am I? I don't know... I never know.

I know that I grabbed my phone and my SketchBook with some crackers. I have this little backpacks on my bag and I called little Panther. Because it's black and it has two little ears I called little Panther. It's adorable.

But that's not what people in public thing. Whenever I go around in public with it people think I'm horrible or I'm just a faggot.

I don't understand. But whenever I go around it with people who are just like me they always clap up for me and even if they're not homosexual or anything that isn't technically heterosexual and they support me the clap for me and smile.

And I remember walking past homophobic parents and their children just looking at me with the biggest and cutest eyes. When their parents say stuff to you because you ask to have the rights for the rest of your life what do you get in return? Oh yeah I hate.

Hate.

The word that mostly everyone hates. A lot of people who don't feel hate for certain things don't hate the person who is actually going to be an angel believe in rights for everybody except for the actual evil ones.

A lot of allys are angels. Yeah that's right I said it. If you're a Ally you're an angel. That's a myth I've been hearing for the longest. Open a really religious school and they talked a lot about if you are a homosexual or anything that it is not heterosexual you are going to hell. If you support anything that is homosexual related you are going to hell.

What the actual Fuck??

When I went to church no one ever said that! I read the Bible before. After I read line it changed my life. That's why I stopped reading the Bible. I believe in God I just don't believe in the Bible. I don't know if that's bad or anyting but my family did believe in the Bible while me and my siblings never really cared about it. I know I have a sexual brother and a transgender cousin and a bisexual aunt.

The line must have been either an autocorrect or if you're really smart you could actually figure this out. But the reason why I changed my life was because on YouTube I found a comment that made a lot of sense.

Gay love is the best love.

I mean have you seen Shane Dawson and Ryland Adams? It's really cute. I also watches conspiracy theories and all kinds of videos. His conspiracy theories blow my mind! Even though he says that they're just theories and they're not fact my dumb brain thinks 'oh yeah these must be facts'.

Now I'm thinking of all the hate I got for agreeing. I agreed always in high school and Junior High about homosexuality being great and got hate for it. If I think about it even more I'll start to cry. Why can't I stop thinking about it? Why am I breaking? I taught myself not to break. Tell myself not to show emotion. I thought I am proved myself. I was wrong.

Panic at the Disco always makes me feel better when I'm at this time was thinking. But something is pushing my arm down. Something is telling me don't pick up my phone and don't do anything. I might be scared or this might be a Instinct telling me not to. I don't know what to do though.

And here comes my past.

"Mother what is a faggot?"

"It's a Gay or Transgender." Mother always responded. "Or an Ally."

"What's an ally?" I'd asked in curiosity.

"An Ally is someone who supports the thing we don't sweety, Homosexual rights." She says. "We are what people call Homophobics."

"A-am i suppost to be against Homosexuality..?" I'd ask in fear..

"Yes; Absolutely baby," Mom responded "Mommy will always love you."

And that's how I came out to be honest.

"Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"I'm Homosexual."

Then she smacked me. I've never been hit by my parents until the day In came out. I should've never said anything. I should've never told her about my sexuality.

I'm crying.. something mother would love to fucking see. The Slut couldn't even fight for herself and used to sell her body for money in high school.

Dad told me straight to my face that if I died he would give no fucks. I shrugged my sholders at first then had that thought.

What could death be actually like? I'm scared. Now.. I'm crying in fear and drowning in Aniexty.

Then I hear so many people walking in through the door and loud music playing. What am I supposed to do now... Am I supposed to leave the bathroom? I'm just John in the bathroom I guess. (I TOLD YOU)

I want to hyperventilate now... I don't know what to do. I'm just sitting here in the bathroom. What if Alexander and Elizabeth fall in love? No.

Not Possible.

Because when we were in the orphanage Eliza came out as an Asexual. There was no way that it lies it and Alexander are going to get together. Hopefully.

Hope. There is no hope.

Hope? What's that? Never hard of her. Where is she from? How old is she? Can we be friends?

I've lost all hope and almost everything. Except for my love. Homosexuality rights. I took several campaigns to legalize homosexuality rights.

I have beliefs and homosexuality rights. I believe that we need it. This is something big and a thing that can change a lot of lives.

A lot of lives except for mine.

I don't deserve one... I don't deserve this opportunity to be in college. Especially the spine college named King's College.

I really don't deserve to be here. I don't like being here. I opened my Sketchbook while my hands are shaking and I'm dripping tears and just flip through my pages that have drawings of horses, birds and turtles.

those are my three favorite animals. Horses, birds and turtles are awesome. That comes me down a bit. I just love talking about animals. I also love dogs! Dogs are so relatable somehow. And you can talk to them about everything.

Oh... I guess that's why everyone was telling me about dog therapy and that I should get it. I don't believe in it though! Why would I need therapy with a dog? The dog can't do anything to help me. A doctor said I was unfixable. And my mom actually believed it. She told everyone in the family that I was unfixable and my mental health was horrible. Which is. I just don't believe that I'm unfixable.

When is the Washington heard about my mom telling everyone that I was unfixable he just had a look on his face that I've never seen before. Look on the face that had caught stupidity. He told me no one could ever be unfixable.

I felt different then.

I felt loved.

A way I'm supposed to feel.

Loved. <3

To be continued. . .

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Happy Food Day!