Warning! : Potty mouths!

I started admiring the place. I really like it so far because of the lavender colored walls and the Honey Cent.

Honestly I don't want to leave this place. But that's exactly what I thought about the orphanage. I thought I'd never leave. I thought that that was my heaven and nothing would ever happen to me there. I was right but I didn't want to leave... That I have the right to say I don't want to go? Did I have the right to stay?

I don't know. I just need help. Mentally. Yeah I guess you could say I have depression but it wouldn't say it's that bad anymore. I mean that's a fucking lie. I just like to say I don't have it. I don't like when people stress over me. It makes me feel helpless. It makes me feel like I caused a problem.

So I start sitting on the couch and watching Netflix. I know I can watch it in my room but I play by my own rules. Plus it's nothing bad. Boss Baby I don't get the movie though.

It's a movie I know we watched in the orphanage and I couldn't hear it because of all the chatter going on. It was impossible to actually being able to hear it.

That's when I start hearing a door open from behind me. It's Alex's door. I know that so I don't do anything.

My lazy ass doesn't like waisting time on moving because I heard a door. Unless it's more likely to be a creepy setting. That's when I freak the fuck out.

He shuffles his way over to the fridge. Is he nervous? I don't know know..

He quickly made its way to go to the fridge then went back to his room. I don't understand. I see anxious or nervous? What happened to him? Well I guess it's none of my business. When he goes to his room key quickly closes the door where it sounds like he's slamming it but he's not. So I pull up my phone to start texting. I'm texting Lafayette and Peggy and a group chat.

FreckledBoi🐢: Sup

BestfriendPeggy!💐: Heyy!

LargeBaugette🍞: Hallo Hooman turtle!

I giggled a bit then texted back.

FreckledBoi🐢 : How are ya'll?

BestfriendPeggy!💐 : I'm awesome

LargeBaugette🍞 : Hungry!!

BestfriendPeggy!💐 : That's a mood.

BestfriendPeggy!💐 : I'm at a place where you get to dye your hair!

LargeBaugette🍞: Been there done that.

FreckledBoi🐢 : Lucky! You're getting your hair dyed?

BestfriendPeggy!💐 : Yeah me and Maria. She's getting her hair dyed completely blond and I'm getting the tips blonde.

LargeBaugette🍞 : We got the dyed colour out of my hair

BestfriendPeggy!💐 : Gtg

FreckledBoi🐢 : Bie

Then I turned my phone off and watched Netflix. I've missed having a TV all to myself. Ever since I came out my parents made me share everything with my siblings because I 'was just as bad as them' (Their actual words)

I used to shrug and flick them off. Until one day when I did it and my dad saw so I had to run. Run. That was in my head. I ran way faster than him. He didn't get me until 30 minutes had passed and he left a mark on my back that looks like a whip hit me. And a whip did hit me.

Yeah that's right. A whip. We are a really fucking messed up people. Mentally we couldn't get better but physically yes.

Therapy didn't work. Nothing worked. Then someone in my 9th grade class mentioned something named 'Dog Therapy'

I thought it was stupid and rolled my eyes when the person said it. How can talking to a dog help you mentally? But then again I took mental health classes and they always said something about dog therapy.

Now I'm having this sense to just sing a song that I've heard before. It's a really popular song now. It's a cover by Twenty One Pilots. You know that song everybody has had the feeling to sing? Can't Help Falling In Love With You. I love it.

Then always after that I want to sing You Are My Sunshine. Don't hate me I love that song. It's amazing and I love it.

While I draw I sing. Mainly because it helps me escape art block. I don't struggle with writers block because I hardly ever worry about writing a whole bunch of shit.

In all my spare time I draw turtles and sing in my spare time. I like the way my automatic system is everytime I do a certain thing. I really do like it because it's just automatic and I don't have to worry about the way it changes.

Yeah I know I'm missing our on the movie but I'm bored as fuck. I've realized I cursed alot. Oh well.

"Knock knock!" I hear someone say from outside the door. Who is this?I did see another room.

I got up slowly and made my way to the door... scared now... The knocking continued... I look in the little peep hole...

Thankgod it's Laffeyete and Hercules. Laffeyete seems a little tried. Even though he's the one knocking.

I open the door and Laffeyete immediately hugged me. He's always been the sweet one while Hercules would be the one to fight. Well sometimes Laffeyete would throw some fists.

"Bonjour!" Laffeyete says while hugging me. Of course- He's the emotional one. But I love that about myself LargeBaugette.

"Bonjour Mon ami! Hi Herc!" I say smiling. They say my smile is precious because they hardly ever saw it. But Alexander and Peggy always saw it.

"Hi John! We've missed you!" Hercules says giggling alot. He's holding a suit case that looks heavy but isn't. He's also holding Laffeyete's because why the fuck not.

After I let go I open the door to make sure both of them can walk in. Immediately Laffeyete flops onto the couch where I was.

"I was laying there, fucker!" I giggle to Laffeyete as he continues to make himself comfy. I swear that's a thing he loves doing. Sometimes he likes pissing someone off. Even though he isn't pissing me off acting like it gives him giggles and confidence somehow.

"Prrr" he giggles. So fucking cheesy. Alexander comes back out holding a juice box and starts talking to Hercules.

With the opportunity to attack Laffeyete, I do. I attack him with tickles and watch him laugh while bouncing on this couch. I swear this is gonna be fun.

Alexander and Hercules catch us so Hercules picks up Laff and Alex does the same to me. I'm blushing because I'm in a bridal style being picked up.

Well shit. I forgot my blush was as clear as day. At least this is a Light blush. Oh God. If this was a hard blush Alexander would be blushing too.

"You Okay john?" Laffeyete snickers. The fucker knew about my crush on Alex at the orphanage and laughed with me and Peggy about it almost all the fucking time.

Let's just say I've missed these weirdos. I Fucks with them. Platonically-

"Yeah!" I say kicking him. Is this weird that he giggles right when I do it? His face is a bright red colour because of all this fucking action.

Alexander carries me back to my room, laying me down on my bed and tucks me in while walking out. The precious boy still doesn't know my feeling for him... my darkest and deepest feelings must be something I cannot show other people. Or something he'll never notice.

I sigh and sit up, crying. Cry. That's all I am able to do right now. Cry. I can't snap out of it. I make sure no one can actually hear me.

The TV is louder than my sobbing. I feel fucking helpless and like a goddamn baby. Help me. The words I write on a paper. I fold the paper up and accidentally slip it under the door. Sighing once again, I realize no one cares enough about me to notice.

I stand my ass up and walk out the room to the restroom, knowing I'm not going to pee or anything..

The pressure is building up in my head. The pressure is if I should confess now. Or mabey I never will.

He deserves better.

Better than me.

He doesn't deserve me.

Actually.. I don't deserve him. He's amazing and smart and kind.

A 'Faggot' like me doesn't deserve him.

Only the best does.