I’ve been told by my family to be careful since I came to live in New York. Well, then again they only started cautioning me when I turned ten. “Be careful when you’re outside, all these stories about police killing black folk are getting more common.” 

When I was first told this I just said okay cause my aunts were telling me this, in reality I didn’t really get it. Cops are nice, which is the truth for the most part. They shouldn’t all be painted with the same brush. Though that’s exactly what I did when I was younger, except the opposite. I thought all police were good, I watched the news with my mom and dad and saw the riots and police brutality and I never really processed it. My parents talked about it sometimes but i would just watch on lost in my thoughts. I always thought about what I would do if I was there, or if I was the person that got killed. I always believed that I could fight em off and win the day but now I would just say I would just do what they say and just let the feeling of dread fill me. As I grew up the warnings never stopped, cause racism doesn’t just disappear. When I was 14 my cousin was learning how to drive. Around this time was when a cop shot and killed Philando Castile back in 2016. I remember we went over to their apartment and I went out with my aunt and my cousin and she told us to be careful when driving around, especially if I happen to be a passenger when he’s driving. She said all they have to see is that you’re black and they’ll pull you over. God forbid you’re wearing a durag or look a bit scuffled.

Right now I’m 16 turning 17 in 4 months and once again I’m seeing the injustice of the world, I’ve experienced random bits of racism as I’ve grown. One of my friends' mom doesn't like me because I'm black, I haven’t given her any reason not to like me. Haven’t even met her, my friend even said she just doesn’t like me cause I happen to be haitian, so that sucks. Now this thing called Pridefall is happening and people are being attacked for what they identify as and along with that America is going through chaos with all the riots happening. Now don’t get me wrong, I full heartedly support the cause. I wanna be able to go into a store and not have to constantly think ‘I hope they don’t think I’m stealing’ if I forget to buy something the first time around. I wanna be able to drive around freely and not have to worry about getting pulled over. I just wish it was peaceful, I wish it didn’t immediately dissolve into chaos. I wish pridefall didn’t exist, I wish everything could just be peaceful during this whole pandemic. 

I wish I didn’t have to be scared because of who I am this day in age. I hope it changes soon.

#Equality