Notes: I feel like I write Levi too much like Ymir ._. welp . . . this is before he acquires that sort of cynical view of the world though so . . . he should be like this? idk. This feels rushed because I was trying to write about two people falling in love in less than 10,000 words and I can't tell if I failed or not.

Also, PetraHan :D

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Summary: In which Levi meets a boy with an obsession with chocolate milkshakes and gets called out for liking Fullmetal Alchemist more than Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood before being taken to a dirty home to be interviewed for a relationship he never agreed to and receiving the worst text message of his life.

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Levi

December 5, 2013, six months after Eren and Mikasa start dating

Coffee -- the most disgusting thing next to alcohol that you can decide to drink.

It's always tasted so bitter to me yet it smells so nice. I don't mind working at this Starbucks that much just because of the smell. The only problem would be that it's located on Michigan University's campus and the amount of stressed-out college students is over the roof. Seeing all these stressed out kids makes me more stressed out. I'm so tempted everyday just to walk up to that one kid sweating in the corner on his macbook and ask him to calm the fuck down.

I'd probably get fired though and that's not really high on my priorities list when you've still got to pay rent and survive. Whether or not the fact that having Hanji Zoe as a roommate is better than living on my own with just a crappier place has yet to be decided. She's a science teacher at the college which apparently means she always has to buy all these science books that usually litter the living room floor. I picked one up once. It was really boring. I don't know how she stands it, but I guess I can't really say anything since I've got this apparently odd habit of collecting tea leaves. (It's not odd; it's just unique.)

Now tea, tea tastes good and I can't see it any other way.

Coffee is like a folded dirty towel; it may smell clean, but it's actually been between some guy's buttcrack.

Working at this particular Starbucks is either hella boring or extremely stressful. It's inconsistent and I hate that. I like order and this place just doesn't have any. Even the staff is out of whack. In fact, once my boss had told me I was fired but the next day when I didn't come in for work he yelled at me for being late. I hate my manager. His pretentious ass needs to be taken down a few notches. I'm pretty sure he has short-term memory loss or something like that, too.

When work starts to be very slow, I start to study people and guess how well they'd be in bed. It's either that or trace the route to my home by looking at the huge map of the campus on the back wall. I really liked that map. I just like maps in general; it symbolizes that you're going somewhere.

The things you learn when you're bored, ladies and gentlemen.

Currently, work is hella boring. I've spent the last minute staring at the same chair almost without blinking. My record is two minutes. Sometimes, I think that if I keep "training" like this then I'll end up being able to beat the world record without even trying. Actually, I think I heard something about him going blind so never mind.

Ding Ding Ding

The sound of the bell hanging above the door makes me blink and I silently curse in my head. I was about to beat my record!

I raise my head up to see who had just walked in through the door and was pleasantly surprised; this kid didn't look stressed out. In fact, he looked completely laid back with absolutely no sense of urgency in 'im. He was just lovin' life, wasn't he. Somebody liked the colors blue and green because his pants were blue (and they weren't jeans), his hoodie was green with some swirly colors that looked like they were supposed to be the sunset but were faded -- probably caused by tons of washes; this guy had had this hoodie for a while. (Call me creepy, but I'd just binge watched Sherlock with Hanji and now I couldn't help but notice things.) Hell, even his shoes were some shade of teal. And they were converse. Nice. I liked this guy's taste in shoes.

You know what he looked like? A really skinny reverse-tree. His hair was brown but the bottom-half of him was green and usually the trunk is brown with the leaves green. You know what that was weird.

Another thing: the kid was cute. I mean, he wasn't on Justin Timberlake level of cuteness (c'mon, just look at the man's hair) but he was pretty close.

The teen took his grand ol' time walking up to my register, looking me right in the eyes the entire time. Cocky, wasn't he, but in an endearing way I suppose.

"Can I help you, sir?" he asked me.

"That's my line."

Either I had awful hearing or he was definitely laughing at me.

I said sarcastically, "Now, can I help you, sir."

"Watch that tone; I could call the manager and say you were disrespecting me."

"Touche, but I doubt you'd do that."

"Why not?"

"You look too . . . " I was seriously about to say 'cute', but thankfully sense returned to me.

No joke he ordered, "I'll have a strawberry-chocolate-vanilla milkshake but hold the strawberry and vanilla."

"So you want a chocolate milkshake?"

He smirked. "Yeah. Just making sure you were paying attention."

I felt like saying, "Ha-ha you little shit now can I get a tip for all your games I had to deal with?" but I can't; I would get fired.

Instead I said, "That'll be $2.50."

We traded money for a milkshake and then he was gone. I thought that was the last I was gonna see of him and he was just gonna be another one of those people I saw at work once . . . until he showed up the next day.

He ordered the same thing.

"Haven't I seen you somewhere before?" I'd said.

He'd only ever reply, "Maybe."

Quite an interesting guy, wasn't he. Or maybe he was purposely trying to sound interesting . . . I doubt it.

After maybe the third time of him coming in to buy a chocolate milkshake, I started to check the time out of curiosity. I started to notice a pattern: he'd always come in around 3:00 pm to 3:30 pm every time I was at work since those were the only days that I could check.

He looked like he went to the college so I thought that perhaps he just got out of class and had made it routine to buy a chocolate milkshake afterwards. Quite an unhealthy routine if you ask me, but, hey, who am I to judge since I eat pizza at least once a week every week (even though it's purely out of fear that Hanji will accidentally spill a chemical into my food).

In hindsight, I can't quite understand what about him seemed so intriguing. Maybe it was his timing -- he showed up at a time that I could actually pay attention to his face. That was probably it. If he'd come during one of our rush hours, I would've probably never even paid him the slightest bit of attention.

But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop "thinking" that it was fate he showed up then at that moment. Maybe the world was trying to send me a message.

Then again, who'd want to go out with me -- a panromantic asexual who's kissed maybe five people in total and hasn't done anything with his life besides get into trouble with the law and work at Starbucks. Touch in general is a big deal for me and kissing is a whole new type of close that even gets me uncomfortable sometimes. Sex is just out of the question all together. The thought of putting my dick into someone or vice versa sounds utterly disgusting and I gag whenever I think about it.

It was the tenth time when I finally had a conversation with him.

"Can I have a --"

"Chocolate milkshake?"

He laughed awkwardly. "Uh, yeah."

"You kind of order that every time you come in here."

He gave another awkward laugh. "Well, this place's chocolate milkshakes are good."

"I've never had one."

"You should; they taste really good."

I gave a small "Hm" and handed him his change. He always paid in change it seemed.

I turned to look up at him when I heard him suddenly gasp loudly.

"Is-- is that a-- Limited Edition Fullmetal Alchemist shirt?!" he stammered erratically.

I almost swore right in front of him. Apparently Edward Elric's hair had been sticking out from behind my green apron. I know I was supposed to be wearing either a solid black shirt or a solid white shirt, but Hanji had messed with all my clean laundry this morning so I had to wear this instead! My manager hadn't seen it yet so that was good, but it would absolutely suck to get on his bad side just because of my shirt.

I couldn't yell at him, so I decided that I should talk a bit before he yelled so loud Mr. Biggest-Ego-In-The-World would come out and see what the racket was and nobody wants that.

"Yeah," I said a little bit too quietly.

"I'm sorry, what?" he asked a little bit too loudly.

"I said, yeah."

"Is it FMA:B or just the 2003 anime?"

"The original. I liked that one better personally."

"FMA:B stuck closer to its manga, though."

"I don't mind that it drifted away. Especially since the writer actually told them to think of a different ending since she didn't even know where she was going with it. And it makes it more fun to watch." Well this was quite the turn of events. I wasn't expecting to have a conversation with about anything besides what his change was and "Have a nice day!" which I'd probably have to say with a painfully forced smile. How did I even get this job?

"I think the fun is just watching the pictures come to life."

Maybe I was staring a bit too hard or something, but he seemed to back off a bit as if he'd done something weird.

"Sorry, did that sound weird?" he asked while scratching at the nape of his neck.

"No, you're fine." I silently wondered why he'd think sounding poetic was weird. Did he hang around people that criticized him for doing that? Damn my curiosity. I'm turning into Hanji.

"Anyways . . . milkshake?"

I guess I zoned out for a bit because at first I didn't know what he was saying to me. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Here you go." I handed him his milkshake.

He chuckled a bit. "Y'know, you're a bit odd."

"Really? I hadn't noticed."

"And you like anime. We should hang out some time."

I nearly stopped breathing and just fainted on the ground.

"Okay," I said tentatively. "I'm a bit abrasive; I'm warning you now."

"That's fine; I'm a complete weirdo so don't worry 'bout it."

And that's how that started: he said "Let's hang out!" then just left without giving me a number or any way to contact him.

I found out the next day that his name was Eren Jaeger and he was studying at Michigan University to be an Art teacher. He wanted to teach because he, and I quote, wanted to "spread his passion to others". When he'd said he was a weirdo, he wasn't kidding. I learned that he could go from being this sort of adorable kitten to a raging, spooked horse in under two seconds. That's quite impressive if you ask me. I'd only ever heard Hanji go through such intense mood swings and that's when she was on her period or something like that (even though she's constantly telling me I've got the science wrong).

We talked mostly about anime and things of that sort. We never did get to spend lots of time during the day together since Eren always had to be somewhere for classes apparently. The first time he invited me over to his house was to marathon this new anime that'd just come out. It was something really obscure and neither of us had enjoyed watching it much. I wasn't really paying attention to that but more to the fact that he trusted me enough to actually allow me into his home. Did he know not to invite people he randomly met at a Starbucks into his home? He really was a kid, wasn't he -- a kid who didn't know much about the world yet. I felt almost bad for him. I'd hate to see this kid shown how the world works the hard way.

"Okay this is kinda stupid," Eren finally said after the fifth episode of the awful anime.

"I agree. I mean, if he's so upset over them dating then why doesn't he either deal with it or try and tell her that he's cheating behind her back!"

He laughed. "You seem to have really gotten into this."

"It's so shitty I can't even stop myself from liking it." Inside my head I was cursing shitty, slice-of-life animes that had way too much fanservice that it made me uncomfortable watching it with another person in the same room as me.

"I believe that's how most TV shows and movies work, Levi."

"That's cheating."

"It got you talking about it, didn't it?"

"Eh, whatever."

The kid didn't have that much of a big place. It was a small apartment with very separated rooms. The kitchen and living room were basically the same room with his bedroom and bathroom branching off. The walls were a plain beige color that were slightly darker from either dirt, dust, or both which had disturbed me from the very moment from stepping in the house. I restrained myself from telling him exactly how much his house smelled like crap and how dirty all the objects were in an effort to not piss him off. This was the first new person that I was meeting in two years and maybe I found him interesting enough to keep around.

Eren suddenly flipped the lights on in his bedroom causing me to close my eyes and wait for them to adjust to the new bright stuff that was burning my eyeballs.

"Let's play a game," he suddenly said with a tone that could be taken as either mischievous and playful or annoyed and tired. Hopefully it wasn't the latter.

I narrowed my eyes at him as he walked back over to his bed where we'd been sitting earlier. "What kind of game?"

"A questions game." He may have said it like that was just some normal things to do while I was silently freaking out inside. Questions weren't my thing to be honest.

"What are we? Thirteen-year-old schoolgirls at a sleepover?" It always seemed to get on guys' nerves when they were compared to a girl (I don't understand why though; girls are awesome), so hopefully this made him change his mind.

But then again, think about how great my luck is.

He said enthusiastically, "It doesn't matter! It's just so we can get to know each other better."

I huffed out. "Alright. How do you play."

I hoped he could feel the black magic radiating from the very pit of my soul.

"We just ask each other questions back and forth and if you don't answer you have to shout, "I'M A CHICKEN!" as loud as you can out the window."

I mumbled, "You are so childish. . . . You go first."

"Okay then." He thought for a moment and then asked, "What's your favorite anime?"

"Madoka Magica."

He blinked at me. "Wait, you're serious?"

"Hell yeah I am. My turn." I didn't leave him time to continue to criticize my choices in anime. "Are you homophobic?"

"Nope!" He smiled at me proudly. "I'm assuming you aren't either?"

"Definitely not. Your turn."

"Why did you ask me if I was homophobic?" He eyed me carefully.

"I wanted to know if you'd stop hanging around me if I told you I was panromantic and asexual."

"Okay, your turn." The kid didn't even bat an eye. I felt something just sort of lift off my shoulders as he said that. It was a nice feeling.

I couldn't think of anything to ask him really so I said, "Do you work anywhere?"

"I work at Vault of Midnight on Main Street."

"You work at the comic book store? Lucky. Go." I bet you he reads manga when business is slow.

"Hmmm . . . got any family?" He must've sensed that he'd asked a sensitive question right after he said it because he followed up with, "Oh, I'm sorry, was that too personal?"

"You're fine, kid," I said wearily. "I grew up in an orphanage and I never met my mom or dad and I assume that I have no other siblings, but I could be wrong since I've never actually looked."

"Did you ever try and look for them?" he asked quietly since he knew that this was probably pushing his limits.

"I never wanted to. I figured that if they'd given me up then they didn't care and so they didn't deserve my care. And you just stole my turn so I get to ask you two questions now."

"Y'know, Levi . . . sometimes parents give up their children because they just can't afford to care for them."

"What's your favorite band?"

"What?" His mind was probably throwing a pity party for me when I asked him that question. Great. Exactly what I hate.

"Your favorite band. What is it?" I repeated.

"Oh um . . . I would say . . . probably Five Finger Death Punch and My Chemical Romance."

I stared at him. Yep it looked like he was serious.

"What's with that look?" he asked incredulously. "I really like hard rock!"

"I'm not judging," I said, totally judging.

"Yes you are! What's so wrong with my music?"

"It's just that all hard rock basically sounds the same."

"Hey!" Looks like I've trespassed on a touchy subject. "Rock music is a good way to let out frustrating emotions! I bet other music can't do that for you."

"Uh yeah it does; only with less screaming about shit I can't even decipher. Besides, what if you feel really happy about something and don't want to listen to people screaming?"

"You're generalizing too much! There are a shit-ton of subgenres also. They all have diverse lyrics and it really depends on the song. I just really like drums, I guess."

"Okay then." He hadn't changed my opinion so quickly, but I had a feeling this topic would come up later. "It's your turn."

"What's your favorite band?"

"Flagship."

He gave me a face that said, "Really, dude?"

"Got a problem with it?"

"That's Alt. Rock." He straight-faced.

"Oh. I don't really have a favorite "band"; I have a favorite composer."

He looked surprised. Was it really that surprising that I liked classical music? That would be the problem with this generation that I hate the most: they've got no appreciation for the arts it seems.

"Then who's your favorite composer?"

"Phillip Glass." I gave a small smile as I remembered all the really pretty music that came with that name.

"Never heard of 'im."

"Well of course you haven't; you're too busy blowing your eardrums out with the sound of drums and guitars."

"Does he write . . . classical music?" he asked with his nose scrunched up. Honestly you'd think he was allergic to the words classical music.

Just wait until I show you the Illusionist's soundtrack, I thought. You'll be addicted to his music in no time.

"He has a classical style but he usually composes movie soundtracks. His music sounds so pretty in the background that sometimes I'll stop paying attention just to focus on it." I . . . might've had stars in my eyes at this point. "He makes an excellent use of violins, clarinets, flutes, harps, oboes . . . just the whole orchestra really."

"You must be an orchestra nerd," he said without any judging tone in his voice but more of a deeply-rooted fascination. That was nice to hear once in awhile -- a nonjudgmental tone and just someone honestly interested in what I had to say.

"Well, it's to be expected when I play the violin and clarinet."

"Whoa, really?!" His eyes sort of seemed to sparkle a bit. He really was odd, wasn't he. I found it unsettling that he had less than 30 seconds ago scrunched up his nose at classical music and now he sounded really interested. It made him seem . . . fake.

"Really. You could say it's a hobby of mine that I've always wanted to be something more. I've just been . . . really busy."

"Working at Starbucks?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, Eren. I . . . I don't live in the nicest of houses and I'm a bit poor and Starbucks is really the only job I can get because of my problems with the law in my earlier years and because of that I never went to college to get some degrees that would help me get a higher-paying job and I never had the time to get good enough at my instruments that I could join an orchestra even though that's been one of my dreams from when I was very little as well as opening a tea emporium where I'd get to talk to people who actually gave a shit about the stuff I gave a shit about," I almost said. I'd known this boy for barely a month and he was already asking about my life story. He hadn't earned that right to know all that about me.

Instead of spilling out my thoughts, I replied coldly, "What I've been busy with isn't really your business, is it."

I could feel the air between us stiffen and I knew I'd caused it, but I didn't regret what I'd said.  As I sat there realizing that this kid actually knew a lot about me than just the average acquaintance, I started feeling uncomfortable being around him. Sharing my likes and dislikes hadn't made me feel anymore closer to him, just vulnerable.

I hate this feeling. I hate feeling vulnerable -- like somebody can destroy me with just the opening of their mouth.

What am I even doing here? This kid was practically a stranger to me. . . .

"Um," I coughed, "it's getting pretty late and I actually have to go to work tomorrow and . . . don't you have to go to college?"

He looked like he knew where this was going and wanted to protest when he opened his mouth to say something, but in the end he shut it again and nodded his head in understanding.

"It's getting pretty late," he agreed. "We should probably be getting to sleep."

I hope he hadn't intended for me to sleep-over. I certainly wasn't going to find out though, because I was gonna get out of there as fast as possible.

"Well, it was fun watching sucky anime with you but I really should be going!" I got up quickly from his bed, leaving his green and blue striped sheets messy, before rushing through his small apartment and towards his front door.

"Hey, Levi, wait!" I heard Eren shout after me, but I didn't stop to acknowledge his calls. I just wanted to get out of that stiff atmosphere and small, dirty apartment. I wanted to get away from that uncomfortable feeling of vulnerability.

It was only when the freezing, January, Michigan air nipped at my exposed skin that I remembered something awful: Eren had driven me to his house and he was my only way home.

Fuck.

"Levi!" Eren wheezed from behind me. "It's really cold out here for one, and two I was trying to tell you that I have to drive you home!"

"I-- I can just have my roommate come and pick me up," I assured nervously. Something about being around him made me nervous. I hated that! Why did I all of the sudden get really sweaty and nervous whenever he was next to me?! Why the fuck can't I act normal now?!

"No, it's really no trouble, Levi; I can just do it. Besides, I don't want you to have to bother your roommate when it's really my responsibility. Let me do this."

Something about the way he said that made me want to say, "Okay fine . . . you can drive." Maybe it was his caring tone. It sounded like he . . . actually cared if I got home safely or something. Except my own head told me not to; I don't think I could handle being in the same car as him right now.

"Eren, I've got it. Just go to sleep or something. I promise that if I need any  help going home, I won't hesitate to call you."

I saw him visibly calm down a bit which was accompanied by a soft fluttering in my stomach. I almost punched my gut to get it to go away, but thought that wouldn't exactly look normal when he was standing right in front of me.

"Well, at least don't stand outside when you're waiting for your ride; it's fucking freezing out here."

We chuckled a bit and eventually I stood inside the lobby of his apartment complex, waiting for Hanji to get there with her girlfriend Petra Ral.

Petra looked like a very sweet girl on the outside, but that was just so people didn't automatically steer clear of her when they met her. If people knew her like Hanji and I knew her, then I doubt people would tolerate as much. On the outside: sweet, caring and lovable. On the inside: extremely weird, health nut, really likes chocolate, can watch the goriest horror movies in the world and not flinch, really loves hard rock and metallica (she and Eren should meet sometime so they can fangirl about rock bands together), and is super nice and completely not innocent. I really did enjoy when Petra came over to our apartment since she actually knew how to cook and if she wasn't there then we just ordered take-out so as not to accidentally burn our house down and give ourselves food poisoning. Not only were her cooking skills awesome, but she could keep Hanji occupied while I got peace and quiet for once. The only disturbing things about her visits were the . . . noises. I won't say anything specific, but I will say that they are loud which is a total disturbance to my quiet, but other than that they usually watch movies and obsess over TV shows.

That being said, I wasn't surprised when I interrupted them making out in the front seat by my rather loud opening and closing of the car door. Petra jumped off of Hanji's lap so quickly that she bumped her head on the ceiling before plopping down in the passenger seat, her legs still over the cup-holders in between them. Her hands massaged the place where she'd bumped her head. There were a couple of "Ow"s thrown in there as well.

Hanji sucked in quickly through her teeth. "EEEEE, Petra-baby are you okay?" she asked as she quickly inspected her girlfriend lovingly.

Petra giggled at the situation. "I'm fine; don't worry, Hanji!" She giggled again.

"Well this is just adorable," I remarked from the back seat. "Petra, did you make food?"

She nodded, "Mhm!"

"What'd you make?" My eyes became a bit happier at the thought of her cooking.

"Homemade macaroni and cheese with bacon."

"Did Hanji eat it all?"

"Hey, why do you assume I ate it all?!" Hanji cut in. We ignored her.

"Nah. We saved you some, Levi, but she woulda eaten it if I'd let 'er."

"Ah, that's what I thought."

"Hey! Am I just not here right now?" she yelled again.

"Nope," we both answered.

"WHYYYYYYY?" Hanji had begun to fake-cry at this point to which Petra responded by being fake-mean. I'd seen the same act tons of time before and Petra could actually act very well. Actually, that made sense since she was an actor.

"Can we actually go home?" I asked, exasperated with their antics at this point.

"UGH fine, Levi!" Hanji shouted. "Don't gotta be such a stick in the mud!"

"I'm not! I've just had a very long day and I wanna crash."

"As in sleep?" she asked again.

"Yes, as in sleep."

"Because I was 'bout to say . . . "

"Just drive," I commanded. I had the entire back seat to myself so I stretched out like a cat over the three seats and used my arm as a pillow.

Whenever Hanji drives, she drives fast yet somehow carefully. It's usually never bumpy yet she somehow goes really fast without killing everyone in the car. She likes to take care of her machines meaning that she does repairs on them often (that includes the kitchen appliances as well as the car). Thus all the machinery in our apartment runs magnificently -- especially the car: the brake-pads were just replaced and the tires have all been pumped making everything feel smooth when you're driving it. I know absolutely jack shit about cars so without Hanji my number one question for Siri would be, "Where's the nearest auto-repair shop?"

After that night, Eren and I had a lot more movie marathons. I noticed a change in him: he was more polite around me. It was somewhat bothersome because I felt like I was making him uncomfortable, but then I remembered that he also made me nervous as hell so I called it even. I feel like after what I'd done the other night he thought he had done something wrong which really wasn't the case and I felt like I needed to clear something up but I just didn't know how. My outburst was probably the source of his polite behaviour.

Then . . . he told me one day that he was bisexual. We were talking about watching this new yaoi/yuri anime and I told him I didn't mind and then he said he didn't mind either because he was bi and it didn't bother him.

I like to think that I acted pretty coolly considering the situation: the guy I'd started to develop feelings for suddenly says he's bi and I realized I actually had a chance with him.

My face had gone kind of shocked and I'd suddenly gotten really fidgety before saying trepidatiously, "Oh okay so we're uh . . . watching it?"

He nodded his head yes and we ended up watching a yaoi anime right next to each other in his bedroom probably too close together to call friendly as I sweated like a maniac. Eren seemed stupidly  happy for some reason and part of me wanted to believe it was because he'd confessed his sexuality to me but whatever his reason was it made me happy to see that he was happy being with me.

Not long afterwards I started to feel more comfortable in his presence which was a relief because overly-sweating whenever I saw him was a major disadvantage and it was really annoying.

The more we talked, the more I liked him and the more I felt closer to him. Maybe it was his voice (which actually sounded very soothing) that made everything he said sound like the truth. He felt like a person I could rely on -- someone that wasn't just screwing with my feelings and wouldn't actually mind being around me since we'd already spent a considerable amount of time together.

The only thing that really bothered me was the fact that sometimes he'd randomly be unavailable. Sometimes, I'd text him and ask if we were having another marathon tonight and he'd reply the next day with a lame excuse like "sorry I had a huge project I had to finish" or "my family needed me" and these were okay in my book as long as they weren't used too often which could suggest that he was doing something behind my back. Still, him becoming randomly unavailable wasn't my favorite thing about him and it made me feel a bit like he couldn't be entirely trusted.

Yet at the same time, this kid actually listened to me all the time. Sometimes, we'd be talking and I'd accidentally let something slip from my past and I'd launch into a whole spiel of explanation before he'd calm me down and tell me okay. From there, it usually escalated into almost full-on therapy sessions. I hated doing that since I didn't want to stress him out with all my problems, but it made me feel better and what made me feel all warm inside was when he'd say that he didn't mind me telling him all this stuff because he just "want to make sure [I] was okay."

This kid really was something. He . . . really was.

One day, I went over to his apartment and we ended up talking . . . a lot. We talked especially about what we wanted to do with our lives. This has always been a touchy topic for me since I've always felt like I haven't really done anything. I ended up deciding I could trust Eren with my secrets. He in all the time that we were together, he'd rarely talk about his friends and I translated that into he could keep secrets well. When I'd started telling him about what I'd felt I'd done in life, I ended up getting more than a little emotional as the weight of how much of a failure I was set in.

Because at that moment it really set in: I was a failure. I hadn't done anything useful with my life and I was getting too old to the point where I couldn't.

That's when I felt the weight on the bed shift and Eren pull me into a warm hug.

He was . . . hugging me and all my thoughts immediately went blank. Not blank exactly, but it kept repeating, "Holy fuck he's hugging me what do I do?" over and over again.

"Levi," he began softly -- comfortingly, "please stop crying. You're gonna make me cry and I don't think you realize just how upset I get whenever you cry like this -- whenever you feel like this. I just want you to feel happy, Levi. So please . . . just stop crying?" His voice began breaking near the end.

"Holy shit . . . ," I breathed. "Thank you so much, Eren. No one has ever . . . cared about me this much." We sniffled. "You better not be crying, kid. That'll make me feel worse."

"I-- I'm not crying," he cried, totally trying to hold back tears.

Suddenly, he pulled away from the hug and stared right into my eyes. I saw his eyes flicker down really fast before he surged forward and kissed me while wrapping his arms around me.

I was suddenly reminded of the song "Grenade" by Bruno Mars when my eyes stayed open and this was our first kiss. (To be fair, they were open out of shock and not because I didn't like it. I don't find all that much enjoyment in kissing so I remained neutral.) This may have been Eren's first time kissing me, but it definitely was not his first time kissing anyone while I on the other hand had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to be doing with . . . well, anything.

When he pulled away he didn't stay away for very long and we ended up making out in his bedroom, slowly making me more comfortable in the situation even though I felt like my entire body was burning. Were you supposed to feel like that when you kissed people? This was the first time this was happening.

We started dating after that and I think that for once in my life I felt I had someone I could absolutely depend on no matter what and someone who really . . . cared. I also realized that feeling cared about is my favorite feeling of all feelings.

That was on December 5, 2014 -- exactly one year after I'd met him. What followed was a comfortable relationship filled with lots of "I love you"s, anniversary gifts, anime marathons, and chocolate milkshakes. If we had a specific "drink", it would be chocolate milkshakes. I still worked at that Starbucks and he still visited me everyday. I visited him at Vault of Midnight once while pretending to skulk through the shelves reading random manga that I'd probably already read; I just didn't remember them. Those were probably some of the happiest months of my life.

Of course . . . that's all too good to be true. Of course it is, because for some reason, the world has decided that I don't deserve happiness even though that's what I've been after for my entire existence.

Because apparently . . . no matter how hard I try . . . to be happy . . . it just doesn't work, does it.

After all these years, I was so scared of accidentally hurting myself by letting too many people in, but just this once I tried . . . to not let my past control me and this is where it got me.

February 10, 2015

Sent

Read 9:25 PM

Is he ever gonna answer? It's been close to an hour.

Ding Dong Ding Dong

Oh that must be him.

Eren Jaeger: This is Eren's ex-girlfriend. He's been cheating on both of us with each other. I'm sorry but I didn't know until today when I saw you send that text to him. Apparently you guys go to Starbucks a lot so meet me there around noon tomorrow to talk if it's that Starbuck's right around the corner from the Panera.

-MA

Eren . . . ? What the . . . fuck?

-=-=-=-=-=-

End Notes: I literally had to look up the Starbuck's uniforms.

The only Ereri fanfic I like by the way where they didn't make Levi act like some . . . overly sexual smoker would be found at this link: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/10754580/1/A-World-of-Our-Own

:3 Only that story could make me not despise Ereri for at least a short amount of time

When you're trying to write a really happy Levi, it doesn't sound like the normal Levi because he's actually really sad with a cynical view of humanity -- much like Mikasa in my opinion -- while still being oddly hopeful. Except now we'll start to see a sadder version of Levi which will be easier to write for me. . . . I hope.

-=-=-=-=-
Next chapter coming Saturday, December 26