It wasn't the blaring and flashing sirens that caught his attention that day. Nor was it the piercing cries of his younger siblings as he pushed past the paramedics with his heart in the deepest, darkest pit of his stomach.

It had been before the wretched call that changed his life, changed his thoughts, changed his ambitions- changed everything.

Sitting on the top of the small brick wall with a burning cigarette in hand he had looked down at the turbulent river underneath him. On an ordinary day it would have appeared light blue and almost crystal like. This was the place where he found serenity and where he didn't have to think about the struggles that shadowed over his life and all the expectations that he carried on his beaten shoulders.

But today was not an ordinary day. The water seemed pitch black and had no semblance of serenity on its surface. It made him nervous to think that this place of all places was turning dark like everything else. Dark, lonely, and confusing.

With his shaking right hand, he lifted the cigarette and put it to his lips. The rich taste of the dangerous chemicals enveloped his mouth as he slowly inhaled. As he breathed out the smoke, it seeped into the sky like mixing water colors on an already dark canvas. Beautiful, but with a sense of dread cascading over it all.

And just like that, it was his chest that told him something was wrong; terribly, terribly wrong. There was a tugging motion at his heart that pulled at his whole being and left his heart in his stomach where it never left.

He wasn't sure why it was, but that was seconds before he got the call.

"Louis!" All his suspicions were confirmed.

"Lottie! What happened? Why are you crying," he breathed into the phone as his voice broke on the penultimate syllable. He knew why she was crying, he just didn't want to believe it.

"It's mom. Oh my god Louis, it's mom. Come home. I don't know if she's going to-" her voice racked between sobs and he couldn't help but let a few tears fall at the mention of his sick mother.

"I'm coming," he was already running across the field and jumping over rocks as he spoke to her on the phone, "Mom is strong, Lot. Stay with the others and call the ambulance."

"Dad already did; they are on their way," she whimpered. He knew this day would come soon. The second his mother had called him months ago at a friend's wedding and told him that yes, it was terminal, he knew he'd have to face this. 

But he didn't want to.

"Stay with mom and tell her I love her. I'm coming," he spoke with a driven voice, yet with an evident quiver. He wanted to be strong for his siblings because if he wasn't, then who would be?

After what seemed like hours, he arrived on the front steps of his home, ignoring the paramedics and his siblings and his stepfather. He was going to see his mom. In the end, they weren't the ones who alerted him, it had been his own instinct. He always felt like he had a special connection with his mother; she even knew what he would think before he ever knew. After all, she knew his email password (?) before he did. They were two in one. Mother and son. 

It was never the call that told him things were wrong, he reassures himself. It was his instinct; he likes to believe it was the part of him that was tied to his mom which told him. To him, it was always and would always be her. Now all he had to do was open the door and see her.

The door to her room was one of the hardest things he has ever had to push. All the hope he had that his mother would get better lied on that door- and he had a lot of hope. With what little energy he had left, he pushed on that door with all his might and to him it felt like pushing down all his faith and pushing down everything that rendered him okay.

Immediately, seeing her aging face tilted slightly on the bleak pillow with paramedics surrounding her, he called out.

"Mom?"

/ this chapter was really emotional to write. R.I.P Johannah 💓

The rest of the chapters are a bit more  light hearted. Please vote, comment, and share !

All the love, J x