This was exactly what you meant when you had told Steve that you didn't want him to see you this way. The scene in front of you spoke volumes about where you were in your own mind, and as you surveyed what you had done, it terrified you. Tony stood silently on the far side of the room, having appeared only a few seconds ago after securing the perimeter so that you could work. He knew that you were serious about making a statement and letting out some revenge rage, but he was taken aback by the vivid picture in front of him now, with you at its center.

You looked down at your hands, dropping your knife to the ground with a heavy thud at your feet; they were coated in blood, and if your suit hadn't been weaved with Vibranium, there would have been enough to have soaked through and onto your skin. You were panting, trying to catch your breath from the fight, but also from the retches that were building in your stomach and up your chest at what you were seeing. "Dad..." you whispered, but he was frozen in place, just as you were. He wanted to go to you, but he couldn't make himself move.

The exact number of bodies splayed out around you wasn't immediately clear; some were knotted and wrapped around another, with some not resembling their original form anymore. When you finally drew your eyes up and away from the carnage on the floor, you saw that there were more, affixed to the walls or on the platforms above by the webs that Peter had equipped you with. It had held them in place for you to finish your work easily.

"I don't remember any of this."

"What do you mean?"

"I remember walking in here, and the first swing of my arm, but after that...it's just not there. Not until there was no one left. Dad," you asked as calmly as you could, though you were on the verge of breaking, and he knew it, "what's wrong with me?"

"Nothing's wrong with you, honey," he replied, though his voice was uncharacteristically quiet and broken, his eyes still searching the carnage around you. "You were doing your job. You're hurt, and you're angry, and that just...took over."

"I promised myself that I would never do this again, but I couldn't stop. I told Steve that I didn't want him to see me like this because I knew...I knew that I'd go too far."

As hard as he found it to be, even with you as his focus, Tony took the first step forward into the room slowly and cautiously. He held his foot just hovering above the ground, his helmet open and looking down at the spot on the floor next to a pool of blood where he was about to step. A shiver ran through him as he took a deep breath, slowly putting his foot down, followed by the other, and then another step after that until he reached you. He may have inadvertently stepped on a finger or two, but the suit made it hard to tell for sure.

He silently cursed Nick Fury for what he had made you into; this SHIELD soldier, this fighter who he had led into mission after mission, giving you the skills that could do something like this with such ease. They were skills that you hadn't needed as an Avenger, and it scared him as much as it did you to see that they were still so natural for you to use.

"(Y/N), you're okay," he said as calmly as he could, "let's get you out of here, alright? Let's just keep looking for her so we can go home. I'm sure that Steve is worried sick and those kiddos miss you enough."

"Yeah...yeah, you're right..." you mumbled, trying to divert your eyes, but they only continued to look at each face amongst the massacre; faces that were burning themselves into your memory whether you wanted them or not. "I'm so tired of all of this. I just want to go home."

~~~

You knew that you were in the right building, but as you searched from room to room, you kept coming up empty and your mother's remains were nowhere to be found. One of the men that you had finished confirmed that you were in the right place just before you broke your promise to spare him, snapping his neck when the words Hail Hydra escaped his lips in a whisper. The stench of blood was following you through each darkened hallway, the humidity of their seeping body heat clawing at your throat and making it hard for you to breathe. You thought it was all in your head, your mind torturing you for what you had done, but when Tony made mention of it, you couldn't help but let out a tiny sigh of relief that you hadn't completely lost it...yet.

"Where the hell is she?" you whispered, pressing back against the cool bricks of a nearby wall. "We're almost out of rooms to search."

"He may have been lying to you."

"Wait," you gasped, clutching your chest in feigned shock, "you mean to tell me that Hydra isn't the beacon of truth?"

"There's my girl," he smiled weakly. "I thought maybe I'd lost her."

"Nah, I just beat her down every now and again, you know how that is."

"Shit," he scoffed, "where do you think you get it from?"

"I'd like to think that maybe some of it was from me, Tony."

The woman's voice immediately made you want to vomit, from not only the surprise, but from the immediate rage that coursed though your veins as your blood began to boil. Everything that you had done up to this moment, all of those men dead, all of the pain you had felt for her, was for nothing.

You held Tony's gaze, a million words being unspoken between you, though conveying perfect understanding of each other in only seconds. Between the two of you, you had given this woman more than her share of second chances, and you were done. No matter what she was about to say, no matter what explanation she could come up with, you would stand firm and together, protecting each other until the end if necessary.

"Was any of it true?" you finally uttered, slowly turning to face Anna. "From that very first night that we met in the café? Any word of it at all?"

"It was all true, (Y/N)," she replied softly, "I promise."

"Your promises don't mean shit to us, lady," Tony snapped.

"I'm sorry," Anna hurriedly interrupted, taking a step forward only to stop when the two of you reflexively took one away. "(Y/N), Tony, please listen to me. This was the only way."

"You've said that before," you scoffed, "so why is this only way the only way now?"

"It was too dangerous for everyone with me in your life, that wasn't a lie. I was putting you all at risk just by being there. I had to put a definite end to it so that you wouldn't come looking for me, so I wanted you to know that I was dead. I see now that even that plan was a poor one, because here you are."

"We could have protected you, Anna," Tony replied. "It didn't have to end like this. You could have had your family, and now you'll have nothing. How is this better for anyone?"

"Because I'm still Hydra, Tony. I can't just leave that behind. They never let you leave that behind. It's better because you won't have to look over your shoulder for me ever again. They won't be able to send me after you when I'm gone, because that's exactly what they want me to do."

"I don't understand..."

"(Y/N), it's the only way for this to stop. They'll just keep sending me after you over and over again, and this time..." she stopped, her hand slowly reaching into her pocket, "this time they want your children."

The sound of Tony's charging repulsor filled the room around you and your heart began to race furiously, even before he saw the weapon in her hand. He tried to take a step in front of you protectively, but you refused him, stepping forward before he had the chance. "Don't do anything stupid," he warned. "You won't get out of here alive."

"I don't plan to," Anna whispered, raising her weapon at you. "(Y/N), if you don't stop me, I'm going to come after your children. Those three precious little babies will be turned into Hydra soldiers just like their dear Uncle James was. I know that none of you want that to happen."

"You have a choice in this," you pleaded, suddenly feeling a shift in your desire to save her again. Your resolve to not let her in was failing. "You don't have to follow their orders. Come with us."

"It's too late for that. I've been this my entire life. But then you came along...it became harder to comply...but not impossible. I will always be this, (Y/N). When I was alone with them, I thought about taking them and running. I would be lauded as a hero here, bringing back Captain America's offspring, you know? It was still tempting to me, even after all this time. That's why you have to stop me."

It became harder and harder to push your emotions away as she spoke, even though you had put up that wall at the first sound of her voice; the wall was cracking and crumbing fast. You turned to Tony, looking for support, only to find his eyes softening again. How was it that this woman could work her way into your head like this, when you had barely even begun to know her? Was the need for her to finally be your mother that great?

"I won't kill you, Anna," you declared, turning back and dropping your arms to your sides. "There has to be another way."

She looked to Tony, who still had his armed gauntlet raised at her, standing and waiting for a move to be made. "And you, Tony? If the moment comes, could you do it?"

He stood still and silent, knowing that she wanted him to say that he would, wanting him to give her the easy out from this life; he refused to openly appease her. "Listen to her," he replied instead, "let us find an alternative to this."

"You two are so much alike," she hissed, her eyes growing darker within seconds, "and now there's Stark and Rogers blood swirling around together out there? They could be the biggest threat to Hydra in our history, and you don't think that I'll fulfill my promise to take them from you? I thought the Stark name was carried by intelligent people."

"We know what you're doing, Anna," you replied, trying to stay calm with her weapon still on you, "it's not going to work."

"On the contrary," she smiled, though it was cold and emotionless, "it's working perfectly." Her arm straightened and held steady, her gun aimed at your heart with precision. "If you don't kill me, (Y/N), I will kill you, and you won't be able to stop me from taking them away from you." When you didn't give her the answer you wanted, only replying with silence and a jaw set tight, she armed her gun and steadied her feet, ready to shoot. All it took was one twitch of a tiny muscle in her finger for FRIDAY to set off Tony's repulsor for him, hitting Anna square in the chest and throwing her into the far wall with a loud slam against the bricks. Her body slid down and to the floor in a heap, immediately lifeless. You hurried to her side as Tony stood still, watching with remorse filling his heart at the sight of you with her.

"It didn't have to be this," you whispered as you knelt next to her, pushing the messy hair from her face. "Dad, this isn't fair. I was so close...what did I do wrong?"

The crack and pain in your voice jolted him into action, pushing himself out of the suit to join you on the floor to wrap his arm over your shoulder and hold you safe against him; it was the only thing that he could offer. "Sweetheart, you didn't do anything. This wasn't your fault. You were just born into a shit show, and if that's on anyone, it's on us. You didn't deserve any of it."

"Neither did you."

"You're right. I've never deserved you," he murmured into your hair, pressing a kiss against it. "Come on, let's go home."

"I still want to take her."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I need to say goodbye to the version of her that wanted to protect us. If I leave her here, this is the way I'll remember her," you nodded, standing up with a swift wipe of your sleeve over your wet eyes. "One day, I'll want to be able to tell her grandchildren that she had tried to keep them safe. They should know that even for a short time, she was their grandmother."

Tony paused and stood at your side, looking down at the woman who had turned his world upside down all of those years ago, leaving you with him without even telling him that you were his. He couldn't just let go of that anger that he had harbored for so long, but he also couldn't deny that he was thankful to her for bringing you into his life in the first place. Before putting on the suit to carry her to the jet, he stopped and turned to you, taking your arms in his hands to hold you steady so that he would have your full attention.

"(Y/N), listen to me," he began quietly, "I need you to know that there was never a day that I didn't want you with me. Yes, we had a rough start, and maybe even a really rough middle, but at the end of every day, my last thought was always about you, no matter where you were. You didn't deserve a mother like this, or a father like me, but look at what you've made your life to be in spite of that. I know that I could have done so much better for you, but, (Y/N), even with everything that I've done in my life," he sighed, "what is, and always will be my greatest creation, is you."