Minor Language

"Seems a little unorthodox, doesn't it?" Steve questioned, buttoning his dress shirt and hastily tucking it into his pants, watching his reflection in the mirror and glancing at you behind him every few seconds. "Don't the bachelor and bachelorette parties go bride with the girls and groom with the fellas? Whose idea was this?"

"I'm not sure where the idea started, but it sounded interesting to mix things up." You closed the space between you and slowly wrapped your arms around his waist from behind, resting your head against his back with a hum of contentment that he felt echoing through his torso. "You worried?"

"Not worried, no," he sighed, "just...apprehensive."

"That's not much different, sweetie."

"Do you know where these girls are taking me?"

"Nope," you replied with a grin, turning him to face you so you could give him one final look of his outfit. "Have the guys said anything about their plans for me?"

"Nope." He took a step back when his phone began to vibrate in his pocket, quickly removing it with a heavy exhalation and a shake of his head as he read the message from Maria. "Well, doll, I guess we're about to find out. They're ready for us."

~~~

Tony hurried around the car and opened your door, holding his hand for you to take so that he could lead you inside the back of the building, having made arrangements with the owner to keep your party quiet and away from any prying press looking for drunk and disorderly Avengers stories. The rest of the guys followed quickly behind, led by the staff to their seats in the VIP area where a private full bar was set up for the group.

"Spared no expense, Stark?" Clint smiled, popping open a large bottle of exquisitely expensive looking champagne. "Well, I suppose they're only doing this once, right? Might as well go all out." He passed Bruce and Thor and pushed his way onto one of the couches with the bottle still in his hand and no glass.

"If you so much as think about putting your lips on that bottle, Barton, you're paying for it," Tony snapped, pointing at the rack of awaiting crystal flutes. "Civilized, please."

Clint groaned but complied, holding his hand out with a small wave for Vision to grab a glass for him. "One could say please," the android smirked, awaiting a reply that would never come when Clint stood and took one himself with a huff and a refusal to share. Vision sat next to him, cautiously watching his teammate until he finally looked back.

"Can I help you, Crystal Princess?"

"I'm concerned with the shift in your demeanor, Clint. You appear agitated."

"I'm not."

"Might I be of any assistance?"

"Yeah," Clint snapped, "you can keep quiet and not worry about it."

"Very well," Vision replied quietly. "Do we know when the entertainment is set to begin?" he asked of the group, looking to each man as they looked at each other without an answer. "I'll take that as a no, perhaps?"

Tony turned and grabbed a soda before dropping onto the couch next to Bruce, popping the cap off and tossing it carelessly on the table. "(Y/N) should be out here in a couple of minutes, so we'll get started soon."

~~~

"Burlesque? That's what we're doing?" Steve asked uncomfortably as Natasha pushed him through the lounge doors. "I don't know if this is such a good idea."

"Calm down, Steve. It's not like we took you to a strip club," Maria chuckled, arranging a table for them at the front of the stage. "You had burlesque back in the 40's, you know what it's about."

"Yeah," he agreed, "and that's why I'm not sure if it's a good idea."

"Calm down, ya big baby. They've got a whole show planned in your honor."

Steve's eyes grew wide at the revelation, now feeling more worried than before. He was surrounded by a group of women that he trusted with his life if they were on a job, but now, in this environment, he didn't trust a single one. He sat reluctantly in one of the chairs, but Pepper moved to his side and grabbed his arm, lifting him to stand next to her.

"Sorry, Cap. We have a very special chair just for you."

"Oh, no," he whined, "that doesn't sound very promising. What did you guys do?"

She raised her hand and pointed to the center of the stage where his chair had been placed and waiting for him. "Go on," she commanded. 'Up you go. Show can't start without you!" When he didn't move fast enough for her liking, she gave him one of her 'you had better listen to me' glares, usually reserved for Tony, that filled him with fear and made his feet finally move. Steve sat quietly and reluctantly, his gaze locked with Natasha when the music finally began and a group of dancers clad in red, white, and blue began to move around him to a slower and much gaudier version of an all-too-familiar song.

Who's strong and brave, here to save the American Way?

Who vows to fight like a man for what's right night and day?

"Oh, god," he groaned, leaning forward to rest his elbows on his legs and dropping his face into his hands in embarrassment. "Oh, god, who did this?"

Who will campaign door-to-door for America,

Carry the flag shore to shore for America,

From Hoboken to Spokane,

The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!

"Sing along, Cap! We know that you know every single word!" Natasha chided, standing with her phone ready and taking picture after picture. "We can't hear you!"

When one of the dancers stopped in front of him and began to get a little closer than the rest, he sat up quickly in a firm posture and tried to keep his distance, but he was held to the confines of the chair by wandering hands travelling over him. The lights were shining too bright in his eyes to fully see the body next to his. "Um...don't...um..." he stammered, now trying to avert his eyes. "I don't think...that's not a good...idea..."

We can't ignore there's a threat and a war we must win,

Who'll hang a noose on the goose-stepping goons from Berlin?

"Just relax, Cap. Nothing will happen that you don't want."

Steve's ears perked and his senses were jolted into awareness at the voice, as difficult as it was to differentiate above the booming music that filled the room. "Could you say that again?"

Who will redeem, head the call for America,

Who'll rise or fall, give his all for America,

Who's here to prove that we can?

The Star Spangled Man with a Plan!

"Relax, Steve."

His hands now began to move freely, in return for those that were finding their way across him. When he realized that it was you, he grabbed around your waist and pulled you onto his lap, straddling his legs to face him. "When did you learn this?"

"Surprise," you smiled, bringing your face close enough for him to see you past the blinding lights and cover of the heavy stage makeup. "You didn't think I was gonna let those girls get away with anything, did you?"

"Oh, I love you," he sighed in relief, though his hands were still roaming over your skin to the continuing music and dancers around you both.

Stalwart and steady and true,

(see how this guy can shoot, we tell ya, there's no substitute!)

Forceful and ready to defend the

Red, White, and Blue!

"Control yourself, Cap. Team Stark is up there," you nodded, standing to move behind him and leaning in to whisper in his ear, "in VIP, of course, with my double agent."

"Barton?"

"Vision."

"No shit," he laughed, yanking you back around and over his lap, leaning you back into a kiss that had both groups hollering and cheering you on. Tony waved the group of ladies up to join their party, but the two of you didn't take notice; you attempted to continue with your performance despite his repeated efforts to distract you.

"Why haven't I seen this from you before?" he growled into your neck. "And why are we still sitting here?"

"Now, Captain, calm down. All in good time."

"Hey, (Y/N)!" Clint yelled down to you, "Get your ass up here, it's your party!"

"But I won't see you after this, remember? You're gonna get me all hot and bothered and take off to Maria's for the night. Not fair, babe."

"You're the one who only had tonight available to do this." You pulled away from his grasp and turned away, grazing your hands along his thigh as you moved, giving him a small wink that was rewarded with a guttural moan that you heard even over the loud music. He stood suddenly and wrapped one arm beneath your legs and another around your back, hurrying to take you behind the stage and away from everyone else.

"Cap," Sam called out just as he reached the edge of the platform, "where you going? We're just getting started..." he faded, his mouth agape when the Captain gave him a not-so-patriotic hand gesture and pushed the two of you through the door. "Well, that was uncalled for," Sam mumbled and turned to Bucky. "Barnes, did you teach him that?"

"You guys are so damn stupid," he replied, "ya'll act like Rogers is so proper and innocent, but let me tell ya something, that punk's as raunchy as they come. This well-behaved Captain America shit is an act, and you guys are buying right into it."

"Shut the hell up," Sam laughed, now completely intrigued and desperate for the dirt on Steve. "Like what?"

"Hmm, let me think," Bucky murmured with a rub along his jawline, "let's see...okay, Vanilla Ice down there puts out on the first date."

"That's not that bad," Clint joined in, standing with the group that was growing around Sam and Bucky. "A lot of people do."

"He only calls them back if he can remember their name, and he was running a low percentage until (Y/N)."

"Bullshit," Tony scoffed, "that sounds totally made up. Rogers would never be that disrespectful; it would kill him just out of principle."

"Whatever makes you feel better, Stark. He obviously remembered (Y/N) the next morning, so nothing for you to worry about, right?"

"Right...?" he whispered, pausing for a second to consider what he was being told, then quickly threw back his drink in a harsh swallow and wishing it were his usual scotch. "So you're telling me that if his geriatric brain let (Y/N)'s name slip away, we wouldn't be standing here right now? That sounds so...shallow and un-Cap like."

"Pot calling the kettle black much?" Rhodey chuckled from the couches behind the group. "Don't even get me started on how many names you've forgotten in your day, Tone. How many dads back then were doing what your mind is doing right now?"

Tony closed his eyes in pain and shook his head, trying to clear the thoughts from his mind with no success. He wasn't sure what bothered him more; that Steve could have been so crass as to forget you, that you too had been a first-date participant, or the images now torturing his mind that made him want to scoop his eyes out with a dull spoon.

"I need a drink."

"Hey, you're not supposed to-" Rhodes interrupted, but was quickly cut off by the sound of alcohol pouring into Tony's glass.

"Tell ya what," he sighed, watching the dark liquid splash around the edges as he poured, "there are things going through my mind right now that I'm sure Uncle Rhodey wouldn't want to hear about his darling (Y/N). So if you don't want me to share, you might wanna lay off."

Rhodes held up his beer in salute and gave Tony a definitive nod of agreement. "Cheers."