20th☀

Mijoo

"I—" Mijoo's voice, once again, cracked. She craned her neck to the side before titling it ever so slightly and picking up the water bottle placed next to leg of her stool. She drank up the water and massaged throat before she rehearsed it. 

"Should we stop? You've been struggling for the past fifteen minutes," Yejun noticed, placing the guitar lower down his thighs. 

Mijoo had made a decision early in the morning of today. She wanted to do the mini concert since she thought this would be a good chance for her to actually have. She didn't want to keep wasting her time and the opportunities that came knocking. 

Part of the reason was because she wanted to keep her mind away from the events that happened last night. She still didn't know who did it. She couldn't ask anyone, nor tell Sarang. Sarang would have squealed, shouted and made more assumptions but Mijoo didn't need any of that right now. She needed to think. 

Mijoo shook her head before she said, "I'm ready. Let's go again."

Yejun didn't start the song or strum any strings. Instead, he looked at her with a concerned face. "Is something wrong, Mijoo? You don't seem to be in your right mind."

Mijoo shook her head. "I am fine. I'm just a little tired." Her eyes were mostly in contact with Yejun's, but ever since last night's event, her eyes moved down a little until it stayed on his rosy, plump lips. Was it his? She still didn't know. "Let's go back to the first verse. From the very start."

"If you say so. But if something's really troubling you, you can always talk to me about it." Yejun pointed at the closed double doors of the veranda. "No one can hear us right now. Their rooms are all too far and I bet the waves are louder than us."

Mijoo shook her head, adamant. "It's nothing of your concern. Sorry. I just want to practice a little more before tonight's family dinner."

"Is this what it's about? The family dinner?" Yejun had already put the guitar away, an obvious move that told Mijoo he was now ready to listen and not to her singing this time, unlike the past hour. 

Mijoo didn't want to even mention about the kiss, so she just nodded her head. "Yeah... it's about that. I don't feel like going."

"Why don't you just stay then?" Yejun made it sound so simple. 

"I can't. Seungkwan's mom will drag me there if I don't walk with my own two feet. See, family, to us, is very important," Mijoo told him. She wasn't planning to. This topic was only to redirect her thoughts away from the kiss. 

Whose lips landed on mine? Wonwoo's or Yejun's? Who took away my first kiss?

"If you care about the family dinner... why don't you want to go?" Yejun's face switched from his usual lovable smiley face to a confused one. Mijoo noticed the way his eyebrows furrowed cutely. 

"A past event and a certain someone. I don't really want to talk about it," Mijoo said hastily. She would be seeing his face after some time anyway. Much to Mijoo's dismay, of course. 

Even if Mijoo wanted to turn back time, she couldn't. Nor would she want to. Whatever relation she had with Soonyoung—may it be close or not—she didn't care anymore. 

"Oh, it's okay." Yejun showed her an understanding smile. "Would you like if I played you something? You look like you need something relaxing."

Mijoo managed to smile before her mind crossed with the kiss event once again. Could it have been him? She knew that she and Yejun were close and that they talked every now and then but if he were to kiss her out of nowhere, could he really mean it?

Without hearing an answer, Yejun started strumming a sweet melody. It was out of random, but Mijoo found herself bobbing to the lyric-less melody, almost humming to the tune of how it went. 

"I hope it goes well with your family dinner. Whoever it is, at least you'll have Seungkwan with you. Yes?" Yejun said, trying his best to cheer her up. 

Mijoo smiled back and nodded. "Yes. That is true. I guess I'll be too busy arguing with Seungkwan to notice that he's there, right?"

"See? You'll be fine."

"Thank you."

Yejun faced her. "For what? Assuring you everything will be alright?"

"Yes," Mijoo answered. Then, she pointed at his guitar. "And that sweet melody. It was really nice and it totally settled my mind, so thank you."

"You're welcome." Yejun looked into the deep blue skies that were turning darker and darker. "It's so nice to see you smile."

"It is? I never knew that." Mijoo laughed it off. The doors of the veranda opened and Wonwoo walked out, taking notice of the presence of both Mijoo and Yejun. "Hi, Wonwoo. I see you're back to wearing your snapbacks."

Wonwoo put a hand over his snapback before smiling back at Mijoo. "Thank you. Practicing?"

"Was," Mijoo answered, getting off the stool. "I'll see you guys later. I have to get dressed for the family dinner. See you."

"Alright," Yejun answered, holding onto the neck of his guitar before he got off the stool just as well. "We'll see you later, Mijoo."

Mijoo smiled at both boys. Before she left, she gave Wonwoo a quick hit on the shoulder before she left the veranda. After she had closed the door, her back leaned against the closed door and let out a heavy sigh. 

Or was it Wonwoo? Mijoo asked, facing side-way so the corner of her left eye was facing the closed doors. There were two guys with colas and one of them had to be the one who kissed me in my sleep. 

Shaking her head, Mijoo told herself that she had far more important things she had to do right now, such as attending a family dinner with Soonyoung.  

Sarang

Finally, Mijoo listened to me. I was actually really happy to find out that she agreed to put up a small concert together with Yejun. She was currently practicing out in the veranda while I was in our room, e-mailing my dad with updates. He also keeps me updated with what he's doing back in Seoul.

Love + Flour is famous during the holidays, Dad had e-mailed me in the previous e-mails. He even sent an attached picture of a packed bakery and Seojoon working hard with the part-timers. 

It was nice to see that the bakery was still in good shape despite what happened to Mom. To others, they'd think that I was recovering too quickly and that I didn't love her enough. Well, they were wrong. With enough love, we can learn to move on and achieve happiness. I'll always hold onto Mom in my heart, forever. I just won't be sad about her leaving. 

We all have our time to go eventually, anyway. 

The door suddenly opened and revealed Mijoo, casually walking to the closet to pick out some clothes. Sitting up on my bed cross-legged, I asked her, "Are you going somewhere?"

"Yes," she answered, taking out a white dress with a few yellow flowers on it as a pattern. It suited spring. "To a family dinner with Seungkwan and his family so I won't be here. Will you be fine alone?"

"Of course!" I said in return. "But you don't look that excited to go. Is it because of the dress?"

Mijoo looked at her dress before giggling and shaking her head. "No, not because of the dress. I just don't want to go, I guess?"

"Then stay at home?" I suggested, staring at her as she took another dress out of the closet. It was a simple blue dress that reached the knees. It looked formal. 

"I can't. It's mandatory that I go," she answered, pulling out another dress. She had a total of three dresses she was holding right now. "Which one looks the best?"

"The yellow one. It compliments Jeju," I said in return. "If you have to go, then you have no choice. Enjoy there!"

"Thanks, but I'm not that excited, either way."

"Oh, come on. Seungkwan isn't that bad," I tried saying, hoping that would help her. 

"Yeah, he isn't." Mijoo put the other two dressed back into the closet before she closed it. "Just don't want to go. But what choice do I have at this point? Better prepare before Seungkwan barges into our room and calls me a slowpoke. Before I get dressed, what will you be doing tonight?"

"Me?" I asked, flabbergasted. Shrugging, I answered, "I have no clear plans for now. Probably wander in this building? Who knows? I could even go dig up some mystery of the island."

"Right. Like you and Hansol can go to the beach and search for mermaids," Mijoo teased. There's the Mijoo I've missed. Lately, she's been acting really weird. 

I gasped. "No! That wouldn't be a good idea. It's dark and it's the ocean! What if I drown?"

Mijoo came closer to where I sat and pinched my cheek. "You have Hansol. Maybe go with Yejun oppa too. I heard he can swim. But I think it would be the best if you guys stayed indoors. I'm going to change now. Be back after I'm done."

"Okay," I answered. 

When Mijoo disappeared into the bathroom, I went back to checking the e-mails Dad sent to me. Dad—for whatever reason—took a few pictures of his handsome customers. Their ages ranged around the college students. 

Dad, you're such a weirdo.

Shortly, Mijoo came out of the bathroom with her dress on and her hair falling freely. Though she hadn't done anything about her hair and didn't apply any makeup—because she hates applying it on her face—she looked beautiful. 

"Does this look okay? I really feel like I'm being suffocated. This thing hugs my sides really tightly," Mijoo said, looking at her dress. She even attempted to pull it out a little, to make a difference, if there was any. 

I giggled. "Mijoo, you look fine. Beautiful, even. Your natural looks are what makes you, you."

Mijoo looked up and gave me a sweet smile. "Really? Well thank you for that. I feel assured. For now. Until Seungkwan says something then I'll probably feel conscious again."

"What's the difference? Usually, when he does, you don't bother him so much."

Mijoo shrugged. "Maybe it's because of the dress. I don't feel as confident as usual with it. It makes me feel conscious."

"You look fine, Mijoo. Don't worry so much about the dress. Just grab your bag," I told her, still smiling warmly at her. 

"Peach flats go well with this, right?" Mijoo asked, looking through her shoes. 

"I'm not a fashionista, so I can't exactly know what goes well with what," I admitted, looking down at my thighs. I just wear whatever is comfortable to me. 

"Same," Mijoo answered. Sighing, she just pulled out the peach flats anyway. "I like these shoes so I'm going to wear them. Oh, well. I don't have that much time anyway."

"Okay." I just watched as Mijoo got everything else she needed. "How about your phone?"

Mijoo was just about to leave the room and if I hadn't called her about her phone, she wouldn't have heard it. "My... Oh, right! Thank you!" Mijoo moved to her bedside table, removing her phone from the plug, where it was charging. "Thank you, Sarang. I'm going now. Don't wait for me and head to sleep, okay? I might come back later at night."

"Sure," I answered, pulling my blankets up. I felt sleepy already, although it was only seven. Maybe I should go downstairs and watch a movie after Mijoo goes out. "Have fun today at your dinner."

"I'll try to." Mijoo let out a tired smile before she waved at me for the last time. "'Kay, I'm going now. Bye."

"Bye!" I waved back. The door finally closed and I looked around the empty room. "What to do... What to do..."

Someone knocked on my door minutes later. 

"Yes?" I shouted loud enough so they could hear. 

"Sarang? Are you still up?" a voice asked from beyond the closed door. 

"Yes," I shouted back once again. I got up from my bed and dragged my lazy feet to the door, pulling it open. I was surprised to see Hansol standing in front of it. "Oh, you're still up?"

Hansol smiled and nodded. I took time to notice the warm and cute looking over-sized blue pajamas he was wearing tonight. "Yeah. The guys and I are going to watch a movie. Do you want to join us?"

"I seem lonely, don't I?" I teased. 

Hansol was caught in between his words. He was obviously flustered. "I— Um, maybe?"

I ended up laughing, noticing how smooth the conversations went these days. I'm actually happy for that, but he still had this effect on me. And yes, it concerned my heart, just as usual. "Sure. I was starting to get bored anyway."

Hansol smiled back and led me downstairs. "We're going to switch off the lights. I hope you don't mind. Oh, and there are blankets, popcorn and a warm cup of hot chocolate, in case you want it."

"Not a fan of chocolate, so I'll pass. I want the popcorn and blanket, though," I said once we reached the end of the stairs. 

"Sarang!" Wonwoo called happily from the couch, a bowl of popcorn resting on his chest. 

"Hi, there, Sarang!" Yejun called happily. Both boys had blankets warmly wrapped over them and were sat at the farther left of the couch. 

"Hey," I called back, taking a seat at the farthest right of the couch. This couch could squeeze about four people in total. I left a space between Wonwoo and I. 

Wonwoo took notice of the space and gave me a smirk right before the lights went on. 

Yup, I know he was thinking about it. I know he would tease me about it and probably tell Mijoo once she arrives back here. Whatever the duo would decide to do, then.

Hansol finally squeezed between Wonwoo and I and pulled the blankets over us. It was then I noticed I would be sharing a blanket with Hansol, which made my heart beat so fast I could faint on the couch at that very moment. 

"So," I stuttered a little, "what movie are we watching?"

"Hide and Never Seek," both Yejun and Wonwoo answered, eyes fixed on the screen. 

"That thriller... or horror... movie?" I slowly said, my eyes widening. Mijoo and I always wanted to watch that movie, though we weren't that big of a fan for scary things. Mostly Mijoo since she gets more nightmares than I do.

"Yup," three of them answered. 

I nodded, pulling the blankets higher up until it reached my chin. 

Hansol faced me sideways and noticed my action. Leaning in closer—I was literally breathing into his cheek—he whispered, "If you're scared, just lean against my arm and hide. I won't mind."

Can I really do that? Can I just do it now so I can have an excuse to be closer to him? But I felt like my cheeks would betray me so I just nodded without squeaking a word. I might sound weird and turn myself into an idiot. 

The movie started and it wasn't that bad. Until things started happening. When it did, I found myself burying my face into Hansol's pajama shirt, shielding my eyes away from what I was watching. Finding myself in such position made my heart race, but they were racing for two reasons: I was scared and I was... flattered? I wasn't sure what the latter feeling was. 

"Shh... It's okay," Hansol whispered, caressing my hair softly. "You'll make it through it."

I didn't dare to peek from behind his pajama. Only because I was already done with the movie and not because I enjoyed being close to him. Okay, maybe that was partly the reason but the bigger reason was because I was scared.

I hope Mijoo was having a better time than I did. 

Mijoo

Mijoo was chatting more with Seungkwan without even teasing him, only because she really wanted this to end. She obviously didn't want to meet Soonyoung again after the last encounter by the beach, but she had no choice. A family dinner was a family dinner. 

"You're unusually quiet," Seungkwan whispered after they were done ordering. 

They were at a simple restaurant that was classy enough to wear a dress. Mijoo looked like she was going to take a simple walk at the park. Of course, she didn't consider it as that since she was wearing a dress. Who wears a dress when they go to a park to take a walk, anyway?

"Mm-hmm." Mijoo stopped all efforts to continue the conversation. She was sitting right across Soonyoung, where she can make eye contact with him anytime. She didn't want that to happen. 

She also knew that he kept glancing at her, but she chose to ignore him. What had happen, had happened. It could end with a simple forgive-and-forget but it didn't work that way for Mijoo. She always only forgive, but never forget. So whatever closeness they had shared before had be shattered and couldn't turn back to the way it was. That was how it worked. 

"Mijoo, you're here on a trip with your friends, is that right?" Soonyoung's mom politely asked. 

Mijoo looked at her and smiled sweetly. "Yes, Auntie. It's too bad my family isn't here too. The family dinner would have been completely that way."

"It's your trip, Mijoo. I'm sure your mother would have understood," Seungkwan's mom assured her. 

Mijoo smiled back and nodded before she continued eating. 

"You're unusually aloof with Soonyoung," Seungkwan whispered once again. 

Mijoo glared at Seungkwan, who was sitting next to her. "Shh, will you? I'm trying to enjoy my tea."

Seungkwan stared at her with a disbelief look. "You're unusually cranky tonight."

Mijoo pushed against the table and told everyone else, "Excuse me for a moment. I need to use the restroom."

"Oh, alright dear. You know where it is, right?" Seungkwan's mom asked.

Mijoo nodded before she left the table, heading to the restroom. She honestly felt so suffocated sitting right across Soonyoung. She wanted a place to breathe, and the restroom was doing a good job at that. Sort of. There was a stench she didn't even want to think about in there. She had no choice but to leave the restroom earlier than she planned. 

Although, maybe it was best if she stayed there, dealing with the stench. Waiting outside the women's bathroom was Kwon Soonyoung himself, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest and his head lowered. 

Mijoo wanted to ignore him and walk past him but he had already grabbed onto her wrist, his eyes talking. 

"What now?" she snapped coldly. She didn't even want to look at him in the eye or make any sort of eye contact. 

"Will you really continue to act this way?" Soonyoung asked, sounding almost desperate. 

"Didn't I tell you that answer already? Like, repeatedly?" Mijoo's voice was slowly raising. She was getting irritated. 

"I'm sorry. I can't turn back time for you but I really wish we could go back to the way we were. I miss our closeness, Mijoo. And we're cousins. We can't change that, unless you think about running away from home. I know you won't do that. You love your friends and your life that you can't think about anything else."

"Good. You are aware. Now let me go. I don't want to waste time talking to you." Mijoo attempted to break free from Soonyoung's grasp but he only tightened in return. "What is wrong with you?"

Soonyoung pulled Mijoo into a hug. "I'm sorry. I'm your closest cousin. I shouldn't have hurt you. It's my job to protect you, not hurt you. I'm... I'm just really sorry."

Mijoo remembered her cousin's hugs. They were so warm, just the same as before. They were best friends longer than they were enemies, and so all the memories of before came washing in, making her feel nostalgic. 

Who was the person who comforted her when she was sad? Kwon Soonyoung. Who was the person who supported everything she did? Kwon Soonyoung. Who was the person who acted like he was the oppa when they were the same age? Kwon Soonyoung. Who was always there for her? Kwon Soonyoung. 

Kwon Soonyoung. 

Mijoo couldn't help but want to cry in his warm embrace. Crying wasn't an act of weakness. You only cry when you've been too strong for too long. 

"I can't forgive you now..." Mijoo said in between light sobs. "...maybe in the future. I can't believe I let a guy ruin our closeness and bond. I'm so sorry."

Soonyoung didn't say a word; he pulled her even closer in. "It's my fault. I ruined what could've been your happiness."

"No, you didn't." Mijoo shook her head. Her voice was unstable due to all the tears she was doing her best to force back. She didn't want to return to the table with red, teary eyes. "You were only trying to warn me and protect me. I just didn't realize that."

"Are we okay now?" Soonyoung asked in a whisper. 

"No, not yet." Mijoo sucked in a sharp breath. "Maybe... maybe when I'm better from now. You're my cousin, Soonyoung. Though I fight and bicker a lot with my male cousins, I still love each and every one of them."

"Oh, yeah? What about Seungkwan? You two are always very noisy," Soonyoung teased. "I'm sure there's love going on around there... or maybe not."

Mijoo ended up laughing in between her sobs. "Yes, even Seungkwan. You should head back first. I think I need some time to calm down before I do."

"Take your time. I'm not going anywhere. We're cousins—family. Our love cuts deeper through thick blood," he told her. 

Mijoo smiled back—the first smile she has ever given Soonyoung ever since the incident happened. 

I'm sorry I let a guy ruin our close relationship, Soonyoung. I hope it won't ever happen again. I'm so sorry. 

Sarang

After that scary movie—and me mostly hiding in Hansol's pajama sleeve—we were having a sleepover. Okay, it wasn't the same because we didn't have pillow fights or anything but we were still playing truth or dare, so that was something. 

We sat in a circle on the floor in the veranda. The stars were shinning up here, but they weren't as bright. Nevertheless, the four of us sat around with a bottle in the middle, ready to be spun. 

"Who's going to go first?" Wonwoo asked, eyes trailing off everybody. 

I smacked Wonwoo's arm. "Don't be so creepy. You looked creepy when you did that."

"No one's going first?" Yejun asked with his arms crossed over his chest. He looked charismatic. And the way his cheekbones were raised whenever he smiles! Mijoo should really just date him already. 

"If no one's going first, then I will." Wonwoo's hand was placed on the bottle and before he spun the bottle, he smirked. The bottle spun until it landed on Yejun. All eyes were on him. "Okay, hyung. Here's the question: do you like somebody?"

"And the usual questions follow," Hansol said, chuckling. 

"What? We've never discussed our love lives before. This is a great opportunity," Wonwoo said to his defense. 

I'm just hoping I won't have to confess that I like Hansol tonight. I hope Wonwoo won't ask me a stupid question like that. I would punch him if he did. 

Yejun had an easy smile on his face as he answered, "Yes. I do like someone."

"Oooh," the small group of our roared. 

I looked at Yejun, in hope I could find out whether or not he liked Mijoo. I wanted an obvious sign, but sadly, there was none. 

"Okay," Wonwoo replied. "Your turn."

Yejun grabbed onto the bottle and spun it around with a smirk just as well. It landed on Hansol this time. "Hansol! Great. Let's see... let's see... Have you ever been bullied?"

"Well, that was a random question," I muttered out loud by accident. Noticing what I had just said, I slapped my hands together and bowed my head. "Oops, that was supposed to be heard only in my head. Sorry."

The rest of the group lightly chuckled before all eyes were on Hansol again. 

"No, I have never been bullied. Ignored by my fellowmen in school but not bullied." Hansol also had an easy smile on his face, as if it wasn't that big of a deal. Wasn't it lonely for him?

"That doesn't sound too good," Wonwoo said out of sympathy. He patted Hansol's shoulder and said, "Bro, you can always lean on me if you want to cry."

"No! Why would I do that?" Hansol joked back. 

I took my time to notice how close these boys had gotten after spending a few days together. Have they become best friends in a matter of days?

"Anyway, you can go next now." Yejun passed the bottle to Hansol. He patted his shoulder just as well. "Don't forget, I have tissues ready."

Hansol rolled his eyes playfully before he spun the bottle. It landed on me, now all eyes were on me. Hansol smirked. 

"I see that smirk of yours, Hansol. So, what's the question?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest. 

"Is there any guy you want to kiss right now?" Hansol asked playfully. 

Everything in my body froze at just one question. How was I supposed to answer that when the answer was sitting right across me? 

"I..." What was I supposed to answer? I couldn't think of any better answer at the very moment. "I, uh..."

I looked over at Wonwoo, hoping he would be able to help me but he only shrugged in return. 

Gee... thanks a lot Wonwoo. 

I tried to remain calm as I stuttered my answer, "No...one."

"Really?" Hansol asked back. 

"Ye...s," I stuttered, trying my best to smile. I hope I wasn't being too obvious. 

"What a shame," Hansol said in a mutter, but it was loud enough to be heard. 

First loves are always a fun story, don't you agree? It was the way that the other party—other than you—slowly unravels their feelings, whether or not they were real or simply part of your imagination. 

First loves are always the most important, since they would be repeated over and over in your future. A story to be on repeat, whether or not it worked out. Most say first loves don't ever work out, but I wanted to see whether this would. 

Blindly trusting the feelings inside of me, I followed my heart and see what new paths I will come across. 

~Author's Notes~ 

Thank you for reading! :) I really hope you're still enjoying this story <3