I should have told you.

I should have told you that you were the most beautiful person I had ever seen. 

I should have told you that every time you joked that we were in a relationship my heart wished it was true. 

I should have told you that all those times I gave you my jacket, I actually was cold but would rather you be warm than me. 

I should have told you that you were the most important person in my life. 

I should have told you that I was there for you when things at home were going south. 

I should have told you that I believed you. 

I should have told you how hard it was knowing you were having a seizure and I couldn't be there when you came out of it.  

I should have told you that you mattered more to me than my own life. 

I should have told you how terrified I was when I heard you in the hospital on suicide watch. 

I should have told you that you were the first person I ever fell in love with. 

I should have told you that you were the one person I would always forgive.

I should have told you that I was on your side.

I should have told you not to move.

I should have told you to stay.

I should have told you that I wanted you in my life.

I should have told you what happened to me when you left.

I should have told you how bad things got.

I should have been as honest with you as you were with me.

I should have kept in better touch those first few months.

I should have told you not to rush into that relationship.

I should have told you to come home.

I should have told you so much over the last 5 years, but I didn't.

You were one of my best friends since the 4th grade. You dated my friends and I dated yours. We dated siblings at one point in time. Hell, we even dated each other's Exes. You were the last person that I thought I would fall in love with, but you turned out to be the first one. 

I wish I could tell you all of this now. I wish I could tell you how angry I was when I heard you were engaged. I wish I could tell you the mix of joy and sadness I felt when you said you guys were going to be parents. I wish I could tell you how hard I cried when I found out you had lost your little baby girl in utero. I wish I could express the constant state of fear I have knowing that Hurricane Florence could hit you at any moment. 

I wish I could tell you that I have loved you for the last 7 years of my life, even with an entire country between us.