James

Wednesday, October 13

The sun hits my skin, and everything feels like it is burning. I am in a giant oven. People always say that sunny days are happy days. That they are good days. I beg to differ. I can already feel the sunburn coming tomorrow, and my skin peeling. If only I could afford sunscreen. It has only been a day, but I had already forgotten why I had been so happy the day before. I haven't seen Daisy all day anyway. I haven't received a single text from Jessica. I haven't seen any of my friends all day actually. My gut already tells me they are avoiding me. Or that I have been the one avoiding them, and pushing them away.

Maybe it's because of my crappy mood. I don't even know why I am feeling so shitty. I just do. I just fucking do. Then I remember something that I don't want to remember. The bombshell that Aaron had dropped on me. He is cutting my allowance. No wonder I felt shitty the moment I got out of bed. Anger builds up within me. My allowance is already much less than the other kids around me. I hadn't complained about it at all. So why is it being cut? He is so fucking unreasonable. Fuck, why did I have to remember that?

Someone runs into me, propelling me towards the floor. I feel the sting the moment my hands and knees hit the cold, hard concrete.

"Sorry! So sorry," The person yells, without even looking back and running away. He didn't even pick me up. He didn't even ask me if I was ok. I look down at my scraped knees. I am bleeding. Of course I am. I don't even know if we have the proper disinfectants at home. If we don't, I doubt Aaron will get some for me.

Fucking hell. Today sucks. It's the worst day ever. Why is everything going wrong today? I don't even want to go home. I don't want to look at his face, I don't want to have to ask him out of all people for disinfectant. I have no choice either way, because I have to dress my wounds. Maybe I'll just cycle around the park afterwards. I need to cheer myself up. Then I see my bicycle tires.

Are you kidding me? My tires are flat. Even my bicycle tires can't stand seeing me happy. How the hell am I supposed to get home? Now I can't even go cycling! Ugh I hate everything. I hate everyone. I hate-

"James?" A soft voice fills my ears. I look up. Daisy tilts her head, with an unsure smile upon her lips. She may not have appeared afraid, but her big black eyes and the quiver in her voice gave it away. I wonder how long she had been standing there just to say my name.

My heart skips a beat. She had talked. She was the one who approached me first. She was the one that walked up to me to call my name. Even though I must've looked so scary and intimidating. I can't help breaking into a smile. She had only said my name, but my pride for her came flooding in. It is already such a big step for her. But the pride only lasts for a moment, before all the shitty feelings come back. So I think I can use a distraction.

"Hi Daisy. Let's go for lunch please." It means that I will probably go over my allowance. My wounds probably will get infected. But at this point, I can't care less anymore.

Daisy

James is in a terrible state. His hair is a mess. His face is black. His knees and hands are bleeding. It looks like the moment he got out of bed, he regretted it. So he put no effort into how he looks, or to even take care of himself. That must be the reason why his collar is one up one down, his buttons are undone and his tie isn't tightened. His eyes are bloodshot, so he probably didn't sleep or get enough sleep.

He looks like he had the worst day of his life. That nothing can make it better. Things are getting worse and worse. My heart aches. I want to do something to make him feel better. If only a little bit. But I will have to brave the storm, and be brave enough to break through his thoughts. I have to understand and prepare myself in case he snaps back. He won't mean to, if he snaps at me, I remind myself. He is having a bad day. It's okay if he snaps at me, I repeat.

I stood there for about 30 minutes, breathing in and out, and still have yet to take a step towards him, as his mood kept getting worse. He looks like he is on the verge of angry tears, so I finally do it.

"James," I say timidly, with my voice quivering. I honestly don't expect him to hear me. But he turns around and I flinch, ready for him to throw hands at me. Instead, his features seem to soften. Another look I hadn't expected seemed to take over his face. It looks like... pity?

"Hi Daisy," He smiles bitterly. "Let's go for lunch please. I need.... I don't know. I just need to get out of here."

. . .

He's poking at his food with his fork, hair falling into his eyes. It has been 20 minutes, and he still has not touched his food. He had ordered spaghetti with meatballs, which looked mouth-watering and to die for. But he doesn't seem interested in eating at all. His mind is elsewhere. He had refused to stop by a convenience store to get bandages. He had refused to treat his wounds. So all I can think about right now is that he is hurt, and that he needs treatment. After a while, he drops his fork and locks eyes with me.

"Um..." I wait. For him to say what he wants to say.

"Nevermind," He picks up his fork and starts twirling his spaghetti in circles, again. I stare at the meatballs, left aside and not touched. What a waste. But that isn't the point.

"What's wrong?" I ask. Clearly he has so much to say, but no idea how to say it. Or maybe he just doesn't want to. Maybe he wants to tell me why his day was so bad, and why he is in a bad mood. But maybe he doesn't want to tell me, but feels the need to explain it to me, because I am here. I had seen how black his face was. I had seen his blatant refusal to take care of himself.

As expected, there is no response.

"You know, you don't have to tell me. If you don't feel comfortable or ready. Just know I'll be here to listen whenever you need to talk," I say quietly, knowing that I am right. He thinks he needs to explain it to me. But he doesn't. I don't expect that from him. I hate it when people pressure me into talking, the teachers always do that. So does everyone else. Sometimes there is nothing to say, but they look at me like I have to say something. So I always make it up. Even when I was okay, they placed the assumption on me that I wasn't, and sometimes made me question if I was, or made me feel not okay.

He looks at me, a wide smile drawn across his face. I think that he is grateful for me saying that, and I feel warm.

"That's the longest sentence I've ever heard from you" There is a mild silence at first. Then we both break into gales of laughter. I clutch my waist, and I laugh until my stomach aches.

"Your food is getting cold," I point out. And he chuckles.

"I've got no appetite, let's go" I... but that's such a waste of food...

"Can we at least pack it?" I ask longingly. I don't mind eating this as dinner. He looks at me and laughs again.

"Of course!"

. . .

So pretty. My eyes sweep across all the sparkling jewellery, from bracelets to necklaces and rings. One of the necklaces catches my eye. It is a smiley face on a chain, with the words 'Love me'. I am drawn to it, my hand caressing the engrained words. 6 simple letters, yet it says everything I can relate to.

"What are you looking at?" James approaches me from behind. Immediately, I withdraw my hand. I don't want him to end up buying something for me here. But maybe... I'll come back for it.

"Nothing. Why did you come here?" James buying jewellery is one of the things I'd least expect. I have never seen him even wear so much as a bracelet. He doesn't even have any piercings. He looks so out of place in a jewellery shop. He looks uncomfortable, as if he has never been here before.

"To get a present, " I stare at him, with a questioning look. It is understandable that a guy like him would get his friends presents but...Which friend of his wants jewellery? Surely not his friend, Peter, they didn't seem interested in jewellery at all. Unless...

"For my girlfriend" he finishes, and I blink multiple times. Girlfriend? He has a girlfriend? A mischievous grin sweeps across my face. I don't know why I never expected him to have a girlfriend, the thought never crossed my mind. Of course he has one, he is so charming. I nudged him repeatedly with my elbow.

"Who? Who? Why haven't you mentioned her before? Is it Sally?" How could he not have told me earlier? This is perfect teasing material! Maybe I can even blackmail him...

"Sally? Who's that? Anyways, she's not from our school. I've not seen her in a long time, so I wanted to get her something, to surprise her. I'm finally seeing her this Saturday. " I see his eyes light up, his hands brush the back of his hair, and know he definitely loves her. The smile tugging at the corners of his mouth proves that.

I want to know everything. How they met, when they met, what her name is and where she's from. Everything. I want to know the girl that stole his heart, the girl that means the world to him. It gives me hope. Maybe I'll have someone that'll love me the way he loves her one day. The pure innocent love in his eyes makes me feel warm. She is so lucky. She must be the happiest girl on the planet. Wait... but...

"Won't she feel uncomfortable or unhappy with you hanging out with me like this?" I know I would be, if a boy I liked was hanging out with a girl, one on one. With no one else. Even if they were already my boyfriend, I would still feel the slightest bit uncomfortable.

"I doubt so, I think she'd be happy I made a friend. But you're right, I should clarify with her, just in case," He says, taking out his phone. Upon hearing his words, a bad feeling rises up in my gut. I shake it off. There isn't anything wrong with a girlfriend trusting her boyfriend so much that she wouldn't mind me hanging out with him. After all, she probably trusts him when he says I'm just a friend, right? Or maybe James is wrong and she would feel uncomfortable, and he's too dense to understand it.

"ChEeSe!" He snaps a photo of both of us, catching me off guard. Wait a minute, I have a double chin in that photo! How could he choose such a bad angle?

"I wasn't ready!!" I yell, reaching to snatch his phone. He simply laughs, dangling it in front of me, as I tiptoe to try and reach his hand.

"You're too short!" He snorts, and tiptoes as well.

"Hey! Stop insulting me!" I scream, but I am smiling. We both are.

What is this feeling? I feel so free. Like I am flying, soaring in the clear blue sky. It is nice. Nice that I finally have a friend.