A buzz at my bedside table woke me up. It took me unreasonable muscle strength to reach the phone. Marissa. Six messages. Ugh. My head was hurting. She grew too attached already? Why can't people just pick up on the social cues? I though I've been clear about my intentions or, to be precise, the lack of it. Jezz, it was supposed to be just a casual lay. To be fair, maybe I was at fault here. She was way less experienced than she appeared to be. l misjudged the situation and now I have one more headache to deal with, besides the biggest one that was living again with Caleb. Right now, however, there was just no space in my head to manage some teenager girl's expectations. Better to just ignore her.

I felt a wetness under me and heard a clink sound when I moved. It was a wine bottle. I probably spewed some of it when I dozed off.

After the dinner party disbanded, I stole one of Melinda's wines, the most expensive looking one I could find, obviously, not that I had the palate to distinguish it from a cheap one from a box.

I was in dire need of it. I was too overwhelmed about my own reaction to Caleb's announcement. It surprised me I actually gave a shit. In that moment I felt so terribly lonesome. More than that, seeing his joyful face, so accomplished by his own fucking merits made me feel weird. My treacherous brain was underlining the fact that my dork brother thrived in the lapse of time he was away from our lives and I didn't had any part in it or, moreover, it was probably because I wasn't around that he succeeded. Suddenly there was this insurmountable distance between me and him. And, rude awakening, it bothered me. Like, a lot. It hit me like a brick in the head: a heavy certainty that I wouldn't have any place in his life, that he would just grow happy and successful and it would be like I never even existed. I should be fine with it, but I wasn't. I couldn't make sense of the this sorrow. It wasn't like it was based on proper jealousy or even any sick sense of competition. It was more like a sharp longing and a kind of nostalgia that nailed its claws into my chest and it was robbing me the capacity of thinking straight.

Oh, but the wine did performed it's magic and managed to numb most of the foolishness. The only feeling left was resentment towards him. For coming back and making me go through that. I collected my forces and threw the bottle away, angrily. It landed on a pile of discarded clothes in the floor, making a muffled sound. Disappointing.

The door opened and the mere sound of it made my head pound. It was past midnight. He entered the room kicking his luggage and my shit out of his way and tore off his clothes with impatience. He dropped on the mattress Melinda arranged on the floor next to my own bed and let out a howl of frustration against his pillow.

I got on my side and looked at him. He was lying on his belly, his face buried on the pillow. I could only see a mess of wavy dark hair. His shoulders were visibly tense. And I could see the dimples at the end of his back. He was in need of some tan. His big fat bum was sticking out, his nerdy tighty whities hugging it.

"Hey dude. You okay over there?" I asked

He startled at the sound of my voice:

"Yeah. All brilliant. Fuck off".

He let out this annoyed sight and amended:

"I'm sorry, didn't know you're still awake," he said, diffusing a bit of the anger.

"Why do you even agreed to share a room with me" I asked.

"Dad asked me to stay, so it was this or a tent in the backyard." he said.

"Come on, I'm not happy with it either. I was hoping to have my old room, you know. My other option was the Sandison Motel but that is infested with prostitutes and meth fiends. I could check-in in a hotel in a town nearby but I actually wanted to be with my family, especially now that they seem to have finally found something worthy in me" Caleb said.

I shut up and we remained silenced. I could only hear our own breathing and it was driving nuts. I had to say anything so I blurted out:

"Hey, kudos for your project and the investment thingy and shit. It's... impressive, I guess. For an mouthbreather, I mean,"

"That fucking backhanded compliment was the most you could compromise on, I see," he said turning his body around in order to look at me.

"Thanks, it took a lot of effort," he said.

We're so in on guard about each other that making a normal conversation with my own brother was painful. But I wanted to do it anyway. I tried to appeal to what I was comfortable with, so I tried a more jestful approach, to easy thing up:

"I thought you were supposed to be riding towards nirvana, deep in Ava's pants by now. Everyone saw how you two were eager to get some alone time," I said.

"You saw that right? But then she just got weird after we left," he said, more at ease.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I took her to that overpriced hotel at Riverview and we're getting along, although she was being a little shy, but I guess it's normal to be a little awkward a after so long," he said.

"I guess...," I tried to agree.

But then she received a call from her boss, Teague 'cockblock' Van Doren and she just ditched me, telling she needed to prep for this big meeting tomorrow. She even looked relieved," he said and stuck his face back against the pillow.

"Well, maybe she was," I couldn't resist taunting him.

"Fuck!" he screamed against his pillow.

"It's my fault! I was too eager and she deserves better. Maybe I should do something nicer for her?" He was kinda talking to himself now.

"Oh my God, dude. You spellbound by that pussy," I said laughing.

He looked at me and smiled.

"I know," he conceded.

"I do understand how excited she is with her new internship, but we missed each other so much. And I'm trying to be rational here, but... I'm going mental man. I think I'm physically getting sick of blue balls," he said.

"Tragic" I said.

Caleb laughed and I laughed with him.

"But you know, she's just being a tease so she can make sure you getting cunt-struck once again. I'm sorry to be the one to tell you, but you were always kinda led by the nose on that relationship," I said.

"Gotta admit, you reliable in the sense you really never surprise me. Such an asshole," Caleb said, grumpy.

Fuck. I screwed up. It was nice trying to mimic the kinda of bro talk we never really shared. But I just had to jab at him. I'm so messed up.

"Calm down man. Shit. Didn't mean to be a dick. Just saying, play the game and you two will work it out. But hey, I can sympathize. After all she was looking freaking delicious, man. A bit bougie for my type but still..." I said.

"Oh, she really was looking something else. I was afraid I was gonna burst in my pants the whole time," he said while tugging at the volume inside his undies.

The sight of he fretfully adjusting his boner caught sparked my curiosity. I don't know why but I wanted to manipulate him into getting more uncomfortably fidgety and horny:

"Come on man. You never got in with anyone else this whole year? No tall blond norwegian was able to charm you into her bed? You gotta have some kinky european stories to share".

"Maybe you don't grasp at this concept, but we were in a relationship, even if it was long-distance," he said hastily.

"Soooo touchy. I was just asking..." I said disappointed.

After a few minutes of awkward silence he confessed:

"Look, I'm a bit frustrated here. So yeah, it wasn't easy to make it work, so we broke it off for a short while. I met this smart, funny and really cute girl and we connected real good," he said.

"And how was the sex?" I asked.

"The sex... oh man, it was kinda great. And we did a bunch of stuff Ava would never let me try, so it was awesome. I mean, she was awesome," he said.

"Hell yeah bro. But come on, now you gotta spill it. What kinda stuff? Like she would piss on you, femdom your ass or just tittie clamps?" I teased him.

"What the hell! Dirty little brain you have up there little brother. No dude, just some outdoorsy shit, like in public spaces. The thrill of being caught is fucking awesome. And some butt stuff, which is just the best," he revealed embarrassed, a whole pint of blood in his cheeks.

"Wow, who would thunk it? The old Caleb all grown up doing fun shit. Good on you," I said genuinely surprised.

For a moment Caleb smiled, truly disarmed, and locked eyes with me and I felt that the most flimsiest of connections were amended. That made me my blood rush.

"But that went on just for a couple months. Ava got back in the picture and I employed my full focus to the job I had to do. And since then I'm dying to be with Ava for like almost a year now," he said.

Half of his hand was inside his underwear. I didn't know who was he thinking about. Ava or the mistery girl. Seeing him like lit some fire inside my own boxers.

"Bummer. So, you had this crazy sexy fling in Europe and let it go to be a quasi celibate in a long distance relationship with a cold bitch who even now isn't letting you fuck her?" I said in a haste, probably a little too brash.

"That's exactly it. I know you think I'm a moron. I've never pretended do be 'cool' as you are. But you never been in a real relationship, you don't know what it's like. Forget it man!" Caleb said, sounding defensive. Or maybe disheartened.

We went radio silence for a good while and I thought he'd fallen asleep when I heard him ask, in a little more raucous voice:

"How come you are you failing at school and why the hell are being arrested"

"Why do you care?" I simply rebutted.

"It just... It really pisses me off. You were always the smarter one, the more attractive sibling, the most popular, the one with the charisma that could convince anyone to give anything you wanted, the guy who, without any effort, could get good enough grades and crush at any sport. You were always Mom's "handsome little man", while I was the other one, the awkward chubby kid who liked too much aeromodels and geek stuff, who didn't had any friends and spent to much time at the computer, the guy who had to work so much harder to be good at school or barely decent at wrestling, despite the fact I didn't even like it. But Dad was always so on about each and everyone of the dozens of sports you tried and succeed on just to eventually drop. I thought I could have some of that attention if at least I tried this. Long story short, he wasn't impressed. I was always the weirdo, the afterthought. You could never do anything wrong," I could see his pain, but he said all that in a very controlled way.

"Fuck Liam, you were always so awful to me that you frankly made me hate you at one point. And yet you were always the one I aspired to be more alike, even though you were my little brother. And now you look like you're self-destructing, Dad is worried but he's back to his M.O. so he's already checked out and Mom keeps asking me to 'talk' to you, so I can 'maybe inspire you to get back on track'. You... you just don't have the right to trow it all away..."  he said, now truly emotional.

"I don't know what to tell you," I said, half choked over what I just heard.

"Never mind. I don't have anything to do with your life anyway. It's better if we both keep it on our respective lanes. I'm tired and need to catch some zzzs, and so do you. You look like shit".