Steven licked his lips slowly and let his eyes fall shut, a tired sigh escaping his lips.

"I'm not going away, Anthony. This isn't something you can just ignore anymore." He whispered, words getting caught and muffled by the wooden door that separated them. Steve rubbed his fingers against the wood- a small, useless distraction- and held his breath as he waited for Anthony to respond.

The air seemed to still between them and the only sound that dared to break the silence was Steven's quiet breathing; but even then it was barely noticeable. He sighed after a few minutes- when it was clear that Anthony wasn't even going to acknowledge him- and instead moved to sit down.

Pressing his back up against the door, he let his head thump against the wood and he cleared his throat loudly.

"'m still here, Chilled. I'm tired and I'm scared but I'm... I'm still here," he sighed, letting all of his exhaustion seep into his voice. He desperately needed Anthony to understand, to realise that he couldn't just keep running away from his problems forever and if it meant sharing his soul with his friend- then so be it.

"I need a sign you're still listening, Anthony. Anything, I'll take anything please. Just don't make me do this by myself, don't make me sit here alone while you fall asleep and ignore me." he begged, turning his head to press his cheek up against the cool door, "please... I need you to know you're still okay,"

He waited a few moments, until he was sure he could hear the sound of shuffling coming from the other side of the door and he couldn't stop the small, bitter smile from growing. Anthony shuffled around the bedroom, until he slumped against the door with back pressed against the wood- echoing the same position that Ze was sat in.

"I-I'm listening..." he whispered and Steven nodded in reply, even though he knew Anthony couldn't see him.

"Good, good. Okay. You know this is a big deal Anthony. You keep trying to brush past it, to ignore it whenever I bring it up; but sooner or later it'll be too late and we'll be forced to actually face the problem," he mumbled, pushing his fingers under the bottom of the door. For a brief moment, he hoped that Anthony would touch his finger-tips in return- a small wish for human contact and comfort- but Anthony made no move to bridge the gap between them and Steven bit his lip until he drew blood.

"We're not teenagers anymore, were adults and sometimes people draw the short straw in life." Steven whispered.

A whimper seeped out from under the door and the sound shattered Ze's heart, but he mentally shook himself and steeled himself for a fight.

"It's not fair..." Anthony replied and Steven hummed in agreement.

"I know, but it's not the end of the world though," Steven whispered and Anthony scoffed from the other side of the door, "I know you don't believe me but it's not. It's not a death sentence and it's not anything unfixable. God, Anthony, I know it's scary, but we'll deal with it together,"

They lapsed back into silence and it set Steven on edge.

He couldn't hear Anthony's breathing through the door, couldn't feel his naturally warm skin brushing against him. The wood muffled everything, dulled the world around him and Ze had never felt more alone than sitting there in Chilled's apartment; with his back pressed against Anthony's closed bedroom door at 12:34 in the morning.

It didn't help that he couldn't tell if Anthony was still safe or if he was actually having another seizure, just metres away from him.

'Another seizure,' Steven mused, huffing bitterly. 'Another seizure that he pretends didn't happen. That he pretends isn't important,'

"I don't know what you want from me, Chilled..." he begged, words coming out as a whine. He loved his best friend, that much he knew for sure, he'd walk through fire just to make sure he was alright.

But Anthony kept pushing him away and it hurt.

Every awkward smile and every flinch from physical contact; Steven could take a hint. Anthony loved him, sure, but not romantically. That wasn't the problem though, since Steven could settle for platonic love. He didn't need to be Anthony's boyfriend to be happy; sure it would be a bonus, but he wasn't going to guilt his best friend into a relationship if he didn't want it. He just didn't understand why Anthony found it so hard to let him in, they were- are friends, didn't that count for anything?

"I'm so scared. I'm scared that you'll have another episode when I'm not here, when I go home. That you'll hurt yourself all because you tried to pretend that you don't have epilepsy," he growled and a thump on the door acted as Anthony's reply.

Ze pulled his fingers away from underneath the door and held them against his chest instead.

"Anthony, please. This is serious, but it's fixable. It's fixable, don't you realise that?" he pleaded, shifting so he could press his forehead against the wood.

Chilled remained quiet.

"Medication! Professional help! Talk to another doctor again if not me, but stop ignoring it!" Steven yelled, thumping his fist against the door in frustration. He wanted to scream, to cry, to stand up and give-in to his best friend's childish antics. He wanted to ignore the obvious threat to Anthony's health and just pretend that last week didn't happen.

That he didn't watch his best-friend collapse, to then jerk around helplessly on the floor for a solid three minutes.

That he didn't watch Anthony sit up with utter terror in his eyes, to then just blink and offer a shaky smile before going to hide in the bathroom. Though, not before strongly arguing with Steven that he didn't need the ambulance that he was a few seconds away from calling.

But Steven wasn't cruel. He was tired and hurt, slowly losing his patience- and so many other emotions- but he wasn't cruel.

So he stayed.

"How long have you been hiding it? Were you ever going to tell me? A quick google search on seizures isn't going to mean anything in the long term. Not when you have another seizure and end up smacking your head against your kitchen bench, Anthony. You need to go back to the doctor, for real this time."

Steven swallowed deeply, a whimper slipping past his lips. The quiet was eating away at him, biting at every fear and forcing him to conjure up horrible scenarios in his mind.

He needed to know if his best friend was still safe.

"A-anthony...?" Steven whispered and he cringed at how pathetic he sounded. "P-please say something..."

"...I ...I love you."

A rush of air escaped Steven's lungs all at once and he let himself smile, "Oh, Thank God," he whispered under his breath. Raising his voice so that Chilled could hear him, he quickly called-out a reply. "Yeah, I love you too bud, but sweet-talking me isn't going to get you out of this conversation."

"No... Ze, I love you." Anthony mumbled, his voice slightly muffled by the door. It took a moment, but when Steven realised what Anthony really meant, his heart stopped beating from within his chest.

"Oh,"

"I love you and I'm scared cause I'm sick, Steven." Anthony spat, his voice laced with an edge of vulnerability that made Steven flinch, "this is something serious and I'm not used to serious. I keep praying that it'll just turn out to be nothing. Keep ignoring it, pretend that everything is fine and that every time I wake up on the floor- utterly confused as to how I ended up there- isn't actually a big deal."

"The doctor I saw said I needed medication, but that just makes it real Ze. I've spent a month alone, keeping the biggest secret I've ever had from my best friend because I was so sure, that when you found out, you'd leave. Not that I'd blame you though, I'd leave me too if I could..."

Steven closed his eyes and sighed, quickly moving to stand. He jiggled the door handle- still locked- and huffed. The stupid door acted as a shield, something that Anthony had made in fear but now Steven wanted gone.

"Chilled. I'm never going to leave you, epilepsy or no epilepsy. I've dealt with your shit for so many years now, it would be a waste of time to just walk away. I love you too, you nerd. I thought you knew, thought I was being pretty obvious. So open this door up p-please, I need to make sure you're alright,"

Steven waited.

Anthony opened the door.

And Steven leapt at him, gathering his best friend up in his arms, holding him so tightly; almost as if Chilled would disappear without a seconds notice if he let go. He buried his face in his shoulder, nuzzling against the soft, exposed skin and Anthony trembled in his arms. Steven whispered words of love into his neck before nipping at the skin with his teeth.

"D-don't leave. D-don't ever leave, please. I don't know what I'd do without you, Steven," Chilled mumbled, his voice thick with emotion. Ze gripped his wrists, pulling him towards the bed and hushed him.

"It's okay. I'll stay here for as long as you need me, heh, I'll even move in with you if I have to. We'll go to the doctors tomorrow, but for now lets just sleep. I'm so goddamn tired,"

Anthony hummed low in his throat, letting his body sink back into the mattress as he curled up against Steven's side. "Thank you, for staying awake for so long just for me and as well, just... staying. I love you," he mumbled, letting his eyes slip closed.

Steven smiled, "Any time..." he whispered, before letting his own eyes drift shut as well.