alana:
Hello, Connor!

me:
what do you want

alana:
I was talking to the house owner and he was wondering if you could give him your channel name?
So he can review the content and you, to some extent.

me:
i'm not an idiot

alana:
I never said you are.
I'm honestly not asking for myself, it's for him.

me:
yeah right
who is he anyways?
alana istg if it's jared

alana:
It's not Jared!

me:
you know what?
fuck it
just don't text me at a perfectly normal waking hour telling me i did something inappropriate in some video or another, k?

alana:
I promise I won't.

me:
here ya go: humanmutebutton
✨😎🤙

alana:
Thanks.

---

Alana:
Hey, Evan.

Me:
What is it now?

Alana:
I got Connor's channel name!
It's humanmutebutton.

Me:
Thanks
It's insomnia time

Alana:
Get good sleep, Evan.
It's important.

Me:
Yep
Sure thing

Alana:
Promise me.
read 6:43pm

There's no way I'm getting good sleep, I have an entire youtube channel to watch. (me finding Thomas Sanders... and still now, actually) I open my laptop and go to youtube, searching for the account and would you look at that, it was a real thing. I almost expected it to be fake. And 725K followers. That's more than the money Jared asks for for favors (he usually just gets twenty bucks). I press play on the most recent video and nestle into my blanket, fully prepared to sacrifice my gel that in the name of over-analyzing the youtube channel of a freak I went to high school with.

It's now 3:27am and you know what? I enjoy his channel. He's funny. I may be delirious. I haven't had anything to eat. I've barely moved since I started watching.

So far here are my notes so far (no seriously, I took notes):

Connor Murphy
similarities:
-still gets angry when things don't go his way
-mommy/daddy issues
-still emo
-still swears
-still doesn't have friends
-still does drugs
-still a little rude
differences:
-seems to only get angry at his gaming console, and it's less than before
-funny
-a lot less rude
-genuinely smiles (total 97 times - 3:16am)
-barely paranoid
-genuinely laughs (total 78 times - 2:54am)
-more open
-more approachable
-is nice to people
-tries to help
-self-deprecating (is this new?)
-therapy (this seems new)

I gave up on the notes at 3:31 and focused solely on the videos themselves. Connor's kinda hot. You couldn't tell before but... he is. Video after video plays and I start to see a potential ok-ness to having Connor Murphy as a roommate.

Then comes the draw my life. See, here I'm interested, cause I was a part of his life for... most of his mandatory education I think.

"Things just weren't going great for 15 year old Connor. So what did he do? He got high. A lot. Perfect solution to everything, amirite?
*sigh*
Yeah. Then comes junior year. What a rollercoaster. Went to rehab (didn't work), got picked on at school, sister fully turned against me. She's... ok now. Ultimately became insanely paranoid about everything... yeah angry little Connor wasn't... a great guy.
*pause*
*clap*
The best year? Senior year. I didn't want to go to school the first day but my mom made me (hooray mom) and first thing I knew someone was fucking with me. Looking back... no he was fucking with me. But the guy I took it out on didn't do anything, he was just standing there looking anxious as fuck."

That was Jared. Jared mocked him and he took it out on me. Unless I'm wrong and there was another instance of this that day.

"Dude had a broken arm too."

So it was me.

"Didn't think that through, did I? No, obviously not. Uh... right! So then I'm in the computer lab and the same dude is there, printing something. I signed his cast, I think, and all was great and happy or whatever until I found the thing he was printing. Poor guy. By the way, yes I remember most of these people's names I'm just not going to say any of them for obvious reasons. Anyways, I find the paper, it says something about Zoe, I freak out on him (he didn't deserve it at all) and go home even though school isn't over."

I remember that. It's etched into my memory and probably one of the main reasons for my terror of him. Wait... if I remember right next he.... oh yikes.

"I'm at home and no one else is there. For god knows what reason that's when. I decide everything's too much and...
*long exhale*
Try to commit suicide. Yeah. As you can probably tell due to the fact that I'm filming this video, it failed, but I went to the hospital and afterwards my wonderful mother sent me off to some thing that would 'fix me'. Like always. Anyways, I was... I mean, fine is a strong word. I was hanging in there and went back to school. Pretty hard to live that down though. Zoe hated me even more then too, which honestly took me aback. Like, sister, I'm not doing great and you think hostility is going to help? Or do you not care?
*noncommittal grunt*
So finally high school's over..."

I know it's stupid to tune out when it gets to the part I have no clue about but I wanted to hear the events from Connor's perspective. And while he didn't really share more than I knew hearing it in his words helped it... make more sense. Also, I'm tired and that's about all my brain can handle.

It's 4:54 when I realize I haven't followed the channel and do so immediately.

It's 5:17 when I realize it's Saturday. Tomorrow I'm going to have to face Connor Murphy and pray he's not just acting when he's filming.

It's 6:44 when I can't stay awake any longer and fall asleep in front of my laptop.

It's 9:02 when I wake up to watch his stream.

It's 11:05 when I go back to sleep cause it's over.