Chapter 4: CAMRYN FROM WALMART

"My windows have never looked so shiny before," Elliot said. I gave him a look and kept polishing the glass angrily. It's been about a week since I got hired as window-washer girl for Mister Bounty Hunter. My life has never been more Hell than now. I don't have my phone. I don't have any damn Wi-Fi. And now I'm actually WORKING OUTSIDE. I've never been more miserable. And it seems like Elliot loves seeing me this way.
Well, on the bright side, he's been tracking down Jeff for me. At least he's not one of those guys that doesn't take up their end of a deal. But, so far, he's come up on nothing.
BUT, on the other bright side, Anime Con is coming up in a few days meaning that my dad is gonna take me there and I'll be able to bask in my otaku pride with my other fellow otakus!

So many anime references will be made.

"Hey, window washer," Elliot called me. I scowled and turned around to look at him. "I've got an errand for you to run," he informed me, "I need you to go to Walmart or something and get some new light bulbs, fertilizer and a hacksaw."

I gave him a look. "Why do you need a hacksaw?"

"Reasons."

I stared at him for a bit before shrugging and putting down the cleaning rag. I walked up to him and he gave me the money to buy the things he wanted. "Get something for yourself too if you'd like," he said.
"Really?!" I beamed.

"Nah, just kidding," he said and I frowned. I trudged off on the side-walk and made my way to a nearby Walmart, grumbling curses. You know what? I will get something! I deserve something nice! Like some god dAMN WIFI AND MY PHONE!!!! But I can't have that yet... Shit!

...

When I got to Walmart, I started looking for the stuff Elliot wanted. I grabbed a cart and looked around for light bulbs. As I was getting the light bulbs, a man came up to me and asked me for assistance. I gave him a look and he said, "Oh, sorry, I thought you were an employee." He walked away and I gaped. I looked down at my clothes and then realized that I did look like a Walmart employee. I was wearing a shirt of their trademark color and my pants did look like khakis but they're actually jeans. I frowned and moved on.

I found the fertilizer and hulled a bag into the cart. I was going to move on when a lady came up and asked me where she could find the gardening tools. I turned to her and she said, "Sorry, I thought you worked here."

"N-No," I muttered. She gave me an awkward smile and walked away. Sighing, I began walking to the tools section to get the hacksaw Elliot wanted -though I don't know why he would want it. I came into the tools section, searched for the hacksaws and grabbed one from off a rack. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a kid walking up to me and I knew what would happen. I swerved around to him and raised up the hacksaw, growling, "I don't work here!!!" He immediately spun around on his heel and quickly walked away. I huffed and tossed the hacksaw into the cart, then I moved on.

Once I had what I came here to get, I looked around deviously and moonwalked my way into the candy section. I don't give a damn about what Elliot says. I'm getting myself a little something something.

As I was scanning the various, fattening candies, I felt like...someone was behind me. I just shrugged it off, but it wasn't until I felt breathing on my neck did I finally know there really was someone behind me. My body froze and I held my breath. Whoever was behind me was really starting to freak me out. Then, a gruff, hoarse voice asked, ever so quietly, "Do you know where the whip-cream is around here?"

I was taken aback by this and I mumbled, "Wh..what?" I finally turned around to see who was behind me and my eyes widened in surprise. And then I just knew that they flared with hate. Standing right in front of me, was none other than that douchebag himself, Jeff! What the hell is his white ass doing at Walmart?! Seriously, thought, like why? Whatever! That bastard is gonna pay!

"You!!!" I growled at him.

"Oh, sorry," he said, "I thought you were an employeeeeeee-HOOOOOLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY SHHHHIIIIIIAAAAAAAAATTT!!!"

"I am going to kill you!!!" I screamed and lunged at him. With a loud, comical yelp, he dodged me and made a break towards the front of Walmart. I left my cart behind and ran after him with all the speed I couldn't ever muster during P.E. classes.

I chased him down through every aisle and past various carts. Jeff had grabbed a pound of rice in the pasta section and he tore the bag open, then he threw it behind himself. My eyes widened as rice grains bounced all across the floor and it was a moment of panic. It was too late for me to turn back and take a shortcut. I would soon be upon the dreadful rice grains and possibly slip, bump my head and look like a total idiot in front of every other customer here. So, as a last minute resort, I took a woman's unoccupied cart (which she was not pleased with), propped my feet on the tray below and held onto the cart's handle tightly. Using the force of my movement to propel me forward, I successfully made it through the fallen rice grains. I could see the awe and horror upon Jeff's face and I flashed him my most deadly grin. Bitch thinks he can get away from me? Me; Camryn Reynolds; the tumblr girl who knows every sly trick; the fangirl who's persistence achieves both great and horrific things (mostly horrific), the girl who literally chased a man down and phone whipped him in public like a boss ass bitch? Jeff thinks he can get away from all this??? He's wrong.

I made a sharp turn with the cart and completely ditched it, tossing it onto its side and spilling out the contents. Jeff still ran away from me and he kept trying to throw me off his trail but I knew better. Quickly, I grabbed a mop from a random cart and aimed it towards the bleach bastard like a javelin. Throwing it with a strength I had no idea I had, the mop completely missed Jeff and hit a poor man in the back. "Ah shiet," I hissed but I kept chasing Jeff, despite leaving the man writhing on the floor as I passed him up.

Jeff ran into the outdoor section and ducked towards the garden tools aisle. This area was in the far corner of Walmart so I laughed and smiled, noting how much of an idiot he was. I bolted in after him but was confused to see that he wasn't anywhere in sight. "What the hell," I muttered to myself as I quietly and cautiously strolled through the aisle. There was nothing but shears, rakes, hoses, hoes (ha), and even the electric stuff like leaf blowers, electric grass trimmers, Jeff, and- wait.

Suddenly, the loud sound of mechanic whirring erupted next to me and I turned to see Jeff coming towards me with a grass trimmer. Quickly, I caught the garden tool by the shaft and held it away from me. I stared with wide eyes at the spinning blades, barely an inch away from my head, and I tried with all of my might to hold the thing back. Jeff kept pushing it towards me with a crazed look in his eyes. I wasn't about to let him shred my face into pieces and let him look down on me like this. Quickly, I ducked to my left and felt something brush past me. When I stood up, I felt a draft. Looking down, I saw that my pants were completely torn and my rainbow underwear/boxers were showing. "God dammit," I sighed and ripped the rest of my torn pants off. Jeff watched this with cold eyes and he turned the grass trimmer up on high speed. I scowled at him with a challenge prominent in my gaze. I took a quick scan of the aisle and grabbed for the best weapon I could find. I grabbed a hoe (still funny) and wielded it towards Jeff, like a knight would to the enemy. We stared at each other with cruel gazes and the moment seemed like something out of the old Wild West movies, only, ya know, with garden tools instead of guns and Walmart instead of the desert.

Finally, Jeff made the first move as he lunged forward and swiped the grass trimmer towards my head. I block the hit with my hoe and spun around towards him to land a blow to his face with my elbow. I quickly reeled back as he growled and rubbed at his jaw. A smirk crawled upon my lips which sent him snarling. I brandished my hoe at Jeff's body and he would block or dodge my attacks every time. The both of us fought like we were old medieval warriors as our weapons clashed together with fury. We took the fight all the way through the outdoor area, out into the main walkway (which scared a shit ton of people), until we were near the kids aisle. People were staring or running away out of fear and this left us open space to keep on fighting. We knocked over toy boxes and stuffed animals and smashed things to pieces. I was close to landing a fatal hit to Jeff's gut when he knocked me back and into the bicycle racks. I groaned but was quick to move out of the way as Jeff charged towards me and swiped his grass trimmer towards me. He grazed the bike racks and cut off the wire that held the bikes on the bottom row. I got an idea and kicked him against the racks, which sent his arms flailing and he stupidly cut through the wires for the top row bikes. I smiled and laughed with glee, but my elated feelings were cut short as I failed to realize that I probably should've moved out of the way. "SHHHHHIIIIIIITTTTTT," I screamed as I "Indiana Jones Boulder Scene"d out of the aisle. I ducked and rolled at the last minute and made it out of the aisle. Looking back, I saw the carnage of what the falling bikes had done. Jeff was no where in sight and it was clear that he hadn't made it out. He was crushed. Smiling, I wiped away the sweat from my brow and sighed. "I did it, Richard," I whispered, "I took the bastard down. You are now avenged-."

Suddenly Jeff came bursting out of the pile of bikes and he was seething with rage.

"Aw, come the fuck on!!" I screamed to the gods and I watched as Jeff trudged over the bikes with a busted, sputtering grass trimmer in his hands. He threw it to the side and pulled out a butcher knife. Grinning, I laughed, "Seriously? You're going to hurt me with that pesky thing? If you hadn't noticed, I do have a garden hoe!" I raised up my hand only to realize that I dropped my garden hoe during the panic of the falling bikes. "Dammit," I muttered and watched as Jeff shouted a war cry and came charging towards me. He was swiping his knife every which way with swift speed and it was hard to keep up with him. Unfortunately, I wasn't quick enough and I was given a cut across the cheek. A little blood ran down my skin and I winced with both pain and anger.

Jeff kept swiping towards me, his hands nearly blurring, and he kept pushing me into an inescapable corner. Once I was in that corner, he cackled like a madman. I had nowhere to run or hide. There was nothing that I could use as a good weapon. I was trapped. I was done for. I hung my head in defeat, awaiting for Jeff to plunge his knife into my body and kill me off like he had meant to do.

The memories of Richard came flitting through my mind and my heart skipped a beat. I remembered the time when Richard and I first met; when my dad bought him for me as a birthday present. Oh, he was the best birthday present I had ever received. I remembered the first time I ever made a phone call with Richard or texted with Richard. I remembered the first game I ever played with Richard and it was really addicting.. I remembered the first time I ever dropped Richard by accident and I made a vow never to hurt him ever again; I vowed to protect him at all costs. Then I remembered when I got a phone case for him after that. He looked fabulous in it. The first time he ever died on me? I remembered that too, and it was the most hellish experience of my life. 'Kept crying for days, even after my dad found my charger and plugged Richard. I gave Richard so much love, more than I could ever give to anyone else besides my dad. No one could ever replace Richard or best him. He was my best friend, my partner in crime, and he was family. He was mine. But Jeff took his life on that fateful night..! Jeff busted poor Richard and the device had done nothing wrong! He was innocent and he deserved more time in life! He should've lived for more years to come! The warranty said he'd last at least another five years, so YES he should've fuckin' lived!!! I promised that I would avenge Richard's unjust death. So why am I standing here, ready to die? I made a promise. I never break a promise. Especially if it comes to Richard! This Clorox clown, Jeff, won't ever defeat me!! He will pay for what he has done and I will make sure he suffers!! I will not die!! I will live on!! For Richard!!!!

I shouted a war cry and rushed Jeff, tackling the poor bastard into shelves of game boards. Boxes rained down on us but I didn't care for it. Pinning Jeff down with my body, I began punching him in the face over and over again. When he tried stabbing me, I pimp slapped his knife out of his hand and watched it skitter across the floor and out of sight. Jeff yelped and I grinned down at him with a grin the Devil would wear. "See," I growled scarily, "I told you I'd kick your ass...!!"

Without warning, Jeff socked me in the face and sent me falling back. I lay in a heap across the floor, groaning. Jeff got to his feet and he began quietly chuckling under his breath. He looked down at me through his hanging hair and he hissed, "You're just another stupid, teenage girl. Your promises and vows mean nothing at all..! That's what happens to pathetic teens like you! Your dreams and aspirations die off..!! And soon, you will too!!! So do me one favor that'll do some good, and go to sleep!!!"

Jeff came towards me but I was quick to react. While I was on the floor, my hand found the knife Jeff had dropped and so I grabbed it without him noticing. So as soon as he got close, I threw the knife at him and it stabbed him right in his thigh. He froze in his place with a taken aback expression on his face. He looked down at his legs, gasped and let out a cry of pain. "Oh my fuckin' god," he yelled, "aaaaaahahhhhhhh!!! Jesus, that hurts!! Aw, fuck a duck, man!! Oh my GAWD!!"

He motioned at the knife in his leg, which was similar to that one Ace Ventura scene, and it made me snicker. He fell against an aisle and cursed words to the sky. "Oh sweet Lucifer's tits...! Oh my- aaaaahahhh!! I think it nicked the femur! Mother of Jebus, all mighty...! Arrrghhhhhh, ahhhhhhh, ooooooohhhhuugghhh, ffuuuuuuuuuck!!!" He curled up into a ball like a dying bug and whined even more. "Aahahah, Jesus...Jesus take the wheel... fuckin' take it, man. Ah, put me out of my misery!! Ah! Aaaah! AAHAHAH! MMMMMMMM!!! Fuck!! Jesus... God... Shrek... SOMEBODY!! AAHHHHHHRRRHGH. NNNNNMNREGGEH!!" Jeff was now writhing around like a caterpillar and clawing at the ground in desperation. I just watched him and shook my head. Geez, for a cold blooded serial killer, he sure is one stupid ass bitch..

Jeff started making pterodactyl noises so I knew it was high time that I put an end to this pathetic scene. I yanked the knife out of his leg, which caused him to scream even more. I thought he'd be fine, but a high spout of blood came shooting out of his wound and he screamed while I stared in disgust. "OH JESUS CHRIST HELP MEEEEEEEEE!! AGH IT'S SO MUCH!!!"

"Oh the irony," I muttered under my breath and grabbed him by his hood. Then, I began dragging him out of the aisle and towards the front of Walmart. People stared at the strange scene before them as they watched a pant-less, teenage girl drag a squealing, bleeding serial killer out of Walmart. On the way out though, I bought some bandaids and a can of Monster for myself with the money Elliot gave me. Ah, crap I forgot the stuff for Elliot!! Damn!! Crap...! Shit...Oh well. When Jeff and I made it outside, I threw the pack of bandaids at his face and said, "That should do," and then I opened up my Monster. Soon, I was dragging him across the sidewalk while leisurely enjoying my drink.

I should start shopping at Walmart more often.