Steve's pov

Three weeks.
21 days.
504,5 hours
30270 minutes.
28 phone calls.
Endless tears.
2 tissue packages.
1 pizza.
2 ice creams.

It all feels like an eternity.

Three week today, since he jumped in front of the train.

Why would he do that? He was always so happy, always smiling and laughing.

He was always there for me...
Why did he think I wouldn't be there for him to?

So many questions, he'll never answer.

I pick up my phone again, dialling his number.

"Ehh hi, you've reached my voicemail... Obviously I can't pick up. So I'll call you back whenever I can... Hahahah Steve stop.  yeah."

His voice. They say the voice is the first thing you forget about someone.
How can you forget something so important?

How can you forget someone's voice when it's imprinted in you head.
When it's like a password to your brain?

Why did he jump?

"Were there any red flags?" The police's voice rings in my head.

"Red flags?"

"Warning sings? Did he say something to you? Or did he show you he was unhappy?"

Did he?

He always smiled.
I've never seen him cry.
Never heard him sound sad.

Maybe that's a warning sign.
A red flag.

Will I ever be happy again?

A vibration comes from the phone that still lies in my hand.
What if it's him. I have to answer before he hangs up.
I don't even check the caller id.

"Bucky?! I knew it was a prank! You really got me I-"

"Steve." Natasha's voice cuts me off guard. I nearly drop my phone.

"No, please." Fuck.

"You have to go out, do you want me to come over? If you don't wanna go out maybe we can watch a movie or something?" She asks.

"We need each other." She continues.
"I know how much James meant to you-"

"Means" I correct her. He isn't gone.. Dead.
He can't be. They never found an id, or something to confirm that it was him.

"Means to you, but it's been a month."

"Three weeks" I correct her again.
It hasn't been a month, not yet.
He still has time to come back.

"I'm coming over." She say and hangs up.

I look around not bothering about the mess.
If Buck was here he'd slap me until I cleaned it up, and while I did he'd laugh and watch me.

2 minutes since she called.
9 minutes until she's here.

Steve's phone vibrated and he saw Bucky's name lit up the screen.

"Hey buck! I was ju-"

"Hello?"  He was cut off by a female's soft voice. She has tears streaming down her face. Even if she didn't know the person, she felt sorry for the ones who did.

"Who's this?" The blonde asked. He began to feel worried. The feeling in his stomach, was a feeling he didn't want to get to know.

"I'm so sorry, but I- I... There has been an accident."

"What?" The feeling in his stomach growing, taking over the rest of his body.

"He just jumped, and there was blood. A lot of blood. I can't, I don't know. He's dead, blown apart. They couldn't stop the train, it was too late."

"No" the blonde male began to realize what had happened. He felt alone. Broken.

"Where at the train station"

"I'll be there." He hung up.

The brunette female turned to her boyfriend, and he pulled her into his armed hugging her as if he could take away the awful thing she just witnessed.

Nothing could. Ever.

"Ehh hi, you've reached my voicemail... Obviously I can't pick up. So I'll call you back whenever I can... Hahahah Steve stop.  yeah."

*beep*

"Hi, Bucky. It's me again. Maybe you can call me back soon. And tell me all of this is just one of your stupid jokes." I can feel the tears streaming down my face once again.

"Maybe if you'd just-"

There's a knock at my door and soon Natasha comes into my living room.

"I gotta go, miss you." I say and hang up.

"Who were you talking to?" She asks as she sits down on the couch beside me.

"No one."

He is everything.

He has always been and always will be.
Until the end of the line.

"So what movie are we watching?" She asks sounding happy and all over the place.
Bucky meant a lot to her as well, he knew it, she knew it.

They loved each other.
They love each other.

She took the remote from the coffee table and put in some film from Netflix.

I couldn't care less.

Halfway through the movie she whispers
"I don't understand, why did he do it?" I look at her.
"He didn't" I say, she gave me a questioning look and paused the movie.

"He'll be back soon, you know." I say quietly.
She look at me with tears burning in her eyes.

She stands up and look at me

"When are you gonna stop living in denial?!" She shouts, clearly upset. Who isn't?

"He's not coming back, Steve! He will never come back. He's gone! He's dead."
The tears now running freely down her cheeks.
Those cheeks he loved to kiss.
Those cheeks he loves to kiss.

"He won't just come back from the dead Steven! For fuck sake!" She hit my cheek before she falls down in her knees crying her eyes out.

I've never seen her this vulnerable before.
Not even when her parents died, it scares me.

And that's when it hits me.

My best friend, my hero, my brother.

James Buchanan Bucky Barnes.

Is dead.

(Okay so first chapter is up, I know it's depressing but so am I haha)