No more Ms. Nice Girl, it's time to get ready for the real angst which I promised a long time ago.

There may be triggers actually, like mentions of suicide. So proceed with caution.

Edit: I made the chapter longer.

***
It's Always Wayne Manor Now

Damian?

Damian's eyes snap open when he sees his family's expressions. Jon is sitting next to him, holding his hand reassuringly. It doesn't make him feel better. Dick is the first one to try and hug him but he hisses, glares at Dick and holds up his hand threateningly.

"Don't. Show me sympathy. I've had enough of it." Damian growls, Bruce winces and he looks away. Jason purses his lips. Tim's fists clench. Dick's expression changes. Cass' eyes narrow while looking at the floor. Helena walks out of the room.

He doesn't like the attention. Doesn't like the stares his family are giving. Doesn't like the looks on their faces. Doesn't like how they think that it's their fucking fault.

He wants to disappear, wants to turn invisible. Wants to get away from here, from this unforgiving world. Wants to... to...

"And... And what happened to Elijah?" Dick asks and Damian sucks in a sharp breath, fists clenching on the couch and tries to control the need for his tears to come back out.

"He's dead." He has to get over it, he can't dwell on this, needs to get on with his life like Elijah and Abas wanted him to. He has to, please he can't think like this he wants to move one he can't ---

"Oh." The silence stretches out for a moment, until Helena comes back into the room.

"It's all over the news, Abas' death I mean." She says, clutching the newspaper in one hand "Some mysterious blonde guy who he took upto his room is a suspect but no one can find him. That was you wasn't it?"

Damian gulps the lump in his throat and nods, not trusting his voice because he knows it'll break.

"Damian we're so sorry this happened to you." Dick whispers and Bruce sighs "We should've been there." Bruce agrees and Jason shakes his head "You should've told us that you were hurting so much we could have ---"

"Stop apologizing!" Damian yells, snatching his hand away from Jon to cover his face, trying to ignore the surprised looks his family is giving him "Stop trying to make me feel better! I know you have the best intentions and your trying to find the right fucking words to say and I promise that I learned my lesson."

Another sob, feels Jon's hand on his back and pulling Damian to his side.

"But right now, I don't want to be OK." Damian feels the tears again, the hurt bubbling again and not leaving because god he's held this on for so long "I'm so tired, sitting here, if I hear one more sorry it's always gonna be the same."

"So let me just... Give up. Let me just let go, if this isn't good for me then I don't really care. Let me just stop trying dammit. And let me stop fighting this hurt! I don't want your good advice for the reasons why I'll be fine!"

His heart stings when he says the next words.

"You don't know what its like, to be torn apart and being responsible for the death of your loved ones. Knowing you are the one who FUCKING KILLED THEM!" He's shaking when the next words leave his mouth "So stop saying we could have because you can't! You can't bring Elijah back, you can't bring Abas back and you sure as hell can't help me."

"Stop making me the victim, stop acting like I'm worth a damn because I'm not and I never will be! Because this same thing killed both of the most precious people I have ever had in my worthless life. Stop treating me like some porceline doll that I can so easily not deal with this on my own!"

"Stop... Stop..." The tears are harder than before, his hands trying desperately to wipe them away and hide his face to maintain some dignity in his breakdown.

"Stop acting like I deserve to exist."

He feels arms on him again and expects it to be Dick, but it's Bruce. Bruce is hugging him to his chest and rubbing circles into his back and Damian breaks, burying his head in his father's chest and then he feels another pair of arms around him, which he knows is Dick. Then a hand on his shoulder, Jason. A comforting hand on his thigh, Cass. A ruffle of his hair, Helena. Another body pressing against Dick and placing a hand on his opposite shoulder, Tim.

He can't bring himself to move. Because he... Loves this. Loves them. He can't risk losing them. Not anymore. Not ever.

He doesn't see Jon's sad smile before slipping out the front porch.

And doesn't see Jon leave him a rose which was found on his bed the next day along with a note about asking him out to lunch.