CHaPtEr OnE: THE COUNeLOR GUuY

"Jenny Old McDonalds, you need a mate!" Jenny's father, Barney Fife McDonald, exclaimed in his high, nonthreatening voice as Jenny laid sprawled out on the couch watching Hossip Hirls 2525. She had chips, cookies and tissues laid messily around the living room. "But Daddy, I totally don't need a mate. Oh my gawd, I'm trying to watch Hossip Hirls!" Jenny whined, her voice resembling that of a screeching chalkboard. He huffed and stomped over to her, "that's it!" He cried, tears falling from his eyes as he grabbed the remote and turned off the TV, making Jenny's face morph into a horrified expression of terror and shock as Hossip Hirls was shut off right before Edwardo Jimmy Neutron Watson was about to confess his love to Wendy Woo Home Coming Warrior Johnson. "Why??? Why is it that all you do this all day?!?" He pleaded for an answer, though Jenny was too in shock to reply. Her day was ruined. No, her life was ruined. She loved Hossip Hirls with a burning passion that no fire hydrant on the face of the planet could stop. She didn't just love Hossip Hirls, she lived it. It was the force that kept her going! It was her shelter from the storms of her life! When she was sad. Hossip Hirls. When she was happy. Hossip Hirls. When she was awake. Hossip Hirls. She lived by the motto: 'Hossip Hirls all day, everyday.' Barney huffed in frustration. She wasn't listening to him. No one ever listened to him! So what if he was the water boy of the pack!? He had an opinion too! With more tears running down his face he exclaimed, "Why can't you like Hun Heriection?! Like all the other gurls?!" Jenny still stared at the blank TV screen, her mind in a deep trance. Every moment of her life flashing before her eyes in a jumbled mess of acidic colors and hues. Barney glared at her with a freaked out expression. What was wrong with his daughter? Then suddenly! Like a lighthouse guiding a small one man row boat down a dangerous ocean.. He had an idea! Barney got an awful, wonderful idea... With the supersonic speed of a snail on red bull, Barney grabbed the large, clunky, tan phone and dialed the number: "565-584-OTPisnicebutilikefeels-8888-forsymmetry".

"Hello?!"

"Hi, sir, what do you need?"

"I need...." His eyes narrowed. "... A doctor!" The older, crabby woman on the end of the line with a ginger bun smacked her gum against her lips. "Ah, okay. I'll get him." The operator hung up as Barney. "I got you a counselor!" Jenny looked at him with the face you get after smelling horrible, four year old mustard. "NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!" She cried in agony, throwing a pillow at her father's face and ran into the Forest as a wolf-thing. Then Barney Fife McDonald got his shoot gun loaded with sleeping, dart, buck shots.

Then, the sounds of harsh, icy knocking was heard throughout the house. Barney gasped in happiness and skipped to the de-ore, when he opened it there was guy. One of THOSE guys. You know? The guys that do the things. Then THAT GUY said. "I'm the counselor guys." Barney rose an eyebrow. OH NO, IT WAS ONE OF THOSE GUYS. Then Barney realised..... His wife liked counseling before she died of super kinedy cancer. Then Barney fell on the fetal position on the floor and began to sob. Then THE COUNSeLOR GUuY Exclaimed, "I SHaLL Go AFtER Da cHILd!"

A/N: Writer: GeTeno. Co-Writer: UprootedPumkin.