I stood stock still, staring at the scene before me. A man holding a knocked out Mycroft at gunpoint. He was tied to the chiar, phone broken to pieces on the floor and the camera's in the room shattered to pieces on the floor.

Mary was sitting on John's legs, pressing her body into his and kissing him but what hurt me the most was the fact that he was kissing her back just as passionately. She rocked her hips and he groaned, a smile stretching on his face. I stumbled backwards but the door was shut at some point after I entered.

The handle hit my back making the door rattle and Mary's head snapped up. When she spotted me, her smile grew and she watched me. John turned his head towards me, smile falling. My heart thudded in my chest. "John..." I choked out.

"This isn't..." he started.

"Yeah sure." I mumbled. I bit back my tears, face turning impassive as I hid my emotions from the one person in the world who I felt I could be myself around. He looked hurt but I decided not to look at him because as much as I want to hate him for hurting me, I couldn't. So instead I focused on Mary.

"Mary. Pleasure as always. Oh and I loved the way you decorated the bathroom with Mike. The poison was a nice touch." I said smiling coldly. Lestrade turned to me looking startled. Mycroft groaned coming to.

"Oh you think so? I thought it was a bit much."

"Oh no. It was truly a great idea. Though you could have made the whole thing better." Mycroft was fully awake now, staring at me.

"And how could I have done that?"

"Oh well... it would have looked so much better if it were you instead of Mike. Perhaps I could put you there myself. It would make the art a masterpiece." I said smiling even bigger now. John stared at me in horror but I didn't care. Let him see this side of me. Let him see what he did.

"Come have a seat." she said patting the bed next to her. I walked over but I refused to sit. John grabbed my hand and I shook it off. Tears filled his eyes and I saw Lestrade staring at me in horror. Mycroft, a look of fear. I yanked the morphine needle out of John's arm, ignroing his shout in pain. "Going back to your drugs are you?" she asked, eyebrow raised.

"Why don't you just take me and murder me like you want to?" I asked.

"Because I'm having so much fun." she whined. She closed her eyes and sighed and I took that moment to stick the needle in her arm, turning up the morphine amount and watching as she dozed off.

"Well that was... different." Lestrade mumbled.

"Yeah it was." I bit. He jumped back and I made my way over to the door.

"Sherlock..." John croaked. I froze and cursed myself for being so weak. I schooled my expression and turned around, glaring at him.

"We'll just give you a minute." Mycroft said as Lestrade finished undoing his ropes. I hadn't even realized the other man was knocked out in the corner until now. They both hurriedly made their way out of the room.

"P-please sit." John asked. I shook my head. I wasn't going to sit. "Sherlock I..."

"I don't care why you did it John. I trusted you with every fiber of my being. I wanted to believe you actually cared because I love you but you were lying all this time. You don't care about me or my emotions. You probably find them disturbing. Maybe I'll just go back to being a Sociopath. Shut myself off to everyone. At least that way, you won't have a look of disgust on your face everytime you look at me."

I then turned and walked out the door, ignoring his shouts of protest as I made my way down the hall. Lestrade wrapped an arm around me but I shrugged it off. Mycroft glared at me and I glared back as I stormed out of the hospital and I didn't miss his worried shout after me. I climbed into a cab and told him the adress to Baker Street.

When the cabbie pulled up to the flat, I tossed him some notes and made my way inside, slamming the door shut behind me. My facade fell and I slid down the door and sank to the floor, letting the tears fall. I was a fool for letting myself believe that I could be loved by this amazing man. From the moment I met him I knew I was screwed. I would do anything for him even if I didn't want to admit it. I let myself believe that I could actually live a normal life. I would find love and have a happy marriage. I should have known from the start that it couldn't have worked out. Now it was too late. My heart was broken and I couldn't do anything to repair it.

I stumbled upstairs and into my room. I dug through my drawers. Cigarettes. They wouldn't do anything. I threw them off to the side. I moved to my bookshelf and felt behind the books. Nothing. I growled throwing the books across the room. I ran to my closet. More cigarettes. I started laughing. Of course the one time I don't need them, I find them everywhere. I fell to the floor, clutching my side as I laughed. Snorting as I rocked back and forth.

Mrs. Hudson came in and her smile faltered. She walked over and wrapped me into a hug. At this point I was half laughing half crying. I turned to Mrs. Hudson and cried into her neck. "What happened dear?"

"He left me Mrs. Hudson. I don't know why I let myself believe he was any different than anyone else." I continued to cry until I had no more tears left. She helped me into the bed, kissing my forehead before leaving. "Thank you Mrs. Hudson." I croaked as she turned the light off.

"Of course dear." She then quietly shut the door leaving me to my thoughts. I turned over onto myside and stared at the wall. Suddenly I sat upright. I remembered where my stash was. I slid out of bed and onto the floor. I reached under the bed and up to the bar just on the side. I pulled the tape down and smiled as I stared at the sryinge.

John

They let me out of the hospital that day. I ignored the questions Mycroft and Lestrade kept asking. Lestrade put reasurring arm on my shoulder. I shook it off. "JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I snapped at him. He pulled his hand back slightly scared. "I'm sorry." I whispered. I climbed into the cab before realizing... I didn't know where to go. I could go to the flat but Sherlock wouldn't want me there.

I decided that I should go so I could at least get some stuff before going somewhere else. I told the Cabbie the adress and stared out the window. Tears streaked my face as I thought about what had happened. The person behind Mycroft was going to shoot him. The cabbie had waited for Sherlock to get out. He was going to shoot them. I couldn't let them get hurt.

So I waited until the front door opened loudly. I then kissed Mary passionately. I had to pretend to enjoy it or they would die. I smiled and groaned and kissed her, imagining she was Sherlock. At least then it would be more bearable. When Sherlock came in Mary hadn't noticed but the look on his face was pure pain. My heart shattered and I groaned again as she rocked her hips.

I shook my head, thanking the cabbie and giving him some notes. I stood outside for a moment before unlocking the door. I stepped in and saw Mrs. Hudson coming down the stairs. She looked at me and then smacked me across the face. "What the hell were you thinking?" she asked angrily. I moved my hand up to my face and let the tears fall. She must have noticed this because her face softened.

"I.... I hurt him so badly. I had to. Mary was going to kill Mycroft. She was going to kill Lestrade and Sherlock too and I couldn't watch that. I had to... to..." I sobbed. She wrapped me in a hug.

"I'm sure he'll understand."

I shook my head. "No. He became so serious and withdrawn. I think I lost him Mrs. Hudson. I think I lost him for good." She rubbed my back soothingly and I smiled sadly. "I should go and pack a bag. Goodbye Mrs. Hudson." I whispered. She hugged me tightly before sending me upstairs.

I slowly walked up, dreading what would happen once I reached the top. The flat was silent. He must have gone to bed. I walked up to my room and packed a bag. I did it as slowly as I possibly could. As I started walking down the stairs, a feeling of dread settled over me. I'm not entirely sure why, but I opened Sherlock's bedroom door.

I dropped the bag screaming for Mrs. Hudson as I stared at the body that was Sherlock, lying on the bed. I ran into the room, grabbing his head, cuddling him. Mrs. Hudson stepped in and she immediately called the hospital. He was still breathing but it was weak. I cried, tears falling on his face. His eyes opened flightly as I pulled the sryinge out of his arm.

"I'm sorry I wasn't enough." he whispered.

"No. Please don't leave me. I couldn't deal with it again." The sirens outside grew louder until I found myself in a cab following them to the hospital. I shook my head. We just got out of here. Why... why did our lives have to be so bad. I moved into the waiting room and sat in the chair. I ended up nodding off and I was awoken by someone shaking my shoulder.

"Is... is he okay?" I asked quietly.

"He's going to be okay. He's not awake but you can go to his room." she said. I mumbled a thanks before stumbling to the room and falling into the chair beside his bed. I grabbed his hand and fell asleep, head on the bed.

Sherlock

I groaned, feeling a slight shifting next to me. Where am I? There was a slight beeping and I slowly opened my eyes to find myself in a plain white room. I groaned again. I was in the hospital. Why couldn't I just die? I felt a slight shifting again and I turned to find John waking up. He looked so adorable. Then I remembered what happened yesterday and I scowled, pulling my hand out of his.

"Sh..sherlock?"

"What are you doing here, John?" I bit out harshly. His blue eyes filled with tears and I almost felt bad. I shook the thought away.

"Sherlock... I have an explanation." he whispered. I turned my head away from him. He grabbed my hand and I hesitated a moment before yanking my hand away from him.

"I don't want to hear it." I scowled.

"Please." he choked out. He sounded so broken. I turned towards him, trying to keep my face stoic but I knew my eyes were full of tears. "She would have killed you. Sherlock she would have..."

"You should have let her."

"What?" he choked out.

"The only reason you are in this situation is because of me so you should have let her." I whispered.

"No. I couldn't. I can't. Sherlock if I lost you... I couldn't deal... I'm sorry."

"I know but John... I am poison. I hurt everything I touch. I hurt everyone I know and that's why they all leave. I'm sorry."

"Do you remember when we first met?"

"Of course. How could I forget?"

"I thought you would be just another fat, lazy drunk. You weren't and I was confused. I felt a strong bond and refused the money your brother offered."

"I don't see what this has to do with..."

"Just listen please." I nodded, shutting up. "My life was hell. I didn''t like anything. I went to a therapist everyday because I needed to get over the war but it never worked, yet I would do it anyways. My life had no meaning and then I bumped into Mike, and then I met you, and I was happy. I had a flat. I had another human being. I had danger and adventure. You saved me. I would have put a bullet through my brain long ago if it hadn't been for you. When you came back I was so happy because you killed me when you jumped. I didn't know what I was signing up for in the beginning but if I did, I still would have chosen to have this time with you because you complete me. I accept the danger that comes with your life becasue for you, I will do anything."

I smiled and kissed his forehead. I then patted the bed and he crawled in next to me. "You know, my life was dull. I had fun on the cases and I didn't have to do drugs because the adrenaline rush felt the same. When you walked through the door that day I couldn't help but fall in love with the way you smiled when you talked. I could tell you liked danger because you missed the war and I realized that I loved everything about you." My mind went blank and I thought back to the dream I had earlier this morning about a child and I smiled brightly. "You flipped my world around so quickly. Before I met you I needed either drugs or a case. After I met you I didn't need drugs when I didn''t have a case because everything you did made me smile. God it was so hard not to tell you how much I loved you. I thought you'd run the other way. You are my life John. I cannot live in a world where you aren't in it or where you don't love me becaue it hurt too much."

"You are a romantic you know that?" he asked snuggling into my chest.

"Yeah... I know." I whispered kissing his forehead.