To be honest, Jihoon was kind of pissed when the 2020 DRX disbanded.

It wasn't any less difficult the second time, too, which makes him wonder why he can never have the same people by his side long enough for them to be an actual team;learning together, growing together, getting better together, losing together, and of course winning together. Sadly, it never lasted long enough for them to get to the last step.

Griffin's ending was messy, Jihoon tries not to think about the power play and the lawsuit that was associated with it. He had even left before the real conclusion, no one he really knew was still there when it happened. He recognises the people on the roster on the news, but none of them seems familiar enough. Seungyong and Dohyeon went to China. Jihoon and Hyunjoon were the ones that left first, and stayed together, but now they're not even in the same team anymore.

If Jihoon thought that was bad - how bad management and the power play tore Griffin in half - the same thing also claimed DRX, one piece at a time. The inevitable happened when they had to find a way to escape, except for one.

At the end of last year, he knew Hyukkyu and Minseok were trying to find a team that could take both of them. But in the end Minseok went to T1 and Hyukkyu signed with another team. Apparently no one wanted a promising young support and an experienced ADC who has won every title except for Worlds, not together. When Hanhwa Life Esport approached him, along with a bunch of multi-million dollar LPL offers of glory and foreign shelter, he faltered, and chose Hyukkyu who resembled something closer to home.

The contracts surely make headlines. Deft and Chovy together again, continuing their legacy at Hanhwa Life Esports. Everyone congratulates them, so Jihoon thinks he's made the right decision. He's with Deft, so it must be a good thing. In the back of his mind, Jihoon still thinks Changhyun should have left with them, because who gives a crap what contracts mean in esports?

The contract announcement comes with a default interview, which predictably brings up DRX 2020 too. Classic journalism material, friends to foes, allies to enemies. How does it feel to stand on different sides of the rift after fighting together for so long? How are you feeling? Do you think you can still do well without them?

We're fine. We even joke about kicking each other's asses. I'll make sure to kill Doran if I meet him. I know all of Pyosik's jungle paths. I can't wait to meet them. He repeats the answer like reading from a prompter. The pain gets better, but the uneasiness still stings like a bad breakup. I just want to focus on doing well. As long as I keep performing well, I don't care about anything else.

The answers don't seem to satisfy the interviewer though.

"Isn't it a game for five though? You can't do well just on your own. What about your teammates?"

He doesn't think about it too much. He hasn't. "Of course it's a five person game. My teammates are good. They help me a lot."

The interviewer gives him a long look. Jihoon doesn't like it. He doesn't like when interview questions go beyond what he expects. The man in his 30s continues, "Looks like you've been blessed with supportive and skillful teammates so far." He stresses. "But I have to ask, there have been a lot of question marks about the quality of the team who only managed two wins in summer last year. I know you still have Deft, a lot of people say he's past his prime. Now he has to start over with a new support. What about the others? Are they as good as DRX and Griffins?"

Jihoon doesn't freeze at the blatant rudeness, but more at the questions that apply salt to an open wound. He raises his head to meet the interviewer's eye level. The man flinches a little, then he leans back and rests against the armchair.

"Pyosik and Keria only debuted last year too. They are on big stages now and they are very good. I think my current teammates are also very good." He doesn't know that. In fact, he doesn't know any of them except Hyukkyu, but the mockery in the man's tone is annoying and his smug expression is pissing him off.

"Hmm. It just occurs to me that you haven't known your new teammates for that long. I heard you received a lot of offers from overseas too. Why didn't you consider any of them? The LPL seems to have a bigger pool of world class ADCs and junglers."

Jihoon thinks of Dohyeon and Seungyong who are in China, and the ghost of what was Worlds 2019. He forces a smile, his throat dries as he croaks, "I like it here. I like LOL and I want to enjoy playing LOL. I don't think I would like it very much in LPL."

The interviewer cocks his head to the side, and raises an eyebrow, Jihoon didn't know it was even humanly possible to be this annoying. "You like it when it's safe, don't you? Even your playstyle is also very safe. Have you ever thought about going out of your comfort zone?"

"I like to have control of my lane. I don't think that's an issue here."

"Let me elaborate myself. Many players have ventured out and found relative success. Do you think you'd ever seek an opportunity outside Korea?"

Jihoon shoots back, "I thought this interview is about me joining Hanhwa Life?"

The man shrugs, visibly notices Jihoon's defensiveness, "I know. And congratulations for that. Our readers just want to know more about the many sides of Chovy though. You've been to 4 finals and lost all of them. Have you ever thought that you would have gotten a title if your teammates were better? What about Worlds?"

"I think every player wants to go to Worlds." Jihoon stands up, not even bothered to look back. "If the interview is over, I have somewhere I need to be now." In the corner of his eyes, he sees the interviewer open his mouth to say something to stop him, but he doesn't care.

.

Changhyun talks to him one day, and Jihoon hates that he notices how familiar Changhyun's voice is, even through the phone line, and how contradicting it is to how strange and out of place Camp One feels. He steals a plushie from Yohan, and holds it close to himself as he exits the room.

"How is your new team?" His voice is a pitch lower than usual. It's eerily quiet at Camp One at this time. No practice hours, so everyone must be chilling at the dorm right now. Jihoon splays himself across the lounge couch and replies distractedly, "They're okay."

"At least Hyukkyu hyung is there." Changhyun points out. That gives Jihoon's heart a tight squeeze. It probably doesn't mean anything, Changhyun probably doesn't mean anything. Although it still reminds Jihoon that Changhyun was the only one that stayed, the one they all left behind.

Jihoon doesn't answer for a while, he looks at the downlights above until they make his vision blurry. Still, he thinks he can see his old jungler's expression as he watches Jihoon packing his stuff away in the dorm.

"Yeah, at least Hyukkyu hyung is here." Jihoon repeats mindlessly.

"Is he there? Say hi to hyung for me. Does he miss me?"

"Dumbass, ask him yourself."

"Woah there. I miss this, you being a brat as usual. I just know for a fact that you guys are going to be miserable without me." Changhyun laughs, Jihoon lets the sound echo in his ear. He tries to remember if Changhyun's always been like this, letting him be a brat all he wants. He did - in fact they never really cared about the age difference, and Changhyun always tolerated Jihoon and let him do whatever he wanted. They've had their fair share of fights and reconciliations, sometimes Jihoon was mean to Changhyun because he knew Changhyun would retort twice as much. Jihoon dropped the formality and Changhyun just let him. But now Jihoon is not too sure anymore, what happens to them now? Did the disband really not do anything to them? Can Jihoon still be a brat Changhyun? Can they still joke about who didn't flush the toilet? Who hasn't had a shower today? Are the jokes even still funny anymore? What if Changhyun's tired of Jihoon not treating him like a hyung already?

"In your dreams." Jihoon bites his tongue, he knows he's testing the waters, pulling on a strained thread to see when it snaps. "You'll never have a mid as good as me ever again." He laughs as he's ignoring the knot twisting in his stomach. That's not true, although it could be. Because Changhyun only debuted a year ago and he's so good already, no doubt he's going to have someone better than Jihoon, someone who isn't as bratty and rude as Jihoon, someone-

"That's true, though." Changhyun's long dragging sigh shuts up the voices in his head. "Hurts thinking about it man." Changhyun just admits matter of factly. Jihoon can't help but feel a weird sense of pride rising in his chest, until the guilt swallows it whole.

"What do you think about me buying out DRX? And rebuilding the old DRX20." Changhyun changes the topic, which makes Jihoon think he's joking. He must be. Jihoon chuckles, "As if. You were practically living off begging Hyukkyu hyung for late night snacks."

"Well, I'm the hyung now, right? And I'm also captain. I guess that bumps up my payroll a little. If my plan works, I can do it in 20 years."

"Stupid, you can't even play for 20 years."

"Who's making the rules? Also fuck DRX I'm not gonna buy DRX, those bastards are not gonna have my money. I'll build my own esport team. And I'm gonna sign you! So you better practice lots and remain the best mid laner in the world by then!"

Best mid laner in the world. If Jihoon is completely honest with himself, he in fact, used to think that he was just the best mid laner. Many will agree, and a lot more will not. Not that it matters, whoever comes onto the other side of the rift, he can beat, as long as he plays his cards right. That's what Griffin Chovy had in mind when he debuted. But Jihoon's not too sure anymore. The Demon King has conquered the World three times, his so-called "Rival" just claimed the throne while he played the role of the paving stones. His team disbanded, twice. And what kind of best mid laner hasn't yet got a title?

"Stop saying that." Jihoon hisses. "Just... stop."

"What?" Changhyun sounds confused, almost hurt. Jihoon feels like an asshole, now that his friend thinks he doesn't want them back as a team anymore. "There's no point." He continues though, "There's no DRX 2020 anymore. Hyung's retiring soon, and we will too, eventually." It's not what he thinks, hell, he doesn't want to think at all. "No one can play for 20 years." He doesn't want to stop. How far can he go? How high should he let the water reach before the tides consume him whole? How much of a douche he can be until his former teammate hates him? And when Changhyun does, Jihoon probably deserves it.

Changhyun stays quiet for a while. It's like a long battle of who can stay silent longer. Jihoon can't help but imagine what Changhyun's expression would be on the other side, probably shocked, or confused, or both. For all he knows, he probably hates Jihoon now. Jihoon knows he should say sorry. But listening to the white noise on the phone waiting for Changhyun to yell at him sounds more excruciating, and probably burns more, so he does that, and braces himself for the storm to come.

Except there is no storm.

"Relax, man. I just miss you. And I thought you missed me too." Changhyun mulls over. Somehow those words sting even more. Changhyun sighs again. "I'm sorry I brought that up." The tides came, but they didn't crash. Jihoon still feels like a mess, but he didn't drown.

"I was salty you all left me here. I didn't realize it was hard for you too." Changhyun's voice softens and quiets. Jihoon feels his throat burning, his lungs constricted tightly against his ribcage. They're back at it again, Jihoon throwing a tantrum and Changhyun not letting it get to him, steady as an anchor until Jihoon finally calms down and decides this is enough and stops so the tides won't take him.

When it does not, and Jihoon finally finds his ground, he musters all his strength and whispers powerlessly "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it."

"It's okay, kid." Changhyun tells him, serene. "It seems like you're having a bad day. How are you feeling?" Now it sounds like their roles revert to what they should have been from the beginning. Changhyun sounds like a hyung now, and Jihoon is the annoying whiny little dongsaeng. Jihoon feels tired all of a sudden, like the weight of his own words just crashed on him all at once, leaving his body sore.

"Like shit." Jihoon exhales. "I don't like it here. The auntie keeps asking me to eat more. I don't want to eat. The lights here are too yellow, they don't have that annoying white bulb in the middle of the room that makes me look like a ghost during livestream like in DRX. They don't have bunk beds here, no one's yelling at each other for climbing up and down to go to the toilet. They have a fucking big gym, I askes Hyukkyu hyung to work out with me, but all he did was lay down. He doesn't let me play airplane with him, still!"

Changhyun listens to him, even humms to let Jihoon know he's paying attention.

"Jihoon ah you're too big to play airplane with hyung."

"Everyone's babying Kitae, but he's not even the youngest, he's my age."

"Who's Kitae?" Changhyun interrupts momentarily.

"Kitae's our top laner. Hyosung and Mireu keep cooing that he's so cute. They even changed all their solo queue IDs to Morgan, they keep telling him he's handsome."

"Wait, who's Morgan?"

"That's Kitae."

"I thought Dudu is your top laner."

"That's Dongju. There are two of them. Kitae is the younger one."

"I see." Changhyun lets out a laugh. "Aww. Poor Jihoon. Are you jealous the hyungs didn't baby you?"

Jihoon suddenly has the urge to jump on the next taxi to get to the DRX headquarter to wrestle Changhyun and pin him to the ground until the older one begs him for mercy. But he can't, social distancing and all, so he yells into his phone instead.

"Die! Hong Changhyun die!"

Changhyun laughs with the high pitch voice of his, before he speaks again. "But really, it sounds like it's a hundred times better than here, some of us have to do streaming in the kitchen. Your new teammates seem like nice people too, don't bully them too much, yeah?"

Jihoon doesn't say anything for a moment, hearing his old teammate having nice words about his current teammates is a little weird. He doesn't know what to say, he doesn't want to compare. Subconsciously, he does, but he doesn't want to talk about it with Changhyun.

"As if someone as nice as I am is ever going to bully anyone."

"You bullied me!"

"Hyung was mean to me first!"

Changhyun says something to protest, but stops when someone calls him in the background. He answers them, before coming back to Jihoon.

"I have to go. We're having scrims soon."

"Okay," Jihoon says lamely, "Do well, hyung."

"Sure will." Changhyun peacefully accepts the kind words. "One last thing. Do you miss me?"

Jihoon hesitates, but he says it anyway.

"Of course." He adds, "Of course I miss you."

"That's great. I'll see you around, Jihoonie."

"Yeah, can't wait to beat you up at LOL Park."

Changhyun chuckles, not even bothered to feign faux annoyance. Lastly, he says, "I'm sorry about your old team." They both know which one.

"That's fine." I'm sorry for leaving. He doesn't have the guts to say that out loud. "Talk to you later, hyung."

.

To no one's surprise, the start into the new season is rough, for Jihoon, for Hyukkyu, for the whole new team put together last minute with a lot of rookies and an expected lack of harmony. New patches, new meta, new roster, navigating the gaming house, figuring out who likes to call and who follows in game, creating highlights, becoming someone else's highlights, an unending cycle he thought he had gotten used to. He had not.

He gets along with his teammates quickly though. They're the same age after all. He also changes his solo queue IDs to Morgan. Cause it's true that Kitae is handsome. A small, cute, very K-Poppie kind of face, he doesn't drop formality and plays the role of the youngest perfectly. Everyone adores him. Jihoon doesn't know why that's the reason for changing their solo queue IDs to his though. However, the boy's exasperated expression when they tease him is kind of funny, a little bit like Hyukkyu when they first met, all bashful while helplessly trying to defend himself; but Jihoon knows Kitae is not as reserved and Hyukkyu can be quite scary when he's angry. Jihoon accepts the latter as a more valid reason, and plays along.

He also knows Yohan a long time ago, and he still has Hyukkyu to annoy as much as he likes. Things should be great, they're part of the reason he chose this team after all. It takes as few as a couple of all nighters for everyone to start yelling at each other from across the room, and for Jihoon to steal Hyosung snacks. He does replenish the team's snack corner though, bread just tastes better if he steals it from Hyosung.

Things don't go that well on the rift though. No one expects the scrims to go smoothly from the beginning, but no one predicted to go straight into a fruitless slump of losses either. Mireu constantly has a breakdown after a gank goes wrong. Hyukkyu and Hyosung struggle to understand each other. Hyosung evaporates instantly in combat. They even rotate to figure out which top is a better fit for a badly designed and even more poorly put together puzzle. And after a series of losses, it almost seems like no one is. Jihoon stays radio silent throughout it all. He isn't one to call for team fights. Back then, it worked like that, Minseok and Changhyun did all the talking, Hyukkyu and Hyunjoon going in trusted them and Jihoon did what he did best. Now that they are not here, it doesn't work anymore. Mireu doesn't understand what his pings mean. Kitae is always a little too late to call for mid teleport. Hyosung front lines and dies and Jihoon and Hyukkyu follow him a few seconds later like the game's bugged. No one's shot-calling and the mid to late game spirals into an uncharacteristic mess. It takes a full month of a winless drought for them to go into the KeSPA cup a little less disoriented.

In the quarterfinal, Jihoon lost to Damwon again.

Jihoon can't remember whose idea it is, probably Kitae's, to suggest that they should play ARAM together. His eyes wander mindlessly to Yohan across the room. It's a game for five, Yohan and Dongju are there, but they don't have a streaming schedule. He doesn't know Dongju too well, the boy kind of reminds Jihoon of Suhyeong though. He remembers as the season went on and on, Suhyeong's presence in DRX grew gradually quieter. Sometimes Jihoon feels a little bad for him, but he doesn't think Suhyeong would appreciate his pity. They still play games together sometimes, he even still considers Suhyeong one of his good friends, but every now and then he wonders why the DRX 2020 reunions have only five people.

He peels his gaze away from the two and accepts the invitation from Kitae. The game is fun. Hyosung gets killed by a Teemo mushroom, which knocks everyone into laughter. Kitae and Mireu fall onto the keyboards in an attempt to stop their laughs. Jihoon cannot stop giggling for five minutes straight. Hyukkyu just chuckles softly. They stop when food delivery comes, high five-ing each other and making fun at Mireu who lost the previous 1v1 tournament and had to pay for the chicken. After everyone goes to their room, Jihoon sees Dongju cleaning up the chicken boxes, and putting away the rubbish. They don't have to do it, the gaming house has a housekeeper. But she only comes in the morning and sometimes the smell won't go away after a full night in a closed air-conditioned room. So Jihoon comes and gives him a hand.

"Thanks." Dongju says as Jihoon helps him tie the rubbish bag. The top laner is soft spoken as ever, Jihoon wonders if he will become quieter like Suhyeong, they'll probably never hear him speak again. A bit surreal and dramatic to have such a thought, maybe, but he still has the urges to say something.

"Good job on the game before. You almost beat me."

Dongju snickers amusingly, "Don't flatter yourself, I went easy on you."

It gets easier like that, Jihoon cocks an eyebrow. "Is that so? You're lucky you didn't have to face Mireu hyung first, otherwise you'd be the one paying for the chicken."

"Please. I'd destroy Mireu hyung so badly that he'd be scared to log in to the game again."

Jihoon has long realized that solo laners can be a mouthful sometimes, himself included. And Dongju isn't so different from the rest to be an outlier. They continue to shit on the junglers as they throw away the rubbish, then come in to wash their hands.

"Sorry though," Dongju says as he pushes the pumps of the hand soap bottle, "for doing so bad in practice today."

Jihoon stays silent, he doesn't know how to respond to that.

"I was thrilled when I found out that you're going to be my teammates."

"Really? Then you did a really good job at hiding it though." Jihoon says dryly.

Dongju chuckles, drying his hands with a paper towel, "Part of me was excited, the other part was scared. What if we're not doing enough of a good job for you. What if one year later you decide that we're not worth it, and leave. You're made of Worlds material, and we've never been to any playoffs. I just hope we can be enough for you."

"..."

"You can talk to us. You know? Telling us we did a shit job, or telling Hyosung to check the bush before we go in, telling me to keep pushing the lane. I wish I knew all that without being told, but I don't. And you always seem to have something in your head that you won't tell us. But hey, give us a year, we'll get better. I want to play in the play-offs even just once."

The realization hits Jihoon like a coming train. He only has one year here, of course he can stay if he wants to, but things aren't as simple as that. After one year, if it doesn't work out, he will leave. Then he'll have another start somewhere else, and if it doesn't work out again, he'll pack it up and leave again.

He can't tell Dongju that he's going to stay, no point giving empty promises if they don't mean anything.

"We'll make the playoffs. Don't worry." At least, this is a promise he can keep.

Dongju accepts the encouragement, "Yeah. What does it feel like though? Do you get nervous?"

Jihoon splashes water on him as an answer, "Keep practicing, and find out for yourself." Dongju shrieks, and opens another tap to retaliate. Kitae walks in on them, and immediately becomes the new target. The water fight ends in the decision that the team trial charges them with vandalism and sentences to a month of cleaning duty. He doesn't pinpoint exactly when, but after a while Camp One doesn't feel as big and foreign anymore.

.

Losing to T1 in the first match isn't easy to swallow. Jihoon wonders what it means for Hyukkyu to face his old support with his new one. Hyukkyu doesn't say anything, but it doesn't take the most observing eyes to realize his captain isn't dealing with it very well.

The new teammates hang their heads low like they're being scolded. Hyukkyu exits the room right after the end of the match briefing, one of the assistant coaches has to follow him out. After Hyukkyu eventually clears his head and comes back, his expression is still dim like a ghost.

Jihoon doesn't pry, he doesn't meddle in the bot lane business, or anyone's business at all. He ignores the way Hyosung buries his head in his hands mumbling something incoherent like a mix of self blame and regrets, and taps away on his phone.

He kicks Changhyun and Suhyeong's asses in the next series. It's lucky for them, the DRX20 nostalgia and Chovy single POG occupy everyone's mind. Therefore no one's paying attention to their dysfunctional bot lane. They win, but the drive home is silent, almost suffocating.

.

Comes the new week, Hyukkyu is packing for home when Hyosung barges into their shared room with Jihoon, visibly panicked.

"Hyung! Where are you going? Are you leaving? I'm sorry, give me a chance, I'll get better. Please don't leave."

Hyukkyu's eyes widen, ironically looking a lot like the plush alpacas in the corner of their beds.

"Who said I'm leaving?" Hyukkyu blinks in surprise.

"I... inted. And you're packing... I thought hyung's given up on me already."

The support's innocence bursts Jihoon into laughter, which makes the former's face as red as a tomato.

Hyukkyu just chuckles softly. "Silly." Jihoon has never met anyone who can say that word with as much fondness in their voice as Hyukkyu. "I'm just visiting home. We don't have a schedule tomorrow." Probably that's how he got all of his supports wrapped around his fingers, yet still looks oblivious while doing so. There isn't a day passed that Minseok doesn't spam at least 10 messages until Hyukkyu replies to him, sometimes just to tell him to shut up. He knows his hyung still duos with Meiko often. All things considered, it's statistically proven that it probably won't take long until Hyosung starts to evolve into something resembling a less annoying and clingy version of Minseok, though not any less attached. Jihoon never had any partner like that. He has his junglers, but it's not the same thing as the ADC and the support, he guesses.

"His home's nearby. Lucky bastard. He'll come back after the weekend." Jihoon chimes in. Hyosung flushes again, realizing his misunderstanding. Hyukkyu pats his head, "Next time, you can come if you want. Mom welcomes any guest. She even asks about you sometimes," the affection makes Jihoon almost feel like a third wheel between their bot duo. So he protests with a whine, "What about me? Aren't you going to invite me?"

"You're permanently banned after showing me your naked body."

"I have a great body!"

"How is that relevant?"

"You like my body!"

"Oh." Hyosung nearly jumps at the bold statement, then mutters dumbly as Hyukkyu and Jihoon escalate their banter into a pillow fight, which Jihoon starts and Hyukkyu weakly tries to defend and loses, then finds a lame reason to strategically retreat out of embarrassment. Jihoon tackles Hyukkyu onto the bed right after the door is shut. Hyukkyu groans as he tries to wrestle out of Jihoon's grip, but Jihoon is half a head taller, and actually lifts weights when he goes to the gym, so he has the older boy easily pinned underneath. Jihoon remembers Hyukkyu has a bad back though, he carefully observes as Hyukkyu angrily glares at him. His face is red trying helplessly to push Jihoon away, but shows no sign of pain. Hyukkyu eventually turns pliant and stops protesting, so Jihoon decides that he's feeling extra nice today and actually gets off him.

He plops down on Hyukkyu's side, breathing short and shallow. They stay like that for a while. Jihoon uses Hyukkyu's arm as a pillow and his hyung allows him. The aircon is a little low, so Jihoon pulls the sheet and wraps it around them. "You make a good pillow, hyung."

"Yeah, Jihoonie. It's great if you call me hyung more often though." Jihoon doesn't comment, he just huffs as a "no".

"I'm glad we won today," exclaims Hyukkyu. Jihoon feels the older's fingers caressing Jihoon's fringe, then threading the strands of his hair. "You did well Jihoon-ah."

Jihoon's chest is swelling with pride, "Of course I did, what are you going to do without me?"

He can not help but lean into the touch. If someone else sees this, they must think Jihoon is really pathetic, isn't he just no better than an obedient puppy? But Hyukkyu's body is so warm, making Jihoon instinctively draw his body closer, letting the familiar warmth envelop his body as he sinks deeper into it, like he becomes smaller, so vulnerable, so fragile. But Hyukkyu is right here next to him and everything just feels right.

"I don't know. I'll probably train Hyosung to be a good support before I retire."

Hyukkyu talks about how he and Hyosung are duo-ing together during streams, and their synergies have gotten better. Both of Hyosung's strongest points and drawbacks are the fact that he isn't afraid. He goes in, fearlessly trusting the rest would follow, and will do it again even if it fails the first time. Hyukkyu tells Jihoon he's never had any support like that. Mata had been the more experienced one, almost the Deft to Vsta right now, Meiko has always been more on the protective side, Keria was a macro prodigy. Unlike them, Vsta is a fast learner and a fearless soul. Jihoon can't help but notice the differences between them, but he doesn't point it out. It's almost contradictory how Hyukkyu is not the type to display a lot of affection, but the people around him can still feel some kind of strong attachment to the older, Jihoon included. But Jihoon is not one of his supports, not one to sacrifice himself for Hyukkyu in battles. Hyukkyu destroys the enemies from the back line as Jihoon dances in and out. Sometimes they both fall, but even after that Jihoon follows him to another battlefield. But after all of that, it's always the support that Hyukkyu spends more time with, the support that people always mention with Hyukkyu, the support with the best synergy that matters.

It's always the support. Isn't he the one that chose to stay with Hyukkyu? Not Minseok, not any other support. But it's alway the support that matters the most to Hyukkyu. Jihoon knows he's being irrational, but the thought just makes him a little sour.

He closes his eyes, and when he wakes up, Hyukkyu is gone.

.

Jihoon sees that video of Minseok leaving his desk immediately right after another T1 loss. Hyosung tells Hyukkyu about it, and Jihoon happens to be right next to him. Jihoon sends Minseok a message, to which he replies with a call a day later.

"Thanks hyung. I'm okay. Seems like it was really that dramatic. Even Vsta-nim sent me a message."

Jihoon finds it funny how Minseok is so very awkward around Hyukkyu's new support, to the extent that he even dodges a game when he sees that Hyosung is on the same team as Hyukkyu. Hyosung on the other hand is oblivious, completely unaware of the one-sided tension.

"This is what you get for going to the enemy's side." Jihoon jokes, hearing that Minseok has undoubtedly cheered up. Minseok whines, probably even pouts, "Hyung, you're so mean."

Jihoon doesn't tease him any further, but says nothing else to comfort him either. He's still not used to this bigger brother thing. He can't stroke Minseok's hair or comfort him like Hyukkyu, or baby him like everyone treats Kitae. He doesn't bully Minseok as much as he bullies the hyung, though.

"Hey, is hyung okay? Does his back still hurt?" Jihoon knows the hyung Minseok is referring to is Hyukkyu. He fakes a pained cry, "Ouch, I sent you a message to ask how you're doing, but you only care about Kim Hyukkyu."

On the other side, Jihoon can hear Minseok hesitate, before he asks again, "What's wrong, Minseok? Hyung is fine. Did you guys have a fight?" In the back of Jihoon's mind, he has this bizarre idea that this is because Minseok is jealous of Hyukkyu's new support.

Minseok sighs to the mic, "Hyung talked to me about retirement again." The words thunder in Jihoon's ears like a bomb detonated. His mind goes blank, as if someone just grabbed an eraser to wipe out the language from his mind.

"Jihoon, are you still there?"

"Yeah," Jihoon clears his throat. "Hyung is fine. His back doesn't hurt as much, the coaches insist he do physiotherapy everyday. He doesn't have to take painkillers mid game anymore."

"I'm so scared, Jihoon ah." Minseok's breath starts to quicken. "I promised him I'd take him to Worlds and win it with him. I cannot do it anymore. What if he decides to retire because of me?"

It just now dawned on them that last year could be Hyukkyu's final chance at Worlds. He knew that Minseok promised Hyukkyu a trophy. Back then Jihoon thought it was really brave. He can never give someone that kind of affirmation. In the end, they were one step away but couldn't do it, and the team disbanded. But it was still a hopeful promise. Jihoon doesn't think anyone, not even Hyukkyu, is holding it against Minseok, except Minseok himself. But even if they try to fight, time still doesn't forget Deft. It passes, and takes bits and pieces of Deft with it. Conquering the world is close to impossible with a broken back, and they all know it's a ticking time bomb. But Deft is still around and fighting, maybe he had contemplated and wanted to choose a different battle, but Deft still has Chovy and he's still a threat to their enemies. They don't talk about what's going to happen after Camp One, how it ends, or how it won't end. It's been long enough that Jihoon had forgotten that they're doing a dance of pretense, and now the sand is running out. Dongju's words ring in his ear, he only has less than a year left.

"Silly." Jihoon tries his best to copy how Hyukkyu says it, but he can not do it with such tenderness, the word comes out rather blunt and abrupt. Maybe Minseok's fear has started to creep into him, it boils to something that resembles anger, and comes out as a grunt. "He doesn't need to do military service until a few years later. He won't retire."

Minseok repeats like a parrot, "He won't retire." Still, he chimes in, "Take care of him for me, yeah?"

Jihoon humms, but doesn't give the younger one an answer. He doesn't like making promises.

.

It takes Siwoo, if Jihoon has to make an educated guess, about four bottles of soju, to call him at 1am, after he has just thankfully turned his stream off, and sing songs, "Let's play a game with the 2019 Griffin team!" Siwoo continues, "For old times' sake."

It takes Jihoon a moment to register what his old support just said, "Hyung, are you drunk?"

"Of course not!" Siwoo also sounds offended. "What? You don't want to play games with hyung?"

"It's late..." Jihoon had a long day, scrims, and streaming after all of that, and he's in his shared room with Hyukkyu and Hyosung. He can hear Hyukkyu grumbles, the ADC has always been a light sleeper. He's even surprised the man still tolerates him after all the crazy ordeals he put him into. And Hyosung is practically a saint for putting up with both of them. So Jihoon exits the room, and holds the phone closer to his mouth.

"Hyung... let's not."

He can hear Siwoo's breath hitches, he hiccups, voice hoarse, "Why?"

"Let's not... bother Seungyong hyung and Dohyeon hyung. It must be late for them."

"China's an hour behind us." Siwoo points out, and Jihoon feels a bang of guilt in the back of his throat for not keeping in touch with his old teammates enough. Siwoo ignores it though, "I can call Hyunjoon. Come on, it'll be fun! Almost poetic! The old Griffins unite to celebrate the death of Griffins."

I left Griffin. Jihoon thinks blankly. You also left Griffin. Jihoon feels so bad that the death of Griffins didn't hurt him as much as it hurted Siwoo. They never talked about it. Maybe Jihoon should have asked Siwoo if he was okay. But Siwoo seemed like everything that happened didn't mean anything to him. They had a party when Dohyeon announced he was going to China, which Siwoo stopped by and paid for the food, even saying something like he finally managed to get rid of Dohyeon. Maybe he should have realized, he's known Siwoo long enough that he should be able to see through the facade and separate noise from meaning.

Jihoon supposes he should call Dohyeon, knowing how close he is to Siwoo. And Seungyong would pick up no matter how late he calls. But Jihoon doesn't think he should bother them if he can help Siwoo dealing with the execution of the ghost of a team that's practically dead and gone years ago, now that they've already moved on. Jihoon tries to remember if he knows anyone at Afreeca Freecs, but he doesn't know anyone there, so he bites his tongue, the words feel rough in his throat, "Next time, okay, hyung? You're drunk, and I have practice tomorrow."

The other side stays silent as a grave, Jihoon is about to think Siwoo has fallen asleep already, before he hears Siwoo denounce, almost accusatory, "Right. How could I forget? I got eliminated. But you have practice, Mr. 1v9 carry machine. How could I dare bother your precious sleep? You have a team to carry." The hostility renders him speechless, he tries to persuade himself that the venom comes from the alcohol and not the heart. Siwoo is probably not that drunk though, because he stops himself, and mutters a muffled "sorry".

"It's okay, hyung. You must be tired, are you outside? Do you need anyone to take you home?"

"No, I'm near the gaming house. I'll get back in a few minutes."

"That's good. You shouldn't go out this late."

"Yeah... Junsik said so too. But I didn't want to listen to him. By the way, you should go to sleep, sorry for keeping you up."

"That's fine. I'll hang up after you get home. Jihoonie will be worried, hyung." He even uses his aegyo voice, from experience it works on Siwoo everytime.

Siwoo chuckles, he sounds much better, perhaps guilt does something to sober people up. They keep chatting until Siwoo comes back to the Afreeca gaming house, and Jihoon bids him goodnight.

"Good luck in the playoffs. Get that trophy you deserve." Jihoon hears Siwoo plopping himself on his bed. He lets out the breath he doesn't know he's been holding, and closes his eyes.

"Thanks, hyung. I will."

"I really mean it, Jihoon. Sorry for what I said before."

"I know. You're forgiven, hyung."

"Look at you. Hyung doesn't recognize you anymore. My Jihoonie grew up well."

I don't recognize myself too. "Am I cool?"

"The coolest 20 year old. Good night, Jihoonie."

"Good night, hyung. Jihoonie will go to sleep too."

.

They barely came out of the quarterfinal. Everyone predicted a complete stomp on Nongshim Redforce, but the quarterfinal dragged on to a 5 game series. As many BO5 as Jihoon has done, he has never been this tired. After the ecstasy of the final match wears down, he slumps down on his chair like a rag doll, and signals for Mireu to answer most of the interview questions. Everything of the aftermatch happens in a blur. Maybe Dongju gave him a high five, he isn't too sure. Before he knows, they dive right into a series of scrims, preparing to be a contender worthy enough to challenge the World Champion.

In the end, it's still DK who has the final laugh and Jihoon is glad he's mastered the art of pretending losses and defeats are just abstract concepts and hold no weight. He paces in his seat as the coaches console a crying Mireu and Hyosung. Yohan sits by himself in a corner of the room. Dongju makes the playoffs, but he isn't rostered in any match.

Beside Jihoon, Hyukkyu silently checks the stats, probably internally beating himself up. After a while, Hyukkyu stands up and winces, hand reaching behind to circle the small of his back. Jihoon suddenly remembers they're both on borrowed time. And after today they probably don't have much left. It's expected, but it isn't any less sad.

.

With the city restriction, they decided to hold the end of season party at Camp One with a fried chicken feast. Somewhere along the line, Mireu suddenly brings up World, making everyone immediately turn to him with an unbelievable expression, before giving him a weird look and going back to the fight for the drumsticks.

Hyukkyu's expression stiffens, but nobody sees it. Hyukkyu usually has a blank face when he's tired, and it looks kinda similar to the face he makes when he thinks about a far fetched dream, he also doesn't talk much to give out anything. Perhaps Jihoon just knows the older man long enough to notice the differences.

"If I could sell my soul to go to Worlds, I would do it in a heartbeat." Mireu repeats himself after not having much of a reaction the first time. Probably out of pity, or maybe Hyukkyu finally comes around to the realization that he is in fact the oldest hyung, he shoots an empathetic smile in Mireu's direction, and pats his head with his clean hand.

"We can, you have to try harder in Summer though."

Mireu still refuses to drop the subject, "I can't stop thinking about it. It's been my dream since the very beginning. Why are we even wasting time eating? We should be practicing right now."

Hyukkyu's hand stops to give a light smack to the back of his head, "Stop saying nonsense. It's only the end of Spring. We all deserve a break. After that we will prepare for the Summer."

"For Worlds." Dongju intercepts, which turns every head. The sudden public attention paints a faint pink on his cheeks (it also could be the spicy wings), which makes the coach clap approvingly, "That's the spirit! Dongju, I'll give you a drumstick."

Everyone panics and starts to go back to the ongoing drumstick fight. Jihoon wins it though. Long limbs are definitely an advantage. Hyukkyu uses his hyung and captain status to get another drumstick, and gives it to Mireu.

"Before I retire, I'll take you to Worlds."

Jihoon feels like those syllables press a wrong switch in his brain. That damn interviewer's words crawl in like earworms. He's just so sick of everything. Why must one win Worlds? Why do people give meaning to titles? Why does it mean everything? Why does not winning Worlds tear everything apart? Why does it make Hyukkyu want to end it?

"If you want to retire that bad, you should have told me. I wouldn't have followed you here."

Jihoon can't take that back. The words are out, and there is no going back. He's not testing the water. He and Hyukkyu are both fire and when the two fires lasp, they burn. The silence is deafening as he watches Hyukkyu's face muscles twitch and form into something that looks like pain. Hyukkyu is visibly taken aback. Though Jihoon is always a brat to him, most of the time it's just sibling banter. Words aren't meant to hurt and fights aren't supposed to leave scars. Jihoon grips his spoon until his knuckles turn white. He looks down at his plate, refusing to meet Hyukkyu's eyes.

The coach puts a hand on his shoulder and warns. "Jeong Jihoon, what's gotten into you? Shut up and apologize to Hyukkyu!"

Jihoon doesn't stop, he stands up, walking to where Hyukkyu sits, and goes on like a man possessed. Mireu gets up, too. The jungler looks so confused, he just stands between Jihoon and Hyukkyu instinctively. Jihoon almost laughs, Mireu looks like he's trying to protect Hyukkyu from Jihoon. What does he think? Does he think Jihoon's going to hit Hyukkyu?

"And what's wrong with you and empty promises, hyung? Have you seen what it's done to DRX? Do you want this team to disband too?"

Hyukkyu frowns, he opens his mouth, but doesn't say anything, he holds his fists until all the knuckles turn white. "That's enough." Someone warns behind his back, but Jihoon doesn't care. He only focuses on Hyukkyu's expression, as it falls into something like dejection.

It's like forever has passed, Hyukkyu releases his fists, he gives a light pat on Mireu's arm before he stands up, nodding to Mireu as to say it's going to be fine. Their eyes meet as Hyukkyu looks up. From this angle, Hyukkyu's eyes just look so sad that Jihoon feels sick to his stomach.

Hyukkyu says quietly, but his voice trembles. "Don't worry, Jihoonie. Just hang in there for a few months, and you're going to be free from me soon." The nickname stings like poison rolling off his lips. He turns away from Jihoon, and walks out of the room.

From where he is, Hyukkyu looks like he's going to disappear into the dark. The thought suddenly gives a spread of inexplicable terror throughout his body. His footsteps follow his hyung out in a trance, before someone stops him.

"What the fuck the wrong with you?" Kitae grabs his arm and yanks it back. "I know you're mad we lost. Why do you have to take it out on him?"

"It's none of your business."

Not giving up, Kitae persists. "You're not the type to lose control easily. What happened?"

"You're also not the type to be this nosy." Jihoon snaps back, he doesn't mean for it to come out that foul. Kitae is so offended he almost lunges himself towards Jihoon. The coaches have to get in between them.

In the corner of his eyes, he sees Hyosung following Hyukkyu out, clearly worried about his ADC. The anger turns sour. Wrong. Wrong. Everything is just so wrong. It isn't the losing that he's mad at. He stays frozen in place. In the end, everyone leaves. The coaches stay to ask him what happened, but sigh when they don't get an answer. When they're done, Yohan waits for him by the door, arm crossed.

"That was uncalled for. You know it."

Jihoon seals his mouth tight shut, not wanting to have another word about this anymore.

"Poor Hyukkyu hyung. He feels so bad for the loss, but he doesn't blame any of us like the hyungs I had in my team before." Yohan doesn't say anything about him, but it still sounds accusatory in his head. "You've probably had better teammates before, but this is the best team I've ever had. He cares so much for us. I don't know how to appreciate him enough for it."

"Will you shut up and give me a break, hyung?" Jihoon turns around and snaps.

Yohan sighs, he gives Jihoon a pitiful look. "It's still you, Jihoon ah. You're the one he cares the most."

.

Jihoon takes refuge in Yohan and Mireu's shared room. The fans question why the scheduled live stream has been cancelled after the season ends, but nothing else worth creating a buzz. They don't have any schedule, and Jihoon only gets up and goes out to the common area when Yohan kicks him out. ("You stink, go take a shower!") Jihoon doesn't understand what's so wrong about him wanting to stay in the room (and avoid contact with a certain ADC), but Yohan is right about him needing a change of clothes, and maybe a long hot bath.

In the end, he settles with a hot shower, because the only bath is in his shared room with Hyukkyu and Hyosung.

After the shower, Jihoon is a little hungry, so he goes to the cafeteria. It's way past dinner, maybe he can ask if the auntie can cook him something.

The auntie scolds Jihoon for skipping meals, but still boils water to cook him a pack of ramen, and cuts some kimchi from the fridge.

As she brings out the noodles, Jihoon is surprised to see the auntie taking the seat in front of him. Jihoon looks up, eyeing the room to make sure there isn't any camera. "What is this, auntie? Are we filming another episode of Healing Restaurant?"

The auntie chuckles, takes off her gloves and places them on the table. "It could be. Do you need any healing?"

He gives her a confused look, but soon looks down at the noodles, and takes the chopsticks to dig in. He shakes his head.

"No, I don't think I do. Thank you for the meal, auntie." Jihoon thinks she's going to leave after handing him the noodles, but she remains in her seat.

"I heard about what happened at the party." She sighs. "Hyukkyu was so sad. The kids try to brighten him up, but poor boy still doesn't eat much. I think he'll cheer up more if you let him know his favourite dongsaeng doesn't hate him."

The noodles are hot in his mouth. He lets them burn though, so he has an excuse to ignore the statement for probably a minute. The auntie observes him patiently. He can feel her gaze on him. The woman's smile has Jihoon feeling a little restless, like she knows it all, that she sees right through him. Like he's made of glass, and when she looks at him, she'd see that underneath the Chovy skin he's just a coward that chooses running out of fear of being left behind.

"I don't... I don't hate him."

"Really? From what I heard you weren't very nice to him."

"I know." Jihoon lets go of the chopsticks, holding the weight of his head in his hands. "Maybe hyung hates me now."

"What are you going to do now?" She asks. "Aren't you going to say sorry to him?"

He shakes his head, "I don't know. Is there a point? When he leaves, I'm afraid that I'm going to lose this team too. What if I lose this team too?"

She stays quiet, before casually shrugs, "I don't know. Will you still come back here for my food?"

The answer renders Jihoon dumbfounded. He remembers the salad he had last week, there was no cucumber in it because he told auntie he hated it on his first day. He remembers the auntie giving him two short ribs despite that he only asks for one. How she keeps cooing at Jihoon when he helps her put away the dishes.

"Yeah," Jihoon continues, "of course I will."

"Then that's good. Maybe you won't be here anymore next year, but these people," she opens her arms wide, "me included, would still be your team. Maybe you'll have another team, but this," she points her finger to the ground, "we will still be your team. You'll still have this. You'll still have us."

Jihoon's eyes are hot. His chest is tight, like someone just stakes his heart with their hand and squeezes.

"You'll only lose it if you let it happen, Jihoonie."

Jihoon bumps into Kitae on the way back to the dorm, he's holding something a bunch of laundry. Kitae gives him a long look, then proceeds with a disgusted, "Oh my god the smell. How many days have you not taken a shower?"

To which Jihoon retorts with an equally grossed out expression, "Thanks. You stink too."

Kitae throws a dirty sock at Jihoon, and Jihoon runs after him.

.

When Jihoon finally comes back to his room, freshly showered and mind cleared, Hyukkyu is packing for home. He looks up to see who's coming, then looks down at the half folded clothes again.

Hyosung eyes them both, then excuses himself out of the room. Hearing the door shut, Hyukkyu gives him a look, as if he is waiting for Jihoon to say something. Jihoon sits on his own bed, avoiding the older's eyes. After that Hyukkyu turns around and goes back to folding his clothes. In the dim light, Hyukkyu's back looks small, and Jihoon notices the muscle patches on his neck.

Jihoon feels like a venom is eating him from inside, turning him into someone he's not, and Jeong Jihoon is no longer here. Jeong Jihoon would just jump on Hyukkyu's bed and annoy Hyukkyu as he folds his clothes. Jeong Jihoon would whine until Hyukkyu isn't angry at him anymore. Jeong Jihoon would cross the distance, lay his head on Hyukkyu's shoulder, and let Hyukkyu run this finger through his hair. He doesn't know if he can be that Jeong Jihoon anymore. If he does that, if he does the thing Jeong Jihoon would do, Jihoon thinks as he draws his feet closer, would that be enough? Would he be enough? I'm afraid. I'm afraid that I can't have this anymore. His head hangs low, a pair of warm hands reach out to touch the back of his neck and let him rest his forehead on a shoulder. I don't like farewells. Everytime I failed at Worlds I lost my team. What if you leave me and I have nothing else? What if I'm not afraid of losing anymore? What if I can't ever feel anything anymore? What if you decide to end it all because you hate me? If I win would I still be left alone?

He feels a hand on his hair, dropping down to wipe the tears off his face. Hyukkyu's voice is soft, calming, "Jihoonie, I can never hate you. Do you even know how happy I was when you came here with me?"

In the end, the venom didn't take over. He's still that Jeong Jihoon. He's flawed. He isn't made of iron and steel, not carved and gilded like the Worlds trophy, he craves and comes to the warmest thing he knows. And lucky for him Hyukkyu is still here and takes him in with open arms.

"It's not farewell. It's never a farewell. Nobody actually left. If you stay, you'll have me. If you leave, you'll still have me." He trembles a bit, "Eventually I have to stop, but you'll still have me behind your back. I don't want to think about it, either. But until then I'll keep fighting, because I'm not ready to give up yet."

"What if I can't win the World trophy? What if one day I'll never win anything again?" Jihoon feels panic starting to rise inside him. He grabs his hair and pulls until it hurts, before Hyukkyu untangles fingers one by one, and holds them in place.

"You can still try. I'm not the best one to give advice. But we can figure it out together."

Jihoon remembers the 17 year old Chovy. He's not him anymore, the old Chovy doesn't fear, the 17 year old Chovy only knows how to win, how to conquer. The Chovy right now is weak, and vulnerable, because he also wants to not lose. This is who I am right now, and I don't know what to do about it.

"Chovy is still learning." Hyukkyu's voice is soft. "Sometimes Chovy has to learn to be Jihoon too."

Jihoon shakes his head, "I don't understand."

"That's fine, Jihoonie. You're trying."

Maybe it's just what he has to do.

When Hyukkyu has finished packing for home. He looks around in the room one more time, and suggests, "Minseok wants to go to my house tonight, Hyunjoon is coming with him. I will ask Changhyun too, do you want to come?"

Jihoon smiles, he's glad he had that shower before.

Fin.

Làm người không làm, lại đi làm fan HLE = ))