Dinner is nice, as expected. I can't say Niall is the best cook out there, but I do enjoy his food enormously. The conversation is casual and nice, he makes me laugh and I tease him. He asks me a lot about my friends and how studying medicine was. I end up telling him about the friends I made on the way, like Rhiannon and Ann. When I tell him about Ann and what she does, he says Ariel, his best friend basically, knows her as she did the soundtrack for the first movie she produced.

It's surprising how small the world is and that the little girl I met so many years ago is now Niall's best friend, and not only that but she's also Harry's girlfriend. That same little girl who hid behind her father is now a respected singer songwriter.

It's a bit hard to believe at times, when I see her on billboards or I hear her songs on the radio.

When we are done with dinner, I offer to help him with the dishes but he refuses. "Plus, I'll put everything in the dishwasher anyway," he adds and I accept defeat. So while he rinses the dishes I go to the living room to wait for him.

One of the most impressive things about Niall's flat is how... musical it is. There are guitars everywhere, and prices I don't even recognise. Records hung from the walls, painting the picture of a successful musician. I can recognise at least some from when he was in One Direction and when he worked as a solo artist.

I'm so captivated watching one of the records—that actually is a gold record—, humming to the soft sonf that plays in the background, that I don't notice when Niall is by my side.

"That was when my album got gold in Ireland," he speaks, surprising me.

"Your first solo album, right?" I question, briefly looking at him before turning to the record.

"Yes. Every time I look at this wall, with everything I've accomplished, I feel so grateful. These were my dreams while growing up and I still have a hard time believing I accomplished them."

His tone is soft, carrying the deep satisfaction he feels as his eyes scan the wall with the many milestones in his career.

"I liked more your solo music than the band, no offence," I tell him.

"Wow, I'm surprised you even listened to my music," Niall laughs, meeting my eyes and raising his eyebrows when he realises I'm not laughing with him.

"For your information, I'm not the same ass you met. I overcame all my issues with celebrities and I did listen to your music. I bought your album and everything. I really liked it," I tell him, folding my arms in an attempt to look more seriously.

"You did?" He's more surprised than I expected.

"Of course. One, I was curious. And two, it was good. Everyone talked about it and your face was everywhere. I couldn't help myself, and I really enjoyed it."

Incredibly, Niall's cheeks taint with an adorable pink and he avoids my eyes for a second, rubbing the back of his neck in a nervous gesture.

"That... that first album was, actually, mostly about... well, you."

It's my turn to look surprised, my eyebrows raising and lips parting. "Really?" I ask like an idiot, but it's worth it because Niall's blush only deepens and that's just adorable.

"I mean, despite everything you were always a big part of my love experience and I still had a lot to say, but I couldn't say those things to you. I didn't even know how to say everything I felt, I wanted. So... I wrote songs," he explains and my mind goes over all those songs he released a while ago, connecting them to me... to us.

I can't lie, I feel both incredible pressured and touched that he did such a thing. Knowing those songs are about me make me as self conscious as it makes my heart race. I listened to them so many times, but I always told myself that I couldn't be so self-centred to think he could be talking about me, about what we had.

"I feel flattered," I smile, taking a step closer and trying to smile as warmly as I can, pushing the pressure to the back of my mind where it won't bother. "Especially because I really liked your album, and your music in general."

"Really?" He asks, his eyes big and slightly vulnerable, but overall surprised. I can easily read this is something he didn't expect.

"Yes. With time I realised how much you love music, in every possible way. It's a pure love and it shows, your passion is so clear when you sing. I mean it, I was your fan," I explain, seeing in his gaze how much these words mean to him, and I feel happy that I'm giving him something that makes his smile dashing and his eyes glow with joy.

"You have no idea how much this means to me," mutters the boy in front of me.

No, I have no idea how much, but I try to get an idea, and I feel my heart growing in my ribcage with such a warm feeling that it makes me feel, somehow, whole. Taking a courageous step forward, I reach out, grabbing his hands that up to that moment were just handing by his side. The action surprises him, but soon he squeezes back. I held them between us, my eyes fixed in the connection.

"I..." he chuckles, probably embarrassed of what he wanted to say. "It's like you finally accept that part of me."

"You always felt like I didn't, right?"

"Come on, be honest, you really didn't accept it before. One of the reasons you broke up with me was because I was famous. Now you tell me this? Of course I'm shocked." I actually blush at that accusation because I can't deny it. "But I can't say I hated it. Actually, it was kind of refreshing," he explains, making me curious.

With a sheepish smile, he swings out hands from side to side and I can't help my own smile, mirroring his own. It feels childish and cute, like kids holding hands for a game.

"When I was with you I could tell for sure you didn't give a damn about my fame or anything, I never questioned that. Knowing that what everyone else loved the most about me was what you hated was what made you so different and unique. And I couldn't find anywhere else that certainty that someone was truly only seeing me, not the famous singer or whatever."

"Ah, being a judgemental brat wasn't that bad then!"

Niall actually laughs at my stupid comment, out loud and more amused than he should, but then he does something that surprises me so much: he pulls me easily towards him, his arms wrapping quickly around me, his face in my shoulder, his ear against my ear. I freeze, even holding my breath as he snuggles closer, taking deep breaths himself.

"Still, I'm so happy to hear now that you actually like what I do," Niall whispers, slightly rocking from side to side. "Even if I'm not on stage anymore, that you like my music means the world to me."

I will myself to breathe, my body relaxing and melting against his, and finally hugging him back, resting my head on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry for the way I was... I know you said it wasn't exactly bad, but still. When I think back I'm embarrassed of how narrow-minded I was," I speak softly. Even if we're not looking each other in the eyes, there's still such intimacy we accomplish by talking while holding each other. "I was so... blinded by my own hatred. I defined my life in terms of what Rhonda hated. You know how stupid is hating what other person loves just to spite them? I can't believe I was as immature as that."

"You were barely eighteen..."

"Still! It was toxic," I continue. "It was wrong and it took me a lot to realise that, to break free from that. And even after that, after I took that step to live in my own terms, it took a while to completely step out of her shadow."

"But you ultimately made that decision," he points out, encouragingly, and I do feel his arms holding me a bit tighter.

"I thought of going back to you then, but there was so much work to do with myself. I had to learn to live just my life, you know? In my own terms, and oddly, that wasn't easy to accomplish when you've lived in someone else's terms for so long."

We stay in silence for a few heartbeats. The song in the background changes and Niall keep rocking us, almost as if we were dancing. I feel relaxed and less scared and less regretful to speak about this when he's holding me so tight and warm.

"I'm proud of the person you've become, Ella," he whispers softly and at his words, I squeeze the fabric of his shirt in my fists. "You worked hard to be your own persona. You grew up and realised what was choking you, and broke free. That's not easy to accomplish, but you did. I'm proud of you," he repeats, hugging me even tighter and I can feel the way he presses a kiss on my shoulder, so candid and accepting it makes me shiver despite how warm I feel. "I'm sure you're an even better version of yourself than seven years ago, and I can't wait to get to know the Ella you've become."

I close my eyes, moved by his words, squeezing as tight as he's doing. It surprises me that he's so aware I'm not the same person he met. That is definitely liberating.

Even if he's hugging me so tight, now I feel more capable to breathe deep and relax.

Niall pulls back, just slightly, his arms still around my waist, keeping me close but wanting to meet my eyes. I allow it, tilting my head up to lock eyes, smiling softly and feeling my heart beating strong but stable, loud and clear in my ribcage. He unwraps one arm, just to raise his hand and cup my face, the touch so gentle, so careful. I automatically lean on his hand, closing my eyes for a second as his thumb caresses my cheek.

"You've grown preciously," he says in a whisper and I chuckle, opening my eyes in a dramatic fashion.

"You speak as a proud parent," I laugh and he does the same, his eyes bright and amused.

"I'm definitely not looking at you like a parent would, though. I'm looking at you like someone who hasn't seen you in years, someone who's overwhelmed and excited to have you in front of him again." His smile makes all those fluttering feelings in my guts show up strong, making me feel giddy, as if I were tipsy already.

"I make my decisions on my own terms now. No matter what other people say, this time I'll do what makes me happy." My heart beats faster, the weight of my own statement making me feel as if I were running.

Running towards Niall.

"Do you think I can make you happy?" He questions, his hand sliding to the back of my neck, his thumb pressing behind my ear firmly.

"I hope so," I smile, blinking slowly, completely surrendered to the moment.

Niall smiles makes my heart skip a beat, as if I was a teenager all over again. I see him leaning closer, his eyes darting to my lips and I know exactly what's going to happen, and it's exactly what I want to happen.

I close my eyes and I wait until I feel the touch of his lips on mine, warm and slightly chapped, but sweet and tender. Slow and warm, he hugs me tightly and kisses me lovingly, and I melt in his arms, with my thoughts clear. I'm sure this is the right direction, I know exactly what we are doing, I'm sure of my decision.

Niall is what I want.

-:-:-:-

Oh boy, it's been a while but honestly it's because I've been super busy, moving to Toronto and all that. Finally this week I felt settled in enough to go searching for a place to write. Funny how I spend most of my time in Korea Town ahahaha

I hope you enjoyed this chapter, next one hopefully by next Friday.

Bel, xx