"I came here for the gossips and the gossips only," Rhiannon says as soon as I open the door by dinner time. Following her tail comes Charlie, holding a bottle of wine and nodding his head along.

I'm surprised to see them here, they didn't say they were coming for visit and I was actually waiting for delivery, not feeling like cooking or dining out on my own. Still holding the knob of my door, I watch my friends get comfortable, but it doesn't take me more than a few seconds to accept it and just shrug as I close the door. I'll have to order something else for them.

"What gossips?" I inquire, joining them in my small living room, sitting next to Charlie, leaving him in the middle of Rhiannon and I.

The three of us studied medicine together, we met Rhiannon in uni and have stuck together since then. Charlie also got a job in the same hospital than I and it seems that our lives will always be tangled, always next to each other since we were kids. I honestly have no idea how we are not fed up of each other. And apparently, we've dragged Rhiannon in our entwined fate, because she also got a job at the same hospital, but her plans have always been to get a specialisation so she might not stick by our side forever.

Regardless, that is the reason why the three of us are in the same city.

"Oh come on, you think Charlie didn't tell me about you meeting the love of your life again? For which I'm hurt, Ella. I thought you'd tell me yourself instead of Charlie texting me in uppercase and even including a drawing of what happened," Rhiannon glares at me, arms folding and her face the perfect example of what disappointed looks like.

I look at Charlie, surprised he's spread the rumour when it's been like twenty-four hours only. The man in question looks back and just shrugs like saying 'what can you do?'

"Sometimes I need to express my artistic side," Charlie comments offhandedly, and Rhiannon's glare is now aimed at him.

"You don't have 'artistic side', Charlie. Should I show the stick version of Ella and Niall you sent?"

Charlie isn't even embarrassed, after all he's accepted he cannot draw even if his life depends on it. We do love him like that, though.

"Anyhow, Ella, we came here to hear everything from you," Rhiannon remembers the real reason they are here and Charlie is focused again.

"Yes, and Ann also wants to be part, but she's overseas due to work so she said to do a video call," Charlie explains, taking his phone out of his pocket and immediately calling our other common friend, a successful producer we also met during our time in uni. "Get some glasses for wine?"

As the call is waiting to be accepted, I do go to my kitchen to get classes for all of us and whatever snack I find, which isn't much: some crisps, crackers and cream cheese. That'll have to suffice until pizza arrives.

When I come back, Ann is on the screen and my smile is automatic because it's been a while since I last saw her. Ann is always busy, going on business trips, expanding the company, although most of the time it's due to shooting.

"Ann! It's been so long, how have you been?" I ask, taking seat and putting the glasses on the coffee table. Charlie opens the bottle and pours wine for the three of us.

"I've been well, still struggling with jet-lag, but overall I'm great," she explains and we nod along. I know she's in come country in South America, shooting the final part in the Element Bound Series, which means she's with her boyfriend Gareth over there. "I've heard you're doing great, Ella."

With three of my closest friends watching me, expecting me to say more about what happened, I feel embarrassed, and pressured. I try to hide my face behind my hair, lowering my head. I didn't tell Charlie much of what happened at the party, he was busy with his own girlfriend and today I was busy with my pre-date, so I haven't talked to my friends.

"Um... so Liv's husband is friends with Niall, we had no idea, but that's why he was at the party. Oh, and Rhi? He's not the love of my life, he's just my first love," I correct, giving my friend a pointed look.

"Same thing for you," Rhiannon waves her hand dismissively.

"Anyhow, we met again at the party and we danced, I had a few glasses on me so I got carried away easily. He's not dating anyone, and neither I am and he asked me on a date now that he's not a pop star and all that."

"Charlie said he saw you kissing, though," Rhiannon adds to the story and I shut my eyes close in regret, not thinking Charlie actually saw that happening. "That was what he drew."

"I blame it on the champagne," I defend myself and watch on the screen Ann laughing at that. "A mishap in my behaviour. I should've been a bit more dignified."

"I don't think he minds," Charlie comments, the only one actually drinking wine. "If he asked you on a date immediately after meeting again, it looks just as desperate from his part. He could've been more suave, you know?"

"About that..." I begin, feeling the knot in my guts that hasn't fully left since I met with Niall today. "We met today and went to have brunch together." All of my friends react with arched eyebrows and expectant expressions. "It was nice, really nice. Despite we did kiss at the party, he didn't rush or assumed anything. He took me to a nice restaurant, but then he had to go back to the label so he dropped me home and we said goodbye without rushing into anything."

"No making out," Rhiannon rephrases and I just blush.

"Yeah," I have to agree and look down again, playing with my fingers on my lap, not telling them about the promise of a next date. I think they can infer that much.

"What's the but?" Ann asks, immediately noticing there's something making me uncomfortable, even from the other side of the video call.

I take a deep breath before answering. "He said he's been... waiting. He said he always knew we would meet again and he was hoping we'd get another chance."

"Wow... that sounds a bit... intense," Rhiannon comments and I look at her with a desperately grateful expression. After Niall dropped me home, I have been thinking that maybe I'm just overreacting, so it feels comforting to know I wasn't just freaking out for nothing.

"I know right? He made it sound like he held on to this hope all these years, like he didn't really move on. I know some people might think it's romantic, but I find it overwhelming."

"And you feel guilty, as well," Charlie points out, knowing me so well. "Because you moved on and never expected or hoped to have a second chance with him."

I sigh, leaning back on the sofa. Charlie puts one of the glasses in my hand, an invitation to drink and relax.

"When he says that it makes me feel like I hurt him so much, that I underestimated him and I even feel somewhat regretful for what I did. It feels like he's too good and like he's expecting too much. He told me he isn't, he's just grabbing the opportunity of a second chance, but still!"

"It makes you feel you're not at the same level?" Ann proposes as a way to explain exactly how I feel. "Like it's not fair?"

"Exactly," I concede, pinching the bridge of my nose with my free hand. "I feel bad for not waiting, for not having hoped for this moment like he did."

"I get it," Rhiannon says, reaching out for her own glass of wine. "If I were you, I think I'd also feel like the bad guy."

"Not to mention it makes you feel pressured, even if he tells you not to. Regardless of what he says, you still know he's been waiting so if it doesn't work, you'll feel he waited for naught," Charlie adds to our conversation and all I can add is another sigh.

My friends know me so well, they know how this situation is making me feel, how I react and they also know my own issues facing commitment and pressure in relationships.

"I know it was really hard for him to move on, he told me. He only dated one girl during these years and it wasn't for that long." I can hear my friends humming.

"Well, in retrospect, if you had known it would've been harder for him and how he was going to deal with the breakup, and if knowing that you had stayed with him, then it would've turned in a very unhealthy relationship because you wouldn't have been with him out of love but out of pressure," Charlie's comment points out something that does ease some of the guilt, knowing that doing things differently wouldn't have got a better outcome. "In my opinion, you shouldn't care so much whether it was harder for him or not, whether he never gave up or whatever, because that was totally out of your control."

"I know that," I reply. "But I can't help feeling guilty for hurting someone that was so good to me, someone who's still so good to me. He's understanding and he eases my worries, which makes me feel like I don't deserve it? After all I'm the selfish bitch who broke up with him without considering his suffering just because I wanted to focus on my career."

"Oi! Don't treat yourself like that," Rhiannon scolds me, even slapping my thigh. "Looking after yourself isn't a bad thing. Not putting love first doesn't make you the bad guy," she continues, repeating the same words I've said countless of times. "Healing yourself alone is healthier than trying to heal yourself when you don't have even space to be and define your own persona because you're with someone."

"I know, I know," I sigh, taking a sip of wine that tastes like nothing in my mouth right now. "I'm just overwhelmed."

"Which is to be expected. You're giving a second chance to the most significant love in your life." Ann smiles on the phone screen, eyes sympathetic and understanding. "You also have precious memories from that time and you're also scared of ruining that. It's been so long, after all."

"Is it worth the risk? What if we ruin our memories, that first love we shared, for trying again?" I ask, feeling my voice shaking, more vulnerable than I had realised.

"I think it's always worth the risk when it comes to good people, and even more if it's about people we loved and were so special to us," Ann answers, her smile oh so warm. "Don't flee before trying, Ella. This is the time to try. Don't come up with excuses to push it away."

I don't have time to answer, right in that moment I get a call from reception, probably to tell me delivery is here. I leave Ann's advice echoing in the walls of my mind as I go get that call, accepting she's right and I can't run away from this because I'm overwhelmed. Niall asked for a chance, I said yes. I can't take it back now, and the best I can do to atone for the pain I caused Niall is honestly trying to make it work. I'll have to push my guilt to the farthest part of my soul and just live this moment.

I just hope I can keep it there and that it never comes to attack us, seeking revenge for neglecting it.

-:-:-:-

So here's this week's chapter! And as I promised, the friends have come to help Ella sort out her own feelings. I hope you enjoyed it~ I'll be back next week with a new update. Remember you can always reach me on twitter (@BelWatson).

Bel, xx